Cornholio

[Cornholio]

Thank you gents!!

Looking forward to sharing future milestones with you both!

[walterwhite]

Congrats on HOF today Corn!

Hell Yes to Corn! You rock!

[boots on]

Congrats on HOF today Corn!

[Cornholio]

Well, today marks the day that my group, April16, enters HOF.
I'm extremely proud of the group. Turned out to be an awesome quit group!!

This will be my third HOF. I'm proud of myself. Not that I survived 100 days nic free, but that I surrounded myself with some awesome supporters. I first found enough courage to post day 1. No lying, no avoiding the bashing. That was huge for me. Then, I worked my ass off to reconcile what I have done by leaving here. I'm proud of myself for exposing myself 100% to my quit group.

April is going to be my new birth month. Not only have I found my permanent home here, but I will be sober for one year on 4/20. This is obviously also huge.

Let me share something with anyone who reads this.
There is NO other forum which offers the level of brotherhood and accountability as KTC does.
Case in point...I am a member of a forum for alcoholism and drug addiction; SoberRecovery.com.

The difference between the two, in regards to brotherhood and accountability is like comparing the U.S. Marines force to the Boy Scouts. I sincerely appreciate KTC. It's become my touchstone. when I hit HOF, I'm going to talk to a few of my brothers. I'm going to step out of my comfort zone. I'm going to tell them that any day I do not post to assume I am caving to addiction. And for me, that means letting addiction eventually destroy me. Again. I'm going to give them advise on how to reach me if I avoid txts. And ideas on what to say. I don't want to put a lot of pressure on them. Which is why I'm going to ask if they are comfortable doing it. In no way am I planning on caving. But I am giving the answers to brothers who will want to be there for me if I need it.

I had that before. I had brothers who did want to help me. But I ignored them. I literally deleted my contacts so I could not see who was texting me. Then I just ignored them. The emails from KTC were redirected to junk mail. Makes me sick just thinking of it.

Here's a fact. If I had accepted a reaching hand the last time, I would have most likely not let addiction take complete control of me. I probably would have avoided losing a 20yr career, I probably would have been able to sell my house instead of foreclose on it, I probably wouldn't be bankrupt. I would have avoided a suicidal phase.

There's a massive character flaw in place that makes somebody do that: Avoidance. The key to my quit is knowing that and continuously working on it. That and lying.

Anyone who caves after being here an extended time, or when they have a bunch of numbers on their phone, needs to dig deep to answer what happened, why, and what will be different. They need to look deeper than the circumstances behind the cave. Much, much deeper. They have to do some serious soul searching and determine what character traits need to change. Then develop a plan to address them. Make a plan to replace those character traits with its opposit. This way they are fixing the root cause. Fighting the fire from its base.

When I caved the first time, I did not dig deep enough. It was only after hitting rock bottom from drugs and alcohol. After I lost everything. In the end, I am thankful for the experience. It's what God intended for me if I didn't figure it out on my own. Now, I am equipped better.

I have broken free from pot, alcohol, pain pills, various drugs available on line and in head shops, and nicotine. But MOST importantly I have broken free from the addiction of lying and avoiding.

I AM FREE!

[Cornholio]

"KTC is a circle the wagons situation and you need to be inside the circle busting ass to keep the circle tight! Anyone running from the circle does so at their own peril..." ~ Jason (JDM)

[worktowin]

Withdrawals vs cravings.

After quitting Alcohol just under 9months ago and now nicotine, I've come to appreciate the difference between withdrawals and cravings as well as the relationship.

WITHDRAWALS: The body's reaction when we quit taking an addictive drug. It's a physical reaction, but it can also have an emotional effect because neurotransmitters in the brain are effected when a substance is stopped. Rage, depression, excitability, restlessness, lack of focus are good examples.

CRAVINGS: Simply put, the desire to use. These come from triggers. Could be habit/routine triggers, emotional triggers, external triggers, internal triggers, etc. Cravings can also manifest from Withdrawal symptoms.


