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Author Topic: I'm Back. I'm Dumb.  (Read 128702 times)

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Offline wastepanel

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #286 on: June 05, 2013, 11:31:00 AM »
Seems like a quitter article as well as runner inspiration
Quote
The predominant feature of a self-appointed genius is ignorance. Before you begin something, you know everything about it. Once you start, you realize you know nothing. Back when I knew everything about running—back before I'd ever actually tried it—I drove past a runner one day and pointed him out to my wife. He was hunched over, tilted a little sideways, jabbing his fists low from his hips, and twisting his face rhythmically to his shoulder. I thought he looked terrible. Pick up the stride, Dude, I thought. Bring your head up, close your mouth, and brighten your eyes, for crying out loud. You wouldn't expect anyone seated at a restaurant to let their face go slack and their eyes go loopy unless there was something wrong. Why should it be any different for someone on the road?

"The guy cares about his appearance enough to go running," I told Susan. "You'd think he'd try to look a little better while he's actually doing it."

I, self-appointed genius, began running for the sake of appearance, so my stride was a primary concern. No problem there. I would just try not to run in a stupid-looking way. How hard could it be? A stride wasn't something you were born with, after all—it was something you could pull off a rack and throw on like a suit. If I went slow and breathed like a windbag and my face turned red and sprouted rivers, there was nothing I could do about it. But I could run however I chose. I could heroically trot with my chin lifted and slightly canted toward the sun. I could drop my hips and hunch my shoulders and hunker down like I was up to something important that no one should question. I could smile and lope like a pro basketball player who would explode with finesse at any moment. If my body went crazy, I could wrap it in a nice suit that would somehow counterbalance the ugly truth.

Within moments of my first time out, I thought about Rocky from the movie and tried to run like him—slow and loose with a casual suggestion in the movements that my body might flash with a flurry of punches. No one could ask why I was running like Rocky all of a sudden, because maybe that's just how I did it. Maybe it was a happy coincidence that I happened to run just exactly like Rocky. After a few minutes of jogging with light shadowboxing, my stride devolved into something that wasn't anything at all like Rocky's and much more like an overweight guy in his early 40s who had never run a day in his life.

The first lessons are almost always the best lessons, and it was no different here: Running is a kind of truth serum. It brutally strips away everything you put on and leaves you with only yourself. The runner on the road, hunched over or otherwise, knows something that the passenger in the car doesn't. Down to the core, the runner knows who he is. The runner has to. He's so tired, who he is is all that's left.

The fact that I've been running a few years now and should know better hasn't stopped me from trying new personas at the outset of almost every run. Today for example, I began with small, springy steps and high fists that would have mortified my family. I had just seen a video of this guy who claimed the stride should come off the toes and land on the toes. He looked like a version of that British vacuum guy—smart and modern and like he'd have bathrooms in his house with prototype toilets made by Google, I suppose. Anyway, very trustworthy, and the stride looked great on him, despite the fact that he was wearing something like sandals. He was showing other attractive people in sandals how to do it. They ran in place with their knees flicking up to their bellies and then magically accelerated forward without any perceivable change in what they were doing. Their heads remained still as if they were riding hovercrafts. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to stride like a sandal-footed, level-headed, British vacuum guy, and I did for the first mile or so before the run returned me to my truer self.

Rough visual for the stride of my truer self, by the way: Take a large industrial trash bag full of two-by-fours that have been cut to three-foot lengths and doused with whale blubber, shake the bag furiously, and let the boards have their way.

Once I had an idea at the start of a run that wasn't about strides. Instead of letting my hands flop uselessly at my hips, I closed my thumbs and index fingers into relaxed "okay" signs and swung them high enough that I could catch glimpses of them and tell myself I was okay with every stride. What a powerful message to repeatedly send yourself through the toil of a run! What a subconscious world of good it would do! For a moment I thought I'd discovered something that would have me bounding over mountains. I can't say exactly when it happens but somewhere after a mile of swinging okay signs across your face, it goes from brilliant to breathtakingly dumb.

But the run makes trash of every bauble and artifact, layer upon layer, whether it's something in your form, or something on your body, or something in your mind, until you're empty and bare and raw. The New York Times set up a booth one year at the finish line of the New York City Marathon so that runners could step in to be photographed just moments after they had completed the 26.2-mile distance. Hundreds of people of all ages, sizes, and races stepped in to be shot, and the pictures were posted online. I clicked through most of them. They were some of the most intimate portraits I'd ever seen. What made the shots so stunning—newsworthy, even—was that in every instance, you were looking at people in a way you never see them, and in a way they would rarely let themselves be photographed: without expression or intention or emotion or even thought; without hairstyle, makeup, outfit, or really, grooming of any kind. The runner knows who he is. The farther he runs, the more he knows, the more that shows.

