hullo

[B-loMatt]

As I have said I have been reading intros for some of the vets who have been through this, and I think I need to post more here so that I can remember what I am going through day by day. I love that I can distract myself and learn the answers to my questions just by reading what others have gone through. Day 1 was by far the worst, but getting through that gave me the knowledge that I will be quit. I actually liked the fog I had, but that's done for now. I know I can expect the fog to come back from time to time, but since I am not drinking alcohol (at least mostly) feeling like I got a mild beer buzz is not the worst thing I could imagine. I have had few strong craves so far 8 days into my quit, and I don't know if that is a blessing or something I need to worry about. Mostly I am scratching my itch with sunflower seeds and fake dip for the stronger urges (once or twice a day since day 4- days 1-3 I was going through 2 cans of fake dip a day). Obviously as you all know and I have stated many times KTC is my crutch as advertised. I have a low level (almost background noise) feeling that is most common, and I believe this is what is refered to as the 'Suck'. The Suck is Nic bitches lies about how much I miss her (I really don't), and how lousy everything is without her poison embrace. In my past attempts at quitting I remember the Suck being way worse, and again not sure if I should be happy about the lower level of Suck or be ready for the other shoe to drop. Keeping my guard up, but happy I am not as miserable as I thought I would be. O.k. enough ramblein' for now I have a bikeride to take.

[B-loMatt]

LOL, I was getting sleepy just reading your sage advice. Slept like shit last nite, but I feel great this morning. No fog today so far, made my promise not to use today, and I have some energy to get my to do list done early. Almost had a panic attack when I hit KTC.org on my favorites and could not get in; very relieved that I could get into the forums directly though. Much rather have a panic attack about not being able to drink the kool-aid than worrying if I had enough lipturds to last a work shift. God what a fucked up situation!

[Diesel2112]

End day 7. I spent the last 3 hours reading threads, thank God for this site. Having some cravings but I know I am not going to cave today. Gonna try and get some sleep and post roll in the AM, that daily promise is a powerful tool.

One week. SOLID bro. Keep it up.

Relax when you go to sleep.

Lay on your back and try to clear your mind of all thoughs, so its completely silent.

Then, with your arms crossed on your chest, breath at a normal pace from your stomach and try to HEAR yourself breathing. Try to get into a nice rhythm and try and kelp your mind clear and think only in the moment. Not what happened today or what's going on tomorrow. Just breath in the moment.

Sounds gay, but that's how I finally got some sleep.

Give it a shot. If it doesn't work, tell me to fuck off or blow it out my ass. I can handle it.

[B-loMatt]

End day 7. I spent the last 3 hours reading threads, thank God for this site. Having some cravings but I know I am not going to cave today. Gonna try and get some sleep and post roll in the AM, that daily promise is a powerful tool.

[B-loMatt]

Had me a good vent last nite to celebrate my first weekend of freedom; it felt good! Woke up got outta bed and fired up the pc to post roll b4 I go to work, and my homepage shows me that one of my boyhood heroes has mouth cancer! Jim Kelly pro football HOF quarterback has squamos-cell carcinoma of the upper jaw. I don't know if he was/is a dipper, but it feels like someone up there is trying to tell me something... I had never heard the technical terms for oral cancers until last week when I started reading KTC and it's links, but now it seems to be everywhere I look... Kelly says he has a good prognosis, and I pray for him and his; I am glad I am quit today...

[Its_Got2Happen]

