Day 6 After 36 years using

[Mike_Land]

Today I have received reaffirmation of what it means to be a part of this brotherhood (sisterhood). Let me tell you a funny story....

I left my computer open at work. You can already tell where this is going can't you? I work with a great bunch of guys. We are all operators at a nuclear plant, highly skilled and trained in our field. There isn't a person in this group that could remotely be considered as dumb. However, that doesn't stop them from acting like a bunch of 8 year olds given the opportunity. All of these guys know about KTC and my involvment. So, when they found my computer open they thought it would be great fun to pull a prank on me. One of them proceeded to update my facebook status with a post that said I couldn't help myself and had taken a dip. My facebook page exploded with comments!! I had comments from all over the country asking me what the heck was going on. One from NYC. Another from Colorado, Boston, Dallas, Augusta. Name a region and I had somebody asking me WTF? HAHAHA!!! Everyone here had a great big laugh at my expense and I set the KTC friends at ease by editing the post and explaining what just happened. All is well with my quit. 1267 days as of today. I'm not ever starting again!!

This little story is a great example of why I love KTC, the site, the March '13 Mad Men and all the friends i've made at KTC. These people were worried about me. They were worried and holding me accountable. A couple of commenters wanted explanations. I don't think the guys I work with would have had this type of reaction. This right here folks is what this place is all about. Building relationships and accountability through the one common bond that we all have. Thank you for caring enough to worry. Thank you for caring enough to ask questions and want an explanation. You guys have my back. That fact has been reaffirmed today. My quit has become a few degrees stronger today.

Your brother in Quit,

Mike

[Rawls]

Really!!?? WTF??

I'm headed home from the Nuke Plant yesterday afternoon and hear a commercial over the radio for a particular Chattanooga vapor shop. The shop is pushing the idea that nicotine vapors is a great way to stop smoking.....and dipping and chewing I suppose. They say that the nicotine vapors are a safe alternative to tobacco. What a crock!! The truth is that we don't know the long term effects of using nicotine vapors. I'll bet a paycheck that in 20-30 years we will have data that shows that the health effects of nicotine vapors are no better than cigarettes or snuff. Even if it doesn't contain all the chemicals and cancer causing substances of cigarettes and dip, it still contains nicotine and the nicotine will control your life. You know, that substance that keeps you addicted to dipping, chewing, or smoking in the first place? That substance that controls your life and makes you take time away from your family and friends. The thing that makes you lie to your wife and family.

Don't fall for the bullshit hype from these vapor stores. They are no different than the big tobacco companies. They will lie and tell you anything to get you to buy their product. If they can keep you addicted to the nicotine then their profits will keep rolling in. They could careless about your health or whether the things they say are true or not. All they want is your money!!

Too, Nicotine is nicotine. The delivery method doesn't matter. KTC is a no nicotine site. When you post your name to that roll you are making a promise to me and all the other quitters that you will not use nicotine in any form for that day. Remember to keep your word. Stay Quit!!

Rant over

Mike

I too saw a similar article, however, the one I read was in a clinical journal. And similar to your reaction, I balked at the article and felt compelled to challenge its misguided notions. The problem is, the article was right. And so was the radio commercial you listened to. Vaping IS a great way to stop smoking. Yes, I just said that...and that is exactly what the marketing gimmick is. Instead of smoking, you can vape...no where in any of this does it consider nicotine, or the addictive component of nicotine use. It's simply offering an alternative to the act of smoking. The problem with smoking and smoking cessation programs is that they only communicate the ill affects of cigarette smoke; rarely do they mention the ill affects of nicotine addiction.

...and with that said, I second everything that Mike just stated and felt when he wrote his rant. Thanks for posting that.

I quit with these ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ BA's as long as they will allow me.

Rattlesnakes are fast... Try kissing a Cobra, I hear, they are slower!

Thanks for the truth men. It hopefully will set someone free.
Rawls 408

[Steakbomb18]

Really!!?? WTF??

I'm headed home from the Nuke Plant yesterday afternoon and hear a commercial over the radio for a particular Chattanooga vapor shop. The shop is pushing the idea that nicotine vapors is a great way to stop smoking.....and dipping and chewing I suppose. They say that the nicotine vapors are a safe alternative to tobacco. What a crock!! The truth is that we don't know the long term effects of using nicotine vapors. I'll bet a paycheck that in 20-30 years we will have data that shows that the health effects of nicotine vapors are no better than cigarettes or snuff. Even if it doesn't contain all the chemicals and cancer causing substances of cigarettes and dip, it still contains nicotine and the nicotine will control your life. You know, that substance that keeps you addicted to dipping, chewing, or smoking in the first place? That substance that controls your life and makes you take time away from your family and friends. The thing that makes you lie to your wife and family.

Don't fall for the bullshit hype from these vapor stores. They are no different than the big tobacco companies. They will lie and tell you anything to get you to buy their product. If they can keep you addicted to the nicotine then their profits will keep rolling in. They could careless about your health or whether the things they say are true or not. All they want is your money!!