TREATMENT
Both cravings and withdrawals can be treated. Maybe not to the point of completely removing them, but a significant improvements can be made. Here's the tricks I've found that works for me...after spending probably 100's of hours researching and trying different things when quitting alcohol...which was more of an in your face, higher intensity WD phase. Shorter than nicotine, but packed a much bigger punch. The same techniques have proven useful for Nicotine!

• Take time for myself to practice mindfulness and/or meditation: Helps cravings, withdrawals, pain / discomfort, and emotions. It's simply the process of honing in on the physical and emotional effects of what ever it is I am feeling. Mindfulness taught me to break down what I was feeling into smaller pieces by focusing on where and how my body was responding. Focusing on each facet for a second or two made the overall experience easier to deal with. When WD's hit, and I have the time to practice mindfulness, it makes the overall experience much easier to deal with by basically taking one huge feeling and breaking it down into sub parts. It helps with withdrawals as well as cravings. When I do this for cravings, I take the time to really identify what is causing the craving. That's important because now I can work on solutions for preventing that particular craving from coming back. Or at least make it less powerful.
• HALT (specific type of mindfulness). Again...this is something I picked up from alcohol recovery, but I find it useful for every day life as well as nicotine recovery. Helps with cravings. It's an acronym for the most common triggers. If you're craving bad (Or even feeling "blue"), take a minute and evaluate yourself to see if any of these issues are at play, then you address it. Are you:
  Hungry
  Angry
  Lonely
  Tired
• Eating 5 small meals: Helps cravings, irritability, depression, focus, and motivation. Eating fruits, nuts, veggies, and protein 5 times a day keeps my glucose level nice and even throughout the day. This is HUGE for mood issues including depression and irritability. It also helps with focus and removing brain fog. Provides a general good mood for the day with clarity.
• Reduce / eliminate caffeine and sugar: Huge help for mood swings, sleep, brain fog, focus. It's hard not to start pounding coffee after a rough night's sleep or to address brain fog / focus, but I've found them to be counter productive and actually makes them worse. Sure...a cup of coffee or a sugary snack might make a marginal improvement, but it's short lived then followed by a rebound. The crash is worse than how I felt before using coffee or sugar. It's like drinking alcohol. Alcoholics are more in tune with the rebound effect (maybe not early on, but eventually sees what's happening). You drink, you feel good or a couple hours, then you feel like ass with rebound effects on depression and anxiety being the most pronounced, taking you to lower lows than before (Hence the need to drink again, or to keep drinking to avoid those feelings).
• Dark Chocolate: Reduces cravings, improves mood, focus, energy. Read into Dark chocolate for nicotine Dark Chocolate for Nicotine WD's. I discovered this when quitting alcohol and was floored by how well it works. It helps a crap ton for nicotine too. Find dark chocolate with 70% cocoa or more. The higher the cocoa content, the better it works, but the more it tastes like tree bark. I prefer 90% for it's effectiveness and will chase with something sweet. I found an awesome trail mix at trader joes that has 90% cocoa chocolate in it along with nuts, mM's, and sweet milk chocolate. Love that stuff!
• Exercise: Reduced cravings, improve mood, reduce pains, improve focus and energy. OK...I should disclose these are not in any particular order, because exercise has THE MOST POWERFUL impact on curbing rage, depression, cravings, and most WD symptoms....if not all. The problem is, I hate to exercise. But..when nothing I do works, or I'm in a real bad place, this is my ace in the hole. Jumping jacks, push ups, fast walking or running will change your world. The other day I was pissed off at the world, depressed as shit, and mad at myself for being in this position. I had a HORRIBLE outlook on the world and was hung up on my past which is depressing as fuck if I obsess over what I have done to waste my life. Tried my other tricks with little help. Tied my sneakers on, stretched, then started walking, then faster, then jogged till I couldn't jog any more. It wasn't far...I just quit smoking after all. I was sweating like a stuck pig and thought I was about to have a heart attack. I was a whole new man after that. The rest of the day was a cake walk. If only I would do that every morning :/
• 5-htp. This is an amino acid that's a precursor to serotonin. Helps with anxiety, depression, and sleep. Serotonin is our brains natural anti-depressant. It also turns into melotonin which helps with sleep. You can't use it if your taking an SSRI as it'll have a dangerous compounding effect and can lead to Serotonin Syndrome. So research before using. I find 50mg works great during the day to help with anxiety and irritability, and 100mg at night helps with sleep. Only take as needed. Check this link out: 5-htp for nicotine WD's
• Theanine: Helps with irritability and depression, and reduces cravings. I should have posted this up with coffee because Theanine is in Green Tea. Green Tea is a great replacement for coffee. It provides a cleaner burst of energy without the comedown.
• Vitamins..particularly B complex: Helps with stress, anxiety, energy, focus, overall mood, and sleep. There's a ton of links available that prove the benefits of vitamin B. But I would think taking your vitamins should be common sense. Even though I am not all that religious with taking them. But if I start feeling bad, it's normally my first through..."Did I take my vitamins today?" Going through WD's and fighting cravings is stressful emotionally AND physically. A vitamin B complex helps big time. The TOP vitamins that you can see a TON of proof on their efficacy for curbing WD's AND cravings: Multi Vitamin, B complex, Omega 3.
• Post and read: Helps with rage, depression, cravings. Again...this list is not in any order. Read up on withdrawal symptoms when the occur. Understanding what is going on helps a ton and, along the way, you learn different techniques for handling them. Posting here on KTC keeps my head in the game. I can let my rage scream at it wants...I nice way to get it out. I laugh when I read here. There are some funny as fuck people here. Always good for a well needed smile. I'll forget about my cravings as I read and post. It's a huge help. Reading and posting is a sure fire way to push through just about anything I am feeling. If I had to pick just one trick for fighting WD's and Cravings, I would have to pick KTC. It's the only one that is a "fix all."

