Had Enough

[ChickDip]

Bucky,
Congrats on your 1 year quit, that's huge!

'wave'

[ChickDip]

Happy Birthday Bucky!

Nice NIC Free Day!! I am bery proud of you man.

I quit with you today buddy!

'party2'

[pab1964]

I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...

I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.

Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.

However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.

This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!

140 is a tough spot. HOF has passed. It seems like there isn't a goal to shoot for. Odds are good that some of your group has moved on from KTC and more than likely moved back in with their addiction. There isn't a "spark of excitement" anymore... it just seems like a grind.

Know how I know this? Because I remember this time as being one of the toughest times in my own experience. About 120-160 was bad because it seemed like a letdown. That is when I considered quitting KTC. Thought about stopping posting everyday. Watched my group start to melt down and dwindle.

Instead, I started reading and posting in the intros a lot. Everyday. Started interacting with others on this site. My quit strengthened a lot as a result. 160-200 was a great time for me.

Fuck nicotine dude. You don't need it. And you don't want it. It didn't do a thing for you and you know it.

Wow. Talk about stepping it up a level, that's some serious accountability right there. Your entire class and previous classes now know that you are quit. That's the type of mentality it takes to stay quit. Complacency is not an option and nor is any other option other than remaining quit.

good stuff Bucky.

Bucky w2w is exactly right! I felt same way around 150-200 ,I hit the intros hard,everyday. Wow what a difference it made in my quit. It starts reminding me where I came from. All the great people, vets and newbies alike reaching out to help me and he'll they don't even know me,I found that to be amazing! I couldn't wait to wake up and so who posted support for me. So see you might only say 3 words but it definitely helps people. Damn proud of you! On day 263 and I've been able to tell a major difference in the past couple weeks. Stay quit, focused and give back some of what you've been giving! Quit on my brother!

[Steakbomb18]

I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...

I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.

Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.

However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.

This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!

140 is a tough spot. HOF has passed. It seems like there isn't a goal to shoot for. Odds are good that some of your group has moved on from KTC and more than likely moved back in with their addiction. There isn't a "spark of excitement" anymore... it just seems like a grind.

Know how I know this? Because I remember this time as being one of the toughest times in my own experience. About 120-160 was bad because it seemed like a letdown. That is when I considered quitting KTC. Thought about stopping posting everyday. Watched my group start to melt down and dwindle.

Instead, I started reading and posting in the intros a lot. Everyday. Started interacting with others on this site. My quit strengthened a lot as a result. 160-200 was a great time for me.

Fuck nicotine dude. You don't need it. And you don't want it. It didn't do a thing for you and you know it.

Wow. Talk about stepping it up a level, that's some serious accountability right there. Your entire class and previous classes now know that you are quit. That's the type of mentality it takes to stay quit. Complacency is not an option and nor is any other option other than remaining quit.

good stuff Bucky.

[worktowin]

I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...

I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.

Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.

However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.

This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!

140 is a tough spot. HOF has passed. It seems like there isn't a goal to shoot for. Odds are good that some of your group has moved on from KTC and more than likely moved back in with their addiction. There isn't a "spark of excitement" anymore... it just seems like a grind.

Know how I know this? Because I remember this time as being one of the toughest times in my own experience. About 120-160 was bad because it seemed like a letdown. That is when I considered quitting KTC. Thought about stopping posting everyday. Watched my group start to melt down and dwindle.

Instead, I started reading and posting in the intros a lot. Everyday. Started interacting with others on this site. My quit strengthened a lot as a result. 160-200 was a great time for me.

Fuck nicotine dude. You don't need it. And you don't want it. It didn't do a thing for you and you know it.

[Bucky]

I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...

I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.

Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.

However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.

This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!

[MN_Ben]

Well done, sir!

Congrats Bucky!

[invader]

Well done, sir!

[pab1964]

Buckster!!

from day 1 in chat, I knew you were the real deal... strong quit my friend!!

Proud to be quit with you on your HOF day and beyond!

100 days, now move on to +1's, more milestones to come!

Congratulations Bucky see you at 200!

[ChickDip]

Buckster!!

from day 1 in chat, I knew you were the real deal... strong quit my friend!!

Proud to be quit with you on your HOF day and beyond!

100 days, now move on to +1's, more milestones to come!

[pab1964]

Now that I am slightly more clear headed as I am 50 days in and not in the middle of the complete suck of Day 1, I realized I forgot to mention something in my original introduction. That is ....

It is true ... I do like holding hands and long walks on the beach. Just thought you might want to know.

Now that I'm damn near a hundo days thought it might be time for an update to my older, wiser self in the future.

Quit progress: Still sucks every damn day, but damn it feels better. I am still pissed at myself for the addiction in the first place, but there sure is hell ain't nothing I can do bout that. I am proud of myself every day which results in me being a better husband and father.