Too, Nicotine is nicotine. The delivery method doesn't matter. KTC is a no nicotine site. When you post your name to that roll you are making a promise to me and all the other quitters that you will not use nicotine in any form for that day. Remember to keep your word. Stay Quit!!

Rant over

Mike

I too saw a similar article, however, the one I read was in a clinical journal. And similar to your reaction, I balked at the article and felt compelled to challenge its misguided notions. The problem is, the article was right. And so was the radio commercial you listened to. Vaping IS a great way to stop smoking. Yes, I just said that...and that is exactly what the marketing gimmick is. Instead of smoking, you can vape...no where in any of this does it consider nicotine, or the addictive component of nicotine use. It's simply offering an alternative to the act of smoking. The problem with smoking and smoking cessation programs is that they only communicate the ill affects of cigarette smoke; rarely do they mention the ill affects of nicotine addiction.

...and with that said, I second everything that Mike just stated and felt when he wrote his rant. Thanks for posting that.

[Mike_Land]

Really!!?? WTF??

I'm headed home from the Nuke Plant yesterday afternoon and hear a commercial over the radio for a particular Chattanooga vapor shop. The shop is pushing the idea that nicotine vapors is a great way to stop smoking.....and dipping and chewing I suppose. They say that the nicotine vapors are a safe alternative to tobacco. What a crock!! The truth is that we don't know the long term effects of using nicotine vapors. I'll bet a paycheck that in 20-30 years we will have data that shows that the health effects of nicotine vapors are no better than cigarettes or snuff. Even if it doesn't contain all the chemicals and cancer causing substances of cigarettes and dip, it still contains nicotine and the nicotine will control your life. You know, that substance that keeps you addicted to dipping, chewing, or smoking in the first place? That substance that controls your life and makes you take time away from your family and friends. The thing that makes you lie to your wife and family.

Don't fall for the bullshit hype from these vapor stores. They are no different than the big tobacco companies. They will lie and tell you anything to get you to buy their product. If they can keep you addicted to the nicotine then their profits will keep rolling in. They could careless about your health or whether the things they say are true or not. All they want is your money!!

Too, Nicotine is nicotine. The delivery method doesn't matter. KTC is a no nicotine site. When you post your name to that roll you are making a promise to me and all the other quitters that you will not use nicotine in any form for that day. Remember to keep your word. Stay Quit!!

Rant over

Mike

[Mike_Land]

So just on a whim I checked all the groups from 2013 to see how we are doing about 2.5 to 3 years into our quit. The numbers are sort of depressing. Here is what I found. Yes I know it is a Sunday and a weekend and the numbers tend to be low. That fact in itself concerns me too.

For the 2013 quit groups here are the number of postings for 12/13/15.

Jan 11 July 9
Feb 3 Aug 1
Mar 8 Sept 7
Apr 7 Oct 3
May 2 Nov 3
June 1 Dec 11

So out of all the quitters who signed up on KTC and wanted to quit, probably close to or over 1000 people, 66 are here today still making their promise to not use nicotine. by these numbers 6.6% of the people who started are still here. Not a very good number. I would like to see that number much higher. I would venture to say that the majority of the ones who are not here today are using again. Sad.

I passed 3 years a few days ago. I'm not a 100% poster. I think only one of the 8 '13 March Mad Men can still claim that title. I am here most every day. I feel like I've let myself down and my quit group down when I do miss. Posting roll has become a part of what I do. I really don't think about it any more. I just do it. Like getting up, fixing my coffee, taking my shower and shaving. I just do them everyday without thinking. It's become a habit. If you are new here, I hope the same thing happens to you.

I know that without coming here to post, If I had stopped after hitting the HOFor in 1 or 2 years, I would be an active user today. I would be right back where I was on November 23 2012 using 2 to 3 cans per day. The act of posting roll plays a huge part in keeping my quit strong. If I do miss posting I don't feel right. It's like missing a workout. You just feel a little off the rest of the day.

I know that there are folks who can leave KTC after being quit awhile and probably stay quit forever. I dare say that is not very many people. I know some of them. I would not recommend going out on your own. I've been quit 3 years and a few days. I still have craves that are very strong. It doesn't happen very often now but when it does my promise that I made when I posted roll is the first thing that comes to mind. I can't let my group down. I can't let my other KTC friends down, and I can't let myself down. My posting roll is huge,huge factor in determining how strong my quit will be that day. I wrote a piece once about a friend getting burned out on posting and constantly thinking about tobacco and quitting and just getting burned out on the whole thing. I understood how he felt. I also told him it would be ok if he missed a day now and then. It wouldn't be the end of the world. I then proceeded to post it in every group for 2013. Boy did I get an ass chewing from some people for that one!! I was a "young" quitter then and stupid!! I would never recommend that anyone skip a day posting. I would never recommend that anyone go out on their own after any amount of time. The support that we get here and the relationships we build are to important to just walk off and leave them.

To all you beginners out there, Make posting roll part of what you do everyday. Make it something you do without thinking everyday. To all you veterans out there who might have slipped away. Get back into the routine. Come back to KTC and post your promise to your brothers and sisters. Your resolve to stay quit will be renewed and made much stonger by do so.

