Can't Put It Off Anymore

[PMILS]

Congratulations my friend on reaching HOF!!! Proud to be quit with you EDD!!

[sooverit]

My name is WashedUp and I have lied to myself for the last 9+ years. I've always convinced myself that I can stop whenever I want. I'm not addicted. I just choose to keep doing it. It's not a big deal. I would tell myself "I'll quit when I get married" (almost 3 years ago). "I'll quit when I have kids" (first child soon to turn 1). I've been lying to myself and I can't do it anymore.

Lately, I sit there and watch my son play and I start to feel guilty. Guilty that I'm so selfish that I would put my health in jeopardy to the point where I won't see my son play his first baseball game, his first dance, his first date, getting his driver's license, his graduation from high school and college, his wedding, the birth of his children, etc., etc., etc. That guilt drives me to feel stressed and drives me right back to my old pal, dip.

I've tried to quit in the past - but they were half hearted efforts. At the first sign of struggle - I'd go back to old faithful - dip.

Well - I can't do it anymore. I can't live with the anxiety of always being afraid that cancer is currently growing in my mouth and I have no idea. I can't live with the thought of having to tell my son, wife, family, friends, etc. that I'm going to die because of my selfishness. I look at my life and I'm so lucky to have a wonderful family (parents, siblings, wife, in-laws, child) and I choose everyday to put myself one day closer to death.

I feel like I could have written much of your post, or vice a versa. Only difference is I'm a mom, and have three little boys (oldest just turned 6). I'm glad I found your post. Today is my day 1. I will be looking for your posts, to watch your success.

[CavMan83]

WU111,

Don't think it really much matters where you post stuff, as long as it helps, and as long as you're maintaining your integrity. I appreciate the honesty you're bringing to this quit. Hang tough, it DOES get better. Still solidly in your corner!

[KillTheCamel]

Welcome Washed up and Slick from one quitter to another!

Quit with you both today. The more I pledge my quit the more confidence I have and harder it would be to break that promise for me. I could easily let myself down, but knowing your struggles and quitting with you I would never let you down.

[kubiackalpha]

Don't hope to be active. Be active.

The only way to screw up roll is by not posting. Some of the brethren and sisters do not mind carrying you when you struggle. Use the numbers given to you. Help yourself. Drink tons of water.






Just for today, Self.

[CavMan83]

WU111,

Check your PM. Sent you a note from one quitter to another. You got this. Work the system, because the system works. One day, one hour, one MINUTE at a time, if that's what it takes. Reclaim your life!

[DWEIRICK]

I don't know where to post some things - but after posting my introduction I felt the weight of the world life off my shoulders. I don't know why - but I felt at ease with it.

I think saying (or in this case typing) some of those things out loud for the first time in my life made me realize how idiotic and stupid starting all those years ago and being a salve to it for the last 9+ years is. No one knows how much of an issue it is for me. No one knows that while we're sitting at dinner together all I can think about is when we're leaving so I can have a dip. It was really refreshing to open up and actually say how I feel about it - without the feeling of judgement from others because you all know how it feels.

I read a lot of posts last night when I signed in and introduced myself. I had a good day. Someone offered me a pouch and without thinking I grabbed the can and picked up the pouch.... But then I remembered reading all of your positive comments and stories - and just thought "just try to win this interaction". I put the pouch back into the can and gave it back to him.

Trying to learn how to post roll and am going to make an effort to post every day. Some days computers are more readily accessible than others for me. I want to write my HOF speech in September with the rest of this group of men and women.

The present I want to give my son for his 1st birthday is Daddy being dip free for 1 month. And on his 2nd birthday - daddy being dip free for 13 months, and on his 3rd birthday - daddy being dip free for 25 months. I want to give him the gift of not having to say goodbye to his daddy before my time comes naturally...

So I don't know if this is the right place - but it makes me feel better being able to vent and just free write about how I'm feeling.

If there is a more appropriate forum for that - please let me know. If not, I'll just keep replying here.

You got my number so even if you're unable to get to a computer just shot old DW a text with your promise and day count and I'll make sure you get on there! Quit is obtainable the question is what lengths are you willing to go to maintain it!

[Washedup111]

I don't know where to post some things - but after posting my introduction I felt the weight of the world life off my shoulders. I don't know why - but I felt at ease with it.

