Struggling to continue

[Doofus]

Yeh, that addict brain is really dumb

[Gromo]

Kicking some nic bitch ass today bro, quit feels good

Hell yeah it does brother, had a pretty stressful evening last night honestly the crave was so pathetic that it almost made me laugh. I mean, how is that supposed to help when someone breaks into your wife's car and fucks up her day...I mean, not like if I'd have put a dip in, her door would be magically fixed, not like if I made a quick run to the local stop and rob to grab a can I'd see the dude walking out of a bathroom with her purse and I could have beaten him to death and gotten her stuff back.

1 problem + Nicotine = 2 problems. I think that has finally ingrained itself into my brain. I mean lets make her day Worse by me caving right? That'll totally help the situation.

[Doofus]

Kicking some nic bitch ass today bro, quit feels good

[Mack213]

Vivid fucking dreams lately...Really vivid, not all are "dip dreams" but enough are that its confusing shouldn't I be past this stage? three nights in a row now I've dreamt that I got drunk and smoked a cigarette. Or a cigar for one occasion. One was weird, ended up being "not a dip dream" but in it I was drunk and I had a dip in at a bar and was freaking out then, spit it out reached into my back pocket and realized it was Smokey Mountain. I think I'm afraid of throwing away my HoFness and my friendships by getting drunk and being stupid, which at least its kept me from getting hammered lately. I know I'm in control with a few drinks in...I don't think I'm someone who can afford to get hammered anymore though, with the dark thoughts and the crazy urges...probably not a bad idea to just stay sober...or sober-ish until I get this shit fully taken care of.

It is annoying though because I'm scared to hang out with a large percentage of my friends...cause thats what we did, what we do we all go out and get shitfaced and we've done it for 14 years...

Plus while it doesn't appear it because of how open I am on here, I am very private towards my friends and family. Nobody really knows the mental games I've been dealing with besides my wife and close family. Probably 10 people total know whats going on. I mean I've gotten shitty before and made a fool of myself so more people probably have guessed something is going on with me. They all know I've quit, but even my wife I don't think takes it as seriously as I wish she would. Was almost embarrassed to tell her that I wanted to celebrate cause I was hitting 100 days clean...(I have that problem of being embarrassed of myself when I'm proud of anything I've done because someone else has done it better, or faster or whatever. in my mind...I dunno.)

Gromes....Grommy....GroMoans.

Dont forget to look around and enjoy yourself from time to time. Enjoy the smell of the morning. Enjoy eating your favorite food. Dont get hung up on getting "shitfaced" as much as possible.

If theres one thing that screws up ones mental capacity more than nic, its alcohol brother.

The dreams, they are just that, dreams. They can be as real as they want, but you wake up, quit as fuck still dont ya?!.!?! That's a win to me. I'd bet they start to diminish with time.

At the end of the day, you gotta find a way to be happy. Just find an area that needs work, and get to it. You have my number if you need it. I'm proud to quit with you brother!

[Gromo]

Vivid fucking dreams lately...Really vivid, not all are "dip dreams" but enough are that its confusing shouldn't I be past this stage? three nights in a row now I've dreamt that I got drunk and smoked a cigarette. Or a cigar for one occasion. One was weird, ended up being "not a dip dream" but in it I was drunk and I had a dip in at a bar and was freaking out then, spit it out reached into my back pocket and realized it was Smokey Mountain. I think I'm afraid of throwing away my HoFness and my friendships by getting drunk and being stupid, which at least its kept me from getting hammered lately. I know I'm in control with a few drinks in...I don't think I'm someone who can afford to get hammered anymore though, with the dark thoughts and the crazy urges...probably not a bad idea to just stay sober...or sober-ish until I get this shit fully taken care of.

It is annoying though because I'm scared to hang out with a large percentage of my friends...cause thats what we did, what we do we all go out and get shitfaced and we've done it for 14 years...

Plus while it doesn't appear it because of how open I am on here, I am very private towards my friends and family. Nobody really knows the mental games I've been dealing with besides my wife and close family. Probably 10 people total know whats going on. I mean I've gotten shitty before and made a fool of myself so more people probably have guessed something is going on with me. They all know I've quit, but even my wife I don't think takes it as seriously as I wish she would. Was almost embarrassed to tell her that I wanted to celebrate cause I was hitting 100 days clean...(I have that problem of being embarrassed of myself when I'm proud of anything I've done because someone else has done it better, or faster or whatever. in my mind...I dunno.)