If you pull all these things together, you have one kick ass quit plan.

Missing: brotherhood.

Here we quit as a team. We connect. We text. We commit to each other. We keep our word.

I've met quitters from Ktc from all over the US and Canada. In March a bunch of us are meeting in Vegas. The thought of failing and telling these people that I failed is incomprehensible. Don't underestimate this.

[Cornholio]

Withdrawals vs cravings.

After quitting Alcohol just under 9months ago and now nicotine, I've come to appreciate the difference between withdrawals and cravings as well as the relationship.

WITHDRAWALS: The body's reaction when we quit taking an addictive drug. It's a physical reaction, but it can also have an emotional effect because neurotransmitters in the brain are effected when a substance is stopped. Rage, depression, excitability, restlessness, lack of focus are good examples.

CRAVINGS: Simply put, the desire to use. These come from triggers. Could be habit/routine triggers, emotional triggers, external triggers, internal triggers, etc. Cravings can also manifest from Withdrawal symptoms.


TREATMENT
Both cravings and withdrawals can be treated. Maybe not to the point of completely removing them, but a significant improvements can be made. Here's the tricks I've found that works for me...after spending probably 100's of hours researching and trying different things when quitting alcohol...which was more of an in your face, higher intensity WD phase. Shorter than nicotine, but packed a much bigger punch. The same techniques have proven useful for Nicotine!