I think saying (or in this case typing) some of those things out loud for the first time in my life made me realize how idiotic and stupid starting all those years ago and being a salve to it for the last 9+ years is. No one knows how much of an issue it is for me. No one knows that while we're sitting at dinner together all I can think about is when we're leaving so I can have a dip. It was really refreshing to open up and actually say how I feel about it - without the feeling of judgement from others because you all know how it feels.

I read a lot of posts last night when I signed in and introduced myself. I had a good day. Someone offered me a pouch and without thinking I grabbed the can and picked up the pouch.... But then I remembered reading all of your positive comments and stories - and just thought "just try to win this interaction". I put the pouch back into the can and gave it back to him.

Trying to learn how to post roll and am going to make an effort to post every day. Some days computers are more readily accessible than others for me. I want to write my HOF speech in September with the rest of this group of men and women.

The present I want to give my son for his 1st birthday is Daddy being dip free for 1 month. And on his 2nd birthday - daddy being dip free for 13 months, and on his 3rd birthday - daddy being dip free for 25 months. I want to give him the gift of not having to say goodbye to his daddy before my time comes naturally...

So I don't know if this is the right place - but it makes me feel better being able to vent and just free write about how I'm feeling.

If there is a more appropriate forum for that - please let me know. If not, I'll just keep replying here.

[Slick]

Washed, It looks like you joined over a year ago. What's keeping you from freedom? Let's try something different. Get in there. What do you have to lose?

One of my many half hearted attempts. Created an account and thought "I don't need any help. I can do this myself."

I was wrong.

Trying to figure out how to navigate the forums and where to post.

yeah, I was too.. but you will get the hang of it after a day or 2.

Day 15 for me... in less than 51 minutes, it will be the start of day 16.

Get your ass here everyday and be held accountable and do it. It is the only way this works. and if you get the feeling you are going to cave. just read the posts from other members, realize that you are NOT alone and reach out to your group. In the short amount of time I have been here. 2 fellow members sent me their phone numbers, spoke to me via Private message and we have had some real conversations that totally helped fight the urge to give in and try it some other day... trying some other day is not the answer.

[Washedup111]

Washed, It looks like you joined over a year ago. What's keeping you from freedom? Let's try something different. Get in there. What do you have to lose?

One of my many half hearted attempts. Created an account and thought "I don't need any help. I can do this myself."

I was wrong.

Trying to figure out how to navigate the forums and where to post.

[copingwithoutcopen]

Washed, It looks like you joined over a year ago. What's keeping you from freedom? Let's try something different. Get in there. What do you have to lose?

[RDB]

Dump that shit out of the can(s) into the toilet. Flush the toilet. Rinse the can(s). Never buy any again.

Go to the Welcome Center. Learn to post Roll. Go to your September Quit Group. Post Roll. Do the same thing tomorrow. Do it every day after. Post Roll as early as you can after you wake up, before you leave the house.

Nicotine has never done a damn thing for you.

Any excuse you have is as piss poor as why one of your students didn't turn in their home work, or show up for practice.

It's going to be a long summer. Make it the summer you Quit!

[pky1520]

Welcome, lots of guys with similar stories - those quitting milestones that we blew by, lying and hiding from the people who care about us, swapping our health and long life for the short term relief of withdrawal symptoms. When you really commit to quitting, your outlook will be transformed. It's miserable at first, but the improvement will come. It's FREEDOM! It's the best feeling in the world.

You can get there with help. Start posting roll (daily promise not to use) and do it EVERY DAMN DAY and do it early - it's the only way to use this site. Go to topic/11649440/86/#new and start connecting with the folks there. You're all in the same boat. Your quit group and your daily promise not to use will keep you tethered when things start to get out of control - and they will. Just stay focused and be a man of your word and you will be successful.

[FISHFLORIDA]

My name is WashedUp and I have lied to myself for the last 9+ years. I've always convinced myself that I can stop whenever I want. I'm not addicted. I just choose to keep doing it. It's not a big deal. I would tell myself "I'll quit when I get married" (almost 3 years ago). "I'll quit when I have kids" (first child soon to turn 1). I've been lying to myself and I can't do it anymore.

I started dipping while in college. Hectic senior year with student teaching, finals, graduation, and the real world on the horizon. I had dipped a few times prior to then (first one when I was 12 - turning 30 shortly), but this was the start of my addiction. I started working outdoors at a golf course after college - and that's when it turned into a full blown addiction. Like many here - the convenience of being able to dip while at work makes it tough to stop once you've started. It helped pass the time. It helped keep me focused on what I was supposed to be doing. It helped me socialize with the guys I worked with.

