Suck-It, I will Embrace the Suck

[cbird65]

It's been a while since I've posted in here (my personal journal) and probably because like the past 10-15 days of my quit, the motivation seems to have been zapped.  Still batting 100% on posting roll and that will not change, but, I need to pick it up again and get more active in my quit. 

Today is day 48 and lately there have been some day 1-4 repeats.Some have said it is because you lose a little bit of the early excitement of quitting and begin to get bored.  Well, not sure I'm bored but definitely have had to battle through some tough times.  Nicotine sucks, Copenhagen sucks, I hate it more today than ever simply because it is so hard to get the shit out of my life.  On day 46 or so I finished up a workout and actually reached into my bag searching for my can - I always enjoyed a Cope after a workout - but I had to punch myself in the balls and remind myself that I quit!!!  At day 46 I would not have thought that was possible.

On a positive note - my wife and kids are GREAT.  My wife out of the blue asked me on day 45 what day I was on.  I told her and said yeah, kind of felt like lately you had forgotten about me quitting.  I think she felt bad about that which was not my intent at all, just had not talked with her about my quit for a while and she had never asked.  Well, I arrived home from work that night and walked in the door to a big "SURPRISE" from the wife and kids.  Nothing big - but was still really big to me.  They had a few signs posted "Congrats on 45 Days" and little gift bag - a Coors Lite t-shirt and 2 big boxes of Hot Tomalis.  My oldest daughter is 7 and she made her own sign all by herself which read, "Great job daddy on quiting chooing.  I love you forever."  Damn near brought tears to my eyes.  Thank you so much to my family.

Alright, done rambling, just felt like it was time to up-date my journal.  I have a great quit group - the JUNE guys are the best!!!  And love the KTC site and all members.  Thanks for all the help and support.  I quit one day at a time - I Embrace the Suck and I Embrace the pain and shitty days - I invest them into my quit.

How's that quit feeling now?!! We finally made a decision they, our wives, have been waiting on, praying on or just plain begging on for a long time. It was/is such an awesome feeling when they took/take an active role of a quit we should have made years (too many in my case) ago.

Snap shot this and file it away to use against the nic bitch the next time she taunts you.

[Suck-It]

It's been a while since I've posted in here (my personal journal) and probably because like the past 10-15 days of my quit, the motivation seems to have been zapped. Still batting 100% on posting roll and that will not change, but, I need to pick it up again and get more active in my quit.

Today is day 48 and lately there have been some day 1-4 repeats.Some have said it is because you lose a little bit of the early excitement of quitting and begin to get bored. Well, not sure I'm bored but definitely have had to battle through some tough times. Nicotine sucks, Copenhagen sucks, I hate it more today than ever simply because it is so hard to get the shit out of my life. On day 46 or so I finished up a workout and actually reached into my bag searching for my can - I always enjoyed a Cope after a workout - but I had to punch myself in the balls and remind myself that I quit!!! At day 46 I would not have thought that was possible.

On a positive note - my wife and kids are GREAT. My wife out of the blue asked me on day 45 what day I was on. I told her and said yeah, kind of felt like lately you had forgotten about me quitting. I think she felt bad about that which was not my intent at all, just had not talked with her about my quit for a while and she had never asked. Well, I arrived home from work that night and walked in the door to a big "SURPRISE" from the wife and kids. Nothing big - but was still really big to me. They had a few signs posted "Congrats on 45 Days" and little gift bag - a Coors Lite t-shirt and 2 big boxes of Hot Tomalis. My oldest daughter is 7 and she made her own sign all by herself which read, "Great job daddy on quiting chooing. I love you forever." Damn near brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much to my family.

Alright, done rambling, just felt like it was time to up-date my journal. I have a great quit group - the JUNE guys are the best!!! And love the KTC site and all members. Thanks for all the help and support. I quit one day at a time - I Embrace the Suck and I Embrace the pain and shitty days - I invest them into my quit.

[Suck-It]

I wrote this in dgonseaux's quit journal and wanted to add it to mine. Again something to look back on in the future - all the reasons I have quit.

To dgon - Really glad to be quit with you. A lot in common. My wife would tell you we are a lot alike - she is constantly trying to drag emotions out of me. The Jenny Kern story is STRONG, POWERFUL STUFF. I have 4 kids and reading that story you can't help but put yourself in that situation - what if that was me?!?!?! Very emotional, very REAL.