Fake/jerky-dip  salty seeds oral fixation mastrabation... oh and bubble gum too...
I will not put a poison lip turd in today, but man do I have the addicts mind games going on day 6. I have my funds wrapped in my contract to quit, I have photos of dudes faces peeled open to shave cancer off their jaws, I have contacts in my phone given to me by Bad-Asses whom I owe a debt in case I think of caving. I have been reading the intro threads of those Bad-Asses and seeing that they came from where I am at or worse, and I have been strenghtened by it. I had minor flooding in my basement this morning and worked most of the day to get that unfucked... I had to take breaks to read the forums on KTC several times when I needed seeds or a fake dip, but I got that motherfucker cleaned out and dry without dropping a poison turd between cheek and (what's left of my) gum! I did go and buy some sour mash as I am not willing to be perfect, but I also made time for my daughters (5 year olds dance recital was as good as it gets yesterday(( father daughter dance is most likely on youtube by now for anyone with time enough to hunt it down(((I was front and center with my girl))))) I also took heed of the exercise advocates and took another long bike ride through the graveyards near my house. You might be surprised how many dates shorter than my (your) lifespan you can catch chiseled into stone while cruising by at 17 mph. I crossed off several triggers this week/end: I do not need a dip after: eating mighty taco (wny staple late nite fast food chain), sleeping in for 9 hours sleep (thank you wife), eating slow cooked beef and stuffed hot banana pepper sandwich on garlic roll with lots of mozzarella cheese (I am a chef at a good restaraunt) for breakfast, performing(see father daughter dance) and playing host to family (grandma and as my mother calls my step mother mistress granny(( my Dad passed away just over 2 years ago from stomach cancer oh and my mothers father passed away from stomach cancer 9 years ago(((fucking giant idiot I am I guess I wanted to have something other that gut cancer so I dipped 2+ cans of shit a day so I could get face cancer!!!???))) I am most afraid right now about that after sex dip crave... Thank God I am married so I wont have to face that shit crave for a long time...I will not walk the 217 yards to the c-store on the corner, where they apologize to me on sight if they are out of apple skoal even though thay are stocked with dozens of cans of poison that would kill me slowly just the same... If I drop dead from a heart attack from consuming 12 portions of roasted salted sunflowerseeds a day at least I will know I died kicking nic in the cunt and pummeling the soft spots in the back of her skull. Hell, if I go to the oral surgeon in the next few weeks (and I intend to) and he tells me I am a gonner from what I have done to myself already, I will still feel better knowing I quit the nic bitch of my own choosing... Sorry for the long post, but I needed to vent, and I know this is the place. Thanks to all you quitters. Your stories and advice give me strenghth, and promising you people that I will not cave today has saved my quit several times already, and I am only day 6. QFT with you Bad-Asses! QFL will come!

Dude, that was some Random/Ramblin' shit 'winker'

Yer quit though... that's all that matters. Quit on m'man...

I love me a little quit rage. Press on quitter. Dont look now but YOU ARE DOING THIS!!

[jaynellie]

I did mention that I bought some sour mash AppleJack, and fake/jerkydip salty seeds and gum make me babble.... Ramble on sing my song

B-lo you still have that bike you had been talking about earlier??You might think about jumping on it and going for a little trek when you feel so wound up.Exercise helps tremendously with the craves and the nervous times.Glad your quit and staying active on the site.Do what You need to do to stay quit,ramble away if that what it takes.

[B-loMatt]

I did mention that I bought some sour mash AppleJack, and fake/jerkydip salty seeds and gum make me babble.... Ramble on sing my song

[AppleJack]

Fake/jerky-dip  salty seeds oral fixation mastrabation... oh and bubble gum too...
I will not put a poison lip turd in today, but man do I have the addicts mind games going on day 6. I have my funds wrapped in my contract to quit, I have photos of dudes faces peeled open to shave cancer off their jaws, I have contacts in my phone given to me by Bad-Asses whom I owe a debt in case I think of caving. I have been reading the intro threads of those Bad-Asses and seeing that they came from where I am at or worse, and I have been strenghtened by it. I had minor flooding in my basement this morning and worked most of the day to get that unfucked... I had to take breaks to read the forums on KTC several times when I needed seeds or a fake dip, but I got that motherfucker cleaned out and dry without dropping a poison turd between cheek and (what's left of my) gum! I did go and buy some sour mash as I am not willing to be perfect, but I also made time for my daughters (5 year olds dance recital was as good as it gets yesterday(( father daughter dance is most likely on youtube by now for anyone with time enough to hunt it down(((I was front and center with my girl))))) I also took heed of the exercise advocates and took another long bike ride through the graveyards near my house. You might be surprised how many dates shorter than my (your) lifespan you can catch chiseled into stone while cruising by at 17 mph. I crossed off several triggers this week/end: I do not need a dip after: eating mighty taco (wny staple late nite fast food chain), sleeping in for 9 hours sleep (thank you wife), eating slow cooked beef and stuffed hot banana pepper sandwich on garlic roll with lots of mozzarella cheese (I am a chef at a good restaraunt) for breakfast, performing(see father daughter dance) and playing host to family (grandma and as my mother calls my step mother mistress granny(( my Dad passed away just over 2 years ago from stomach cancer oh and my mothers father passed away from stomach cancer 9 years ago(((fucking giant idiot I am I guess I wanted to have something other that gut cancer so I dipped 2+ cans of shit a day so I could get face cancer!!!???))) I am most afraid right now about that after sex dip crave... Thank God I am married so I wont have to face that shit crave for a long time...I will not walk the 217 yards to the c-store on the corner, where they apologize to me on sight if they are out of apple skoal even though thay are stocked with dozens of cans of poison that would kill me slowly just the same... If I drop dead from a heart attack from consuming 12 portions of roasted salted sunflowerseeds a day at least I will know I died kicking nic in the cunt and pummeling the soft spots in the back of her skull. Hell, if I go to the oral surgeon in the next few weeks (and I intend to) and he tells me I am a gonner from what I have done to myself already, I will still feel better knowing I quit the nic bitch of my own choosing... Sorry for the long post, but I needed to vent, and I know this is the place. Thanks to all you quitters. Your stories and advice give me strenghth, and promising you people that I will not cave today has saved my quit several times already, and I am only day 6. QFT with you Bad-Asses! QFL will come!