Thanks again for listening to the ramblings of an addict who just happens to be a 3 year + 15 day quitter!

Mike

[worktowin]

Reflections on 1100 days quit, accountability and relationships.

Today makes 1100 days quit for me. I'm still amazed that I've made it this far. 3 years ago Mike Land was defined by the can. My wife and I dated some when we were in high school. She tells me she thought about me a lot even when she was married to someone else for 21 years. Sweet huh? She also tells me that the smell of wintergreen would triggered thoughts about me. Isn't that something? The thing my wife remembers about me when we were in high school over 30 years ago is that I always smelled like a wintergreen turd! She doesn't recall if I was smart, or kind to others or a smartass or whatever. She just remembers that me, my car, my clothes smelled like a can of skoal. That's sort of depressing. I'm not surprised by any of this. I dipped fine cut wintergreen skoal 24/7 for many years until it got to be almost $5 a can. I then switched to RedSeal finecut wintergreen and because it cost half as much, I rationalized that I could afford more of it! Two cans per day, sometimes three. No wonder everything I had smelled like wintergreen.

I used to teach school. If you met me you probably wouldn't believe it. Most people don't. Occasionally i'll run into kids I had as students and they will tell me what a mess their life is for one reason or another. I council them that we all make mistakes and that we have to move on from the past and resolve to make things better going forward from this day. 1100 days I had that realization about being an addict. I can't tell you how many times I had tried to quit and gave up because I had convinced myself that I had used for so long that there was no way I could function without it. 1100 hundred days ago I found KTC. I read everything I could find on the site, found the '13 March Mad Men group and posted roll for the first time. there was no way to tell how that moment was going to change my life.

I won't go on about my quit. Everyone has their story about how the first few days went. How awful the fog was and their joy at coming out of it and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. What I will tell you about is the accountability I found here and the relationships that have been built because we share the bond of being addicts. There is no way that I would be here today without having been held accountable by the guys in my group and other groups over the last few years.

The March Mad Men of 2013 started out with over 100 guys who wanted to quit. Today we have 8 who post roll mostly on a daily basis. I think we still have one 100% poster after 3 years. Halldogau, Tazbutane, 88Shelby, Grovermouldon, Steve Mc, Hunter401, Fire10257 and myself are still here. I am continually amazed at the relationship we have with each other. I've never met any of these guys in person. I've talked to a couple on the phone once or twice. We keep an eye out for one another. If one of us missed roll more than usual the questions and text start flying. We worry about each other. It's hard for me to understand how we have the concern, and dare I say love, for one another. We are just 8 random guys who take a moment to post roll everyday on a website. We are nothing special. But we do share a bond that only those who have travelled this road can comprehend. I don't know about them but I know without a doubt that if one of these guys called me and said "Mike, I need you to come help me" I would drop what I was doing, if at all possible and go to their aide. That is the God's honest truth. We are spread all over. Texas, Oregon, NYC, Conn. Georgia, Ohio, Tennessee, and one in Wisconsin or Minnesota. It doesn't matter, If they needed me I would go if it were in my means to do so. That is the beauty of KTC. The accountability leads to relationships that are strong. It is this accountability and relationships that make it possible for me to stay quit. I'm not as strung out as I was when I first started. I don't lean on these guys all the time like I did in the beginning. But the fact that they are still here with me, posting roll and holding me accountable when needed goes along way in strengthening my quit.

The March Mad Men are talking about a get together. Maybe in NYC. Right now it's just talk but maybe soon we can start making concrete plans. It would be a blast to meet my March Mad Men brothers in person. I've been to three quitter meets. Two were in Savannah, one was in PA. It is awesome to be able to put real people with KTC names and be able to talk to them in person. To be able to do that with the March Mad Men would be the highlight of my KTC experience so far!

One thing. If you are reading this and you are a young quitter, don't be overwhelmed by some of the number of quit days beside some of our names. We didn't get here all at once. We got here as some of the guys say "ODAAT" that is "ONE DAY AT A TIME". Don't concentrate on tomorrow, next week, month or year. Concentrate on today, just today. Keep doing that and before you know it you will be putting four digit numbers of quit days beside your name as well.

Carry on
Mike Land
Quit Like Mad!!

Mike, this is one of the best things I've ever read on here. Thanks for posting.

April 13 is planning a Vegas meet March 1-5 this year. I think at least 6 of us + Stranger999 will be there. We would love to have you and March along for the ride!

I read these new quitters posts and thank God every day that I found this place. Until the quitters get to a long ways in, it is hard to believe that it can be this good.

It can. It is. Congratulations on 1,100 days!

[Mike_Land]

Reflections on 1100 days quit, accountability and relationships.

