4weeks in need help

[Rawls]

Nicotine is one big lie.

After 1,000 days there is no excuse for this. It makes me sick to know that new guys that are really struggling are reading this and thinking..."damn this must be impossible. A cave after 1,000 days? It must never get better."

Well it does. A lot. This is pathetic. Post roll everyday and this is a fuckin cakewalk after 1,000. Or you can do it the BigBob way.

Makes me wonder if he was really ever quit?
Yes.. Any one can fall.
But, at one point... I quit peeing in my pants.
I also quit sucking a nipple...kinda?
I quit blaming other people.
I started reading and learning.
I ask for accountability.
KTC has helped me replace Who I was.. ODAAT.
It's hard to go back...
Let's keep moving forward.

Bigbob...... Maybe You just stopped.
I can see the chair.
I can research the chair.
I can see other people sit in the chair.
I can touch the chair.
I can go to college and learn about the chair.
I can go to seminary on the chair.
I can talk about the chair.
I can preach to crowds about the chair.
I can sit in the chair.
But.....
At some point I have to Trust the chair.
I have to pick my feet up.
And "believe" in the chair.
All can escape the lie.
All can find the truth.. And be set free.
I quit with you... And all.
Rawls 912

[worktowin]

Nicotine is one big lie.

After 1,000 days there is no excuse for this. It makes me sick to know that new guys that are really struggling are reading this and thinking..."damn this must be impossible. A cave after 1,000 days? It must never get better."

Well it does. A lot. This is pathetic. Post roll everyday and this is a fuckin cakewalk after 1,000. Or you can do it the BigBob way.

[Gdubya]

Seriously? Damn. Man past comma we all still know we aren't cured. But if you have been truly quit for 1000 days +, then you know craves still exist and it takes very little effort to put them aside. Only way a crave has any power is if we meditate on it and give it an open door to come in. Lock the door. Throw away the key.

[Doc2quit4good]

Anybody else looking in here just know this isn't the way to be quit. This guy knew he was going to do this. The guys in his group know the "demons" that he speaks of, but hell using tobacco again is just another problem on top of whatever he faces. Not all of us are perfect individuals with all of the vices in check, but if we are here and we are saying we are quit we better be quit. There is too much at stake here. Most of us don't have second chances... I hope he finds his way back from this but it will be tough... Be quit folks!!!

[AppleJack]

Boys it's been an honer to post with U this long. I keep fighting my Demons and they keep winning. I fly out of state in the morning for at least a month stay in a rehab facility. Drugs. Liquor, tobacco... didn't even fall off the wagon I burned it to the ground. Farewell my friends and good like on your own paths

Well, sometime over the weekend the demons caught up with BigBob after day 1,143 ... as that was his last official post Friday before dropping the bomb above last night. How the hell someone gets well past a comma and still folds is beyond me. I can tell you the blatantly obvious things though:

• He started missing days here and there, with little remorse.
• He started posting later and later in the day ... again, with little remorse.
• Days missed started to get strung together, with little remorse.

Sound familiar? Tough to fight demons when you choose to do so alone. Embrace brotherhood by all means, but you damn sure better embrace accountability along with it ... it's what keeps you quit if shit hits the fan.

You have zero accountability? You've already lost.

I hope you find the help you need in rehab bud.

Well, ain't that a reality punch to the nuts!?!

1,100+ days and caved willingly.

You're never cured boys and girls.
Never.

Own it and be accountable every day.

That's your freedom right there...

[Smeds]

Boys it's been an honer to post with U this long. I keep fighting my Demons and they keep winning. I fly out of state in the morning for at least a month stay in a rehab facility. Drugs. Liquor, tobacco... didn't even fall off the wagon I burned it to the ground. Farewell my friends and good like on your own paths

Well, sometime over the weekend the demons caught up with BigBob after day 1,143 ... as that was his last official post Friday before dropping the bomb above last night. How the hell someone gets well past a comma and still folds is beyond me. I can tell you the blatantly obvious things though:

• He started missing days here and there, with little remorse.
• He started posting later and later in the day ... again, with little remorse.
• Days missed started to get strung together, with little remorse.

Sound familiar? Tough to fight demons when you choose to do so alone. Embrace brotherhood by all means, but you damn sure better embrace accountability along with it ... it's what keeps you quit if shit hits the fan.

You have zero accountability? You've already lost.

I hope you find the help you need in rehab bud.

[rdad]

Ladies and gents I owe you a long overdue update. Since I last wrote, I welcomed another son into the world. I finally got to the point where i didn't feel like i was quitting anymore and was just living life and a guy who used to use a lot of tobacco. weeks would go by without even thinking about it once. I hit smooth sailing. About a month ago now my anxiety flared up again and I'm really having a hard time. my wife reminded me that last year at this time I hit a wall and had a really rough time as well. Perhaps it is a seasonal thing or a holiday thing that is triggering it. I have also realized that i am kind of replacing tobacco with alcohol. As a bartender I always have booze around me and we always toss a few back after a shift. its been a long time since i have gone a day without alcohol. i decided to take a brake from the alcohol ( day 4) and also saw a doctor about the anxiety.