Dude, that was some Random/Ramblin' shit 'winker'

Yer quit though... that's all that matters. Quit on m'man...

[B-loMatt]

Fake/jerky-dip  salty seeds oral fixation mastrabation... oh and bubble gum too...
I will not put a poison lip turd in today, but man do I have the addicts mind games going on day 6. I have my funds wrapped in my contract to quit, I have photos of dudes faces peeled open to shave cancer off their jaws, I have contacts in my phone given to me by Bad-Asses whom I owe a debt in case I think of caving. I have been reading the intro threads of those Bad-Asses and seeing that they came from where I am at or worse, and I have been strenghtened by it. I had minor flooding in my basement this morning and worked most of the day to get that unfucked... I had to take breaks to read the forums on KTC several times when I needed seeds or a fake dip, but I got that motherfucker cleaned out and dry without dropping a poison turd between cheek and (what's left of my) gum! I did go and buy some sour mash as I am not willing to be perfect, but I also made time for my daughters (5 year olds dance recital was as good as it gets yesterday(( father daughter dance is most likely on youtube by now for anyone with time enough to hunt it down(((I was front and center with my girl))))) I also took heed of the exercise advocates and took another long bike ride through the graveyards near my house. You might be surprised how many dates shorter than my (your) lifespan you can catch chiseled into stone while cruising by at 17 mph. I crossed off several triggers this week/end: I do not need a dip after: eating mighty taco (wny staple late nite fast food chain), sleeping in for 9 hours sleep (thank you wife), eating slow cooked beef and stuffed hot banana pepper sandwich on garlic roll with lots of mozzarella cheese (I am a chef at a good restaraunt) for breakfast, performing(see father daughter dance) and playing host to family (grandma and as my mother calls my step mother mistress granny(( my Dad passed away just over 2 years ago from stomach cancer oh and my mothers father passed away from stomach cancer 9 years ago(((fucking giant idiot I am I guess I wanted to have something other that gut cancer so I dipped 2+ cans of shit a day so I could get face cancer!!!???))) I am most afraid right now about that after sex dip crave... Thank God I am married so I wont have to face that shit crave for a long time...I will not walk the 217 yards to the c-store on the corner, where they apologize to me on sight if they are out of apple skoal even though thay are stocked with dozens of cans of poison that would kill me slowly just the same... If I drop dead from a heart attack from consuming 12 portions of roasted salted sunflowerseeds a day at least I will know I died kicking nic in the cunt and pummeling the soft spots in the back of her skull. Hell, if I go to the oral surgeon in the next few weeks (and I intend to) and he tells me I am a gonner from what I have done to myself already, I will still feel better knowing I quit the nic bitch of my own choosing... Sorry for the long post, but I needed to vent, and I know this is the place. Thanks to all you quitters. Your stories and advice give me strenghth, and promising you people that I will not cave today has saved my quit several times already, and I am only day 6. QFT with you Bad-Asses! QFL will come!