Today makes 1100 days quit for me. I'm still amazed that I've made it this far. 3 years ago Mike Land was defined by the can. My wife and I dated some when we were in high school. She tells me she thought about me a lot even when she was married to someone else for 21 years. Sweet huh? She also tells me that the smell of wintergreen would triggered thoughts about me. Isn't that something? The thing my wife remembers about me when we were in high school over 30 years ago is that I always smelled like a wintergreen turd! She doesn't recall if I was smart, or kind to others or a smartass or whatever. She just remembers that me, my car, my clothes smelled like a can of skoal. That's sort of depressing. I'm not surprised by any of this. I dipped fine cut wintergreen skoal 24/7 for many years until it got to be almost $5 a can. I then switched to RedSeal finecut wintergreen and because it cost half as much, I rationalized that I could afford more of it! Two cans per day, sometimes three. No wonder everything I had smelled like wintergreen.

I used to teach school. If you met me you probably wouldn't believe it. Most people don't. Occasionally i'll run into kids I had as students and they will tell me what a mess their life is for one reason or another. I council them that we all make mistakes and that we have to move on from the past and resolve to make things better going forward from this day. 1100 days ago I had that realization about being an addict. I can't tell you how many times I had tried to quit and gave up because I had convinced myself that I had used for so long that there was no way I could function without it. 1100 hundred days ago I found KTC. I read everything I could find on the site, found the '13 March Mad Men group and posted roll for the first time. there was no way to tell how that moment was going to change my life.

I won't go on about my quit. Everyone has their story about how the first few days went. How awful the fog was and their joy at coming out of it and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. What I will tell you about is the accountability I found here and the relationships that have been built because we share the bond of being addicts. There is no way that I would be here today without having been held accountable by the guys in my group and other groups over the last few years.

The March Mad Men of 2013 started out with over 100 guys who wanted to quit. Today we have 8 who post roll mostly on a daily basis. I think we still have one 100% poster after 3 years. Halldogau, Tazbutane, 88Shelby, Grovermouldon, Steve Mc, Hunter401, Fire10257 and myself are still here. I am continually amazed at the relationship we have with each other. I've never met any of these guys in person. I've talked to a couple on the phone once or twice. We keep an eye out for one another. If one of us missed roll more than usual the questions and text start flying. We worry about each other. It's hard for me to understand how we have the concern, and dare I say love, for one another. We are just 8 random guys who take a moment to post roll everyday on a website. We are nothing special. But we do share a bond that only those who have travelled this road can comprehend. I don't know about them but I know without a doubt that if one of these guys called me and said "Mike, I need you to come help me" I would drop what I was doing, if at all possible and go to their aide. That is the God's honest truth. We are spread all over. Texas, Oregon, NYC, Conn. Georgia, Ohio, Tennessee, and one in Wisconsin or Minnesota. It doesn't matter, If they needed me I would go if it were in my means to do so. That is the beauty of KTC. The accountability leads to relationships that are strong. It is this accountability and relationships that make it possible for me to stay quit. I'm not as strung out as I was when I first started. I don't lean on these guys all the time like I did in the beginning. But the fact that they are still here with me, posting roll and holding me accountable when needed goes along way in strengthening my quit.

The March Mad Men are talking about a get together. Maybe in NYC. Right now it's just talk but maybe soon we can start making concrete plans. It would be a blast to meet my March Mad Men brothers in person. I've been to three quitter meets. Two were in Savannah, one was in PA. It is awesome to be able to put real people with KTC names and be able to talk to them in person. To be able to do that with the March Mad Men would be the highlight of my KTC experience so far!

One thing. If you are reading this and you are a young quitter, don't be overwhelmed by some of the number of quit days beside some of our names. We didn't get here all at once. We got here as some of the guys say "ODAAT" that is "ONE DAY AT A TIME". Don't concentrate on tomorrow, next week, month or year. Concentrate on today, just today. Keep doing that and before you know it you will be putting four digit numbers of quit days beside your name as well.

Carry on
Mike Land
Quit Like Mad!!

[chewie]

894 days quit and still the nic bitch lingers, waiting to pounce when I am weak. I've been cruising along lately. No craves, dip dreams or otherwise bad moments. But over the last couple of weeks it has been bad. I got to reading some post and it seems I may not be the only one. Apparently around the comma mark is a bad time for a funk. I know there have been times the past couple of weeks that felt like my first week quit. I had craves and dreams and one bad episode this past weekend at a wedding. Twice this week I've had the sort of dip dream that wakes you up in a cold sweat and short of breath wondering if you have really caved. I had a bad moment this weekend that is a little funny now but sure wasn't very funny when it was happening.

My daughters were in the wedding of the oldest daughters best friend. It was a good time. Lots of good food, good friends and an open bar. I took full advantage of the open bar. Having to make a trip to the restroom I discovered a big fat cat turd in the urinal. No! I didn't dig it out but it did mess with my head. I was a RedSeal wintergreen user and that turd smelled like it hadn't been out of the can very long. The wintergreen smell was powerful and messed with my head something fierce. For a while there I really thought about just chucking it all and going and finding me some dip.

But I didn't. I did what I've learned to do in moments like that. I reached out. Bigwhitebeast came through. So did my March Brother Halldogau and some others. The crisis was soon over and back to the party I went. Don't ever be afraid to reach out. it doesn't mean you are weak. This is how we survive. Whether you have been quit 1 week or 1000 weeks, the old hag will always be waiting around the corner. Keep your numbers handy. You never know when you might need them.

