Hey everybody.. my story is not a new one.. just turned 39 yesterday, been dipping since I was 13. Tried to quit many times, and really told myself I was going to be successful, but looking back I realize that I was doomed to fail because I dont think I ever really believed I would.. Like I was just taking a break or something.. sooner or later (usually sooner) I would tell myself that I could have just one after work, because I had been good.. then it was one before work and one after work, etc etc etc.. same old bullshit lies.
I feel so different now.. I truly am done with this bullshit.. I read a quote on here somewhere which was something "I am more afraid failing my quit than I am of dipping".. that pretty much sums it up.. I am not going back no way no how.
I work as a respiratory therapist, and have seen many patients with esophageal cancer, and patients with throat cancer, with trachs, ventilator dependent.. believe me fellas.. not where we want to be.. Well...
I tried to quit so many times, and am really thankful that I found this site.. I am about 3 weeks clean right now, and getting easier to deal with everyday.
Looking back on my 25+ years of dippin, I cant believe the lies I told myself, and the lame ass justifications I had to do another dip.. I would dip when my day was going shitty, because I told myself I was entitled, but I would also give myself a dip if my day was going great, to "celebrate"! How effed up is that? Dip in the morning, all day, dip at night.. One time recently my wife woke up at 3am and reached for the glass of water on the shelf above the bed, only she ended up with my spit glass.. man there's just no way I could apologize to her for that, as she was kneeling over the toilet and throwing up for 1/2 hour..
Here is the best little lie I told myself, which I can remember saying at least 5 years ago, and ever since.. When I was particularly worried about cancer, and being paranoid, I still talked myself into a dip with this doosy: "This dip isnt going to give you cancer, and if you already happen to have it, doing this dip wont matter anyway, so go ahead".. man thats messed up!
Anyway, I ordered some Smokey Mountain chew, and Hooch, and have been hitting them pretty hard.. My two favorites are the Hooch Spitfire , and the Smokey Mountain straight. Overall I like the Smokey Mountain a bit more, its closer to long cut than the Hooch. I highly recommend them.. after the nicotine addiction lessens, you still gotta deal with the situational jones, and the oral fixation. While these arent dip, they are pretty close, and will help you through a patch where you may want to run down to the store for a tin..
Anyway guys, like I said.. I am glad I found my way here.. I cant wait to make it to 100 days, then 200, 300 etc. I feel like I owe it to everybody in my quit group to stay strong and not cave, and I know they feel that responsibility towards me. I wont let myself, my family, or my quit brothers down.