• Take time for myself to practice mindfulness and/or meditation: Helps cravings, withdrawals, pain / discomfort, and emotions. It's simply the process of honing in on the physical and emotional effects of what ever it is I am feeling. Mindfulness taught me to break down what I was feeling into smaller pieces by focusing on where and how my body was responding. Focusing on each facet for a second or two made the overall experience easier to deal with. When WD's hit, and I have the time to practice mindfulness, it makes the overall experience much easier to deal with by basically taking one huge feeling and breaking it down into sub parts. It helps with withdrawals as well as cravings. When I do this for cravings, I take the time to really identify what is causing the craving. That's important because now I can work on solutions for preventing that particular craving from coming back. Or at least make it less powerful.
• HALT (specific type of mindfulness). Again...this is something I picked up from alcohol recovery, but I find it useful for every day life as well as nicotine recovery. Helps with cravings. It's an acronym for the most common triggers. If you're craving bad (Or even feeling "blue"), take a minute and evaluate yourself to see if any of these issues are at play, then you address it. Are you:
  Hungry
  Angry
  Lonely
  Tired
• Eating 5 small meals: Helps cravings, irritability, depression, focus, and motivation. Eating fruits, nuts, veggies, and protein 5 times a day keeps my glucose level nice and even throughout the day. This is HUGE for mood issues including depression and irritability. It also helps with focus and removing brain fog. Provides a general good mood for the day with clarity.
• Reduce / eliminate caffeine and sugar: Huge help for mood swings, sleep, brain fog, focus. It's hard not to start pounding coffee after a rough night's sleep or to address brain fog / focus, but I've found them to be counter productive and actually makes them worse. Sure...a cup of coffee or a sugary snack might make a marginal improvement, but it's short lived then followed by a rebound. The crash is worse than how I felt before using coffee or sugar. It's like drinking alcohol. Alcoholics are more in tune with the rebound effect (maybe not early on, but eventually sees what's happening). You drink, you feel good or a couple hours, then you feel like ass with rebound effects on depression and anxiety being the most pronounced, taking you to lower lows than before (Hence the need to drink again, or to keep drinking to avoid those feelings).
• Dark Chocolate: Reduces cravings, improves mood, focus, energy. Read into Dark chocolate for nicotine Dark Chocolate for Nicotine WD's. I discovered this when quitting alcohol and was floored by how well it works. It helps a crap ton for nicotine too. Find dark chocolate with 70% cocoa or more. The higher the cocoa content, the better it works, but the more it tastes like tree bark. I prefer 90% for it's effectiveness and will chase with something sweet. I found an awesome trail mix at trader joes that has 90% cocoa chocolate in it along with nuts, mM's, and sweet milk chocolate. Love that stuff!
• Exercise: Reduced cravings, improve mood, reduce pains, improve focus and energy. OK...I should disclose these are not in any particular order, because exercise has THE MOST POWERFUL impact on curbing rage, depression, cravings, and most WD symptoms....if not all. The problem is, I hate to exercise. But..when nothing I do works, or I'm in a real bad place, this is my ace in the hole. Jumping jacks, push ups, fast walking or running will change your world. The other day I was pissed off at the world, depressed as shit, and mad at myself for being in this position. I had a HORRIBLE outlook on the world and was hung up on my past which is depressing as fuck if I obsess over what I have done to waste my life. Tried my other tricks with little help. Tied my sneakers on, stretched, then started walking, then faster, then jogged till I couldn't jog any more. It wasn't far...I just quit smoking after all. I was sweating like a stuck pig and thought I was about to have a heart attack. I was a whole new man after that. The rest of the day was a cake walk. If only I would do that every morning :/
• 5-htp. This is an amino acid that's a precursor to serotonin. Helps with anxiety, depression, and sleep. Serotonin is our brains natural anti-depressant. It also turns into melotonin which helps with sleep. You can't use it if your taking an SSRI as it'll have a dangerous compounding effect and can lead to Serotonin Syndrome. So research before using. I find 50mg works great during the day to help with anxiety and irritability, and 100mg at night helps with sleep. Only take as needed. Check this link out: 5-htp for nicotine WD's
• Theanine: Helps with irritability and depression, and reduces cravings. I should have posted this up with coffee because Theanine is in Green Tea. Green Tea is a great replacement for coffee. It provides a cleaner burst of energy without the comedown.
• Vitamins..particularly B complex: Helps with stress, anxiety, energy, focus, overall mood, and sleep. There's a ton of links available that prove the benefits of vitamin B. But I would think taking your vitamins should be common sense. Even though I am not all that religious with taking them. But if I start feeling bad, it's normally my first through..."Did I take my vitamins today?" Going through WD's and fighting cravings is stressful emotionally AND physically. A vitamin B complex helps big time. The TOP vitamins that you can see a TON of proof on their efficacy for curbing WD's AND cravings: Multi Vitamin, B complex, Omega 3.
• Post and read: Helps with rage, depression, cravings. Again...this list is not in any order. Read up on withdrawal symptoms when the occur. Understanding what is going on helps a ton and, along the way, you learn different techniques for handling them. Posting here on KTC keeps my head in the game. I can let my rage scream at it wants...I nice way to get it out. I laugh when I read here. There are some funny as fuck people here. Always good for a well needed smile. I'll forget about my cravings as I read and post. It's a huge help. Reading and posting is a sure fire way to push through just about anything I am feeling. If I had to pick just one trick for fighting WD's and Cravings, I would have to pick KTC. It's the only one that is a "fix all."

