Boyfriend trying to quit: need advice!

[SAM83]

Same message, milepost on a life long journey. Never let his guard down.

[Sh4string]

Remember that 100 days is not cured, it's gets easier but the battle still has to be fought one day at a time!

[ilovestats]

Thank you all! I did have his name, date, and "Stay Strong" engraved on the coin. I like the simple "I'm proud of you" and ODAAT for the card. Thanks for your quick responses and encouraging words. I have to keep my mouth shut until Friday but I'm so excited.

Thanks again and I have "lurked" on this board several times since I joined on Christmas Eve just bc it's so supportive and inspirational.

[traumagnet]

There is no finish line or we quit only once

[Krusty]

Hello quitters!
I am not introducing as a quitter, but do have a Q.  I hope it's OK that I post here.

I doubt you remember me, but my boyfriend quit on Dec 13, 2013 (after a 20+year habit).  He didn't join your brotherhood on the forums, and I didn't want to push.  However, I joined for support, and told him about the site.  I know from the things he said that he quietly came to your site and read a lot. 

He had a really hard time the first two weeks, both physically and mentally.  It was downright awful. I posted here and was given advice to stay out of his way, but be there when he needed it, knowing he'd be an asshole.  That was all true!  But after that, life started to come back to normal, and now it's even better than ever, as our schedule is not revolving around nicotine and when he can get his next fix.   He is very proud of himself, but knows the fight is never over b/c he still craves, and I suspect will always crave.  It's nothing short of amazing.  There were times when I felt like he was going to break down, but he never did.  I can't explain how proud I am of him.

March 28th, Friday is his 100 day.  I ordered a Silver Hall of Fame coin, engraved.  I'm so excited.

My question is: What should I write the card?  I am worried saying 'Congrats' suggest a finality, when I know this will be a life long battle.  Yet, I want him to feel so proud of himself.  I know I could not be more proud of him.

I am probably thinking about this too much, but if you have the time, pls reply and let me know what  you would like to hear on your 100 day.

I'm proud of all you and so glad this site exists!

Put his name and quit date on it.

Yes definitely get it engraved with his name and quit date. You could also put NAFAR, ODAAT on there

I think you should put "I'm proud of you" on the card.
He is very lucky to have you support him like you do.
He should use this site to support him as well.
Congrats to both of you!

Congrats to both of you on the upcoming milestone. Good thinking on your part re. how to acknowledge his reaching the HOF -- it's a nice looking number, but it's just a number, after all. Depending on how familiar he is with the vernacular on the site, I think "One Day At A Time" (ODAAT) sums up one of the central elements of the site. Would be great to have him join in the future -- lot of newbies that are flailing through their first few days, weeks, etc.

[Doc Chewfree]

Hello quitters!
I am not introducing as a quitter, but do have a Q.  I hope it's OK that I post here.

I doubt you remember me, but my boyfriend quit on Dec 13, 2013 (after a 20+year habit).  He didn't join your brotherhood on the forums, and I didn't want to push.  However, I joined for support, and told him about the site.  I know from the things he said that he quietly came to your site and read a lot. 

He had a really hard time the first two weeks, both physically and mentally.  It was downright awful. I posted here and was given advice to stay out of his way, but be there when he needed it, knowing he'd be an asshole.  That was all true!  But after that, life started to come back to normal, and now it's even better than ever, as our schedule is not revolving around nicotine and when he can get his next fix.   He is very proud of himself, but knows the fight is never over b/c he still craves, and I suspect will always crave.  It's nothing short of amazing.  There were times when I felt like he was going to break down, but he never did.  I can't explain how proud I am of him.

March 28th, Friday is his 100 day.  I ordered a Silver Hall of Fame coin, engraved.  I'm so excited.

My question is: What should I write the card?  I am worried saying 'Congrats' suggest a finality, when I know this will be a life long battle.  Yet, I want him to feel so proud of himself.  I know I could not be more proud of him.

I am probably thinking about this too much, but if you have the time, pls reply and let me know what  you would like to hear on your 100 day.

I'm proud of all you and so glad this site exists!

Put his name and quit date on it.

Yes definitely get it engraved with his name and quit date. You could also put NAFAR, ODAAT on there

I think you should put "I'm proud of you" on the card.
He is very lucky to have you support him like you do.
He should use this site to support him as well.
Congrats to both of you!

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Hello quitters!
I am not introducing as a quitter, but do have a Q.  I hope it's OK that I post here.

I doubt you remember me, but my boyfriend quit on Dec 13, 2013 (after a 20+year habit).  He didn't join your brotherhood on the forums, and I didn't want to push.  However, I joined for support, and told him about the site.  I know from the things he said that he quietly came to your site and read a lot. 

