10 days nic free!

[Daddy_shark]

I've heard that a lot of people use their introductions as a sort of "Journal", so I figured I should post this here (originally posted in October 18 group):

Last night I had a bit of an anxiety attack. I was NO WHERE near caving, but I think this may be something that others in October or another group can relate with.

I have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for almost 4 years (for scale, I'm turning 23 in October, so a decent chunk of my adult life). About 2 weeks ago we moved into a condo together which her parents helped pay for. Moving in with her has been a fantastic decision in all aspects of my life. She keeps me eating healthier than ever, I am more physically active than I was before, and most importantly to KTC: I am in an environment that is absolutely NOT welcoming of any nicotine what-so-ever. This move has been one of the best decisions that I've ever made, both in a happiness standpoint and in a health/quit standpoint.

Now, before I get into my main issue, here's a bit of back story:
About 2-3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Long story short - I have anxiety about nothing almost constantly, and I am very bad at dealing with those anxious moments. So, while spending time with some buddies, I was offered a pinch. I had told myself that I would never.. NEVER.. touch this shit because I grew up with spit bottles of diet pepsi in my dad's car and I wanted nothing to do with him or those actions. Well, I thought "fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?" and I tried it. I didn't know that nicotine was often used for anxiety (I wasn't a very well-exposed kid haha) and that's when the abuse started. Fast forward a few weeks/months and I moved to cigarettes because I noticed my gums/teeth having a bad response to the dip and my mouth is basically my biggest insecurity. One day while studying for finals, my girlfriend (like the fucking angel she is) surprises me at my house with some treats in hopes to help fuel my hard work. She didn't expect to walk into a house where her boyfriend reeked of smoke. After a long few weeks/months of anger and sadness and most importantly a breach of trust, I was "quit".

I say "quit" because, like many of you, I tried and failed. According to my girlfriend, I have been nicotine free since February 2017. I don't remember the exact timing of when I started back up, but I did. I think it was around November, a few months after my father had passed away in a car accident, and when my personal confidence and everything about me was at a very low point. I couldn't bring myself to tell my girlfriend. She would've been heartbroken. I broke her trust and lied to her face when I had first been smoking, and I was just doing it again. Well, then began MONTHS of trying and failing. All while I was hiding every little bit of it from my girlfriend who has been nothing but caring and supportive of me. I'd think about how much I was hurting her, I'd get angry at myself and my self-confidence would drop even lower, and I'd cave.


So why am I writing out this big ol' boring ass message? Because last night it hit me again. I was lying in bed thinking about the future. First my anxiety-driven mind went to "What would happen if we broke up?" and considering I'm living in a house that her parents helped pay for, in a state far away from my own family, with barely enough money to be paying minimum rent/schooling, I'd probably have to move back home. But, why would we ever break up? Things are fantastic with us! Then I have to remember that I am on my 47th day quit and I couldn't be more fucking proud of myself, but I have no idea how I could ever tell her. I want to, I REALLY want to because I hate holding this from her, but the fear of 1. Breaking her heart and her trust AGAIN and 2. Losing her because of my own lack of self control.. it's paralyzing. I've told myself that HOF is when I tell her no matter what, but I feel like I need to do it before then because I feel like I'm living with a deep dark secret that she will hate me for. I took a walk last night while she was sleeping and was just pacing outside thinking about it all. I'm very proud of the fact that not ONCE did I think "Maybe I should get a can" or anything close to it. I am so so fucking determined in my quit and I never want to be close to feeling the need of nic again, but fuck man, idk what to do.

I'm not even really sure why I'm writing this, I think I just wanted to get these thoughts/feelings into words and onto paper (eh, close enough). There's such a split in my mind right now. On one hand I'm so proud of myself for being quit, and I'm glad that the WORST thing that I have is that I put a dead plant in my lip (I mean, at least I'm not cheating on her or getting into some seriously crazy shit like heroin). But on the other hand I hold so much shame and hatred for myself for doing it in the first place, and lying about it to someone who gives me their all.

Thanks for being here October, KTC, everyone. Y'all have helped me more than I care to admit. I don't really know if this ought to be posted in the group forums or like, as a comment on my intro or something, but I just wanted to get it out somewhere! Day 47 - Damn proud to be quit with all of you today. Look forward to being quit with you all tomorrow.

I'll second that; I also read every word of that and I'm going to give your my 2cents, wanted or not.

