“So Monday August 28th I used my last snus late at night. I honestly had no plans on quitting the next day -- something just snapped the next morning when I went to pop my first snus for the day. I just said -- NO.”
I put this in my introduction speech as it really did happen this way. Now over 100 days later I am so glad that I made that decision that day. I honestly cannot tell you why I made it that day – I just did. And it was the best thing I ever did.
My affair with nicotine began the minute I started working in the “real world”. I quickly realized that smokers got extra “smoke breaks” that the rest of us were not entitled to. Couple that with one on one time with senior managers and directors when smoking rooms were created and I was smoking with the best of them. This lasted a few years until I moved in with my better half, a non-smoker. I quit the daily cigarettes easily and only craved them now and then when I went fishing, hung out at a bar or gambling in Vegas. Once the pack was gone I would not touch another cigarette for months.
While working on a large critical project, over 15 years ago, I found myself buying packs and smoking with the other project leaders. The nicotine was keeping me calm and the smoke time bonded us as a leadership group. After complaining one day about the fights at home over the smoke smell on my clothes a co-worker introduced me to Swedish snus. He was a hunter and used snus, instead of cigarettes, when he was in the woods. I tried a tin and never looked back. That was the biggest mistake of my life.
Snus was not only more addicting from a nicotine perspective but it was so discreet I could snus all of the time: during work, at home, on planes. I would ninja snus all of the time. I thought I was getting over on everyone – no tell tail smell, no spitting – just a slight bump under my top lip. I switched to the smallest portion size I could find to minimize that after my better half got good at spotting it. I lied to everyone – but mostly myself. I read all of the literature that toted how much healthier snus was compared to cigarettes and American chew and dip. However I always omitted the part that still said how unhealthy it was versus no nicotine.
As I wrote in my intro speech, I never believed I was an addict while I used snus -- but that was becoming more and more apparent as I would lose my mind when I could not order my snus because it was on back order. I would panic and get crazy -- stretching out what I still had and checking the website every 3 hours to see when they got it back in. I knew this was not like cigarettes – those I had quit easily. This was going to be a fight.
So back to that morning – again nothing happened the day before that forced my hand. There was no fight at home, no doctors warning it just happened. Something in my brain finally clicked and said STOP. Those first few weeks were horrible – I will not sugar coat it. I was miserable. I was looking for good nicotine free snus alternatives when I found this site – the second best thing that I did!
I will be honest it was not easy for a women snus user to feel 100% comfortable right away on this site. 90%+ of this site is for dip users and mostly men. I read a lot of intro speeches and found one by RachelMosley who quit a few days before me. I could not believe I found another woman on this site that had also been a snus user. I felt this was the sign I needed to join. This was the third best thing I did!
My December 2017 group started forming and I was greeted and welcomed by vets and members of the group. I appreciated the comradery and the shared misery. I truly learned to “embrace the suck”. If it was not for posting roll and being accountable to myself and all of my brothers and sisters in quit I do not think I would have made it to this speech. That really was the difference. I had lied to myself for so long that I am sure I would have broken promises to myself as well.
So I want to thank everyone that reached out and supported me through the first 100 days. I will mention a few people that really went above and beyond but understand that I read everyone’s comments, bitches, gripes and misery posted on the group pages and they really helped me. Special thanks to 4TheWin, CavMan83, Samrs, demondeac, ChickDip, and Ariana5866. And super special thanks to RachelMosley – whose intro post gave me the courage to join the site. Finally thank you to KTC for creating and maintaining this site for addicts like myself.
I continue to face my addiction one day at a time with my 100 day HOF coin in my pocket and daily promise to my group and this site to stay nicotine free. As always, I am proud to quit with all of you.
