hullo

[Grizzfall]

197- Thought I was going to have to put my black lab down yesterday, but it will most likely be soon. Caving sure would not have helped any so I stayed quit. Had a dip dream last night though; that let me sample how I would have felt if I had caved... Like a looser.

I am quitting with all day brother! Nicotine won't help you or your black lab and it is good to see that you know that. Keep winning every damn day!

And at 197 days you are not a loser, keep ahold of the balls of your quit and know that no matter what that lab will always be a part of your life and no one can take that away. Just like no one can take your quit away from you.

Thanks for continuing to be a winner, and for sharing your struggle. My quit is stronger because you have the balls not to cave and the heart to help others.

As a fellow WNY resident, dog owner, and quitter, please accept my deepest sympathy. There are a lot of folks whose death i would not shed a tear over, but when it comes to my dog...heartbreak.
You might remember a news story here in Buffalo about 6-7 years back.
A twenty-odd year old guy was riding his horse with his then girlfriend - a nurse. They had a dog with them. They were up above a horse farm maybe a 1/4 mile off the road. Up at the crest of the lane way was a small pond that was used to pump water for the horse barn below. That pump hadn't been used in years but nobody ever bothered to turn the circuit off in the breaker box. I, and everybody else who rode in the area went by the pond and stopped to let the horses drink and the dogs swim. Well, finally that pump shorted out.
On that hot August day into the pond went the dog and he immediately seized/convulsed. The fellow on the horse, not understanding what had happened to the dog, went in the water to pull the dog out and suffered the same paralyzing fate. The girlfriend/nurse finally got the idea and ran her horse back the house for help. What followed is a testament to science and medicine.
The guy was helicoptered to the hospital and had his core temp reduced to 92 degrees. His heart was stopped for over 20 minutes. Remember here, he was being electrocuted for the entire time his body was in the water. So the ER staff cooled him with ice as fast as possible to prevent brain damage. They restarted his heart as the helicopter landed. He was in a coma for 2-3 days. When he came out of the coma he was borderline retarded. The dog, of course, died there, cold and alone in the water. If the girl had went in the water after them...yeah... but she didnt.

That guy was my brother in law and best friend.
That dog was my dog and my best friend.

Here is where this ties into quitting and such. My brother in law made a crazy full recovery. Two weeks later we had a beer together with no after affects from the incident. You know what we also had? We had our tins and faces full of dip. Think about this, not just you B-LO but everybody else who may read this.
THIS IS AS CLOSE TO DYING AS IT GETS. THIS WAS, AND STILL IS AT THE EDGE OF MEDICAL PROCEDURES. WE CELEBRATED SURVIVAL BY SLOWLY KILLING OURSELVES. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT.

STAY QUIT.
-Grizzfall

[Doc2quit4good]

197- Thought I was going to have to put my black lab down yesterday, but it will most likely be soon. Caving sure would not have helped any so I stayed quit. Had a dip dream last night though; that let me sample how I would have felt if I had caved... Like a looser.

Hey B-lo. I feel for you right now, I had to do this for a greyhound several years ago. My thoughts will be with you. Remember your pal and not the dip. It won't help, believe me.

[brettlees]

197- Thought I was going to have to put my black lab down yesterday, but it will most likely be soon. Caving sure would not have helped any so I stayed quit. Had a dip dream last night though; that let me sample how I would have felt if I had caved... Like a looser.

I am quitting with all day brother! Nicotine won't help you or your black lab and it is good to see that you know that. Keep winning every damn day!

And at 197 days you are not a loser, keep ahold of the balls of your quit and know that no matter what that lab will always be a part of your life and no one can take that away. Just like no one can take your quit away from you.

Thanks for continuing to be a winner, and for sharing your struggle. My quit is stronger because you have the balls not to cave and the heart to help others.

[Pinched]

197- Thought I was going to have to put my black lab down yesterday, but it will most likely be soon. Caving sure would not have helped any so I stayed quit. Had a dip dream last night though; that let me sample how I would have felt if I had caved... Like a looser.