You should tell her, but on YOUR TIME. This is about you, not about her. NOT RIGHT NOW. What you're doing by quitting is restoring faith and trust in yourself; so when you go forth and tell her you're not sulking in a corner, saying "please understand baby, I'm so sorry." F-THAT. You come off and say, "You know what hun, I'm 100+ days COMPLETELY nicotine free, and I'm PROUD as SHIT of myself." You EARNED it... embrace it; do it.

Man, I've been married 12 years which probably isn't much to some of these salty dogs out there. My wife is my ROCK. Short of sleeping with someone else there's literally nothing I cannot tell this woman (AT THE RIGHT TIME IS KEY) that she will not understand or be supportive of.

Love does that to us; I know she loves you and she will recognize the strength you possess for doing this for you!

I'll hit you up with my number, anytime you need me let me know.

[Capital70]

I've heard that a lot of people use their introductions as a sort of "Journal", so I figured I should post this here (originally posted in October 18 group):

Last night I had a bit of an anxiety attack. I was NO WHERE near caving, but I think this may be something that others in October or another group can relate with.

I have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for almost 4 years (for scale, I'm turning 23 in October, so a decent chunk of my adult life). About 2 weeks ago we moved into a condo together which her parents helped pay for. Moving in with her has been a fantastic decision in all aspects of my life. She keeps me eating healthier than ever, I am more physically active than I was before, and most importantly to KTC: I am in an environment that is absolutely NOT welcoming of any nicotine what-so-ever. This move has been one of the best decisions that I've ever made, both in a happiness standpoint and in a health/quit standpoint.

Now, before I get into my main issue, here's a bit of back story:
About 2-3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Long story short - I have anxiety about nothing almost constantly, and I am very bad at dealing with those anxious moments. So, while spending time with some buddies, I was offered a pinch. I had told myself that I would never.. NEVER.. touch this shit because I grew up with spit bottles of diet pepsi in my dad's car and I wanted nothing to do with him or those actions. Well, I thought "fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?" and I tried it. I didn't know that nicotine was often used for anxiety (I wasn't a very well-exposed kid haha) and that's when the abuse started. Fast forward a few weeks/months and I moved to cigarettes because I noticed my gums/teeth having a bad response to the dip and my mouth is basically my biggest insecurity. One day while studying for finals, my girlfriend (like the fucking angel she is) surprises me at my house with some treats in hopes to help fuel my hard work. She didn't expect to walk into a house where her boyfriend reeked of smoke. After a long few weeks/months of anger and sadness and most importantly a breach of trust, I was "quit".

I say "quit" because, like many of you, I tried and failed. According to my girlfriend, I have been nicotine free since February 2017. I don't remember the exact timing of when I started back up, but I did. I think it was around November, a few months after my father had passed away in a car accident, and when my personal confidence and everything about me was at a very low point. I couldn't bring myself to tell my girlfriend. She would've been heartbroken. I broke her trust and lied to her face when I had first been smoking, and I was just doing it again. Well, then began MONTHS of trying and failing. All while I was hiding every little bit of it from my girlfriend who has been nothing but caring and supportive of me. I'd think about how much I was hurting her, I'd get angry at myself and my self-confidence would drop even lower, and I'd cave.


So why am I writing out this big ol' boring ass message? Because last night it hit me again. I was lying in bed thinking about the future. First my anxiety-driven mind went to "What would happen if we broke up?" and considering I'm living in a house that her parents helped pay for, in a state far away from my own family, with barely enough money to be paying minimum rent/schooling, I'd probably have to move back home. But, why would we ever break up? Things are fantastic with us! Then I have to remember that I am on my 47th day quit and I couldn't be more fucking proud of myself, but I have no idea how I could ever tell her. I want to, I REALLY want to because I hate holding this from her, but the fear of 1. Breaking her heart and her trust AGAIN and 2. Losing her because of my own lack of self control.. it's paralyzing. I've told myself that HOF is when I tell her no matter what, but I feel like I need to do it before then because I feel like I'm living with a deep dark secret that she will hate me for. I took a walk last night while she was sleeping and was just pacing outside thinking about it all. I'm very proud of the fact that not ONCE did I think "Maybe I should get a can" or anything close to it. I am so so fucking determined in my quit and I never want to be close to feeling the need of nic again, but fuck man, idk what to do.

I'm not even really sure why I'm writing this, I think I just wanted to get these thoughts/feelings into words and onto paper (eh, close enough). There's such a split in my mind right now. On one hand I'm so proud of myself for being quit, and I'm glad that the WORST thing that I have is that I put a dead plant in my lip (I mean, at least I'm not cheating on her or getting into some seriously crazy shit like heroin). But on the other hand I hold so much shame and hatred for myself for doing it in the first place, and lying about it to someone who gives me their all.