I have quit many times like all of us - what is different now, first and foremost I started this quit with including God. I have never done that before. I pray for his strength, I text messaged a good friend who is a Monsignor at our old catholic church my promise and asked for his prayers. My wife reached out to family and told them to pray (she did it without me knowing) but I do believe that has truly helped. This site has also had a huge impact on my quit - I can't say enough about it.

One of the biggest factors is my kids are finally old enough to ask about it. Dad, why do you always eat that stuff. Don't you know it can kill you. My oldest daughter, who is in 1st grade, has learned about smoking and chewing in school - she had all the info and finally put 2 and 2 together on what the shit was that I put in my mouth. Well, that crushed me. And then reading the Jenny Kern story really punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me.

So glad to be quit and glad to be quitting with all of you. Very glad that God has given me the opportunity to quit before cancer set in. I will quit for myself and I quit for my family. I know people say you can't quit for your kids, but my kids are me they are the best part of me so I do quit for my kids. I quit for me!!!

[Aredoubleyou]

Day 33 is a beast! Feelings of missing my best friend in the morning on the drive in to work with coffee. Some serious craves today and attitude last night. Also, feel some withdrawal symptoms - shitty nights sleep the past 3 nights. Not sure what the fuck is going on but I thought I was safe for a little since I hit a 20's funk. Thought the next funk was down the road a bit. Not even close to caving but fighting my ass off today. The bitch is throwing sucker punches from all over the place. Don't need my life lines today but they are ready. Feel free to comment here and kick me in the balls a few times. Maybe that will take my mind off the shit.

Way to stick it to her bro! I don't think I can kick you in the balls for being in a funk, but I can sure pat you on the back for staying quit with me today! Text me if you need anything!

Do you care as little as I do about the basketball team in the NIT? Although I am proud of them, I am much more a hockey/football guy.

I am still all jacked up about the final 4!!! Had a chance to go to that game too but I couldn't make it...bummer man.

Proud to be quit with you for another day.

aredoubleyou

[Grizzly25]

Day 33 is a beast!  Feelings of missing my best friend in the morning on the drive in to work with coffee.  Some serious craves today and attitude last night.  Also, feel some withdrawal symptoms - shitty nights sleep the past 3 nights.  Not sure what the fuck is going on but I thought I was safe for a little since I hit a 20's funk.  Thought the next funk was down the road a bit.  Not even close to caving but fighting my ass off today.  The bitch is throwing sucker punches from all over the place.  Don't need my life lines today but they are ready.  Feel free to comment here and kick me in the balls a few times.  Maybe that will take my mind off the shit.

You've got this and if you weren't up all night watching skinamax with you lotion and tissue you would sleep better.

Hang in there, Suckah. The clouds just parted on my '20's funk' a couple of days ago, around Day 36/37 for me. Everyone's different, apparently. It was getting so bad I was just resigning myself to the fact that I was going to have this mild depression/funk permanently. It's the addiction talking.

When it abated (waking up on Monday), I felt like a new man. You are strong, you will win, don't let your mind fuck with you, the grass is greener down the road and caving is not an options.

PM me if you need anything.

Stay focused on what your wanting which is to not be a slave to nicotene!!!

These funks craves and shit are part of it all as soon as you start to think you have it all figured out the little deamon nic bitch will search for whatever weakness she can try to find!!!!

You got this and believe me it does pass and when it does your quit is even stronger!

[rgross298]

Day 33 is a beast!  Feelings of missing my best friend in the morning on the drive in to work with coffee.  Some serious craves today and attitude last night.  Also, feel some withdrawal symptoms - shitty nights sleep the past 3 nights.  Not sure what the fuck is going on but I thought I was safe for a little since I hit a 20's funk.  Thought the next funk was down the road a bit.  Not even close to caving but fighting my ass off today.  The bitch is throwing sucker punches from all over the place.  Don't need my life lines today but they are ready.  Feel free to comment here and kick me in the balls a few times.  Maybe that will take my mind off the shit.

You've got this and if you weren't up all night watching skinamax with you lotion and tissue you would sleep better.

