Day 81
This thought process was provoked by the July 2019 group trying to get answers out of Bsarno as to the three questions he encountered upon his return as a retread:
What Happened? This question should only ever be answered by a simple, "I ingested nicotine." Or, a variation of that remaining equally as simple, for that is, in fact, "what happened." The next question is for the "why," which every retread I've ever seen so far has failed to answer honestly...
Why did it happen? This question should only ever be answered by a simple, "I chose, in a moment, to ingest nicotine," (with a strong emphasis on the verb, "CHOSE," as caving is, ultimately, a choice). Or, a variation of that remaining equally as simple, for that is, in fact, "why it happened." Your cave is not because you lost a job, a relationship, a loved one, got stressed out, or whatever. Those things may have been issues you were going through but, in the end, every caver CHOSE to cave, as if those factors made it okay to turn to nicotine and turn their back on their word and the quitters here who supported them.
What are you going to do differently? This question is open for personal flourish, but should be an outline of a specific plan of action: what you will do daily, no matter how you feel; what you will do if you are challenged by temptation; what you will do when your first plan fails (contingency); et cetera, et cetera. "I'm gonna post roll" is insufficient, in and of itself. "I'm gonna trade digits" is insufficient, in and of itself. If you're answering these questions, it's because you've caved at least once AND you've returned to KTC, giving the impression that you want to quit. If that is truly the case, you should be willing, if not EXCITED in your new commitment, to make a proactive plan so that you DON'T FAIL YOURSELF AGAIN!
People want to come in here and act like they're treated unfairly when they cave and come back. 90-something % of this whole QUITTING NICOTINE thing is MENTAL and if you do not possess the MENTAL FORTITUDE to take your lashings when you've given up on your word, your promise you made LAST TIME, and you want to re-join the KTC ranks but act like you don' t own the responsibility that these questions force you to fess up (IF YOU ANSWER THEM HONESTLY, not offer up some excuses and bullshit), then what gives you the idea that anyone here owes you a damn thing? These questions are not designed to be the end of the discussion: YOU ARE GOING TO BE LAMBASTED NON-STOP FOR CAVING!!! YOU'RE ANSWERS WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH ON PAPER!!! If you're coming back as a retread; 1) answer the damn questions honestly and stop trying to deflect blame to all your "reasons" and "excuses," - unless some fuckin' ninja spy literally shoved your lip full of tobacco as a means of turture, YOU AND ONLY YOU are responsible for caving. 2) admit that you made the choice to cave - you may have had real problems going on, but a tin doesn't magically show up in your hand when life gets hard. 3) suck it up when KTC gives you some shit upon your return - start getting really involved and dedicated to your quit and the giving of shit will turn into giving of support.
I'm posting this in my own intro because I don't want this long of a post to muddy up any quit group's home forum. I am here every day to be held accountable so I never have to answer the questions. I'm here because I'm serious about my quit, and I don't expect I'll ever disrespect the men and women here who want to help other quitters while we all fight together by treating KTC as if I can go back to the tin and then return here for another "try." If you don't need this forum to stay quit, fine - and all the best to you. I don't know how I'll feel in the future, I don't have a crystal ball. But if, heaven forbid, I ever caved and came back to KTC with some lame excuses, lies, or bullshit about how my cave was because of this, that or the other and I don't admit my OWN BLAME, I fully expect someone to put my ass in check.