Thanks for being here October, KTC, everyone. Y'all have helped me more than I care to admit. I don't really know if this ought to be posted in the group forums or like, as a comment on my intro or something, but I just wanted to get it out somewhere! Day 47 - Damn proud to be quit with all of you today. Look forward to being quit with you all tomorrow.

Read every word of that. You should be damn proud. IÂ’m not a shrink, but I wouldnÂ’t focus on breaking up. Sounds like you have a good lady and things are going well. Take a deep breath and enjoy it! You are coming in on 50 days! That being said, I do the EXACT thing you do! The mind is a powerful thing! Just keep venting and most importantly keep quitting! You can do this. Before you go to slee think about all the things that are going great!

[Ricebowl]

I've heard that a lot of people use their introductions as a sort of "Journal", so I figured I should post this here (originally posted in October 18 group):

Last night I had a bit of an anxiety attack. I was NO WHERE near caving, but I think this may be something that others in October or another group can relate with.

I have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for almost 4 years (for scale, I'm turning 23 in October, so a decent chunk of my adult life). About 2 weeks ago we moved into a condo together which her parents helped pay for. Moving in with her has been a fantastic decision in all aspects of my life. She keeps me eating healthier than ever, I am more physically active than I was before, and most importantly to KTC: I am in an environment that is absolutely NOT welcoming of any nicotine what-so-ever. This move has been one of the best decisions that I've ever made, both in a happiness standpoint and in a health/quit standpoint.

Now, before I get into my main issue, here's a bit of back story:
About 2-3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Long story short - I have anxiety about nothing almost constantly, and I am very bad at dealing with those anxious moments. So, while spending time with some buddies, I was offered a pinch. I had told myself that I would never.. NEVER.. touch this shit because I grew up with spit bottles of diet pepsi in my dad's car and I wanted nothing to do with him or those actions. Well, I thought "fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?" and I tried it. I didn't know that nicotine was often used for anxiety (I wasn't a very well-exposed kid haha) and that's when the abuse started. Fast forward a few weeks/months and I moved to cigarettes because I noticed my gums/teeth having a bad response to the dip and my mouth is basically my biggest insecurity. One day while studying for finals, my girlfriend (like the fucking angel she is) surprises me at my house with some treats in hopes to help fuel my hard work. She didn't expect to walk into a house where her boyfriend reeked of smoke. After a long few weeks/months of anger and sadness and most importantly a breach of trust, I was "quit".

I say "quit" because, like many of you, I tried and failed. According to my girlfriend, I have been nicotine free since February 2017. I don't remember the exact timing of when I started back up, but I did. I think it was around November, a few months after my father had passed away in a car accident, and when my personal confidence and everything about me was at a very low point. I couldn't bring myself to tell my girlfriend. She would've been heartbroken. I broke her trust and lied to her face when I had first been smoking, and I was just doing it again. Well, then began MONTHS of trying and failing. All while I was hiding every little bit of it from my girlfriend who has been nothing but caring and supportive of me. I'd think about how much I was hurting her, I'd get angry at myself and my self-confidence would drop even lower, and I'd cave.


So why am I writing out this big ol' boring ass message? Because last night it hit me again. I was lying in bed thinking about the future. First my anxiety-driven mind went to "What would happen if we broke up?" and considering I'm living in a house that her parents helped pay for, in a state far away from my own family, with barely enough money to be paying minimum rent/schooling, I'd probably have to move back home. But, why would we ever break up? Things are fantastic with us! Then I have to remember that I am on my 47th day quit and I couldn't be more fucking proud of myself, but I have no idea how I could ever tell her. I want to, I REALLY want to because I hate holding this from her, but the fear of 1. Breaking her heart and her trust AGAIN and 2. Losing her because of my own lack of self control.. it's paralyzing. I've told myself that HOF is when I tell her no matter what, but I feel like I need to do it before then because I feel like I'm living with a deep dark secret that she will hate me for. I took a walk last night while she was sleeping and was just pacing outside thinking about it all. I'm very proud of the fact that not ONCE did I think "Maybe I should get a can" or anything close to it. I am so so fucking determined in my quit and I never want to be close to feeling the need of nic again, but fuck man, idk what to do.