[Gromo]

DAY 98, Proud with you. Thanks for listening on the fishing trigger. I got so much positive feedback from all you guys, it's what this site does. I be prouder than hell to be at the gates as we both walk thru HOF door, 2nd floor, 3rd floor, 4th floor.....one day at a time.

96 with you brother, will always be chasing you. One day at a time, but I'll never be able to catch you.

Keep chasing me and I'll keep quiting every damn day to stay in front.....quit forever bro....win win....no caves allowed

Ya know, it just hit me. He's not chasing us; kid is like 25 YEARS ahead of us.

Wow JGromo, you're a lot brighter than I look!

WTF Athan, you never acknowledge reality to a youngster.....let him keep chasing us like a gerbil on a wheel, lol

JG- You will outlive Athan and I but you wont catch us on quit day streak, lol....keep trying though, its good to want, it builds character

I think that outlive part depends on whether or not I can lose this quit fat I got going on.

[Doofus]

DAY 98, Proud with you. Thanks for listening on the fishing trigger. I got so much positive feedback from all you guys, it's what this site does. I be prouder than hell to be at the gates as we both walk thru HOF door, 2nd floor, 3rd floor, 4th floor.....one day at a time.

96 with you brother, will always be chasing you. One day at a time, but I'll never be able to catch you.

Keep chasing me and I'll keep quiting every damn day to stay in front.....quit forever bro....win win....no caves allowed

Ya know, it just hit me. He's not chasing us; kid is like 25 YEARS ahead of us.

Wow JGromo, you're a lot brighter than I look!

WTF Athan, you never acknowledge reality to a youngster.....let him keep chasing us like a gerbil on a wheel, lol

JG- You will outlive Athan and I but you wont catch us on quit day streak, lol....keep trying though, its good to want, it builds character

[Athan]

DAY 98, Proud with you. Thanks for listening on the fishing trigger. I got so much positive feedback from all you guys, it's what this site does. I be prouder than hell to be at the gates as we both walk thru HOF door, 2nd floor, 3rd floor, 4th floor.....one day at a time.

96 with you brother, will always be chasing you. One day at a time, but I'll never be able to catch you.

Keep chasing me and I'll keep quiting every damn day to stay in front.....quit forever bro....win win....no caves allowed

Ya know, it just hit me. He's not chasing us; kid is like 25 YEARS ahead of us.

Wow JGromo, you're a lot brighter than I look!

[Doofus]

Nice work, quit on bro

[Skolvikings]

JGromo
Every now and then a man comes along,
Who works in your life, who moves you to song.
It happened to me when I met JGromo
AinÂ’t talking bout love, (not like that you homo)
I was stumbling about like a fool in the dark,
I was lost and confused in the nic bitches park.
I wanted to have it, just one more tin,
Then I heard his voice, all calm in the din
I was thrashing about all anxious and scared
And so I cried out and my soul was bared:
James IÂ’m in anguish, IÂ’m drowning here man!
He just replied softly, Athan put down the can.
I need it I stammered, this stuff is my life,
DonÂ’t be a fool he explained, ItÂ’s the source of your strife.
But IÂ’ve got to have it, you donÂ’t understand!
YouÂ’re an addict he said, and stretched out his hand.
I remember that day early on in my quit
When James came along, pulled me off of her tit
Then I stood on his shoulders and I scraped the sky,
And he let me taste freedom, now I can fly.

That's beautiful bro, love you man (no homo of course)

Love you boys..... Cheers to the next hundy... or handy... homo... whatever.

Damn Proud of you James.

[Gromo]

JGromo
Every now and then a man comes along,
Who works in your life, who moves you to song.
It happened to me when I met JGromo
AinÂ’t talking bout love, (not like that you homo)
I was stumbling about like a fool in the dark,
I was lost and confused in the nic bitches park.
I wanted to have it, just one more tin,
Then I heard his voice, all calm in the din
I was thrashing about all anxious and scared
And so I cried out and my soul was bared:
James IÂ’m in anguish, IÂ’m drowning here man!
He just replied softly, Athan put down the can.
I need it I stammered, this stuff is my life,
DonÂ’t be a fool he explained, ItÂ’s the source of your strife.
But IÂ’ve got to have it, you donÂ’t understand!
YouÂ’re an addict he said, and stretched out his hand.
I remember that day early on in my quit
When James came along, pulled me off of her tit
Then I stood on his shoulders and I scraped the sky,
And he let me taste freedom, now I can fly.

That's beautiful bro, love you man (no homo of course)

[DonkeyMN]

Your 100 days have been inspiring to watch unfold, you can say you did it! HOF

The Focus required for the next 100 days is different, but sometimes just as difficult. But I know you got the sack to do it. Congrats man!

