Today is a day of past triggers.....walking out into the cold sunrise with a cup of coffee, gathering and feeding the horses from the pasture, letting the dogs out and watching them play, hitching the horse trailer to the truck, loading saddles, filling water tanks, grooming and loading horses, driving down the road 50 miles to sort and pen cattle for the day.
Every one of those activities used to be a fucking trigger. But guess what...I made those fucking triggers by associating a dip with each one of them. And so now I am un-making each of those triggers. There will be dubble-bubble gum, there will be a kiss from my wife every time I need one, there will be tons of bottled water and Gatorade, there will be a hard smile when I get past a crave, there will be a new calm after I accomplish each task, there will be no rushing, there will be no clipped or terse conversations with my fellow riders, there will be calm. There will be success. There will be quit. Day 8 rolls on. I quit with all of you.