Lately, I sit there and watch my son play and I start to feel guilty. Guilty that I'm so selfish that I would put my health in jeopardy to the point where I won't see my son play his first baseball game, his first dance, his first date, getting his driver's license, his graduation from high school and college, his wedding, the birth of his children, etc., etc., etc. That guilt drives me to feel stressed and drives me right back to my old pal, dip.

My daily routine: I wake up and shower and drive to work (dip). I teach a few classes and have my planning period (dip). I have a few more classes then lunch period (dip). I finish the school day and go to l practice of whatever sport I happen to be coaching that season. Drive home (dip). Dinner and put my son to bed. Watch some TV and wife goes to bed (dip). Repeat. Summer is harder because I find excuses to leave the house "Oh I have to run to Lowe's" or "I'm going to go get ice cream". All excuses to go have a dip instead of being at home with my son. And it makes me so mad at myself. I can't lie to myself anymore. I can't do it alone. I need help. I need support.

I've tried to quit in the past - but they were half hearted efforts. At the first sign of struggle - I'd go back to old faithful - dip.

Well - I can't do it anymore. I can't live with the anxiety of always being afraid that cancer is currently growing in my mouth and I have no idea. I can't live with the thought of having to tell my son, wife, family, friends, etc. that I'm going to die because of my selfishness. I look at my life and I'm so lucky to have a wonderful family (parents, siblings, wife, in-laws, child) and I choose everyday to put myself one day closer to death.

Just want to introduce myself - hoping to be active around here and not have to go through it alone.

Thank you.

Washed up,
The good news is you've come to the right place to quit. There are hundreds of guys (and yes, gals!) who have the same exact story and are going through the quit and are looking forward to having you quit with us.
Post roll every damn day! It's being accountable that makes this work. I'm 18 days clean and there is no way I could have done it by myself. I know this because, like you, I've tried to quit hundreds of times. I make a roll call promise every day that, just for that day, I will not use nicotine in any form. I do that every day. It's going to suck. It will be hard. You may want to beat a puppy or rip the wings off butterflies but you will get through it! No one has ever died from tobacco withdrawals!
See your messages.

[Washedup111]

My name is WashedUp and I have lied to myself for the last 9+ years. I've always convinced myself that I can stop whenever I want. I'm not addicted. I just choose to keep doing it. It's not a big deal. I would tell myself "I'll quit when I get married" (almost 3 years ago). "I'll quit when I have kids" (first child soon to turn 1). I've been lying to myself and I can't do it anymore.

I started dipping while in college. Hectic senior year with student teaching, finals, graduation, and the real world on the horizon. I had dipped a few times prior to then (first one when I was 12 - turning 30 shortly), but this was the start of my addiction. I started working outdoors at a golf course after college - and that's when it turned into a full blown addiction. Like many here - the convenience of being able to dip while at work makes it tough to stop once you've started. It helped pass the time. It helped keep me focused on what I was supposed to be doing. It helped me socialize with the guys I worked with.

Lately, I sit there and watch my son play and I start to feel guilty. Guilty that I'm so selfish that I would put my health in jeopardy to the point where I won't see my son play his first baseball game, his first dance, his first date, getting his driver's license, his graduation from high school and college, his wedding, the birth of his children, etc., etc., etc. That guilt drives me to feel stressed and drives me right back to my old pal, dip.

My daily routine: I wake up and shower and drive to work (dip). I teach a few classes and have my planning period (dip). I have a few more classes then lunch period (dip). I finish the school day and go to l practice of whatever sport I happen to be coaching that season. Drive home (dip). Dinner and put my son to bed. Watch some TV and wife goes to bed (dip). Repeat. Summer is harder because I find excuses to leave the house "Oh I have to run to Lowe's" or "I'm going to go get ice cream". All excuses to go have a dip instead of being at home with my son. And it makes me so mad at myself. I can't lie to myself anymore. I can't do it alone. I need help. I need support.

I've tried to quit in the past - but they were half hearted efforts. At the first sign of struggle - I'd go back to old faithful - dip.

Well - I can't do it anymore. I can't live with the anxiety of always being afraid that cancer is currently growing in my mouth and I have no idea. I can't live with the thought of having to tell my son, wife, family, friends, etc. that I'm going to die because of my selfishness. I look at my life and I'm so lucky to have a wonderful family (parents, siblings, wife, in-laws, child) and I choose everyday to put myself one day closer to death.

Just want to introduce myself - hoping to be active around here and not have to go through it alone.

Thank you.