He had a really hard time the first two weeks, both physically and mentally.  It was downright awful. I posted here and was given advice to stay out of his way, but be there when he needed it, knowing he'd be an asshole.  That was all true!  But after that, life started to come back to normal, and now it's even better than ever, as our schedule is not revolving around nicotine and when he can get his next fix.  He is very proud of himself, but knows the fight is never over b/c he still craves, and I suspect will always crave.  It's nothing short of amazing.  There were times when I felt like he was going to break down, but he never did.  I can't explain how proud I am of him.

March 28th, Friday is his 100 day.  I ordered a Silver Hall of Fame coin, engraved.  I'm so excited.

My question is: What should I write the card?  I am worried saying 'Congrats' suggest a finality, when I know this will be a life long battle.  Yet, I want him to feel so proud of himself.  I know I could not be more proud of him.

I am probably thinking about this too much, but if you have the time, pls reply and let me know what  you would like to hear on your 100 day.

I'm proud of all you and so glad this site exists!

Put his name and quit date on it.

Yes definitely get it engraved with his name and quit date. You could also put NAFAR, ODAAT on there

[Winter Green]

Hello quitters!
I am not introducing as a quitter, but do have a Q. I hope it's OK that I post here.

I doubt you remember me, but my boyfriend quit on Dec 13, 2013 (after a 20+year habit). He didn't join your brotherhood on the forums, and I didn't want to push. However, I joined for support, and told him about the site. I know from the things he said that he quietly came to your site and read a lot.

He had a really hard time the first two weeks, both physically and mentally. It was downright awful. I posted here and was given advice to stay out of his way, but be there when he needed it, knowing he'd be an asshole. That was all true! But after that, life started to come back to normal, and now it's even better than ever, as our schedule is not revolving around nicotine and when he can get his next fix. He is very proud of himself, but knows the fight is never over b/c he still craves, and I suspect will always crave. It's nothing short of amazing. There were times when I felt like he was going to break down, but he never did. I can't explain how proud I am of him.

March 28th, Friday is his 100 day. I ordered a Silver Hall of Fame coin, engraved. I'm so excited.

My question is: What should I write the card? I am worried saying 'Congrats' suggest a finality, when I know this will be a life long battle. Yet, I want him to feel so proud of himself. I know I could not be more proud of him.

I am probably thinking about this too much, but if you have the time, pls reply and let me know what you would like to hear on your 100 day.

I'm proud of all you and so glad this site exists!

Put his name and quit date on it.

[ilovestats]

Hello quitters!
I am not introducing as a quitter, but do have a Q. I hope it's OK that I post here.

I doubt you remember me, but my boyfriend quit on Dec 13, 2013 (after a 20+year habit). He didn't join your brotherhood on the forums, and I didn't want to push. However, I joined for support, and told him about the site. I know from the things he said that he quietly came to your site and read a lot.

He had a really hard time the first two weeks, both physically and mentally. It was downright awful. I posted here and was given advice to stay out of his way, but be there when he needed it, knowing he'd be an asshole. That was all true! But after that, life started to come back to normal, and now it's even better than ever, as our schedule is not revolving around nicotine and when he can get his next fix. He is very proud of himself, but knows the fight is never over b/c he still craves, and I suspect will always crave. It's nothing short of amazing. There were times when I felt like he was going to break down, but he never did. I can't explain how proud I am of him.

March 28th, Friday is his 100 day. I ordered a Silver Hall of Fame coin, engraved. I'm so excited.

My question is: What should I write the card? I am worried saying 'Congrats' suggest a finality, when I know this will be a life long battle. Yet, I want him to feel so proud of himself. I know I could not be more proud of him.

I am probably thinking about this too much, but if you have the time, pls reply and let me know what you would like to hear on your 100 day.

I'm proud of all you and so glad this site exists!

[T-Cell]

Hello All!
My boyfriend is on day 6 of quitting after using for 25 years. It was his choice to try, I had no idea he was even going to do it. He's having a very hard time but he's sticking with it thus far.

Any words of wisdom for me? Right now we are not together (with respective families for the holidays) but will see each other again on the 27th. I keep asking how it's going to show support, but he mentioned that he'd rather not discuss it unless he brings it up. He says it's getting worse and he's scared he can't do it, and I directed him to this site, but then he changes the subject, so I just go with it.

Any advice of how to be supportive but not heavy handed or annoying would be greatly appreciated. I just want to do all I can to help him during the process. I can't imagine how hard it is. I am hoping he sticks with it.

Congrats to all of you for quitting/trying to quit. I admire you!

First, you are a heck of a partner.
Secondly, get him in here.
I was a 35+ year user. I was so addicted to that crap that no one who isn't an addict wouldn't believe it. I thought I could quit by myself, but really it was so much easier following the quit recipe here.
He can do it, but it is much tougher by yourself. Have him PM me, I'll be happy to lay down some quit truth...