[worktowin]

*edit* New introduction time. I'm james, Below me is a load of horse shit I was trying to kid myself into thinking I was still quit when I was a few weeks shy of buying a can again and already consuming my fair share of nicotine during the week. I mean yes I am a fat piece of shit...But besides that mostly bullshit. 'bang head' 'bang head'
Anyway I'm quit now and every day I will post and stay quit, there will be no caving. *end edit*


Hi, I'm James and plain and simple its been a struggle. I quit after 13 years going from a pinch from cans hidden in the bathroom during showers, so my parents couldn't catch me. to a can a day. to I couldn't even tell you because I'd just keep 2-5 logs in the freezer at all times. I hit 26 years old and realized I had been dipping for as many years as I had not. Granted there were a lot of quit attempts, making it a week, making it a month, switching from cope to days of work for almost 6 months. I told my then fiance that I was quitting after the wedding....great idea btw...nothing like putting them through the ringer with that "for better or worse" line right off the bat. But it was worth it. At least I ended up smartening up and waited until after the honeymoon. Didn't wanna ruin Italy with my miserable withdrawal period.

The first few months sucked. Everyone knows that. But even after it got better some days really still feel like those first few. I know its a bitch to kick the habit but you would think after a year and 3 months I'd be free and clear of the urges.

The problem is there are a lot of things I blame on quitting. I never experienced the bad effects of chew personally and I didn't want to quit for strong reasons I wanted to quit because I knew it was only a matter of time. Now for me I had used nicotine as a way to avoid learning how to handle stress and anxiety during my teen years. About 6 months after quitting I had a severe mental breakdown and had to switch to a new more Dr approved drug to use daily. at least its cheaper. I've also put on about 90 lbs since I quit, pure fat. I hate everything about quitting still. I still dunno what to do with myself on long drives. i still crave it insanely badly at Giants games. Some days it almost feels like I am hoping for a disease with an expiration date attached so I can just say "Fuck it I'm gonna die anyway, might as well go down with a dip in my lip"

Let me apologize now, that is insensitive to people that actually have that. No I'm not suicidal. I just want an excuse to start again very badly and that has been one of many thoughts my brain throws out to get me to start. It's an agreement I have with myself that if I get diagnosed with a certain amount of years I'm going back to chew. I've also had some small backslides, occasionally when drunk I've had the "Well Red Man isn't really chew" or "It's snuss/cigerettes/cigars not dip, doesn't count"

Anyway, just don't have many people to talk about this with because honestly I'm the only one of my friends that has made it passed the fabled 100 days mark. Anyone out there with a few years experience does this shit get better? LOL Do many of you backslide when you are drunk? Has anyone found a good way to get around the getting fat issue, cause if I get any fatter it's gonna kill me faster than the chew would have anyway, and diets are having less effect now it seems like. Mostly just thank you for having an outlet to rant in because my wife does not understand how I still have urges after so long, and doesn't understand the strength of these urges.

100 days ago this was you.

Today you are a winner.

Congratulations, James, on your first huge milestone. You get it bro. Enjoy the day, youÂ’ve earned it!

[Athan]

JGromo
Every now and then a man comes along,
Who works in your life, who moves you to song.
It happened to me when I met JGromo
AinÂ’t talking bout love, (not like that you homo)
I was stumbling about like a fool in the dark,
I was lost and confused in the nic bitches park.
I wanted to have it, just one more tin,
Then I heard his voice, all calm in the din
I was thrashing about all anxious and scared
And so I cried out and my soul was bared:
James IÂ’m in anguish, IÂ’m drowning here man!
He just replied softly, Athan put down the can.
I need it I stammered, this stuff is my life,
DonÂ’t be a fool he explained, ItÂ’s the source of your strife.
But IÂ’ve got to have it, you donÂ’t understand!
YouÂ’re an addict he said, and stretched out his hand.
I remember that day early on in my quit
When James came along, pulled me off of her tit
Then I stood on his shoulders and I scraped the sky,
And he let me taste freedom, now I can fly.

[Doofus]

DAY 98, Proud with you. Thanks for listening on the fishing trigger. I got so much positive feedback from all you guys, it's what this site does. I be prouder than hell to be at the gates as we both walk thru HOF door, 2nd floor, 3rd floor, 4th floor.....one day at a time.

96 with you brother, will always be chasing you. One day at a time, but I'll never be able to catch you.

Keep chasing me and I'll keep quiting every damn day to stay in front.....quit forever bro....win win....no caves allowed