[srans]

Great job B-lo. I know right where you are man. I remember that bike ride but for me it was a walk in the woods. Suddenly I looked around and realized, "holy shit I am really doing this". "I don't need nicotine to function".

I suggest reading all you can on this site, start with words of wisdom and HOF speeches. Also check our the threads of a vet or 2 and go back to their first post and read all the way through. The path you are on has been taken by many. It is a difficult path, but a trail has been blazed. KTC shines a light on that trail for you. Use the tools, you will win if you want to. I quit with you today.

Ryan

Bury that bike ride deep b-lo. Remember it everytime you have that crave. I to went to the dentist shortly after quitting. Turned out to be a real good experience. It was my second time at the dentist in 44 years. So far I've been one of the lucky ones. I know I have years before I'm out of the woods totally, but at least I'm adding days to my life now and not subtracting. Same with you brother.

I too like biking. It is great exercise and enjoyable at the same time. I quit with you today.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Great job B-lo. I know right where you are man. I remember that bike ride but for me it was a walk in the woods. Suddenly I looked around and realized, "holy shit I am really doing this". "I don't need nicotine to function".

I suggest reading all you can on this site, start with words of wisdom and HOF speeches. Also check our the threads of a vet or 2 and go back to their first post and read all the way through. The path you are on has been taken by many. It is a difficult path, but a trail has been blazed. KTC shines a light on that trail for you. Use the tools, you will win if you want to. I quit with you today.

Ryan

[B-loMatt]

Thanks for the enlightenment. Too true, I have never truely quit before or I would not be here, but I am quit now and with all the help I am getting from KTC brothers I plan on staying quit. Funny thing srans, after I updated but befor I read your reply, I went for a long bike ride. I have some busy streets near my house so I decided to ride through the three cemeteries a couple of blocks away to get out of the traffic. a cousin of mine had passed away from pancreatic cancer a couple of years ago and is resting in one of them. I felt all sorts of emotions going past the graves without the spector of the dip can on me. I think I will make an appointment with an oral surgeon on monday to get a screening... How could I be so stupid for all those years...

[srans]

Just updating: starting day 4 and glad to think the nic is out of my body. Now for the mind games and the embrace of the suck. This is the 4th time I have quit for 3+ days so I know it will get better, but I also know there are landmines and pitfalls all along the way. Last time I quit for 5 months and thought I was bad-assed enough to have 1 dip with the boys since I could quit anytime I wanted... 2 years later I am finally quit again... Never again, not one more time! KTC is making things alot better for me this time around. Knowing people are in the same boat with me and have my back is a HUGE tool to have, and having the contract to quit in my wallet is another. Also big thanks to my brothers who have volunteered their personal contact info for me.

Alright matt. You've been here for 3 days, so you must know that TAKING A BREAK for a few days or months is not quitting. Here we QUIT period!!! END OF STORY!!!

Now go outside and take a look around. Really take a look around matt. Here's one better. Find the tallest building. Go to the top and take a look around. Look at the world without nicotine in your system. Do something a little different this time when you look. Take the blinders off and see what the world is suppose to look like. Everything will look different without nicotine running through your blood. To me everything looks more alivel. See matt, Nicotine dulls the mind in every way. From vision to senses. We were not intended to live with nicotine controlling us.

Your right matt, this time is different if you want it to be different. It's actually up to you!! Stay quit and know that it gets so much better. I quit with you today.

[Quit]

Just updating: starting day 4 and glad to think the nic is out of my body. Now for the mind games and the embrace of the suck. This is the 4th time I have quit for 3+ days so I know it will get better, but I also know there are landmines and pitfalls all along the way. Last time I quit for 5 months and thought I was bad-assed enough to have 1 dip with the boys since I could quit anytime I wanted... 2 years later I am finally quit again... Never again, not one more time! KTC is making things alot better for me this time around. Knowing people are in the same boat with me and have my back is a HUGE tool to have, and having the contract to quit in my wallet is another. Also big thanks to my brothers who have volunteered their personal contact info for me.

Remember you have never quit before, just took some time off. If you had quit before you would not need to quit now.

I say that because quit is a state of mind. To be quit means to never touch nicotine again. If you ever touch it, you were never quit.

With that said, I am quit with you today, keep up the great work!