Five days free after 35 years

[pab1964]

Day 11. Had a great day yesterday. Headed out for breakfast with my wife and then on to Ontario for a guy day...with my wife...lol. We started at Bass Pro...walked the whole damn store dreamin and schemin'. Headed over to Ammo Bros after that, and almost made it to the 5.11 store before they closed. It was fun hanging out....I even went grocery shopping with her...not sure if it was a fair trade or not, but we had a great time without dip taking up space between us. (she is not a fan, however, of the smell of the fake Walmart chew brand!) Me either...if you guys have anything that comes close to Cope snuff and has less of a smell than the Walmart fake stuff, let me know)

Got home, unpacked the groceries, and went to get my cart ready for Cowboy Action Shooting today (but it's going to rain us out...) As I was cleaning up my cart and refilling my ammo boxes, I found a half empty can of pouches in my cart from last month's shoot. No desire to do it.....but I went inside immediately, grabbed my wife, and had her come out and help me do a more thorough search of the garage. We found a couple of very old and dry cans in my motorcycle bags buried under other crap. Flushed it all right away. That was too close, so we went through every cabinet and jacket and backpack etc. we could find just to make sure one didn't sneak up on me at some point.

Interesting to involve her in the search. I think it makes a big difference that she is part of this with me and doesn't mind helping. I know it's good for me in that I don't have to shoulder that weight/worry alone. I'm a bit old fashioned in that I always want to protect my wife and family from the things I can protect them from.....but this is something that impacts them in so many ways even if I stay healthy in the future...that they deserve to feel like they are a part of it and that they are important to my quit. I also called all four of my kids last night and told them what I was doing, where I was in my journey, and I sent them the link on what to expect and a few other links from this site. I didn't think it was a big deal, but their overwhelming happiness in my choice and the hope in my two girl's voices ( made them sound like they were back at age 3 again) made me realize the weight they had been carrying for me all these years. The guy whose biggest goal was to protect them had been putting all the extra fear and dread in their minds and hearts by forcing them to see something I didn't choose to fight off that could take me away and leave them on their own.

I hate the nic bitch even more today. 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' 'stick' 'bangin' 'chain' 'biggun' 'BanDog' 'Remshot'

Rock on V family is life we all missed alot thanks to the olé nic bitch! Enjoy your new life, you deserve it! Damn proud to be quit with you my friend!

[Vguy]

Day 11. Had a great day yesterday. Headed out for breakfast with my wife and then on to Ontario for a guy day...with my wife...lol. We started at Bass Pro...walked the whole damn store dreamin and schemin'. Headed over to Ammo Bros after that, and almost made it to the 5.11 store before they closed. It was fun hanging out....I even went grocery shopping with her...not sure if it was a fair trade or not, but we had a great time without dip taking up space between us. (she is not a fan, however, of the smell of the fake Walmart chew brand!) Me either...if you guys have anything that comes close to Cope snuff and has less of a smell than the Walmart fake stuff, let me know)

Got home, unpacked the groceries, and went to get my cart ready for Cowboy Action Shooting today (but it's going to rain us out...) As I was cleaning up my cart and refilling my ammo boxes, I found a half empty can of pouches in my cart from last month's shoot. No desire to do it.....but I went inside immediately, grabbed my wife, and had her come out and help me do a more thorough search of the garage. We found a couple of very old and dry cans in my motorcycle bags buried under other crap. Flushed it all right away. That was too close, so we went through every cabinet and jacket and backpack etc. we could find just to make sure one didn't sneak up on me at some point.

Interesting to involve her in the search. I think it makes a big difference that she is part of this with me and doesn't mind helping. I know it's good for me in that I don't have to shoulder that weight/worry alone. I'm a bit old fashioned in that I always want to protect my wife and family from the things I can protect them from.....but this is something that impacts them in so many ways even if I stay healthy in the future...that they deserve to feel like they are a part of it and that they are important to my quit. I also called all four of my kids last night and told them what I was doing, where I was in my journey, and I sent them the link on what to expect and a few other links from this site. I didn't think it was a big deal, but their overwhelming happiness in my choice and the hope in my two girl's voices ( made them sound like they were back at age 3 again) made me realize the weight they had been carrying for me all these years. The guy whose biggest goal was to protect them had been putting all the extra fear and dread in their minds and hearts by forcing them to see something I didn't choose to fight off that could take me away and leave them on their own.

