Well, here I am. I never thought I would have an addiction. I watched my old man go through alcoholism, siblings go through drugs, but that shit would never happen to me. I was the jock, the all-american wrestler, great body, life of the party, that was me. ...and I dipped. Started when I was about 10 years old (40 now). It was during butchering season at the family farm. My old man was getting onto me because i was not moving fast enough. He throws me his can of snuff, tells me to stick this in my mouth, it will help me move faster.....
Dip has been many things to me over the years. During wrestling season in high school and college, it was my weight loss tool. I knew as long as I had a dip in, I was not going to eat, so I knew I was gonna make weight. As I grew older, it just became a vice for everything. Day not going good? Have a dip! Fighting with the wife? Have a dip! My employees getting on my nerves? Have a dip. Everything became cause to have a dip. So I did.
Last year, I had a "life perspective" moment. I was weighing 330 pounds, couldn't catch my breath, couldn't walk a flight of stairs, couldn't even play with my sons. I was dying.....and I was still dipping. My dip had become my crutch for everything. No one ever saw me without a dip in. All day at my office, I dipped, when I got home, I dipped, first thing in the morning, last thing at night. I was going through a couple cans of cope a day, easy. The worst was knowing my 7 year old was stealing my cans when he found them and dumping them in the trash. I knew it had become a serious problem when I went off on him because I couldn't find my can. He just looked at me and said, "daddy, you've worked so hard getting back in shape, this is hurting you....". And THAT really messed me up. I had busted my ass loosing 140 pounds in a year. I had become a competitive athlete again. But most important, I had become my sons' hero. I had to quit the shit.
So I did. Took my last dip on 12/31/12 @ 11:52 pm. I spit that shit out at 11:59:32 and I ain't going back. People have asked me what is harder? Losing 140 pounds in a year or quitting dip. Hell, that's an easy answer. Quitting the dip is by far worse. I can supplement foods and beverages all day long. I can adjust my consumption of calories. I can workout more at Crossfit. But I CAN'T just take a small pinch here or there. No, that would be cheating. And that would be a dis-service to all those who have supported me in this quit so far.
So, that's my intro 20 days into this quit. I'm like everyone else, I take it a day at a time. No more, no less. Each day is a blessing to call myself nic clean. And that's the way I choose to be.