KTC: Damn ... this is the first website in my life I have posted on. I had read the financial message boards for the last 20 years, sports message boards for the last few years, yet never posted a thing. I guess I am what is called a lurker. I spent much of the day today on the site and was so happy so many cared about these people they don't have any clue about .... After all the shit went down today in the Oct '15 site, it appeared there were multiple engineers involved. As a fellow engineer ... I would almost say, damn ... let's start a new addict site on overanalyzing what is said and how the issue can be solved immediately. *** Please Understand The Importance of This*** If other old farts like me have not participated on the internet prior to this ... It's a big FD

Bucky my man, you are doing frigging great! It's a crying ass shame they didn't have this 38 years ago! I understand like you, water under the bridge, let's start enjoying every damn day of victory because no matter how bad it has sucked or gonna suck, freedom is so much worth it! One olé boy to another, quit on my friend!

[Bucky]

Now that I am slightly more clear headed as I am 50 days in and not in the middle of the complete suck of Day 1, I realized I forgot to mention something in my original introduction. That is ....

It is true ... I do like holding hands and long walks on the beach. Just thought you might want to know.

Now that I'm damn near a hundo days thought it might be time for an update to my older, wiser self in the future.

Quit progress: Still sucks every damn day, but damn it feels better. I am still pissed at myself for the addiction in the first place, but there sure is hell ain't nothing I can do bout that. I am proud of myself every day which results in me being a better husband and father.

KTC: Damn ... this is the first website in my life I have posted on. I had read the financial message boards for the last 20 years, sports message boards for the last few years, yet never posted a thing. I guess I am what is called a lurker. I spent much of the day today on the site and was so happy so many cared about these people they don't have any clue about .... After all the shit went down today in the Oct '15 site, it appeared there were multiple engineers involved. As a fellow engineer ... I would almost say, damn ... let's start a new addict site on overanalyzing what is said and how the issue can be solved immediately. *** Please Understand The Importance of This*** If other old farts like me have not participated on the internet prior to this ... It's a big FD

[Bucky]

Now that I am slightly more clear headed as I am 50 days in and not in the middle of the complete suck of Day 1, I realized I forgot to mention something in my original introduction. That is ....

It is true ... I do like holding hands and long walks on the beach. Just thought you might want to know.

[Diesel2112]

Bucky my man, you got to chilax. You remind me of a young me.

Your quit is still a seedling and sucks more times than not. But you're winning, even though you don't see it. Every day you make it dip free it's a tiny victory. Over time those victories add up and things get much easier.

This is just a small window of suckiness in your life. You won't feel this way forever. Things WILL get better. Freeing yourself from addiction is a beautiful thing. If I told you how great I feel right now you wouldn't believe me. There is so much healing and good feelings ahead you HAVE to stick around to reap the rewards of your early struggles.

As for kids...

3 years ago my kids were 9 and 7. I sat them down and told them I was quitting chewing tobacco. While they didn't quite know what that was, they sure as hell perked up when I told them it was like smoking. Even at that age, they knew smoking was bad and could kill you. Heck they even started lecturing me. I guess school is reaching them something. My 7 year old daughter stated crying and said she didn't want me to die and wanted me to quit. I told her and my son I was done forever. They were happy and took my word for it. Every once in awhile one would ask me if I was still quit and I'd say "yep" and that was it. 3 years later I'm still quit and my kids don't even bring it up anymore. Kids are smater than we ever give them credit for and we will always be heroes in their eyes. Lay it out on the table for them. They will understand and it will be good motivation for you.

Well, I think I've rambled enough. Keep up the good work and don't forget to look at your quit through a telescope once in awhile as opposed to a microscope.

Quit on...

[quark]

For christ's sake. I am so damn pissed at myself. I go from chewing Kodiak every damn day for over 26 years to finally waking up, doing something about it and quitting. For so many years my boys don't see me put one in, don't see me spit, don't see me have a tin, and frankly have no clue their Dad is addicted to poison.

Well, ........ now my oldest two probably know. They have found empty cans, half full cans, and even seen Dad put one in. In no time, my younger 2 will know too. I am using smokey mtn Mint to make it different taste than Kodiak as well as look different to my boys.

Fuck me .... Oldest 2 are 11  12 and are about as innocent as you can be .... Meaning I'm not sure they even know. If, when and how do I approach this?

You guys have been a blessing... Thanks

You need to have the talk about tobacco use and addiction throughout their childhood; it isn't a one time thing. Gear the talk to their age: they don't need to know that dad is an addict until they get closer to the age most people seem to start (14/15). Talk about how the tobacco companies target their advertisement to appeal to teenagers even thought they lie about it. Talk about the health risks. Talk about what it means to have an addiction. If they say something about knowing of your use, fess up, and let them know that good men try this shit and get instantly addicted, and tell them how it has controlled your life. When you quit, the shame of using smacks you in the face and you have to deal with that shame, and that isn't easy. You have been in denial for a long long time: you know what you have been doing, but denying it at the same time. Hang in there. Quit with you today.