Hang in there, Suckah. The clouds just parted on my '20's funk' a couple of days ago, around Day 36/37 for me. Everyone's different, apparently. It was getting so bad I was just resigning myself to the fact that I was going to have this mild depression/funk permanently. It's the addiction talking.

When it abated (waking up on Monday), I felt like a new man. You are strong, you will win, don't let your mind fuck with you, the grass is greener down the road and caving is not an options.

PM me if you need anything.

[ntartick]

Day 33 is a beast! Feelings of missing my best friend in the morning on the drive in to work with coffee. Some serious craves today and attitude last night. Also, feel some withdrawal symptoms - shitty nights sleep the past 3 nights. Not sure what the fuck is going on but I thought I was safe for a little since I hit a 20's funk. Thought the next funk was down the road a bit. Not even close to caving but fighting my ass off today. The bitch is throwing sucker punches from all over the place. Don't need my life lines today but they are ready. Feel free to comment here and kick me in the balls a few times. Maybe that will take my mind off the shit.

You've got this and if you weren't up all night watching skinamax with you lotion and tissue you would sleep better.

[Suck-It]

Day 33 is a beast! Feelings of missing my best friend in the morning on the drive in to work with coffee. Some serious craves today and attitude last night. Also, feel some withdrawal symptoms - shitty nights sleep the past 3 nights. Not sure what the fuck is going on but I thought I was safe for a little since I hit a 20's funk. Thought the next funk was down the road a bit. Not even close to caving but fighting my ass off today. The bitch is throwing sucker punches from all over the place. Don't need my life lines today but they are ready. Feel free to comment here and kick me in the balls a few times. Maybe that will take my mind off the shit.

[Suck-It]

Gophers headed to the Frozen 4. Piss pounded the Lame ass Sioux 5-2. Was at the game and set a personal record on the amount of popcorn I ate. Nervous eating of course - but, the popcorn served it's role well = NO COPENHAGEN!!! At one point during the game I told my buddy that there is no doubt I would normally have thrown in a fat one start of the game and just added to it through out the game. So glad that shit is out of my life. I enjoyed the game just as much without it if not more. Didn't have to worry about where I was going to spit. Didn't have to worry about hiding it from the little kid sitting next to me. So many more positives to have that shit out of my life. So many times I think about how am I going to make it through a certain event, well, every time I make it through I realize that tobacco does not make it all better or more fun. I do enjoy this new way living, tobacco free, nicotine free, and I enjoy it so much more. Still battle the craves and go through occasional rage, but, realizing that this too will pass in time. Stay strong my quit brothers. Loving the shape of our June group. Good fucking group of quitters!!!

[Mthomas3824]

Here comes the 20's funk...I guess.  Rough day yesterday.  Nic Rage irritable, could have fought the world.  Today, better but not much.  Last night even had the balls to pop off at vets - all in fun but, early on in this quit thought I would keep my head low, post roll, and grind it out.  Today, humbly and quietly quit.  But, can feel the edge.  Read about the funks at different times and read there is a 20's funk - well, think I'm in it.  Thanks a lot Bin Laden!!!  I will not chew today but I may punch someone!!!

Glad you posted. I need to prepare and have a plan. These days are in my future. Thanks for being my trail blazer and leaving a guide map for me. 'Cheers'

[Aredoubleyou]

Here comes the 20's funk...I guess. Rough day yesterday. Nic Rage irritable, could have fought the world. Today, better but not much. Last night even had the balls to pop off at vets - all in fun but, early on in this quit thought I would keep my head low, post roll, and grind it out. Today, humbly and quietly quit. But, can feel the edge. Read about the funks at different times and read there is a 20's funk - well, think I'm in it. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!!! I will not chew today but I may punch someone!!!

Well, the good news is that you came here and went off on some people who know exactly what it's like...it is a dang good thing that we are not all in the same room all the time or there would be some nic rage induced brawls I am sure. I think the vets will get over it.

Proud of you for going off on here rather than your family. Keep it up bro, I will look to your experience when I hit my 20 something funk 'bang head'

Happy to be quit with you today, you have my number if you need anything.

aredoubleyou

[Grizzly25]

Here comes the 20's funk...I guess. Rough day yesterday. Nic Rage irritable, could have fought the world. Today, better but not much. Last night even had the balls to pop off at vets - all in fun but, early on in this quit thought I would keep my head low, post roll, and grind it out. Today, humbly and quietly quit. But, can feel the edge. Read about the funks at different times and read there is a 20's funk - well, think I'm in it. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!!! I will not chew today but I may punch someone!!!