I am quitting with all day brother! Nicotine won't help you or your black lab and it is good to see that you know that. Keep winning every damn day!

And at 197 days you are not a loser, keep ahold of the balls of your quit and know that no matter what that lab will always be a part of your life and no one can take that away. Just like no one can take your quit away from you.

[Dougie]

197- Thought I was going to have to put my black lab down yesterday, but it will most likely be soon. Caving sure would not have helped any so I stayed quit. Had a dip dream last night though; that let me sample how I would have felt if I had caved... Like a looser.

I am quitting with all day brother! Nicotine won't help you or your black lab and it is good to see that you know that. Keep winning every damn day!

[B-loMatt]

197- Thought I was going to have to put my black lab down yesterday, but it will most likely be soon. Caving sure would not have helped any so I stayed quit. Had a dip dream last night though; that let me sample how I would have felt if I had caved... Like a looser.

[rdad]

194- With all the caving, turkey, and football, I forgot to chronicle my trip to the dentist last week. I had a dentist appt. on my day 1. I had made up my mind to quit and had my last nicotine the night before the appointment. My gums hurt all the time, and were receding; my lips were white and cut to shit. I was in pain with or without a dip in, but it was getting so bad I could not keep a dip in long enough to get my fix... The day 1 dentist appt. was messy. I was bleeding like a stuck pig. Tissue change, tissue loss, holy crap you have some tenacious plaque... These were the things I heard as I had my teeth cleaned. The hygienist started to mention how bad dipping was for me and I told her I was quit. She asked me for how long, and I told her 12 hours... Then she started telling me how it often takes nicotine addicts several attempts to quit, and to not get discouraged if I couldn't do it at that time. I told her I had already tried to quit several times, and that I was ready to be quit.

Six months latter and it was time for the dentist again. I was grinning like a fool as the same hygienist got me set for my cleaning. I was so proud and happy to be able to tell her I was quit and hadn't been dipping since before I saw her last. My gums still bled a little, but not like before. Lips and gums have healed significantly, and I had no signs of mouth cancer. My mouth wasn't raw and sore for 3 days like it used to be after a cleaning. I loved the way I was feeling walking out with my appt. card for my next check-up; can't wait for the next appt. as that will be right around 1 year of freedom for me.

That is so cool! It really helps me to read the vets posts to realize all the great things us newbies have to look forward to. Thank you!

[B-loMatt]

194- With all the caving, turkey, and football, I forgot to chronicle my trip to the dentist last week. I had a dentist appt. on my day 1. I had made up my mind to quit and had my last nicotine the night before the appointment. My gums hurt all the time, and were receding; my lips were white and cut to shit. I was in pain with or without a dip in, but it was getting so bad I could not keep a dip in long enough to get my fix... The day 1 dentist appt. was messy. I was bleeding like a stuck pig. Tissue change, tissue loss, holy crap you have some tenacious plaque... These were the things I heard as I had my teeth cleaned. The hygienist started to mention how bad dipping was for me and I told her I was quit. She asked me for how long, and I told her 12 hours... Then she started telling me how it often takes nicotine addicts several attempts to quit, and to not get discouraged if I couldn't do it at that time. I told her I had already tried to quit several times, and that I was ready to be quit.

Six months latter and it was time for the dentist again. I was grinning like a fool as the same hygienist got me set for my cleaning. I was so proud and happy to be able to tell her I was quit and hadn't been dipping since before I saw her last. My gums still bled a little, but not like before. Lips and gums have healed significantly, and I had no signs of mouth cancer. My mouth wasn't raw and sore for 3 days like it used to be after a cleaning. I loved the way I was feeling walking out with my appt. card for my next check-up; can't wait for the next appt. as that will be right around 1 year of freedom for me.

[Menace]

Matt,

You rock brother....what a great attitude and congrats on stomping the nicbitch's guts out. Thanks for the truth telling as well, I will keep your thoughts on how the SUCK still comes even after months of quit. I will use that knowledge to be prepared to kick her in the teeth. Keep up the good work!

