Self loathing

[Its_Got2Happen]

I do sound like a drama pussy. Sorry for that, just have always been a private person.

Go take a small peak at my intro. THAT my friend, is a drama pussy. Agree with Mike, don't sweat it. Everyone here (whether they admit to it or not) has had their day. or days. Good to see you owning your quit and doing what needs to be done. Stay strong brother.

DD

Agree with Dave911 here.

I see no drama here. Just brothers helping brothers. Everyone uses the site for something different. I use it for accountability and brotherhood. It took some time for me to admit, but I needed help to crawl out of the big ass hole that I dug with nicotine. I see nothing dramatic about a quitter asking a group of quitters for some advice. Not sure where shstevens was coming from there.

Quit on gentlemen.

[DippinDave911]

I do sound like a drama pussy. Sorry for that, just have always been a private person.

Go take a small peak at my intro. THAT my friend, is a drama pussy. Agree with Mike, don't sweat it. Everyone here (whether they admit to it or not) has had their day. or days. Good to see you owning your quit and doing what needs to be done. Stay strong brother.

DD

[Mike from AB]

Guys,
I get the point. I will talk to Doc (my FIL) this weekend when i see him again. I do sound like a drama pussy. Sorry for that, just have always been a private person. (hence the secret dip and difficulty "drinking the kool-aide".) Fuck it. This quit will be my only quit so i might as well inform those around me. Yeah, accountability. Doc is as smart a man as they come...in his own way. Funny old irishman. I suppose he will understand. BTW i love the logic that there is always someone else who is more fucked up than you are. It is terrible but has a strange comfort to it.
Thanks guys,
-Neil

Yes, I'm definitely learning there's always somebody more F'ed up than me out there even if I didn't think so at the start! Don't worry about the drama pussy part of it, through this whole quit you're going to go through alot of emotions  you're not gonna be yourself for a bit. So don't sweat it. You'll get back to normal. It'll take longer than you want, but even now just ODAAT

[Grizzfall]

Guys,
I get the point. I will talk to Doc (my FIL) this weekend when i see him again. I do sound like a drama pussy. Sorry for that, just have always been a private person. (hence the secret dip and difficulty "drinking the kool-aide".) Fuck it. This quit will be my only quit so i might as well inform those around me. Yeah, accountability. Doc is as smart a man as they come...in his own way. Funny old irishman. I suppose he will understand. BTW i love the logic that there is always someone else who is more fucked up than you are. It is terrible but has a strange comfort to it.
Thanks guys,
-Neil

[Mike from AB]

Sunday Morning,
Day 15 begins today and i am feling better than ever. Yesterday had some wicked hard craves that i believe were triggered by environment. I was doing a little project over at the inlaws and it was the first i had been there since i quit. All the old routine of set up and breakdown in a familiar space triggerd huge yearning. More seeds...more seeds. Curiously this does not happen at a customers house. I assume that is because it is a new environment and one my brain is not used to nicotine in. Man, what a drug.
Heres a fun spot to be in. My father in law is a family practitioner MD and also owns a dairy opperation. It is a nice balance. I have never chewed around him and to my knowledge he has no idea of my old addiction. Both his sons chew in the same secretive fashion. Looking back on yesterday, the guy has to wonder why i have a face full of dill pickle flavored seeds all day long. Couple that with my newly aquired manic approach to life and his assumptions can only be the worse. "That boy's on drugs!" ....oh how far from the truth.
To furthur complicate things, he is my primary care physician. There is a lot of advice here on the site to talk to your doctor about quitting and possible medication. As mike from ab knows the anxiety can freakin suck. I suspect i am not done with this symptom either, but just enjoying a reprieve. Point is, i cant exactly call up my doctor and explain the situation without damaging our personal relationship.
"Hey doc, i need some xanax to deal with panic attacks while i quit chewing"
Im sure that would go over well.
Anybody else deal with a similar situation or self medicate with herbal tea(the tea part is a joke)
Day 15.

I'm enjoying herbal tea now as I get caught up on the boards. No it doesn't help with the anxiety but pre-quit I would've had a face full of dip before bed, so why not actually use my keurig machine in the evening instead :D

It does suck,  there are guys have it worse than I do. So I admit it's easy for me to say go talk to your doc about it, maybe not as easy in your situation. But it looks like you've got some great advice to be open  come clean. That's great advice whether you're talking to a new doc, or your FIL. I really did find a sympathetic ear in the 2nd doc I tried, one who was willing to listen.

You have my number at the end of the massive long PM, feel free to text if you need anything. I promise it does get better even if it doesn't happen as quickly as you think it should or would like it to. ODAAT!