If you pull all these things together, you have one kick ass quit plan.

[Cornholio]

The truth will set you free.

I lied to appear better than I was. To be respected or loved.
What I've learned in the past few months is that I am respected MORE when I am open and honest. It takes guts to do that and people really respect that. I've also learned that those who love me, love me MORE when I am honest. Exposing my weaknesses to people I care about is the ultimate way to show I trust them.

I lied because I was ashamed. The problem is, I became ashamed of lying. The compounding effect was too much to bare. The feeling of worthlessness that results leads to suicidal idealization. All because of lying.

I am who I am. And despite all that I've done to those who are close to me, I am loved and respected. Even more so now that I have changed / changing a very bad character flaw.

The truth will set you free. I've heard that a lot in my life but never gave it much thought. But it's soooo true! It sets you free from rotting emotionally. It sets you free from a caged and dark world.

For those who have hit bottom....it's not about finally coming to believe you're an addict and can't drink one or use once. It's more than a wake up call to address addictive behaviors. It's a wake up call to REALLY look at yourself and your own character. It forces you to be truthful with yourself. THAT's where it all starts.

For those who are/were ninja dippers...BEWARE. Take some time to be truthful with yourself. Are there other areas in your life that is a lie? Don't be that liar. You will be loved and respected. You will not put yourself in a position of self destruction. You will have more confidence and pride. The truth will set you free.

[Cornholio]

It is fucked up beyond belief. The ultimate lie was to myself. I for sure thought I was quit forever. I mean...I knew I was always going to be an addict, but I honestly thought I had a grip. It was far from the truth.
I was fighting addiction the whole time and I knew that. I had recently come off an addiction to pain killers when I started here in 2012. I had come off an addiction to bath salts before that and synthetic weed. Never mind the pot itself years before. I say a pattern of abuse and I was looking to take it all away. I saw nicotine as the final nail. I was really naive. Very immature and no where near as prepared for what I really needed to do.

It's fucked up beyond belief. That I did not see alcohol as flammable. I had to. I just can't sit here today and think, "oooh...alcohol is addictive? Who knew?"
What in the holy fuck of fucks. I drank for years and years and years as a "normie" was the problem. I was looking at my addictions as what I was or had abused. I was not looking hard enough at my character flaws or my WHY. I was basically white knuckling through one addiction after another. Use, Abuse, Quit. That was my pattern.

I KNEW when I joined in 2012 that I was using substances to deal with depression. I knew that. I knew it when I quit pain killers. So why wouldn't I remove alcohol? My only answer I can come up with is two fold:
1. I really didn't WANT to quit being a substance abuser.
2. I needed to hit bottom to find that want. There was no "thinking it through" or "making a plan." I had to crash and burn to REALLY want it. To make myself think looong and hard about my character flaws, to seek help for them. To understand it's not about quitting something I am abusing, it's about quit being a fucking fake.

Yesterday I posted about why vets come into rooms and shake the room. In response to somebody questioning the purpose of that. When addiction has a grip on us...a deep grip...we step back into the 2nd or even 3rd chair and let addiction control everything. An addict needs to be shaken until you are talking to the person....not the addict voice being a translator. I needed to be shaken in a big way. That's the bottom line.

[Wt57]

Ok mods lets get these intros combined.

[southgafarmer]

Now that's the real freakin deal people. Corn, April 16 is here for you brother. You need anything, or just want to talk, feel free to shoot me a PM. Quit on brother!

[Cornholio]

Two times I let KTC brothers down in the past. Feb and Oct 2012. From that failure, came utter self destruction. I got coming to me what God intended to happen if I did not wake up...I found my bottom: Divorce, jobless, and money-less with deep depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.