I know you dont want to hear this but this will pass!

When I went thru the 20's I was well a bit on the almost crazy side but I did alot more working out and well KTC and alone time.

I didnt want to rage at my family and was still very new on here so I read ALOT!

I also got a punching bag hung it in my garage and well that is a great way to feel better!

Stay strong bro, you got this!

One day at a time

[Suck-It]

Here comes the 20's funk...I guess. Rough day yesterday. Nic Rage irritable, could have fought the world. Today, better but not much. Last night even had the balls to pop off at vets - all in fun but, early on in this quit thought I would keep my head low, post roll, and grind it out. Today, humbly and quietly quit. But, can feel the edge. Read about the funks at different times and read there is a 20's funk - well, think I'm in it. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!!! I will not chew today but I may punch someone!!!

[Aredoubleyou]

One for the journal - last night had a crazy ass dip dream. Seems like they are getting more and more frequent and more and more intense. Gonna type this one out in detail to look back on someday.

The Dream:
Driving down the highway leaving work (in a state I don't live in with a long ass drive to get home), throw in a fatty like the good ole days - right? Have to pull over to a toll booth but not drive thru they are making me get out of my truck. I do and now I start looking around to make sure no one see's me with a chew in - at this point I am feeling guilty and scared for caving. So the nightmare begins. Get back in and roll out - hit the first rest area to check KTC. Sure enough I have a PM from a vet and all it said was: I C U. Alright, so that is some fucked up shit. I go into complete panic mode. What do I tell my group. Thoughts of saying it was Smokey Mountain or something like that but then I start feeling like shit because I would be completely lieing about a cave. Well, at some point woke up in a complete sweat and for a while thought it was real life. Had to walk around, wake up, drink some water, pet my dogs, before I came to the realization that it was only a dream.

Now, I believe that your word is your word. In life that is all we have and especially on KTC. So, I feel like shit that the thoughts of even lieing about the cave were in the dream, let alone I caved after promising I would not chew today. If I post roll you can guarantee that I will not break my promise - I'm strong with that. But, man, this dream really fucked with me. Don't understand why I am having them so often and so intense but the good news is I wake up and am STILL QUIT. Fuck you Copenhagen, I win again!!! Stay Quit - I will not chew today!!!

That is a dip nightmare bro!
you can't control your dreams, but you are controlling the thing you can control...not having a chew today. Our word is our bond in KTC and I am glad to give you my word every day. Way to stay quit!!

That will definitely be a good one to look back on some day...good quittin with you.

aredoubleyou

[Suck-It]

One for the journal - last night had a crazy ass dip dream. Seems like they are getting more and more frequent and more and more intense. Gonna type this one out in detail to look back on someday.

The Dream:
Driving down the highway leaving work (in a state I don't live in with a long ass drive to get home), throw in a fatty like the good ole days - right? Have to pull over to a toll booth but not drive thru they are making me get out of my truck. I do and now I start looking around to make sure no one see's me with a chew in - at this point I am feeling guilty and scared for caving. So the nightmare begins. Get back in and roll out - hit the first rest area to check KTC. Sure enough I have a PM from a vet and all it said was: I C U. Alright, so that is some fucked up shit. I go into complete panic mode. What do I tell my group. Thoughts of saying it was Smokey Mountain or something like that but then I start feeling like shit because I would be completely lieing about a cave. Well, at some point woke up in a complete sweat and for a while thought it was real life. Had to walk around, wake up, drink some water, pet my dogs, before I came to the realization that it was only a dream.

Now, I believe that your word is your word. In life that is all we have and especially on KTC. So, I feel like shit that the thoughts of even lieing about the cave were in the dream, let alone I caved after promising I would not chew today. If I post roll you can guarantee that I will not break my promise - I'm strong with that. But, man, this dream really fucked with me. Don't understand why I am having them so often and so intense but the good news is I wake up and am STILL QUIT. Fuck you Copenhagen, I win again!!! Stay Quit - I will not chew today!!!