Greetings!
I seem to have found a great spot to share Chapter 1 of this awful, awful story.
I started dipping about 6 years ago to the date. Any guesses on my age? ...19. Yep. I took my first pinch in middle school when me and my friends were in the woods. At that time, I just wanted to try it. My "coolest" friend dipped, my "coolest" cousin dipped, my "coolest" uncles dipped, and all the "cool" baseball players dipped. And as I'm sure all of you did, I thought I was going to die. But for some godforesaken reason, the 13 year old child jackass inside me decided that I was going to push my way through to the other side until I "could just dip when I want without being light headed" that way I could look "cool" around my friends and cousin without actually getting hooked. See that's why 13 year olds aren't supposed to have access to tobacco; they are dumbasses.
I had a dip everytime I was around my friends in middle school, then I started sneaking dip into school, then I got good enough to convince some of my teachers to let me dip in class if I didn't make it noticeable to other students.
Then came high school - dip in class, vocational school - dip during welding, baseball - I literally never didn't have a dip in, got my license - the good ol' driving dip.
I told myself as well as my friends that when I turned 18 it wouldn't be as exciting to dip because I could just buy it myself so I would just quit; but then I turned 18...I hit a whole new level.
I got a job - dipped before, on break, and on the drive home. I would leave half a subway sandwich uneaten and wrapped up so I would have time to get a good dip in before I had to go back in. I said I would quit before college but of course I didn't. College and work was "too stressful not to dip".
Weekdays I probably dipped about 3/4 can per day. Weekends (long drives home, parties, poker nights, etc) I would dip a can, can and a half easy.
Notice I said "dipped".
I woke up this morning, got in my car, closed the door, heard the tin lid of my Copenhagen Wintergreen can ting against the door, and for some strange reason, be it choice or devine intervention, I thought to myself, "Nah."
Many a time I've told myself "Alright, I'm quitting today." Only to put a dip in thirty minutes later, or break down and have one at the end of the day, or make the mistake of "rewarding myself" by having one the next day. But this time seems different.
Until today I had no idea how addicted I actually am. Since noon it is the only thing on my mind. So I did some internet search and found this site.
So here I am.
'help'