Day 17 -- Coke or Pepsi
This past weekend I experienced some serious craves. Most were the result of drinking with the guys watching the Final Four. I've seen several recommendations on here not to drink for the first 50 days. I agree that drinking makes it harder, but I'm not going to cave and that's a damn fact...I figure making it through the worse craves will only make stronger. Anyway, I powered through just fine.
However, I decided on Sunday that I would order some of the Hooch to store away for similar crave occasions.
As I do most days, I went home for lunch this afternoon. Check the mail and discover a package. I had forgotten about ordering the Hooch, hadn't thought about it since Sunday. Well I proceed inside and throw down all the mail and head to the refrigerator...still not paying any attention to the Hooch. I fix my lunch and sit down at the computer to check KTC...read a few posts then head over to msnbc to check the news...still not thinking about the Hooch.
I finish eating and get up to take my plate to the sink...I walk by the table where it's still laying unopened and think to myself you should see what it looks like...what the consistency is like.
I opened the can, the original flavor, and was quite impressed...this looks like dip, far better than any fake I have seen in the past. Well now this has my full interest....I'm not having a crave, hadn't had one all day...sure I thought about dip several times today but never that oh my god oh my god where's my dip, oh yeah I'm quit, moment.
Do I try it or do I store it a way for those bad craves?? Well hell, it's the fake stuff it can't hurt me like the nic filled cancer cookin shit...I ordered it....might as well give it a little try. Pack the can...and throw in a fatty.
Son of a bitch!!! This is some good stuff. It's like I'm dipping again....feels like dip, taste very very similar to cope...more the fine cut than the long, but still. I'm getting pumped. I start to walk around the house taking care of a few little odd chores before heading back to work. This is awesome. I walk into the bathroom and spit in the sink.
This is the one and only thing my wife ever got mad about concerning my dipping...spitting in sinks...bathroom or kitchen, and really who can blame her? That is just disgusting. Bam!! I've done it again...granted she's not home and will never know, but that's not the point. In 10 short minutes with the Hooch, I've gotten sucked back into my old bullshit routine. I immediately pull it out of my mouth....intentionally leave the can on the counter...and walk out the door to head back to work.
Now as I sit here at work, things have changed from only a few hours ago....when I wasn't thinking about the Hooch at all. Now I can't stop thinking about it...how much I liked it....and if I will have another one tonight. Really some crazy shit.
In my short time on KTC I've seen a couple of discussions breaking the oral fixation. I'm guessing it's a long standing discussion. Should breaking the oral part be addressed, or should freeing oneself from the nic bitch be the primary objective? After giving it a fair amount of consideration I've decided there is not right answer. I certainly agree that getting nicotine out of your life is the most important task at hand. However, each person has to decide what the best method is for their quit. Like which soft drink works best for your personal taste...Coke or Pepsi??
Fake stuff or no fake stuff??? Always having something in your mouth or not? Sure, the first week or so I chewed the hell out of different gums, but that has really died down recently. Until putting the Hooch in I don't think I realized the strength of the oral fixation. When I put it in I discovered what I had been looking to replace. And now I have a decision to make. I really thought I knew which way I was leaning...but now I'm not so sure.
But either way...I can promise you one thing...I won't be putting any of that cancer causing shit in my mouth.