We've all been told at some point in life that the only way to win is to be yourself. But how can you be yourself if you don't know who that is? If you think lying is only something you can do with language, then it's relatively easy to stay truthful. But if you believe motivations, gestures, expressions, postures, and the deep, unconscious rivers that drive those can also lie, you begin to understand the complexity of moving truthfully from one moment to the next.

Because the first time I saw Shalane Flanagan run, I went out later that afternoon thinking I could probably keep up with her if I only rolled my legs out with the same long, whiplike lashes she did. And for the first mile I did just that. Then I got really tired and stopped thinking about her. Then I went farther and stopped thinking altogether and just ran, my mouth hanging open, somewhat hunched over, and probably tilted a little to one side.
So much good advice here.
Logged
In the end I Surrender, I and I alone accept that I have and always will have a Nicotene ADDICTION. It is my choice to quit, but I can't do it alone. I get to go down this path one time, I want to do it right. I recognize that my word, my integrety to you is on the line and is only as good as my actions. Caving is not an option in this plan-Eafman 7/11

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Theres a lot of people that come here, especially vets, that WANT to be reminded that they are addicts.-Tarpon 6/12

Just as a building starts with architectural drawings. Your daily quit begins with a promise.-Scowick 2/13

Here and now, focused on today, minute by minute, whatever it takes, I promise to all my bros and myself not to become a negative stat and stay quit!-krok 1/15

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Ignoring history or erasing history fixes nothing and leads you inevitably down the same path.-69franx 04/30/2021

Offline wastepanel

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #285 on: May 29, 2013, 10:37:00 AM »
Quote from: Wade
Quote from: mich34
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Morgan1
Quote from: Its_Got2Happen
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Well done waste. 700 is very impressive. You have taught me that there is only one way to make it that far..................one day at a time. I carry your cave story in my back pocket. I am inspired by your approach and all of the great work you do around here.
Ryan
^^^^^^^^What he said. I'm another Wastepanel disciple. Great job man. Congrats on 7 hundy and thanks for all you do.
700. Awesome job bro. You are a fucking stud. You help so many peeps here. Great work.

Your avatar freaks me out a bit still, though....
grats on 700 wastepanel, thanks for spending it here!

Great job!
I don't think my quit has ever been stronger.

Thank you all. I'm truly humbled, and look forward to quitting with you today.

Learn from your mistakes
Quit for today
Fuck the future.
Logged
In the end I Surrender, I and I alone accept that I have and always will have a Nicotene ADDICTION. It is my choice to quit, but I can't do it alone. I get to go down this path one time, I want to do it right. I recognize that my word, my integrety to you is on the line and is only as good as my actions. Caving is not an option in this plan-Eafman 7/11

I am not cured. I will quit one day at a time. I will continue to do what works. Posting roll everyday. To do otherwise would be foolish on my part. You can do this-Ready 12/11

To overcome your addiction you must comprehend what it means to fail-Razd 3/12

Theres a lot of people that come here, especially vets, that WANT to be reminded that they are addicts.-Tarpon 6/12

Just as a building starts with architectural drawings. Your daily quit begins with a promise.-Scowick 2/13

Here and now, focused on today, minute by minute, whatever it takes, I promise to all my bros and myself not to become a negative stat and stay quit!-krok 1/15

I want everyone to be quit. Even the assholes.-Probe1957 1/18

Ignoring history or erasing history fixes nothing and leads you inevitably down the same path.-69franx 04/30/2021

Offline Wade

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #284 on: May 29, 2013, 09:44:00 AM »
Quote from: mich34
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Morgan1
Quote from: Its_Got2Happen
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Well done waste. 700 is very impressive. You have taught me that there is only one way to make it that far..................one day at a time. I carry your cave story in my back pocket. I am inspired by your approach and all of the great work you do around here.
Ryan
^^^^^^^^What he said. I'm another Wastepanel disciple. Great job man. Congrats on 7 hundy and thanks for all you do.
700. Awesome job bro. You are a fucking stud. You help so many peeps here. Great work.

Your avatar freaks me out a bit still, though....
grats on 700 wastepanel, thanks for spending it here!

Great job!
Logged

Offline mich 34

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #283 on: May 28, 2013, 09:40:00 PM »
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Morgan1
Quote from: Its_Got2Happen
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Well done waste. 700 is very impressive. You have taught me that there is only one way to make it that far..................one day at a time. I carry your cave story in my back pocket. I am inspired by your approach and all of the great work you do around here.
Ryan
^^^^^^^^What he said. I'm another Wastepanel disciple. Great job man. Congrats on 7 hundy and thanks for all you do.
700. Awesome job bro. You are a fucking stud. You help so many peeps here. Great work.