[Doug P]

I'm moved by the responses. I talked to him about this site tonight and emailed him the link (you can see from the time stamp that it's late- he can't sleep). I hear what you are all saying, and appreciate the advice of 'the quieter the better'. Not trying to stereotype genders, but being quiet is.not natural for me! So it's good to hear that I just need to be there for him and shut it.

I hope he does find himself here. I'm on a Mom's board and we support each other, I have "known" many for years, though never met It's great to see all these quitters staying on the boards for others. Seriously, I stumbled upon this today, and can't stop thinking that THIS is the Christmas Miracle.

If he is quit or becomes quit (I think that's the right phrase?), that would be my Christmas Miracle. Here's to hoping he comes here and gets the support he needs through this.

It can't be said enough: Merry Christmas!

For whatever reason, reading this page every day gives me strength. If he isn't ready to sign up for this site, he can still read this page. Awesome that you are supporting him. He's a lucky man I'm sure.

http://whyquit.com/smokeless/smokeless_ ... _tips.html

[Winter Green]

It sounds like you have led the horse to the water. All he has to do is man up and drink it. 6 days is good, and he is not sleeping because of it. But it does get better. I'm on 24 days and I feel so damn good. I hope he joins up. have a happy holiday

[ilovestats]

I'm moved by the responses. I talked to him about this site tonight and emailed him the link (you can see from the time stamp that it's late- he can't sleep). I hear what you are all saying, and appreciate the advice of 'the quieter the better'. Not trying to stereotype genders, but being quiet is.not natural for me! So it's good to hear that I just need to be there for him and shut it.

I hope he does find himself here. I'm on a Mom's board and we support each other, I have "known" many for years, though never met It's great to see all these quitters staying on the boards for others. Seriously, I stumbled upon this today, and can't stop thinking that THIS is the Christmas Miracle.

If he is quit or becomes quit (I think that's the right phrase?), that would be my Christmas Miracle. Here's to hoping he comes here and gets the support he needs through this.

It can't be said enough: Merry Christmas!

[Wt57]

Hello All!
My boyfriend is on day 6 of quitting after using for 25 years.  It was his choice to try, I had no idea he was even going to do it.  He's having a very hard time but he's sticking with it thus far.

Any words of wisdom for me?  Right now we are not together (with respective families for the holidays) but will see each other again on the 27th.  I keep asking how it's going to show support, but he mentioned that he'd rather not discuss it unless he brings it up.  He says it's getting worse and he's scared he can't do it, and I direct him to this site, but then he changes the subject, so I just go with it.

Any advice of how to be supportive but not heavy handed or annoying would be greatly appreciated.  I just want to do all I can to help him during the process.  I can't imagine how hard it is.  I am hoping he sticks with it.

Congrats to all of you out try quitting/trying to quit.  I admire you!

I have to be honest.........there is nothing you can do. Except to direct him to the site. It MUST come from within. I would quit for him if I could, but he must conquer this demon on his own. The best thing you can do is stay the hell out of his way and do not take it personally when he acts like an asshole for a few months.

I think it is great that you are in his corner. Keep looking for ways to support, but please understand, the quieter the better.

You've been given great advise. I poisoned myself for over 40 years and hid it, lied about it and even told my wife I was quit numerous times over 34 years of marriage. I found this site on my own but I would have been so happy if she'd found it and passed it on to me, because I was truly ready to quit 633 days ago. Don't wait till the 27th, text, email or give him the site address over the phone. If he puts any time online or in chat he will realize we understand. BTW we are predominatly men but definitely not exclusive. We have some damn fine female quitters!

We don't TRY, we QUIT!!! Day 6 bare knuckle alone is awesome but having thousands of supporters pulling for you helps immensely.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Hello All!
My boyfriend is on day 6 of quitting after using for 25 years. It was his choice to try, I had no idea he was even going to do it. He's having a very hard time but he's sticking with it thus far.

Any words of wisdom for me? Right now we are not together (with respective families for the holidays) but will see each other again on the 27th. I keep asking how it's going to show support, but he mentioned that he'd rather not discuss it unless he brings it up. He says it's getting worse and he's scared he can't do it, and I direct him to this site, but then he changes the subject, so I just go with it.

Any advice of how to be supportive but not heavy handed or annoying would be greatly appreciated. I just want to do all I can to help him during the process. I can't imagine how hard it is. I am hoping he sticks with it.

Congrats to all of you out try quitting/trying to quit. I admire you!

I have to be honest.........there is nothing you can do. Except to direct him to the site. It MUST come from within. I would quit for him if I could, but he must conquer this demon on his own. The best thing you can do is stay the hell out of his way and do not take it personally when he acts like an asshole for a few months.

I think it is great that you are in his corner. Keep looking for ways to support, but please understand, the quieter the better.