I hate the nic bitch even more today. 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger' 'stick' 'bangin' 'chain' 'biggun' 'BanDog' 'Remshot'

[Rawls]

Smells like some strong quit going on in here...
I quit with you today.

[pab1964]

Quit on brother! Nothing to be ashamed of crying sometimes better than laughter! Think about man your crying because of what you've accomplished just wait my friend it only gets better! Why would we ever go back! Just remember were addicts and always will be! Damn proud to be quit with you!

[Idaho Spuds]

Vguy, great post, you are winning and investing in your quit. We are lucky men that have amazing women supporting us.
Keep it up, proud to quit with you!
Idaho Spuds

[Vguy]

Day 10.
So excited that I stayed up until midnight just to post....like I was busting through the yellow tape at the end of a race.....lmao.
Woke up this morning and missed the routine of posting roll...so I did it again and it felt much better.

Weird last couple of days. Work is still strange....hopefully some resolution next week. I honestly don't give a shit about it right now since getting through this is the most important thing for my real future. The job is the job is the fucking job...and the assholes remain the assholes and remain in charge. LOL Hasn't changed much in my 30 years or working, so don't know why I expect this to be any different. :)

On Thursday, I got tired of sitting around waiting for work to follow up with me, so I decided to get out and do something I would enjoy. Went to see American Sniper again...just me and about 8 other 11:45am mid-week viewers. Thought about you guys when I saw the group bond and the support that they gave each other, and it made me glad that I found this place and even more certain in my decision to honor my quit. After the show, went to the range and worked through my routine. Shot better than I've shot in a while...don't know if that was all the focused energy, anger, or a clear, non-nicotine brain, but it worked.

On Friday, I was responding to a post by a girlfriend of a dipper, and in the middle of my post, I realized that my wife looked at me differently since I owned up and stopped chewing. When we were dating and first married, she used to say, "You're the best guy I know". I liked it, but it embarrassed me and I didn't think I deserved it. After 12 years together, sometimes that look and those phrases fade....you miss them, but don't see anything major that is different and you really haven't changed your feelings on it...but it just quietly sneaks away? This week, however, I'm starting to see that from her again. It's a look in her eye that I honestly didn't know was missing but felt it all the same. It's time together to talk when she doesn't have to stare at my full lip or turn her cheek when she kisses me hello or goodbye. It's the absence of that pinched face/nose when I get into the truck and she can smell the dip (and I thought I was being discrete). It's the YEARS of seeing, smelling, tasting that shit vicariously and worrying/waiting/knowing that it may be the thing that kills me and takes me away from her yet.

If she truly believes that I am the best guy she knows, what kind of strength does it take to stand by me for the past 12 years and let me be a dumbfuck? I quit for me, but I have a newfound respect for my wife and for all of our wives that stick with us.

I'm an addict and an asshole....not sure how that qualifies for best guy she knows...but I think I need to get to work on actually earning that title.

Oh..yeah.....I'm sitting behind a fucking keyboard crying that I little fucking baby while I type this......not a pretty picture...and now I'm laughing my ass off thinking about how this must look. Glad everyone's still in bed this morning.

Day 10 Still Quit Still lucky Still fightin the fight

[pab1964]

My friend that's what we call rage! Bitch here it helps! Something to Naw on, will the next person give a shit about these kids like you do? Not always in the best interest to just think of ourselves. Don't know why I said that but it was on my heart hard so it was meant to be! Stay focused and busy helps the mind stay ready for the next crave! I'm at 54 days not a day has went by I haven't at least thought about it but I'm loving life again and will remain quit ODAAT! EDD! Pm me anytime!

[Thumblewort]

That is why we are here. Rant away brother, just don't dip.

One of the idioms that gets me through is "A problem plus a dip = 2 problems". We all have hard jobs and days at work, but slowly killing ourselves isn't a solution. Do you have quitters in you phone yet? That can make a world of difference!

[Vguy]

Day 8. Thanks for Pab and Smeds and all the inspiration I've read here.

Tough week. Stupid shit at work based on a lot of PC crap. I deal with some very tough kids who need a lot of help at times and come from group homes. They don't have a ton of support nor the skills that would make life easier for them, and it can be rough for them to try and deal with all their crap and go to school. The districts don't want to pay for them to go where they should be going to get the help they need, so they shove them into regular schools and cross their fingers that we'll get them through. Doesn't always work, and when the shit hits the fan, the folks at the top are looking for a way to CYA. Pisses me off and stresses me out to see them treat people this way.