Thanks for being there guys.

Mike

This post is a gem. Almost 900 days and the battle still continues; the tools that saved you (saved us) in the first 100 days are just as important 2 years later. Thanks Mike, this is a stone I'm adding to my quit foundation.

Nice, major catastrophe averted!

KILLING IT!

'worship'

This post is WOW worthy... well done sir!

[Pinched]

894 days quit and still the nic bitch lingers, waiting to pounce when I am weak. I've been cruising along lately. No craves, dip dreams or otherwise bad moments. But over the last couple of weeks it has been bad. I got to reading some post and it seems I may not be the only one. Apparently around the comma mark is a bad time for a funk. I know there have been times the past couple of weeks that felt like my first week quit. I had craves and dreams and one bad episode this past weekend at a wedding. Twice this week I've had the sort of dip dream that wakes you up in a cold sweat and short of breath wondering if you have really caved. I had a bad moment this weekend that is a little funny now but sure wasn't very funny when it was happening.

My daughters were in the wedding of the oldest daughters best friend. It was a good time. Lots of good food, good friends and an open bar. I took full advantage of the open bar. Having to make a trip to the restroom I discovered a big fat cat turd in the urinal. No! I didn't dig it out but it did mess with my head. I was a RedSeal wintergreen user and that turd smelled like it hadn't been out of the can very long. The wintergreen smell was powerful and messed with my head something fierce. For a while there I really thought about just chucking it all and going and finding me some dip.

But I didn't. I did what I've learned to do in moments like that. I reached out. Bigwhitebeast came through. So did my March Brother Halldogau and some others. The crisis was soon over and back to the party I went. Don't ever be afraid to reach out. it doesn't mean you are weak. This is how we survive. Whether you have been quit 1 week or 1000 weeks, the old hag will always be waiting around the corner. Keep your numbers handy. You never know when you might need them.

Thanks for being there guys.

Mike

This post is a gem. Almost 900 days and the battle still continues; the tools that saved you (saved us) in the first 100 days are just as important 2 years later. Thanks Mike, this is a stone I'm adding to my quit foundation.

Nice, major catastrophe averted!

KILLING IT!

[Steakbomb18]

894 days quit and still the nic bitch lingers, waiting to pounce when I am weak. I've been cruising along lately. No craves, dip dreams or otherwise bad moments. But over the last couple of weeks it has been bad. I got to reading some post and it seems I may not be the only one. Apparently around the comma mark is a bad time for a funk. I know there have been times the past couple of weeks that felt like my first week quit. I had craves and dreams and one bad episode this past weekend at a wedding. Twice this week I've had the sort of dip dream that wakes you up in a cold sweat and short of breath wondering if you have really caved. I had a bad moment this weekend that is a little funny now but sure wasn't very funny when it was happening.

My daughters were in the wedding of the oldest daughters best friend. It was a good time. Lots of good food, good friends and an open bar. I took full advantage of the open bar. Having to make a trip to the restroom I discovered a big fat cat turd in the urinal. No! I didn't dig it out but it did mess with my head. I was a RedSeal wintergreen user and that turd smelled like it hadn't been out of the can very long. The wintergreen smell was powerful and messed with my head something fierce. For a while there I really thought about just chucking it all and going and finding me some dip.

But I didn't. I did what I've learned to do in moments like that. I reached out. Bigwhitebeast came through. So did my March Brother Halldogau and some others. The crisis was soon over and back to the party I went. Don't ever be afraid to reach out. it doesn't mean you are weak. This is how we survive. Whether you have been quit 1 week or 1000 weeks, the old hag will always be waiting around the corner. Keep your numbers handy. You never know when you might need them.

Thanks for being there guys.

Mike

This post is a gem. Almost 900 days and the battle still continues; the tools that saved you (saved us) in the first 100 days are just as important 2 years later. Thanks Mike, this is a stone I'm adding to my quit foundation.

[Mike_Land]

894 days quit and still the nic bitch lingers, waiting to pounce when I am weak. I've been cruising along lately. No craves, dip dreams or otherwise bad moments. But over the last couple of weeks it has been bad. I got to reading some post and it seems I may not be the only one. Apparently around the comma mark is a bad time for a funk. I know there have been times the past couple of weeks that felt like my first week quit. I had craves and dreams and one bad episode this past weekend at a wedding. Twice this week I've had the sort of dip dream that wakes you up in a cold sweat and short of breath wondering if you have really caved. I had a bad moment this weekend that is a little funny now but sure wasn't very funny when it was happening.

My daughters were in the wedding of the oldest daughters best friend. It was a good time. Lots of good food, good friends and an open bar. I took full advantage of the open bar. Having to make a trip to the restroom I discovered a big fat cat turd in the urinal. No! I didn't dig it out but it did mess with my head. I was a RedSeal wintergreen user and that turd smelled like it hadn't been out of the can very long. The wintergreen smell was powerful and messed with my head something fierce. For a while there I really thought about just chucking it all and going and finding me some dip.