[shstevens]

I'm with skoal monster: I wouldn't give 2 shits about what my doctor thought, FIL or not. I'm very close to my FIL. He's as close to me as my real dad, if not closer. I didn't hesitate in talking to him about my quit. Although, he knew that I chewed and had no problems with it, he was very excited and proud that I was quitting and offered up any help that he could. I'm sure your FIL would do the same.

I don't know anything about Xanax but when I told my family doc that I was quitting nicotine, she wrote me a script for Wellbutrin. I was against it because I'm not a fan of meds but she has been my doc for most of my life and she knows my temper so she pretty much demanded that I take it. I can say that without a doubt that it has helped my quit.  For me, it doesn't kill the urge, it just makes me not care if I have nicotine or not if that makes sense.

If you are having trouble with anxiety and you don't feel comfortable talking to your FIL, I'd go talk with another doc and let them know what's up

Tough situation. That being said , he is a doctor. I'm sure he's seen some fucked up stuff in his practice. And who knows if your wife told her sister/mother or someone... And he already has a clue? I think I'd tell him. Be honest you'll probably gain even more of his respect by showing your vulnerability more than you know.

Agree with worktowin. I would just tell him. It is what it is. Coming clean adds strength and accountability to your quit. Let the chips fall where they may.

As far as this anxiety goes, it can be pretty gripping. There is nothing wrong with some medical help if it is really affecting your life. I seriously considered some meds in the begining too. I am glad that I didnt though. I just had to work through some things and figure out how to rewire everything without the poison. Sleep was very fleeting for several months. I suggest you go read Deisel's intro. That dude had some pretty intense anxiety in the begining he wrote some good shit about it. It helped me a ton.

Keep up the great work.

just find another doctor and quit with all the drama.

[Its_Got2Happen]

I'm with skoal monster: I wouldn't give 2 shits about what my doctor thought, FIL or not. I'm very close to my FIL. He's as close to me as my real dad, if not closer. I didn't hesitate in talking to him about my quit. Although, he knew that I chewed and had no problems with it, he was very excited and proud that I was quitting and offered up any help that he could. I'm sure your FIL would do the same.

I don't know anything about Xanax but when I told my family doc that I was quitting nicotine, she wrote me a script for Wellbutrin. I was against it because I'm not a fan of meds but she has been my doc for most of my life and she knows my temper so she pretty much demanded that I take it. I can say that without a doubt that it has helped my quit.  For me, it doesn't kill the urge, it just makes me not care if I have nicotine or not if that makes sense.

If you are having trouble with anxiety and you don't feel comfortable talking to your FIL, I'd go talk with another doc and let them know what's up

Tough situation. That being said , he is a doctor. I'm sure he's seen some fucked up stuff in his practice. And who knows if your wife told her sister/mother or someone... And he already has a clue? I think I'd tell him. Be honest you'll probably gain even more of his respect by showing your vulnerability more than you know.

Agree with worktowin. I would just tell him. It is what it is. Coming clean adds strength and accountability to your quit. Let the chips fall where they may.

As far as this anxiety goes, it can be pretty gripping. There is nothing wrong with some medical help if it is really affecting your life. I seriously considered some meds in the begining too. I am glad that I didnt though. I just had to work through some things and figure out how to rewire everything without the poison. Sleep was very fleeting for several months. I suggest you go read Deisel's intro. That dude had some pretty intense anxiety in the begining he wrote some good shit about it. It helped me a ton.

Keep up the great work.

[worktowin]

I'm with skoal monster: I wouldn't give 2 shits about what my doctor thought, FIL or not. I'm very close to my FIL. He's as close to me as my real dad, if not closer. I didn't hesitate in talking to him about my quit. Although, he knew that I chewed and had no problems with it, he was very excited and proud that I was quitting and offered up any help that he could. I'm sure your FIL would do the same.

I don't know anything about Xanax but when I told my family doc that I was quitting nicotine, she wrote me a script for Wellbutrin. I was against it because I'm not a fan of meds but she has been my doc for most of my life and she knows my temper so she pretty much demanded that I take it. I can say that without a doubt that it has helped my quit. For me, it doesn't kill the urge, it just makes me not care if I have nicotine or not if that makes sense.

If you are having trouble with anxiety and you don't feel comfortable talking to your FIL, I'd go talk with another doc and let them know what's up

Tough situation. That being said , he is a doctor. I'm sure he's seen some fucked up stuff in his practice. And who knows if your wife told her sister/mother or someone... And he already has a clue? I think I'd tell him. Be honest you'll probably gain even more of his respect by showing your vulnerability more than you know.

