Ok, im putting this here instead of blowing up the november boards with my rants lol. I have a different outlook on things than most... To me, the only acceptable excuse is act of god related. Everything else can be managed. So i look at people who caved, and most just give an "excuse" answer for their big 3... Horseshit.
They dont take the time to sit and actually think about their answer, which is the whole point of the big 3. I'm only 22 days quit, but even I understand that the big 3 are for MY benefit. This weaksauce horseshit that some post is just that: weaksauce and horseshit. They think theyre making us happy by posting BS answers... They dont realize we see thru that shit... They use "excuses" to why they caved instead of finding the reason, and it pisses me off to no end.
Now, like i said before here, i was quit for about 2 years before i caved. It wasnt even a voluntary quit. I had the flu... Not the 24 hr stuff, but the knock your dick in the dirt kind. I was down about 4 days? Lol i needed help going to the bathroom. When i was recovered, the last thing on my mind was tobacco, and i stayed that way for 2 years.
I was at a new job, my swing shift relief guy came in and popped open a can of Kodiak and the smell hit me, and that was all she wrote... Just like that i fell off the wagon AND got ran over by it. Been tobacco from then till 22 days ago. Everyone needs to be constantly vigilant! I shit on 2 years of quit just like that. I was fucking weak willed and gave in to my base urge to chew wormdirt... I didnt care that i was 2 years quit, i didnt care that i was a single father, all i cared about was that tin of wormshit.
And it would stay that way... Then, like i said earlier, i got that little voice that told me i better quit NOW... I listen to that voice; it was the same one that told me to stop drinking and i havent touched a drop in 12 years.
Now to the present: i am reaffirming my quit to my brothers.
Last week was brutal for me. I had every excuse to cave: my son, who i have raised by myself since he was 2, has shipped off to basic training. The little boy i knew is gone forever. When i see him again, he will have changed. The same boy who was my golf partner, my game partner, my son, will be different. After 16 years, i grew attached and now hes gone... He will be different. He's also infantry, so i know theres a STRONG chance he will see combat... And that will definitely change him... It did me, even though i never noticed... Everyone else did.
Knowing and realizing all of this has hurt me to my core, but i Will. Not. Cave.
I run security for 2 state buildings and im surrounded by idiots because my company gives me no authority... I cant hire or fire anyone, im literally a middleman that has no balls... Stress is the watchword of the day when dealing with these momos, but i Will. Not. Cave.
My family (new family lol ive been re-married 2 years in Oct) lives below the poverty level and we literally live from paycheck to paycheck. We're job hunting for better paying jobs, but right now we suck it up and drive on. I Will. Not. Cave.
I quit each and every day with each and every one of you.