Been dipping for going on 11 years. Started out casually dipping when I was 16 and have increasing done it more and more throughout the years. It is unbelievable the effect that dip has on your mind. I have always known that it is not good for you but always told myself that I am young and I will be fine. I am all of a sudden not feeling so young anymore.
I now base a good portion of my life around dipping. There is nothing that I do that doesn't involve me dipping. I can dip all day at work, I live by myself so nothing stops me from dipping there. I keep solo cups in my truck so I'll have something to spit in. I look forward more to after meal dips than anything that I have just eaten. Every time I leave the house I tap my back pockets. One to make sure I have my wallet, the other to make sure I have my can. Ill go to the store at any hour if I need a dip. I had even gotten to the point to where I'd spit old dips back in the can if I felt I might run low in the near future.
I have always told myself that I am living a good clean life. I workout and eat healthy, drink occasionally and have never touched any hard drugs. I feel so stupid for wasting so much money and some of the best years of my life being a slave to the can that is slowly killing me. I have begun to notice that my teeth are yellowing, my gums are receding and I am a little afraid to think of what damage might be there that I cannot see.
I had joined the site a few years back and it greatly helped me stop dipping for a good 6 months. I started out posting roll call every day, used every tip that was given on the site and read almost all the stories. I did good for a long time and I began to get complacent. I slowly began to miss roll calls and eventually stopped doing them all together. I thought that I was completely over the addiction and that was 100% my downfall. I was hung over one morning and had been so proud about quitting dip that I figured I deserved at least one. Big Mistake. I didn't even enjoy it but it is amazing how the nicotine plays tricks on your mind. I told myself that I might as well hang on to the can so I can take one later that I'll enjoy. Within one week I was dipping just as much as did before I stopped. I had forgot how hard it was to stop. I tried to go cold turkey on the 2nd and immediately remembered. My mind just keeps coming up with every excuse in the world as to why I should take a dip. Wound up caving yesterday.
I promise that January 5th will be the first day of the rest of my life. I will religiously post on roll call and will never think that I am not addicted to nicotine. This shit has controlled my life for to long. I'm moving on. I just have to take it one day at a time. Its overwhelming to think about quitting forever so I'm going to focus on quitting one day at a time.
Is there an explanation coming anytime soon regarding this cavers "old handle"? Or will this be filed under the new pussified KTC or better yet why don't we call it AL (the brothers of Mayhem will know what that represents)
Maybe this one squeaked by with all the bullshit that has happened over the past 2 days but am I the only one that feels this cavers nuts need to be held to the fire until he just so happens to " try and find out what user name I had used the last time." Is this acceptable ? Is this the winds of change blowing in a new direction?
3 questions? What the fuck are those needed for, for real. Not one single "fuck you", "pussy" "piece of shit." directed towards this cavers way? Any disgusting, filthy, disrespectful, lying caver that spits in the eye of every true quitter that walk the halls of KTC and is allowed and welcomed to post roll in a new group, without any type of explanation what so ever is an absolute disgrace. It is a dishonor to those 3 words above on that banner. It is a discredit to everyone of us that have poured our heart and souls into fighting this addiction every single day, by making an oath to our fellow brothers and sisters.
April, the question to you is what the fuck are you going to do about it? Are you going to allow this caver to waltz in here, take a seat beside you, look you in the eye and promise you that he is quit? Are you going to trust his word? Now remember he gave his word before to the brothers of May 2011? Or was it it March 2011? Oh what the fuck does it matter," it started with a M."