But I didn't. I did what I've learned to do in moments like that. I reached out. Bigwhitebeast came through. So did my March Brother Halldogau and some others. The crisis was soon over and back to the party I went. Don't ever be afraid to reach out. it doesn't mean you are weak. This is how we survive. Whether you have been quit 1 week or 1000 weeks, the old hag will always be waiting around the corner. Keep your numbers handy. You never know when you might need them.

Thanks for being there guys.

Mike

[Mike_Land]

Been a while since I've posted here. Thought I would drop by and give everyone an update and give some thoughts.

My son, Michael, is at the Military School in Gainesville, Ga. I had a rough time with sending him there for his senior year. It has been tough not getting to see him very much. But he is doing well. He has risen from a ROC private to a First Sargent in the few months he has been there. His grades are great and he is being courted by The Citadel. In fact, we will be going there next month to participate in a Scholars competition to compete for a full ride scholarship. The fact that he got invited to participate is an accomplishment in itself. If he wins one of the scholarships it will only be sweeter. The military school has turned out to be the very best thing for him. Wish him luck as he ponders what to do after graduation and sets goals for success in his chosen career.

Changing gears......

I liked the "Quit Smokeless Support Network" on facebook. There are a few people who post everyday and seem to be doing well. A few post for several days, maybe even over 100 or 200 days, but eventually the too disappear and you don't see them any more. Not all are like that. I think some of the people on there are some hardcore, badass quitters. The problem I see is that they just don't have the accountability and support that we have here on KTC. Don't get me wrong. We do whatever it takes to quit. If a particular site helps you then by all means stick with it. But......

The big But here is the accountability and the tolerance that I see for repeated caving and the pandering. While I will be the first to admit that some of the shit that is said when someone caves here at KTC is a little over the top, it does serve its purpose. People need to be held accountable. Some people need their feet held to the fire more than others. This site doesn't seem to do that. What I see is alot of handholding and "oh, that's ok, you'll do it next time....blah blah blah..." Sort of makes me want to laugh. At the same time I want to rage and get in there face and ask them what the hell is wrong with them. This is the approach that leads to repeated attempts at quitting. Seems to me there is way to much tolerances for excuses on this site. I'm not interested in excuses. I'm interested in people who have the guts to stick with a promise and keep their word to their brothers and sisters. If you have seen this site you know what i'm talking about. They work alot like we do. They supposedly post everyday and make their promise to not use tobacco that day. I can't tell you how many times i've seen a guy post for a few days and then come back and say he was quitting again and post a day 1. Take a look at the comments and you will see way to much tolerance. Guys saying everything will be ok and we'll get it this time. I'm just not convinced that this pandering and tolerance for excuses is the best way to quit. I know it wouldn't have worked for me. I needed a place that didn't give me any wiggle room. I had to know that if I fucked up that there was going to be hell to pay. When I first started KTC I was afraid of failing and getting raged at by the other people here. That fear of getting chewed out later turned into a fear that I would let my brothers and sisters down if I failed to remain quit. After traveling for 3 quitter meets, one in PA and two in Savannah, that fear of letting people down has grown 100 fold. This is how we grow.

Don't get your feelings hurt if you are on that site as well. Like I said before, we do what we have to to remain quit. I just don't like the way they handle failure. Just a helping hand doesn't always get the job done. Sometimes a swift kick in the ass is needed first, then the helping hand can be offered.

[bronc]

Ever find yourself running around the house like a chicken with its head cutoff for no particular reason. I had a good weekend with my son. We drove to Gainesville Ga from Chattanooga to watch him play football for the Military school he attends there. They lost 13-10 but he played well. Saturday we went to Knoxville to watch the Vols play UT-Chattanooga. Not a great match up but it was fun and we had a blast tailgating with some friends of ours. I also had a chance to walk him around campus and show him some of the buildings I had classes in when I was a student there. We even dropped by my old Frat House and ran into a couple of guys I went to school with. It was a lot of fun. Sunday we got up early and went to meet his Navy recruiter to drop off some ROTC scholarship application stuff and have a good greasy breakfast together at Waffle House. So what is the damn problem? you ask. I don't fucking know.

I get moody as any woman when my son goes back to school after being home for the weekend. I miss having him here and being able to see and talk to him whenever I want. My mom volunteered to drive him back to school for us. She is having her own stuggles with looking after my dad who is aging and experiencing all the things that come with that. She needed a break from all that so she volunteered to take him back for us. As soon as they left I could feel the mood come over me. I couldn't get settled. I paced alot and sighed alot. I would say that during in this time I was as weak as I've ever been since I posted my day 1.

If you can remember what it felt like to pace through the house looking for a can of dip and being unable to find one and getting that awful, restless, antsy feeling because you couldn't get your fix, then you know what I mean. It was awful. I just kept trying to tell myself that this would pass. It did.