I'm quit, but I swear this is the type of crap that would have made me head straight for a big ol dip in the past, so it's been a hard week. Not sure why I decided to do this now with all of this other stuff going on, but maybe it's because it's something I can control and I need to control this. Just been kicking this idea around.

We've also been talking about getting out of Socal, and just found out that it really benefits us financially to stay for 4 more years. Don't plan on retiring, but the ability to keep my insurance if I stay till 55 makes future choices better. That kills me as I've been stuck here wanting to leave since my divorce in 2000, but I swore that my kids would never miss me and I was and am in their lives every day as they grew up. Now that they are all moved out or off at college, we could get out and get back to a simpler, saner lifestyle with closer hunting, fishing, camping and less crazy political concepts...(gotta love/hate Ca).

Sorry for the ramble. Don't like being addicted to chew. Don't like being stuck here. Don't like working for people who are spineless. Just stoking my rage a bit this morning, I guess. Thanks for listening.

[Smeds]

Thanks to all! Day 7. Last 24 had me buying jerky and fake chew to get through the post dinner craves, but doing ok. Major BS at work, but I haven't done the "I need a dip to handle the stress" thing. My wife...who is awesome about this....got an earfull when she tried to be understanding about a work political decision and how it was "even worse because of what I was trying to quit". I stopped that shit real quick and told her that I needed her to not make excuses or give me anything but shit if I started to wimp out or whine. We also made one last sweep of the house to make sure there wasn't any dip, gum, or patches hiding around. I also just realized that what I've spent on dip over the years would have bought me a brand new F250 4x4 crew cab with most of the bells and whistles......funny how the mind works when you're in the fog and trying to stay pissed off.

Still quit. Still struggling. Still glad I found you guys.

Dave

Keep killing it Dave, and congrats on the week of quit ... that's bad-ass! I see you reaching out in other intros, exactly what you need to do to build that brotherhood!

Remember, we here are the ones you need to vent and rage on ... it's normal as your body fights what it's going through. Take it out on us, because we understand ... not at home.

This link may help your wife understand ... I would share it with her. Click here for Spousal Support

As always, quitting with you bro!

[pab1964]

Thanks to all! Day 7. Last 24 had me buying jerky and fake chew to get through the post dinner craves, but doing ok. Major BS at work, but I haven't done the "I need a dip to handle the stress" thing. My wife...who is awesome about this....got an earfull when she tried to be understanding about a work political decision and how it was "even worse because of what I was trying to quit". I stopped that shit real quick and told her that I needed her to not make excuses or give me anything but shit if I started to wimp out or whine. We also made one last sweep of the house to make sure there wasn't any dip, gum, or patches hiding around. I also just realized that what I've spent on dip over the years would have bought me a brand new F250 4x4 crew cab with most of the bells and whistles......funny how the mind works when you're in the fog and trying to stay pissed off.

Still quit. Still struggling. Still glad I found you guys.

Dave

Bitch on brother comes with territory! Dipped 38 years on day 53! I've used all the damn excuses not to quit same as you and used all the excuses to start back just like you! But just like you I found this place and when I post roll in the morning(odaat!)(edd!) I give my word and just like you I keep my word! I'm here 24-7, pm me with anything! Damn proud to be quit with you!

[Vguy]

Thanks to all! Day 7. Last 24 had me buying jerky and fake chew to get through the post dinner craves, but doing ok. Major BS at work, but I haven't done the "I need a dip to handle the stress" thing. My wife...who is awesome about this....got an earfull when she tried to be understanding about a work political decision and how it was "even worse because of what I was trying to quit". I stopped that shit real quick and told her that I needed her to not make excuses or give me anything but shit if I started to wimp out or whine. We also made one last sweep of the house to make sure there wasn't any dip, gum, or patches hiding around. I also just realized that what I've spent on dip over the years would have bought me a brand new F250 4x4 crew cab with most of the bells and whistles......funny how the mind works when you're in the fog and trying to stay pissed off.

Still quit. Still struggling. Still glad I found you guys.

Dave

[Scowick65]

welcome aboard

[Dagranger]

Posted roll....check
Have an anger at the situation you are in.....check
Realize that you are a filthy addict who will go back to a dipping life with one cave...check.
I like what I have read. Get after this!

[TLOC81]

Welcome V! Listen to the vets and read all you can. Above all else post every day!