[Punkin]

I'm with skoal monster: I wouldn't give 2 shits about what my doctor thought, FIL or not. I'm very close to my FIL. He's as close to me as my real dad, if not closer. I didn't hesitate in talking to him about my quit. Although, he knew that I chewed and had no problems with it, he was very excited and proud that I was quitting and offered up any help that he could. I'm sure your FIL would do the same.

I don't know anything about Xanax but when I told my family doc that I was quitting nicotine, she wrote me a script for Wellbutrin. I was against it because I'm not a fan of meds but she has been my doc for most of my life and she knows my temper so she pretty much demanded that I take it. I can say that without a doubt that it has helped my quit. For me, it doesn't kill the urge, it just makes me not care if I have nicotine or not if that makes sense.

If you are having trouble with anxiety and you don't feel comfortable talking to your FIL, I'd go talk with another doc and let them know what's up

[Skoal Monster]

First , what you felt yesterday is known as the two week weakness. Second, i assume there are other doctors in town ? Finding a new primary could be helpful..... I mean what if you Need a prostate exam? Or a physical? Seems like it might make xmas akward. Just sayin.

In all seriousness, if your struggling with anxiety go see him or somebody else. Your in a fight for your life, now isnt the time to be concerned what your father-in-law thinks , or anybody else either.
ODAAT.

[Grizzfall]

Sunday Morning,
Day 15 begins today and i am feling better than ever. Yesterday had some wicked hard craves that i believe were triggered by environment. I was doing a little project over at the inlaws and it was the first i had been there since i quit. All the old routine of set up and breakdown in a familiar space triggerd huge yearning. More seeds...more seeds. Curiously this does not happen at a customers house. I assume that is because it is a new environment and one my brain is not used to nicotine in. Man, what a drug.
Heres a fun spot to be in. My father in law is a family practitioner MD and also owns a dairy opperation. It is a nice balance. I have never chewed around him and to my knowledge he has no idea of my old addiction. Both his sons chew in the same secretive fashion. Looking back on yesterday, the guy has to wonder why i have a face full of dill pickle flavored seeds all day long. Couple that with my newly aquired manic approach to life and his assumptions can only be the worse. "That boy's on drugs!" ....oh how far from the truth.
To furthur complicate things, he is my primary care physician. There is a lot of advice here on the site to talk to your doctor about quitting and possible medication. As mike from ab knows the anxiety can freakin suck. I suspect i am not done with this symptom either, but just enjoying a reprieve. Point is, i cant exactly call up my doctor and explain the situation without damaging our personal relationship.
"Hey doc, i need some xanax to deal with panic attacks while i quit chewing"
Im sure that would go over well.
Anybody else deal with a similar situation or self medicate with herbal tea(the tea part is a joke)
Day 15.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Daily reflection,
I suppose today was just a day. No highs, no lows, just the muted pastels of life without my crutch.
To be fair though, no anxiety. That shit is terrible. I recieved an education on the subject here that absolutely put me on my heels. I am learning to recognize the early onset and fight it off.
I hear there are many emotional rollercoasters to come, craves aside, and i hope im ready. For now, i will take a bland day. Bland is the vanilla of quit and i'm cool with that. Thanks guys.
-neil

Keep doing what you are doing Neil. What you will realize soon is that it was NEVER a crutch, just an anchor. It was always just an anchor.

Look me up if you need anything. I want you to succeed. It seems like you want this.

[Dougie]

BEANS AND FRANKS

[Mike from AB]

Daily reflection,
I suppose today was just a day. No highs, no lows, just the muted pastels of life without my crutch.
To be fair though, no anxiety. That shit is terrible. I recieved an education on the subject here that absolutely put me on my heels. I am learning to recognize the early onset and fight it off.
I hear there are many emotional rollercoasters to come, craves aside, and i hope im ready. For now, i will take a bland day. Bland is the vanilla of quit and i'm cool with that. Thanks guys.
-neil

A quit day is great, and a vanilla quit day with no anxiety is even better! Which it was for me too. ODAAT! I got some great words on that tonight too. Hang in there bro  text if you need anything!

[Grizzfall]

Daily reflection,
I suppose today was just a day. No highs, no lows, just the muted pastels of life without my crutch.
To be fair though, no anxiety. That shit is terrible. I recieved an education on the subject here that absolutely put me on my heels. I am learning to recognize the early onset and fight it off.
I hear there are many emotional rollercoasters to come, craves aside, and i hope im ready. For now, i will take a bland day. Bland is the vanilla of quit and i'm cool with that. Thanks guys.
-neil