[srans]

187- Had a great, nicotine free Thanksgiving Thursday. I had to make a 2+ hour drive alone in the morning, and driving esp. alone used to be prime dip time. I would have had a face full of poison for almost the whole trip. Last time I did a long drive I had gum, seeds, atomic fireballs, even some fake dip, but this time I had nothing but good tunes and I was fine. Nice to know that even though I will always be an addict, some triggers can be crushed to nothing.

Still having some strong cravings every day, and still feeling a bit of the suck, but I have embraced it again so that is good. I had forgotten how to embrace the suck. There was no empty feeling about not being able to dip from around day 100-170ish, and when it came back it took me by surprise. I had forgotten how powerful the suck could be! Rational thought could not stop the suck, and I know caving would only make the empty feeling worse so what was I to do? Embrace the suck! The suck means I am still winning. The suck means I am quit! Also feeling suck about knowing I will not be capping off dinner, a movie, a drive, a day or night, etc. with a dip is silly. I am now free to enjoy the moment! I don't have to worry about getting my fix so much that I miss the right now anymore. The suck can suck it! That big plate of turkey with all the fixins was as good as it was getting, and I sure wasn't going to miss enjoying it to feel sad that I was no longer poisoning myself...

A lot of cavers last few weeks got me upset a bit, but seems like they might be retreads so that is not half bad, and I had a few stoppages in my life so who am I to judge. It was good to read some posts from people who have not caved to get my spirits up after reading about all the caving: can't dwell on the negative! OK that about sums up my week of quit. Looking forward to the second floor; I will be signing up for 300 for sure.

Great job mat. For every caver there is several that haven't caved that you have helped. Keep up the good work. Posts like this is what it's all about.

[B-loMatt]

187- Had a great, nicotine free Thanksgiving Thursday. I had to make a 2+ hour drive alone in the morning, and driving esp. alone used to be prime dip time. I would have had a face full of poison for almost the whole trip. Last time I did a long drive I had gum, seeds, atomic fireballs, even some fake dip, but this time I had nothing but good tunes and I was fine. Nice to know that even though I will always be an addict, some triggers can be crushed to nothing.

Still having some strong cravings every day, and still feeling a bit of the suck, but I have embraced it again so that is good. I had forgotten how to embrace the suck. There was no empty feeling about not being able to dip from around day 100-170ish, and when it came back it took me by surprise. I had forgotten how powerful the suck could be! Rational thought could not stop the suck, and I know caving would only make the empty feeling worse so what was I to do? Embrace the suck! The suck means I am still winning. The suck means I am quit! Also feeling suck about knowing I will not be capping off dinner, a movie, a drive, a day or night, etc. with a dip is silly. I am now free to enjoy the moment! I don't have to worry about getting my fix so much that I miss the right now anymore. The suck can suck it! That big plate of turkey with all the fixins was as good as it was getting, and I sure wasn't going to miss enjoying it to feel sad that I was no longer poisoning myself...

A lot of cavers last few weeks got me upset a bit, but seems like they might be retreads so that is not half bad, and I had a few stoppages in my life so who am I to judge. It was good to read some posts from people who have not caved to get my spirits up after reading about all the caving: can't dwell on the negative! OK that about sums up my week of quit. Looking forward to the second floor; I will be signing up for 300 for sure.

[kkljinc]