I've written all this because it helps me to write stuff down. I will be fine. It just helps me and fortifies my quit when I write stuff here. Too, I hope that others who read it might gain some strength from reading the struggles that I go through. My buddy Scowick65 uses this quote, "A Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems". For whatever reason that has always stuck with me. I recall it when i'm having a tough time. I thought about that alot last night. No amount of dip would have made me feel any better about Michael going back to school. I'm pretty sure I would have felt 10 times worse because I would have let everyone here at KTC down. I especially would have let the new guys down and that would have been terrible.

Be on guard my friends. The nic bitch will always come to us at a time when we are the weakest and are the most vulnerable. Keep your digits close at hand and know that your brothers and sisters are only a phone call away. Even after 689 days of quit, I still have my moments of weakness when she comes to me and persuades me to come back to her. I'm glad I have you guys to sound off on.

Quit on friends, thanks for listening (or reading or whatever)

Mike

The very fact that you are able to articulate and share your experiences/thoughts and feeling is a real sign to me that you are healing from the grips of nicotine nicely. No more masking, no more hiding, no more being a recluse with your secret lover....you are experiencing and dealing with reality.

I think your post shows your heart towards your family...all of them, the special place your son has in your heart, the desire and hope for him to do well and experience some of the great times you had at college, your concern and love for your parents. It's all good Mike..it's hard stuff, but it's the good stuff. I'm glad you chose to experience it all today instead of masking it and numbing it.

Proud to be quit with you today

[Mike_Land]

Ever find yourself running around the house like a chicken with its head cutoff for no particular reason. I had a good weekend with my son. We drove to Gainesville Ga from Chattanooga to watch him play football for the Military school he attends there. They lost 13-10 but he played well. Saturday we went to Knoxville to watch the Vols play UT-Chattanooga. Not a great match up but it was fun and we had a blast tailgating with some friends of ours. I also had a chance to walk him around campus and show him some of the buildings I had classes in when I was a student there. We even dropped by my old Frat House and ran into a couple of guys I went to school with. It was a lot of fun. Sunday we got up early and went to meet his Navy recruiter to drop off some ROTC scholarship application stuff and have a good greasy breakfast together at Waffle House. So what is the damn problem? you ask. I don't fucking know.

I get moody as any woman when my son goes back to school after being home for the weekend. I miss having him here and being able to see and talk to him whenever I want. My mom volunteered to drive him back to school for us. She is having her own stuggles with looking after my dad who is aging and experiencing all the things that come with that. She needed a break from all that so she volunteered to take him back for us. As soon as they left I could feel the mood come over me. I couldn't get settled. I paced alot and sighed alot. I would say that during in this time I was as weak as I've ever been since I posted my day 1.

If you can remember what it felt like to pace through the house looking for a can of dip and being unable to find one and getting that awful, restless, antsy feeling because you couldn't get your fix, then you know what I mean. It was awful. I just kept trying to tell myself that this would pass. It did.

I've written all this because it helps me to write stuff down. I will be fine. It just helps me and fortifies my quit when I write stuff here. Too, I hope that others who read it might gain some strength from reading the struggles that I go through. My buddy Scowick65 uses this quote, "A Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems". For whatever reason that has always stuck with me. I recall it when i'm having a tough time. I thought about that alot last night. No amount of dip would have made me feel any better about Michael going back to school. I'm pretty sure I would have felt 10 times worse because I would have let everyone here at KTC down. I especially would have let the new guys down and that would have been terrible.

Be on guard my friends. The nic bitch will always come to us at a time when we are the weakest and are the most vulnerable. Keep your digits close at hand and know that your brothers and sisters are only a phone call away. Even after 689 days of quit, I still have my moments of weakness when she comes to me and persuades me to come back to her. I'm glad I have you guys to sound off on.

Quit on friends, thanks for listening (or reading or whatever)

Mike

[Erussell]

I mentioned a few weeks ago to some quitter brothers that I was having one of the most stressful times i've had since i quit dipping. I can say that I have had some of the worst craves and serious thoughts about going to the gas station and buying about three cans of dip and eating them all at the same time during this time. I even asked my wife for permission to stop at a store and get some. That should tell you how close i've come to just losing it completely! I have found over the last few months that just being able to come here and write what i'm feeling is very theraputic (SP?) So I'm going to lay some of the heavy burden I've been carry around lately down right here.

I have been married three times. Wife 1 stuck around for about 3 years and then decided we needed to be seperated. Little did I know that she would end up liking the split tails more than me!! We split with no kids so no big deal. Wife 2 was a god damn control freak and couldn't have a relationship with a man if her fucking life depended on it. Wife 3 turned out to be my high school sweet heart and a damn good keeper. Should have married her to begin with instead of being a pussy and letting her mother intimidate me and letting her shoo me off.

My burden concerns wife 2. We had a son together. He is now 17 and will be a senior in high school next year. Like most kids he can be self centered and find it almost impossible to think beyond the next few moments. He's very bright but doesn't always put forth the effort to do the best he can. Again, as a former high school teacher, i'm afraid alot of kids are that way. Like all kids he has made bad decisions. None so serious that he went to jail or anything, just stuff like not always telling the truth, not being where he is supposed to be, not turning his school work in on time. He did try smoking some pot. Luckily he got busted by his mother instead of the cops!

