I'm 4.5 years older than my brother. He was in ROTC throughout college and graduated into the Army. Shortly thereafter, my parents and I noticed he picked up a habit called Copenhagen. I used to tease him about his "spit cup", but he would just keep doing it. That was 21 years ago.
Well, about 10 or so years ago I visited him at his base for a week. He was still using Copenhagen. One night, we had a few beers, and I teased him again about his "spit cup" (though it was actually a bottle). He came over and held the can of "Cope" under my nose and said, "Smell the aroma - you want some". Of course, I would normally have said "No way!", but something in me said, "I'll show him!". So, I asked him what to do. That was it. I was hooked. I liked it. No, I loved it. I wish I would have puked right there on the spot, but I didn't. Then I had to fly back home. That's when my one can a day habit started. I was nervous about buying the first can, but once I did, I rushed home for that dip. I had terrible technique - something that always led to what my brother called "floaters". Ick! Why did I start a habit that tasted so revolting? Ah, because it took away boredom. It took away stress. It helped me relax. But, what it really did was enslave me to a $4-$5/day habit for over 10 years. It enslaved me to a "schedule" of activities (all Cope-related) at certain times: getting up, toilet, shower, pre-lunch, post-lunch, pre-dinner, post-dinner, TV-time, bed-time, and any time spent in the car. I couldn't do it at work during the weekdays, as that wouldn't have been tolerated. But, you bet that I would be doing it there if I had to work on the weekend when nobody was around.
I wasn't married when I started Cope. I've been married now for 18 months. I lost a girlfriend over the habit. I hid it from others. I told my wife when we met that I used Cope, but that I would quit. So, I used nico-candies for about 20 months and managed to quit nicotine totally until about 2 months after our wedding. Some major job stress broke my resolve and I was back on the can. I would stop for a little while, but I couldn't use the nico-candies because I didn't want my wife to find out that I was doing it. So, I always returned to the can. I hated hiding this from her. I had hiding places for cans in the house (top of china cabinet, laptop bag, top of bathroom cabinet). I've spent time in the bathroom "reading the paper", but was really there getting a lip full. I've stayed up late reading or watching TV just to dip. I would linger in the morning before work and would dip after my wife left. I would dip when she went shopping.
But, the car became my safe place. My can(s) and bottle in the glove box or under the driver's seat if my wife would join me in the car. That all ended when my car was rear-ended a couple months ago. We bought a new car. One that my wife liked to drive too. Well, you know what happened next, right? She went out to put our new insurance cards into the glove box one day and my bottle and can were there. Needless to say, it wasn't a good Friday for us, but it was a good day for me. It was my quit day. September 5th, 2008, 6:30pm. Yes, I had to dip the last of it before throwing out the can bottle. She didn't like that, but I was in the habit and didn't see any reason to not use up the rest. She went to the store and bought me nico-candies while I finished the can. She came home with the 2mg variety...I wanted the 4mg, but told her I would try to do it on 2's. I love her and never want to hurt her like this again. She bought my nico-candies!!
Well, it's 3.5 weeks and I haven't had a single dip. I'm sucking on a nico-candy right now as I write this. I have more energy than I've had in a long time. You quickly forget what your energy level was like when you weren't on the can. See, that's the thing. Cope made me lazy. Cope made me complacent. Cope enslaved me and a whole lot more.
I don't want to be a slave anymore.
CopeFiend