The purpose of the post , despite me currently falling into a hard way, is a positive update. I am so grateful to all you who supported me through the early days of this quit. so grateful for all the help when I thought i was going crazy and never going to come out of the fog and funk. It took well over a year but I made it through. I am not attributing my current problems to tobacco directly, only that i probably "medicated" the anxiety problem with tobacco and i know longer have it. To any new guys who makes it this far into my thread, it gets so much better.

eta day 608

Man you've gone thru a lot since joining this site. A lot of good. A lot of bad. But man you are an inspiration.

Thanks for the update.

Yeah, thanks for the update BigBob. Congrats on your growing family! I am so happy that you made it through all that early shit and are still here with us.
Jerry.

[worktowin]

Ladies and gents I owe you a long overdue update. Since I last wrote, I welcomed another son into the world. I finally got to the point where i didn't feel like i was quitting anymore and was just living life and a guy who used to use a lot of tobacco. weeks would go by without even thinking about it once. I hit smooth sailing. About a month ago now my anxiety flared up again and I'm really having a hard time. my wife reminded me that last year at this time I hit a wall and had a really rough time as well. Perhaps it is a seasonal thing or a holiday thing that is triggering it. I have also realized that i am kind of replacing tobacco with alcohol. As a bartender I always have booze around me and we always toss a few back after a shift. its been a long time since i have gone a day without alcohol. i decided to take a brake from the alcohol ( day 4) and also saw a doctor about the anxiety.

The purpose of the post , despite me currently falling into a hard way, is a positive update. I am so grateful to all you who supported me through the early days of this quit. so grateful for all the help when I thought i was going crazy and never going to come out of the fog and funk. It took well over a year but I made it through. I am not attributing my current problems to tobacco directly, only that i probably "medicated" the anxiety problem with tobacco and i know longer have it. To any new guys who makes it this far into my thread, it gets so much better.

eta day 608

Man you've gone thru a lot since joining this site. A lot of good. A lot of bad. But man you are an inspiration.

Thanks for the update.

[Bigbob]

Ladies and gents I owe you a long overdue update. Since I last wrote, I welcomed another son into the world. I finally got to the point where i didn't feel like i was quitting anymore and was just living life and a guy who used to use a lot of tobacco. weeks would go by without even thinking about it once. I hit smooth sailing. About a month ago now my anxiety flared up again and I'm really having a hard time. my wife reminded me that last year at this time I hit a wall and had a really rough time as well. Perhaps it is a seasonal thing or a holiday thing that is triggering it. I have also realized that i am kind of replacing tobacco with alcohol. As a bartender I always have booze around me and we always toss a few back after a shift. its been a long time since i have gone a day without alcohol. i decided to take a brake from the alcohol ( day 4) and also saw a doctor about the anxiety.

The purpose of the post , despite me currently falling into a hard way, is a positive update. I am so grateful to all you who supported me through the early days of this quit. so grateful for all the help when I thought i was going crazy and never going to come out of the fog and funk. It took well over a year but I made it through. I am not attributing my current problems to tobacco directly, only that i probably "medicated" the anxiety problem with tobacco and i know longer have it. To any new guys who makes it this far into my thread, it gets so much better.

eta day 608

[worktowin]

One year ... full of "life", and full of quit! Glad to have you in my corner EDD Craig, congrats on the lap bud ... go do it again!

'clap'

I cant believe its been a year already. How you feeling now BigBob? You were a freaking wreck in the beginning. Huge Congratulations on a big milestone! Very proud of you.

Wreck to win. After win. After win. Congratulations sir - you are what this site is all about.

365 wins in a row!

-w2w

[rdad]

One year ... full of "life", and full of quit! Glad to have you in my corner EDD Craig, congrats on the lap bud ... go do it again!

'clap'

I cant believe its been a year already. How you feeling now BigBob? You were a freaking wreck in the beginning. Huge Congratulations on a big milestone! Very proud of you.

[Smeds]

One year ... full of "life", and full of quit! Glad to have you in my corner EDD Craig, congrats on the lap bud ... go do it again!