Here has what has had me all tore up. Wife 2 is a man hater. She suffered some abuse at the hands of her own father and because of that she believes that all men are pieces of shit. All men are and all boys will turn out to be just like her father. She has been disappointed in our son from the day she found out that he was a boy. I wish you could have heard the tone in her voice when she told me that we were going to have a boy. It was the sound of deep disappointment. I didn't recognize it as such at the time but came to hear it later after many years of tyring to prove to her that neither I or Michael was her father.

Wife 2 has never been able to have a relationship with a man in any situation. She has failed at every relationship she has had and that includes relationships in love and professional relationships. It really is unbelievable. Because she is so jaded towards men, she has never really had a good relationship with our son. Truth be told she is one of those people that should never have had children. She has never been the nurturing type. Michael got his nurturing from his nanny and my mother. But we all know that is not the same as getting it from your mother. She always expected him to act older than he was. When he was 3 she wanted him to act like he was 7. When he was 10 she wanted him to act like he was 14 or 15. Now that he is 17 she expects him to have the maturity of a 35 year old man.

Michael could never please her. She never tells anyone they have done a good job. She is always critcal of whatever he does. It's never good enough. I tried to tell him for years that that was just how his mother was and he would have to learn to except her as she was. That hard for a kid to do. He just never understood why his mother couldn't be like other moms. For tht matter, I could understand it either.

Wife 2 reached her breaking point and has decided to wash her hands of him. Soon I will become the parent with full custody of him until he graduates next year. She has told him to take all his stuff that he wants to keep and move it to my house. She has told him the rest will be given away or thrown in the trash. She wants no part of anything that goes on at school. In short she wants nothing to do with him. She says she will still come and watch him play ball and watch him take part in other school activities. So really she will just play the "mommie" roll when it suits her or when there are people around who might ask questions.

She has always compared him to her neices. One is at Carnigie Mellon, the other is at Duke. They are very bright and had very successful high school careers. Michael is every bit as bright and capable as they are but hasn't put forth the effort to really achieve the way they have. Part of that is he knows everything he does will never be as good as they are. Who wouldn't get tired of hearing that shit!!

So, tonight she brought him to my house and dumped him and all his clothes on my front porch. I happend to be at work or I might have just choked the bitch right there in the driveway! My current wife said wife 2 told him she loved him. What a fucking crock!! How can you treat your son like a piece of garbage and then turn around and say that?

So now my biggest challenge I've ever had begins. How do I try and piece his heart back together? I can't imagine the pain that comes with knowing that your mother doesn't love you, has totally given up on you, and has basically thrown you out with the trash. Michael puts on a brave face but I know that this is painful for him. So now it's up to me to show him that he is not a piece of trash. That he is a good person and that he can become a successful person and achieve the things he wants to achieve in life. And I have to do all this without being to mushy and cottling. I have to do it while still being the parent and being firm enough to still give him boundries and enforce those rules and boundries.

Shit!!! this is going to be tough!!!

Thanks for listening

Mike

My eyes are kinda tearing up just reading this. Not because I feel bad for Michael... But because of how fortunate he is to have a dad like you.

Keep doing what you are doing. Be the man that you are. The rest will take care of itself. If I can ever help, let me know.

My Man....I can tell just by reading this that you will do just fine, and your son is one lucky SOB to have you. Fuck wife #2. Follow these Rush lyrics when dealing with her, they never steer anyone wrong.

Thank your stars you're not that way
Turn around and walk away.
Dont even pause and ask them why;
Turn around and say goodbye!

As for the dip part. Not one flake of nicotine will make any of this better. In fact, putting that shit will only make this worse. So get that shit out your head.

Quit on...

In this day and age... Men/Fathers are the butt of every joke in movies and on tv. They are portrayed as the bumbling fool, the lazy parent, the ignorant parent, and the lesser parent.
"Thank God for a mom 'cuz without her these poor children wouldn't have any real love or guidance". You feel me? I see it in commercials ~ I see it on soooo much media.

I'm fucking sick of it.

I love being a dad and the raising of my daughter is my highest priority in life. Period.
I just felt that tone in your entry Mike and it makes my day! I have no advice as to your situation... It's so specific and unique that you alone are going to have to feel your way here. But... As long as your heart and head remain in the same place I just saw you write with... Pretty damn sure success will be yours and you can pull your son along for the ride on a healthy healing journey. Good on you man! That's fatherhood right there... Proud to quit with a cat like you!

Shane

Mike, I have been thru this twice. I lived with my mother until 13 and she didn't speak to me after the blow up for nearly a decade. Then my step mom who adopted me will not talk to me now as of a year ago after her and my dad split. I will not lie it has hurt like hell. But my father has been a pillar, a lighthouse, a freaking rock. Your son is lucky to have you. Continue to reinforce that it's not his fault that his mom is treating him this way without saying bad things about her as much as possible, hard I know. And as Apple said feel your way thru, your a great person and you will handle this well. You need me you text me.