Ok, I'm gonna do it right this time. I relapsed last week because I had a busy day at work and my boss was gone. The weekdays are so much harder than the weekends. Yeah I know, crappy excuses and everyone has their own problems to deal with. No more excuses though. I caved and I know it. Threw out the can already.
I still snuck around the site and guilted myself all week (as my June group noticed). Time to man the fuck up and just do it. It's gonna suck but nobody said it would be easy.
Luckily my order of Jake's mint chew finally came in (the store near me that sold it closed down). That should help.
My original post from earlier in the week is copied below.
Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
