so first of all I apologize to the board and the brotherhood for taking more than a week to step up and say hi, who I am, and where I'm coming from....
I'm a resident (just finished my intern year-YEAH BOY!) in surgery so I'll be gracious for your understanding of my lack of free time.. i think too i wanted to get into this a ways, think about why i'm doing this (my quit) differently this time... outside of the fact that I've learned quitting on my own just is not going to happen..
lets start over-my name is Nick, I'm 28, I've dipped grizzly wintergreen since I started at Michigan State about 10 years ago exactly. My roommate was a farmer when I was a freshman, and boy did he love skoal straight. For the last year I've run through roughly a can every day. It started for me as a way to get a better buzz, then it turned into something I just loved (that's spelled in caps with "mf'ing" in front of it) doing. I'd go workout, get home and sit at the computer and throw one in... I'd get up in the morning, throw one in.... Anytime really, at movies, studying, watching TV or driving.
I moved to columbus and started medical school at OSU in 2008, and I thought "this will be a new leaf" (no pun) and "I can't take care of people and counsel them to quit smoking if I do this crap.." but honestly, I had a period of about 6 months when I met my then (and current) girlfriend when I was able to hang it up. Unfortunately I had a setback during the early part of 2009 with a few weeks that saw too many drinks too many weekends in a row when my boys in green and white went to the national championship. The result was me being a punk and chewing through the last 3 years of medical school and through my first year of residency. That brings us till now. The high points? I tried several times to quit on my own. I bought gum, I have a roommate (not the GF) who has been on me for years, and I just can't do it alone. My parents know and everytime they see the used up tins in their dumpster when I come home they just shake their head and tell me how disgusting it is. Its shameful really. I did this crap regularly with my co-residents in the HOSPITAL.. how moronic is that when I cut cancer out of people literally every week if not every day....
The worst part of all of this is i have lied to my girlfriend who thinks I quit using this crap when I came to columbus, when in reality i HAD quit, but until now had been back at it... Lets clear that sentence up: I HAVE LIED FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF OUR RELATIONSHIP minus 6 months...... and have constantly make excuses to get away and go home and do it... I am only 9 days out but remember how torn up my lip got after a long overnight call and just taking a whole tin to the face over the course of the night.... I know spilling spitters at your parents house into the nice carpets only to lie to them about what it is even though they know full well what it is... I know the scare of a little lump or bump in your neck, or a sore throat-is this going to be the time I start losing weight and really pay the piper?
Enough, honestly... just so disgusting and rather than browsing this site for a month or two I wish I would have just given it a shot cause it has given me a really nice place to come and think about my quit... To be honest guys (and gals) I am really happy about how good this feels. I am enjoying being free of it. And running, and feeling more in control with some will power. I have had a few nights already with friends where we have had a few beers, but I hop on here and see all the names-its kinda ridiculous it gets me motivated but at least I know I can come on here and all those names are 100% legit committed to not touching that s**. I want into that club, and I want this for myself now-not for any reason other than to be healthy and not addicted to something so destructive... I have worked my mind and body so hard for the last 20 years getting to where I want to be-to engage in this self-deceptive and self-destructive activity is so, so crazy....
That's a good start right? So with that, I feel like I've introduced myself, where I am, where I am from.... thank you (thank you, thank you, thank you) all for helping me ODAAT cause I am better now from the roll calls, and even just looking at the list once a day when I put my name up there...