I never took alcohol out of my life, or at least seriously try to when I made a resolve to quit nicotine in 2012. In fact, I was real ignorant about keeping alcohol in my life during that quit attempt. I had made attempts in the past and stopped drinking during those attempts because the cravings were just too strong. In the past, I would cave on nicotine as soon as I would drink again, whether that was days, weeks, or months later. In 2012, I decided to keep drinking so i could push out of that gate early. That right there was a huge clue there was a problem.

The result was giving a feeding tube to my addiction beast. Alcohol became it's life blood and it silently became stronger and stronger while I became weaker. The issue is addiction. It's not nicotine, it's not alcohol, it's not pain killers, or weed. It's fucking addiction. I lost my family through divorce which opened the flood gates. I allowed the gates to open and used a substance to deal with it. I used something that I was comfortable using, or felt safe using, because it did not cause me harm in the past. I never abused alcohol, I was never physically addicted to it like pain killers or nicotine. I was not emotionally addicted to it...or so I thought. Looking back, I was absolutely psychologically addicted. Obviously I was. Ultimately I was using a drug or chemical to make me feel good, or to deal with stress. I made a mental decision to keep alcohol going during a time when i was trying to dump nicotine. I was basically jumping through hoops to keep a "Feel good" drug in my life.

I was so sure I had a solid plan. One that was adjusted as needed to deal with urges and cravings. I was wrong. Dead wrong. In fact, I did not have a plan to quit at all. My addiction just let me think I did.

I had some major character flaws that I was not dealing with. Like lying and avoidance. Two deadly character flaws that can ruin the best of quit plans. I ended up hiding my drinking just like I hid my smoking or dipping before. I avoided difficult conversations and owning up to things I have done even when confronted...either passively or straight on.

on 4/20/15, I took my first step to being sober and have continued that walk since. I am now 267 days sober. This plan is a lot stronger and involves more people that are around me. I told them of my addiction issues and that I was an alcoholic. I shared with them the lies and apologized for the pain I caused. They had to witness somebody they love completely self destruct. Since then, I have even shared how to identify the early signs and how to deal with them. I have learned the power of meditation, mindfulness, and through that improved my communication with God. I have learned the awesomeness of openness and honesty. I have practices in place today to pay attention to those issues and take a temperature reading on my progress.

I am here for selfish reasons today. This is my quit and I am doing what I need to do to protect it. I am here to close wounds that I have made. The feelings that come from ignoring your brothers reaching hand is brutally painful. I am here to help because that is what helps me.

I am willing to bet...
There's somebody who is going to read this who has addictions beyond nicotine. If you are one of them, PM me.
No pressures...just somebody close by who understands what you're going through. And yeah...I could use your support.

If you are a serious quitter, a quitter of pot, alcohol, pains killers...any of them...all of them...and have the heart to...PM me.

Today, I am quit.
Alcohol: 267 days
Nicotine: 6 days

[ERDVM]

Bump

The nostalgia of this thread is awesome, but another day 1 isn't. We had a lot of fun man and I always thought you would have my back ultimately. You lied to us man.

Déjà vu

Damn - there are names in here that I heard in a while. 3 cavers that I count not including the Great Cornholio. I joined during the SloMo fiasco 4 years ago. I loved you guys in the FU. Bruce, tex, mcarmo, atlas, bigsky, timpy, DW3 (first dude to contact me), CB, you, even MNG. Glad and sad you're back.

[Wt57]

Bump

The nostalgia of this thread is awesome, but another day 1 isn't. We had a lot of fun man and I always thought you would have my back ultimately. You lied to us man.

Déjà vu

[SirDerek]

Bump

The nostalgia of this thread is awesome, but another day 1 isn't. We had a lot of fun man and I always thought you would have my back ultimately. You lied to us man.

tsk, tsk

I guess for one, you remember that we are here, and that it is a proven place to quit, but only if you continue each and every day to learn......

and then once you learn, apply it.....(as it can be used for so much more than nicotine).

give it and honor your word