Hey folks,
I'm Bob, and I'm on day 5 of my quit, as of 10/17/13. I quit on 10/12/13. I have quit twice in the past and fallen back into addiction. Both times that I fell back I had quit for someone else, so the first chance I had, I went back to my same bad habits. This time is for me though. I can't look at my sons and wonder if chewing tobacco will keep me from seeing them have children, or get married, or graduate high school, or get their driver's license. I can't look at my wife and wonder if chewing tobacco will tear her away from me, or force her to watch the love of her life waste away into an early, cancerous grave. It might sound like I'm doing it for them, but I'm scared to death of having to confront them some day and tell them that I'll be checking out early, and they will have to go it without me. Maybe that makes me a coward, but it's the best cowardly decision I've ever made in my life, and it's one that I will proudly stand behind.
I think it has been easier this time because I'm doing this for me. The cravings went away after 2-3 days, and I'm left with the oral fixation, which is very difficult. After 15 years of having something in my mouth constantly, I can't seem to get used to it, but I will. And until I do, I've got a big bag of lifesavers with me everywhere I go. I realized this morning, I never have to dip again. Now that the physical cravings are gone, even if I have this oral fixation my entire life, I can buy candy anywhere I can buy tobacco. I know this is a one day at a time kind of deal, but, looking ahead a little bit helps me too.
It's incredibly how therapeutic it is to write all of this stuff, after I've spent the last decade and a half quietly denying any use of tobacco, hiding it from friends and family, and denying that it had any grip on me. It sounds cliche`, but I could quit whenever I wanted to. I've also come to realize that that very cliche` line is true for me, at least. I could quit whenever I wanted to, but my addiction was keeping me from really wanting to, until I found something much more important to me.
I'm a quitter now. I was a quitter yesterday, and I'll be a quitter tomorrow. And that will be true for every remaining day of (what I'm hoping will be) a much longer life.