Day 21 Introspective. Feb 20, 2015.
The Expected
I am simply in awe of how much has changed in 3 weeks.
The fog hit right away. And hard. Got out of it about a week ago (still have bad days though, but not constant anymore). Food intake and appetite has increased and somehow my metabolism has kept up so far (hallelujah!). My sleep schedule was really messed up and is just now starting to resemble a somewhat reliable pattern. Oral fixation was intense for the first two weeks almost all the time, now it's more of a sporadic urge. THE MOUTH SORES ARE FINALLY HEALED. Sense of taste has improved slightly.
The craziest part? Nothing was really a surprise because I took the time to read up on the site and forum. What this made me realize early on was that my quit is not that different from anyone else on this site. Sure, we all have variations in the effects of quitting, but we are all gonna go through most of it and have similar stressors in our lives that will threaten our quit. It's all been done before I/you got here, so fuck the butterflies who think they're special. (before I found this place I was a total butterfly)
The Unexpected
Perhaps the most unexpected change was the realization that I am a huge procrastinator and have terrible self-motivation. I used dip as the instant reward for a completing a hard task, for working on programming projects, for working long hours, for staying up late, etc etc etc... Now that my brain doesn't have that instant reward anymore my productivity has been destroyed. I am slowly learning to be motivated without an immediate reward, but it's a slow process. I finally caught up on the backlog at work today, personal projects are still proving difficult to work on though.
Another unexpected (though probably shouldn't be) change was my caffeine intake. As a result of the fog and decreased productivity, my caffeine intake has absolutely skyrocketted in order to stay alert and somewhat productive. Coffee. Coffee chew. Coffee pouches. Pop. Tea. Etc. This is something I need to work on fixing as my sleep returns to normal, motivation returns, and the foggy days are more infrequent.
What's working
Posting Roll EDD. No excuses. I've posted roll every day since I've joined and it's had an amazing mental impact in that it sets the tone for the day when you start it out by making a promise to your brothers.
Get digits from fellow quitters and use them! PSA: If you don't have digits of at least 3-5 other quitters, get them now. PM me, happy to share. I have a few vets numbers and a handful of digits from my May brothers and it's been an incredible source of accountability, support, and pride when you have instant access to someone who gets your struggle.
Focusing on today only. ODAAT. I have a hard time not thinking ahead about what tomorrow or the following week will bring and what the nic bitch will throw at me, but I do my best to focus on just quitting for today. Then repeating.
Less drinking. I've started to impose strict limitations on my alcohol consumption and it's helped reduce the cravings and made it easier to stay quit. Additionally, most if not all the cavers that we have in May mentioned alcohol involvement in their cave. It's simply not worth the risk.
Closing thoughts
KTC works if you dig in and use it. This is the longest I've been nic free for 5 years all thanks to the May brothers and vets who have supported me this far. Thanks for all your support! As this day comes to a close, I'll see you all on roll in the morning.
