Started when I was 15, dipped a can a day until November 18th, 2016. I got tired of being nicotine's bitch. I want to be free of this stupid addiction. I'm tired of being addicted to anything. I want to feel normal again, which I know will probably never happen again, but I want to be normalish again. No more hiding, no more replying to the "anything else?" from the gas clerk, no more cleaning my dip fingers off on the inside of my flannels, or carrying out huge trash bags full of spitters. No more just stuffing my face full of tobacco just because I'm bored. No more watching my gums recede. No more "treating" myself to Kodiak on "hard days". No more.
The irony of this all is that nicotine is a secondary metabolite of tobacco, yeah, that means its supposed to make us not use it. Because, you know, it's poison. Why would I even start that? Because I'm stupid. Why would I cave? Because I'm stupid. This isn't about money, cancer, or anything else for me. That's all secondary benefits. This is about making nicotine my bitch. I want control of my life. The craves/anxiety may suck and I may not psychically sleep better at night, but there's pride in that pain. I just want to be the best person I can be and that person doesn't have a can in their pocket.