Your avatar freaks me out a bit still, though....
grats on 700 wastepanel, thanks for spending it here!
Logged
my intro
QD 07-19-2012
Group - Roctober Madmen Post with some Madmen (and women)
HOF 10-27-12 HOF Speech
2nd Floor 2-4-13, 3rd Floor 5-15-13
1 year of freedom - 7-19-2013. Thank you KTC
4th Floor 8-23-13, 5th Floor 12-1-13, 6th Floor 3-11-14, 7th Floor 6-19-14, 8th Floor 9-27-14, 9th Floor 1-5-15

Offline Diesel2112

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #282 on: May 28, 2013, 08:12:00 PM »
Quote from: Morgan1
Quote from: Its_Got2Happen
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Well done waste. 700 is very impressive. You have taught me that there is only one way to make it that far..................one day at a time. I carry your cave story in my back pocket. I am inspired by your approach and all of the great work you do around here.
Ryan
^^^^^^^^What he said. I'm another Wastepanel disciple. Great job man. Congrats on 7 hundy and thanks for all you do.
700. Awesome job bro. You are a fucking stud. You help so many peeps here. Great work.

Your avatar freaks me out a bit still, though....
Logged
Quit 06/04/12
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"Celebrate the moment as it turns into one more"..
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Offline Mcarmo44

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #281 on: May 28, 2013, 08:11:00 PM »
Quote from: Morgan1
Quote from: Its_Got2Happen
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Well done waste. 700 is very impressive. You have taught me that there is only one way to make it that far..................one day at a time. I carry your cave story in my back pocket. I am inspired by your approach and all of the great work you do around here.
Ryan
^^^^^^^^What he said. I'm another Wastepanel disciple. Great job man. Congrats on 7 hundy and thanks for all you do.
Count me in as a Disciple. Great Job Brother!
Logged
Quit date 11/3/11
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Discipline=Freedom

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"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be Kind Always."

Offline Morgan1

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #280 on: May 28, 2013, 08:04:00 PM »
Quote from: Its_Got2Happen
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Well done waste. 700 is very impressive. You have taught me that there is only one way to make it that far..................one day at a time. I carry your cave story in my back pocket. I am inspired by your approach and all of the great work you do around here.
Ryan
^^^^^^^^What he said. I'm another Wastepanel disciple. Great job man. Congrats on 7 hundy and thanks for all you do.
Logged
I have control over my quit. There's no luck involved. - Diesel2112


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Offline Its_Got2Happen

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #279 on: May 28, 2013, 05:43:00 PM »
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Well done waste. 700 is very impressive. You have taught me that there is only one way to make it that far..................one day at a time. I carry your cave story in my back pocket. I am inspired by your approach and all of the great work you do around here.
Ryan
Logged

Offline srans

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #278 on: May 28, 2013, 05:43:00 PM »
Quote from: 30isEnuff
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Great job wp. Thank you for all you do.
Logged
Hof date may 25, 2013
HoF Speech


The poison sucks. I hate it. I hated it this morning, I hated it at noon, I hated it at supper and I hate it tonight. I enjoy hating it so much I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start over hating it. I quit with anyone that wants to hate it with me.

Offline 30isEnuff

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #277 on: May 28, 2013, 02:58:00 PM »
Quote from: loot
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Awsome, Awesome, Awesome!!
When I grow up I wanna be just like Waste!! 'bang head'
Logged
Keeping my jaw and tongue...I like them.
It's poison I tell ya, You wouldn't drink Liquid Drano, would ya?

Offline loot

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #276 on: May 28, 2013, 02:15:00 PM »
Quote from: ERDVM
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Very, very nice
Logged

Offline ERDVM

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #275 on: May 28, 2013, 01:55:00 PM »
Quote from: tazbutane
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Trap jaw badassedry.
Logged

Offline Tazbutane

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #274 on: May 28, 2013, 01:18:00 PM »
Quote from: Scowick65
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Congratulations on 700 days nicotine free Waste Panel! And thanks for everything.
Logged
March 2013 - Mad Men of Quit        
Quit date: 11/22/12          
Sobriety Date: 4/10/2006         
HOF Date 03/02/2013         
Semper Fidelis

Offline Scowick65

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #273 on: May 28, 2013, 10:58:00 AM »
Quote from: razd611
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
Just perfect.
Logged

Offline RAZD611

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Re: I'm back
« Reply #272 on: May 28, 2013, 10:15:00 AM »
Quote from: omahaflyer
Quote from: traumagnet
Quote from: jaynellie
Quote from: CBird65
700 'clap'
Truly Bad Ass in ever sense of the word. Thanks for all you do WP. Congrats on the 7th floor!!
CONGRATS WP!!! 7th floor bad ass and on the heels of your marathon finish... truely motivational rock on.
Great Job !
Yes Sireee!!!!
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Never Again For Any Reason

Hurt Feelings Report
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