181- O.k. fellow nic addicts, it seems like post HOF (day 100) there is a higher risk of caveing, but if you get past that it is likely you will have smooth sailing for a nice stretch (day100-170 for me). Beware days 170-???. My quit got tougher again with more frequent and stronger craves, some suck, and some funk. One of my HOF class quit brothers caved, and then caved again, and he was right near my day count so I can only assume his quit went sideways right around day 170 too. It is said often enough here to not get complacent, but what does that mean? How dose one fight complacency? Keep your tools sharp, and own your quit every day. Keep doing what has gotten you through the hellish early days of quit. Post roll, keep close to your KTC friends. Stay involved on the intro threads. Jump on live chat. Practice on the easy days so you are ready for the hard days. I had a bad crave last night, but my response to that is still automatic b/c I worked to make it and keep it that way. I ended up having a dip dream last night, and it was the first dip dream where I actually recall making the conscious decision to pack poison into my gob. I want to fucking puke just thinking about it! I remember my dream self rationalizing it and even saying I could still keep +1ing on KTC... The empty feeling from the suck won't go away if I cave it will just get worse, and I will have all the guilt and shame of caving to go along with it. I do not want to poison myself anymore, and I do not want to be a slave to a weed again, and I definitely do not want to give one red cent to the drug pushers at UST. Enjoy the "easy" quit days you've earned them, but you better be working out your QLF skills at the same time b\c that little part of your mind that is the nic bitch, your addiction, will be waiting for it's chance to get a fix again... God I fucking hate the poison, hate it!

Matt, the reason you have not caved is because you don't want too! You really think that any of these cavers cant control themselves? HELL NO, they are making a choice, they just make the wrong choice.

You have got everything correct. You have your battle buddies. You have the will and the desire to stay quit, most important, you're working your quit. Posting roll, helping others. being a part of the brotherhood.

You my friend have drank the kool-aide you are swimming in the poool of quit badassery. For one reason alone, you WANT TO. Nothing else, you have made your quit the primary goal, and you do it every damn day.

I quit with you.

KK

[B-loMatt]

181- O.k. fellow nic addicts, it seems like post HOF (day 100) there is a higher risk of caveing, but if you get past that it is likely you will have smooth sailing for a nice stretch (day100-170 for me). Beware days 170-???. My quit got tougher again with more frequent and stronger craves, some suck, and some funk. One of my HOF class quit brothers caved, and then caved again, and he was right near my day count so I can only assume his quit went sideways right around day 170 too. It is said often enough here to not get complacent, but what does that mean? How dose one fight complacency? Keep your tools sharp, and own your quit every day. Keep doing what has gotten you through the hellish early days of quit. Post roll, keep close to your KTC friends. Stay involved on the intro threads. Jump on live chat. Practice on the easy days so you are ready for the hard days. I had a bad crave last night, but my response to that is still automatic b/c I worked to make it and keep it that way. I ended up having a dip dream last night, and it was the first dip dream where I actually recall making the conscious decision to pack poison into my gob. I want to fucking puke just thinking about it! I remember my dream self rationalizing it and even saying I could still keep +1ing on KTC... The empty feeling from the suck won't go away if I cave it will just get worse, and I will have all the guilt and shame of caving to go along with it. I do not want to poison myself anymore, and I do not want to be a slave to a weed again, and I definitely do not want to give one red cent to the drug pushers at UST. Enjoy the "easy" quit days you've earned them, but you better be working out your QLF skills at the same time b\c that little part of your mind that is the nic bitch, your addiction, will be waiting for it's chance to get a fix again... God I fucking hate the poison, hate it!

[B-loMatt]

179-I have not been without nicotine in my system for this long (closing in on 6 months) since before I got hooked! 20+ years since I have been this free! Thank you KTC.
On a side note, I have had a bit of a recurrence of "the suck". Weird. I know I am not done with the rollercoaster, but I will take 2-3 rough days out of 70+ easy quitting days. Besides the level of suck is nothing like it was in the beginning.

[30isEnuff]

175- My good friend who recently started dipping again after a 10 year stoppage was in town this past weekend. I felt sorry for him as I watched him dip. I asked him why he started again, and he said he had stopped dipping b\c of his soon to be ex wife, and he started up again because of their split. The lesson here is to quit for yourself. Quit for the right reasons and stay strong.

Hey B,
You hit the nail on the head!!
Doing it for the right person/reasons.
Sounds selfish and all, but I think we were the worst kind of selfish asshole addicts to nicotine when we dipped and hurt ourselves and everyone who cared for us.
Cheers!