Well, I guess I made it to 100 days but I'm not close to any kind of celebration for myself, I'll reserve that for the one year mark. I am however, very proud of my accomplishment of 100+ days so don't get me wrong...it's just that I'm still tackling this thing one day at a time and even one 15-minute block at a time some days and can't fathom looking too far out yet. I've been told it continues to get better and it most certainly has since the earliest days, but I can also tell it isn't going to be easy from here out either. I will keep on keeping on just like so many before me.
I'd like to thank my quit brothers and sister in the June 2009 group for welcoming me in at the very end of the month. I knew from the beginning that the June 2009 group was a force to be reckoned with...quiet but strong. Without your assistance and commitment to posting roll every day I know that I would have caved. The fact that everyone consistently posted roll drove me to do likewise. I'm generally not a conformist but in this case I KNEW I HAD TO COMPLY for me and my future health.
In addition to the whole June 2009 group, there a few guys that I'd like to single out and personally thank for the nudging that was needed for me to hang it up, the kind emails, the atta-boys and the just-checking-ins:
Chewie - You nudged me to put down the nic-gum that first day and I did...thanks for kicking me in the ass.
JPCrew, Braden, Move Forward, 20 Years UST25 - each of you welcomed me to June, checked in on me at some time and were each a great inspiration for me to succeed in my quit...thanks for taking the time to contact me. I hope to one day meet up with you Colorado guys and thank you in person!
Brad64 - Brad my quit brother, man I am so thankful for the few times we spoke those early days! Our short but poignant conversations were exactly what I needed those early days man (new guys, DO NOT OMIT the importance of getting some digits!). You had me laughing as we shared the misery, detail and angst of our own quits with each other. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
rkymtnman - Jeff, like Brad, you and I spoke a few times (pm a few times) and I want to thank you for your encouraging words. With you being a few months quit longer than me your words spoke volumes to what I was experiencing and about to experience. So far, you have been spot on, thank you!
Why did I quit?
I used copenhagen for 26 years with perhaps the longest break during that time being maybe 12 hours. I quit because I was growing tired of looking at the clock. I quit because all those little twinges of pain in my mouth started to get worse. I quit because I do not want major surgery on my jaw, face, lips or throat. I quit because I didn't want my family and friends to keep looking at me as weak. I quit because I don't want to lose time with my family and friends. I quit because I started thinking about dying more than I thought about living. Like everyone of us quitters on KTC, I hope and pray that I quit in time to keep my health.
How did I quit?
I am a stubborn muther fucker. My dipping copenhagen regimen was pretty well tuned. I decided back in Sept of 2008 to change things up. I knew that a HUGE part to me ever quitting the dip would be for me to learn new behaviors. So, in Sept I decided to NOT take that crack-my-eyes-get-a-drink-from-the-sink-throw-in-a-fatty first thing in the morning. I always knew that that first dip of the day was the one I always wanted the most....this one I had to break if I were to ever get further. Each day I refrained, knowing that as soon as I got in the car to go to work I'd have my first dip instead. The behavior was changing, but only slightly. I then decided on January 1st to start leaving my can at home during the work day and only chew at night. This was much tougher, but again I was trying to reprogram myself. When the day got too tough to deal...I just found somebody at work that chewed and bum one (which is most of the people I work with). When I found myself bumming too many chews during the day, I decided to try the nic gum. One or two pieces during the day seemed to help me and kept me from bumming a dip.
I got kind of used to this schedule, but you know what?....my mouth still hurt. When I'd hit the weekend and my can was at home like I was, it was getting dipped...a bunch. My mouth hurt more since I was going from light-amount of dipping during the week to binge dipping on the weekend. Fuck this!...I gotta quit.
On Sunday the 22 of March, I had just bought a new can and was feeling my mouth ache that night. I put in a dip and started surfing the web and found KTC. I had never known there was a support group for people quitting the chew. I read several of the intro posts, including "what to expect" and it all made sense. I stood up, told my wife "this is it, I fucking quit!", dumped my can in the toilet and joined KTC the next morning. This is when I visited with a piece of nic gum in my mouth and Chewie encouraged me to spit it out and post day one. I did and have posted each day since, as long as I have access to the internet.
So, that's my long winded storyÂ….thanks again KTC and to June 2009 for all the support.
Sincerely,
Mike
