- Day 257 -
I had what I'd call a, "learning experience" today. Or maybe a glimpse into the past, and my failures of staying quit prior to KTC. Today was just a tiring, stressful day at work. Most people get a reprieve during the fall and winter months, but not me. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and then Easter are my busiest times at work. Today, I unloaded and sorted 2 pallets of frozen turkeys. I weighed and packaged a 120 lbs of pollock for a special order. I made 160 lbs of assorted pork... (ground pork, pork sausage, and Italian sausage). Oh, and I had to keep 2 meat cases full of assorted cuts of beef, pork, and chicken. I was working a man down today. The helper I did have, just started 3 days ago. The perfect storm was brewing.
In a blink of an eye, I was 2 hrs behind schedule. Customers were damn near beating down my door wondering, "if we had anymore hamburger", or "could you cut me a smaller roast? These are all too big". By 11 am, I just threw down my knife and went to lunch. I needed an escape. Everything that could go wrong, was going wrong. Anything anybody said, or did raised my anxiety and temper. Dipping crossed my mind, but that's all it did. Much like getting lucky with Carrie Underwood crosses my mind, it's not a realistic option. Neither is dipping.
It's little, pity situations like that, that would have caved me in the past. You may be reading this and thinking, "Ha, what a joke this guy is. If he thinks that's a stressful day, I'd hate to see him walk a mile in my shoes". You're probably right. It wasn't that bad of day. It allowed me to see how addicts rely on "situations" to justify their addiction. We are all guilty of being whiners, complainers, bitchy, etc. It's what we used to justify our addiction.
Quitting takes some heavy balls, or ovaries for our female quitters. At the end of the day, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and be honest with ourselves.
Today, I was whiny and felt sorry for myself. I let everyday life get under my skin. I identified that prior to being quit, this would have been a day I would have caved. I can go to bed tonight, proud and feeling accomplished. Not only for my quit, but for me as a person.
I won today.
