335- Last 2 months have been a blur for me. Busiest time of the year at work, and then last 2 weeks there have been a lot of wakes and funerals in my life. The toughest one for me has been my best friends father passing unexpectedly. A great man who was like a second father to me, took me to my first hockey games, and taught me about cars and sports when I was a wee lad. When I was in high school and collage their house was the go to meeting spot, and Mr. C. became a bit of a second dad for all my good friends too; all my out of town best friends found a way to make it for the funeral. Mr. C. was the type of guy who wanted a party when he went, not a lot of crying and sobbing, and we obliged. After several hours of drinking a very strange thing happened: for a half second I was almost tempted to want a dip! 2 of my buds are still slaves to the poison, and I truly feel sad for anyone I see dipping now, but for that fraction of a second I started feeling like I wanted one... I have not had an urge or a crave or whatever in months, but the slave part of me was still there looking for weakness, and by the time of the funeral I was exhausted, emotional, and after hours of drinking a bit drunk... After watching my friends have several poison dirt lips that slave part of me was like "Oh yeah! Look they're doing it wouldn't a dip be awesome right now?", and for that point in time I could have thrown my quit out the window. It was a "what the fuck?" moment. Then I remembered that 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems, and that I had already posted my promise to be nic free all day. My 2 dipping friends, when I told them I had just had a crave for the first time in months both told me I could NOT bum a dip from them anyway; that's why they are my true friends. They respect my quit, and as it goes on they are hopefully getting to their quitting point and will get on KTC.
Anyway my point is that even almost a year quit, and with no craves for months the addict is still me. If I let my guard down it could all go sideways. Crave lasted only for a second because of KTC, but it was as intense a crave as day one! If not the support and knowledge I have received from KTC that crave might have lasted long enough to beat me. Keep working your quit; keep doing what has gotten you this far...
