Day 28 now. Been experiencing a lot of the anxiety I've read about over the past couple days. Tightness in chest and such. Even though I realize it will pass, it is so frustrating and I get really discouraged over it. Then I go and read some quitters' posts about how they are at day 52, 78, 123, 267 or whatever day - way beyond where I am - and they talk about how they are still experiencing major craves. Talk about an unbelievably huge downer. When does this crap end? "Once an addict always an addict." Understood. But does this mean I will live in this daily mental torment indefinitely and no longer be able to enjoy the things I used to love doing? Do I simply accept that the vast majority of the rest of my life is going to be agony? That this is my new normal? Oh, and there's the dandy deal of how I'm actually spending more money now on food, seeds, gum, mints, nuts, soda and whatever else just to get me through each day, more than I ever spent on dip (can every 3 - 4 days). I've gained 6 pounds in the last 4 weeks, and I don't gain weight easily.
So, in a nutshell here it is, then:
1) Major anxiety with crappy physical symptoms
2) Not being able to enjoy the things I used to love doing
3) Not knowing how long the above two will last
4) Knowing that this could last a long, long time
5) Not saving a dime by quitting
6) Gaining weight
One glimmer of hope is something I have read maybe half a dozen times from several quitters. The quote that "It sucks until it doesn't", and the constant assurances that every day you put between you and the day you quit is a day closer to not being trapped in the daily mental torment.
It may appear that I am whining, and that I am not truly seeing the benefits of being free of this addiction. That would be wrong. I look at the six points above and still fully realize that to go through this madness is infinitely better than to go back and live in comfortable addiction. It is worth it. It is worth it. It is worth it.