'clap'

[Smeds]

Hey boys thanks for the 200 props! I know its been a while since i blew the spider webs off this intro. I have wanted to post this so many times but ever time i want to i have a bad day. Almost like a sign to hold off and not jinx myself.

quick update for you all. I am on day 234 and i finally got my dozer. Im going through the field of quit fucking shit right up Caterpillar style. and this is despite a lot of "life" (as one quite brother puts it) happening to me in the last few months. I no longer think i'm crazy haha. I have about 2-3 days a month that are really tough anxiety wise. it comes out of the blue and for no distinguishable reason. starts with about a 1 minute long panic attack and then about 2 days of general anxiety. today was one such day. foggy too which was goofy that hasn't happened in a while but fuck it i can handle once a month issues. Its the first time the snow flies here and I'm sure the change of season might have something to do with it. Craves a plenty but i have no actually desire to go and get a tin if that makes sense.

so now for the "life" that has happened. I think i covered the first part in here some were but just to bring the memories back. I run a construction company. 3rd generation family to run it.
-Had some body brake into my yard and steal my f250, loaded with multiple thousands of dollars worth
of batteries out of the machinery. Recovered the truck not the batteries.
-Then I had to put our dog down. He (bob) was a good old golden retriever and the first pet my wife and i shared. rescued him at an old age and we new it would come sooner than later.
-Then we got a new rescue. Bear a golden doodle. he is 4 and a great edition to the family
-then I went straight "jet blue" at the afore mentioned job. told my whole family to kiss my ass and quite. mind you i have a wife in law school, and a 6 month old at home. needless to say it was life changing. one of those 30 seconds of life you never expected to happen but instantly change the course of your life forever. I have since enrolled in school for january and got a job at a bitchen high class bar opening this week. i gave my family till the end of the year to get them going and I'm out.
-somewere in there i forgot to mention a day i showed up to a job sight and somebody had taken a shit on the seat of my whole tree chipper. but only after spray painting some freshly painted machines with all kinds of shit.

All the while the nic bitch calling but thanks to you all i kicked her In the teeth river dance style. I am excited about my new life and my quit. WIfe runs a company out of the house making vinyl decals for coffee mugs and other drink wear. ( I'm bring to get a fe quit like fuck mugs btw) and her little business has taken off way beyond our expectations. it helps to take the stress of me leaving my job.

last but not least is my son. He is fucking perfect. every day i see him i am amazed. grows so fast and so damn smart. I can't believe i am responsible for something so good. the little bastard scoots all around th house and is standing by himself if u give hi something to hold onto. before i know it we will be fishing and hunting together. and the little man will never now i ever chewed. thanks again for all the support guys! ill keep you posted

Awesome recap bro ... thanks for sharing. As always, QFL with you every damn day, proud to call you a "DD" brother! Do the DD's get discounts on mugs?

[rdad]

Good Stuff BigBob!

[Bigbob]

Hey boys thanks for the 200 props! I know its been a while since i blew the spider webs off this intro. I have wanted to post this so many times but ever time i want to i have a bad day. Almost like a sign to hold off and not jinx myself.

quick update for you all. I am on day 234 and i finally got my dozer. Im going through the field of quit fucking shit right up Caterpillar style. and this is despite a lot of "life" (as one quite brother puts it) happening to me in the last few months. I no longer think i'm crazy haha. I have about 2-3 days a month that are really tough anxiety wise. it comes out of the blue and for no distinguishable reason. starts with about a 1 minute long panic attack and then about 2 days of general anxiety. today was one such day. foggy too which was goofy that hasn't happened in a while but fuck it i can handle once a month issues. Its the first time the snow flies here and I'm sure the change of season might have something to do with it. Craves a plenty but i have no actually desire to go and get a tin if that makes sense.

so now for the "life" that has happened. I think i covered the first part in here some were but just to bring the memories back. I run a construction company. 3rd generation family to run it.
-Had some body brake into my yard and steal my f250, loaded with multiple thousands of dollars worth
of batteries out of the machinery. Recovered the truck not the batteries.
-Then I had to put our dog down. He (bob) was a good old golden retriever and the first pet my wife and i shared. rescued him at an old age and we new it would come sooner than later.
-Then we got a new rescue. Bear a golden doodle. he is 4 and a great edition to the family
-then I went straight "jet blue" at the afore mentioned job. told my whole family to kiss my ass and quite. mind you i have a wife in law school, and a 6 month old at home. needless to say it was life changing. one of those 30 seconds of life you never expected to happen but instantly change the course of your life forever. I have since enrolled in school for january and got a job at a bitchen high class bar opening this week. i gave my family till the end of the year to get them going and I'm out.
-somewere in there i forgot to mention a day i showed up to a job sight and somebody had taken a shit on the seat of my whole tree chipper. but only after spray painting some freshly painted machines with all kinds of shit.

All the while the nic bitch calling but thanks to you all i kicked her In the teeth river dance style. I am excited about my new life and my quit. WIfe runs a company out of the house making vinyl decals for coffee mugs and other drink wear. ( I'm bring to get a fe quit like fuck mugs btw) and her little business has taken off way beyond our expectations. it helps to take the stress of me leaving my job.

last but not least is my son. He is fucking perfect. every day i see him i am amazed. grows so fast and so damn smart. I can't believe i am responsible for something so good. the little bastard scoots all around th house and is standing by himself if u give hi something to hold onto. before i know it we will be fishing and hunting together. and the little man will never now i ever chewed. thanks again for all the support guys! ill keep you posted