I'm not even really sure why I'm writing this, I think I just wanted to get these thoughts/feelings into words and onto paper (eh, close enough). There's such a split in my mind right now. On one hand I'm so proud of myself for being quit, and I'm glad that the WORST thing that I have is that I put a dead plant in my lip (I mean, at least I'm not cheating on her or getting into some seriously crazy shit like heroin). But on the other hand I hold so much shame and hatred for myself for doing it in the first place, and lying about it to someone who gives me their all.

Thanks for being here October, KTC, everyone. Y'all have helped me more than I care to admit. I don't really know if this ought to be posted in the group forums or like, as a comment on my intro or something, but I just wanted to get it out somewhere! Day 47 - Damn proud to be quit with all of you today. Look forward to being quit with you all tomorrow.

[BBQchips]

RB, you've made an awesome decision. Everyone else in here has already given the right advice. I've tried quitting so many times it is laughable. Making that promise (FIRST THING) every morning to the people in your group holds you accountable. Just have to do it one day at a time (ODAAT) and repeat. Read the advice posts, HOF Speeches, and stick around our October 2018 group (I'm with you, 14 days). Learn how to post roll, and get some texts with fellow quitters. Send me a PM if you need my number (top right corner of site under "Inbox").

I'm with you in that I always had a lip when gaming late night and it's been a struggle, but it is already better two weeks in with that. For me candy like starburst, gum, seeds, and fake pouches like TeaZa help a ton with the oral fixation part of the withdrawal. That and chugging water and texting fellow quitters.

With you in the quit. See you at Roll. Welcome aboard.

[Cereal]

Welcome to KTC Ricebowl.
I'm glad to see someone in the same situation as me. You and I haven't been chewing that long (not like some of the guys here who have been chewing 30-50 years) but don't underestimate the power of this addiction. The first two weeks for me weren't too bad but past the two week mark things started to get much harder, there's no sugarcosting it, this will suck for a while, but I'll tell you it sucks a whole hell of a lot less than being a slave to the nic bitch. I'm proud to be quitting with you and October is a hell of a month.

[Capital70]

Hello Ricebowl! Great intro and congrats on all your days! Ill send you my number if you ever need it. You are going to be in the October group with some real bad asses. Buy in, get to know them, and help others. Im 16 years older than you but I also enjoy gaming and have some anxiety issues. Lets quit together!

[240Bravo]

Welcome to KTC and congratulations on 10 Days!

Get in with the October quit group and make roll everyday!

Get Digits.
Get Support
Hold each other accountable.
Quit one day at a time
Repeat.
Succeed.

Regarding the oral thing try some fake dip. I really like Jakes mint chew. It has helped immensely!
I also started working out quite a bit harder to make sure I didn't gain weight!

[Ricebowl]

Hey all, I'm Ricebowl, I'm a 22 year old in Northern Colorado. I have HAD dipped for about 4 years, and on 7/2/18 I became nic free!

A little about myself -- I moved to Colorado when I was 18 for school and started dipping pretty quickly into my freshman year. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), so I've been using nicotine/marijuana to self-medicate my stress a lot. I'm pretty new to being a member of a thread group like this, so give me a little bit of time to figure everything out exactly :P I am a nerd who loves video games (Overwatch being my most played right now), so if you are into any tech/games, I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about! I also love music and movies of all genres (mostly interested in metalcore music and drama/thriller movies), so basically any type of media consumption :P

I first started my quit when a few friends from out of state (namely high school friends) flew out to CO for a big event we wanted to attend together. I didn't want to gross them out and couldn't think of any reasonable way for me to say "Hey, I know we see each other once every 2 years, but I'll be right back because I need to go stuff tobacco in my face". (Social Anxiety can be helpful at times I suppose!) So I made the decision that I might as well use that 4-5 days as a jumping-off point for a quit that I've been putting off with stories of "Well, it's just a bad week for it" or "I'd rather start on a Friday, where it'll be easier" or any other lies that I could come up with. While my friends were in town, we went to a Hookah lounge so even though I stopped dipping on 6/27, I don't consider myself "quit" until 7/2/18, the morning after the last hookah lounge.

The biggest issues I've run into so far is definitely the habit (I have been dipping nearly every time I play video games for the last 4 years), and appetite. I practically ate a whole large pizza to myself last night because I don't have anything to keep my mouth distracted.

I'm looking forward to joining the Oct 2018 group! I'm pretty bad at doing self-introductions, so if you have any questions feel free to ask!

EDIT - I don't know if I can edit the title, but first post in KTC and I already messed up!:P I meant to make the title "9 days nic free!" after realizing that today is July 10th, not July 11th..