Day one...120213

[Steakbomb18]

If you're the praying sort I'd appreciate a word. If you're not or believe otherwise any positive thoughts are welcome.

My nephew is missing. Been gone 36 hours now. Last known was a text to his mom that he was on his way home from school at 515 pm day before yesterday. Yesterday morning his car fast pass registered 2 hours away from home.

Phone is shut off.
No social media.
Never been in trouble.
Never been a problem.
Quiet kid. Kind of nerdy.

Scary stuff man. You just never know when your whole shit is going to get turned upside down.

Thanks for the update today brother....big sigh of relief. Quitters ...not once did this guy consider nicotine as a solution to this crisis. What did he do during said crisis..

1) he posted roll that day
2) he posted on the intro page
3) he texted 10 of his quit brethren about the situation

The result was an onslaught of support. Guys/Gals...this quitting thing is no joke. There are legitimate friendships and camaraderies that can be developed here if you take this quit and the concept of brotherhood and embrace it to the max. There are no other friends in your life solely dedicated to saving your life every day ...and that is a serious thing. It's another reason why quitting and posting roll is worth everything.

[Bulldog0311]

If you're the praying sort I'd appreciate a word. If you're not or believe otherwise any positive thoughts are welcome.

My nephew is missing. Been gone 36 hours now. Last known was a text to his mom that he was on his way home from school at 515 pm day before yesterday. Yesterday morning his car fast pass registered 2 hours away from home.

Phone is shut off.
No social media.
Never been in trouble.
Never been a problem.
Quiet kid. Kind of nerdy.

Scary stuff man. You just never know when your whole shit is going to get turned upside down.

[Bulldog0311]

I'm posting this to the top of the intro board. I have a friend of 30 years asking about quitting. I told him to check out the site and I'd have my intro up top so he could take a gander.

Buzz if you log in and start looking around take your time, read everything and call me with any questions man.

[rdad]

So my name is Bulldog0311. I quit on 12/02/13. Life took a nasty turn for me financially, mentally, healthwise and in just about every way you can imagine. Almost lost my house. I was worried about whether I'd be able to feed my kids. Went in for a dentist appointment and he stopped and sent me to the emergency room. I didn't understand why but found out my blood pressure was 204 over 190. I was close to dying or at least stroking out. Ended up at 301 pounds. I'm 5'3". I was as heavy as an offensive lineman in the NFL but a foot shorter. Things just kept spiraling down. My dad was fighting prostrate cancer on top of it all.
I ended up stopping posting roll. There was a bit of drama on here at the time and frankly I just had to much going on. I couldn't manage it all.
Now I'm guessing you're imaging that the nic bitch got her claws in me again but she didn't. I'm still quit. As a matter of fact things got so much better for me I flat out forgot I was an addict. She left me alone. Every once in a while she peeks around the corner like some dirty Atlantic City hooker but she's just too nasty for me to pay attention to.
Two nights ago I saw a viral post on Facebook about a guy who lost his jaw. I saw it and felt bad that I had just walked away from this place, my brothers and my quit group. Yes life took a shit on me but I felt bad for it. I knew looking at those pictures that that would have been me. I wanted to give back. I wanted to help others.
I've gotten my health under control. Or almost. I'm off all blood pressure meds. I'm down almost 100lbs. Need to lose another 30. Dad beat his cancer. Kept the house. New job. Great freaking job. Kids are great. It took some time but things turned around. I don't think that would have happened had I not gotten the skills and strength I learned here.
After seeing that Facebook post I just wanted to hop on and say I'm ok. I made it. Maybe work on posting roll again and earning my way back here and giving back a little of what this place gave me.
Im very thankful.

It was a sure shocking to hop on here and find out I had hit the comma almost a year ago. I really regret not being here to celebrate that. I wish things could have been different but dammit I'm still quit. I'm alive and things are good.

I'll take it.

First off, I'm glad to read that you've rebounded on the health, home, and family front. Secondly, I'm relieved to that hear you're still quit. Thirdly, Tim,...get your ass on that roll call every day. We still give a damn.

This place is the real deal.

Brotherhood + Accountability = Success

Sure is good to hear from you Bulldog! I'm glad things are better for you and really glad you are still quit.
I hope your back with the Iron Men for good.

[worktowin]

So my name is Bulldog0311. I quit on 12/02/13. Life took a nasty turn for me financially, mentally, healthwise and in just about every way you can imagine. Almost lost my house. I was worried about whether I'd be able to feed my kids. Went in for a dentist appointment and he stopped and sent me to the emergency room. I didn't understand why but found out my blood pressure was 204 over 190. I was close to dying or at least stroking out. Ended up at 301 pounds. I'm 5'3". I was as heavy as an offensive lineman in the NFL but a foot shorter. Things just kept spiraling down. My dad was fighting prostrate cancer on top of it all.
I ended up stopping posting roll. There was a bit of drama on here at the time and frankly I just had to much going on. I couldn't manage it all.
Now I'm guessing you're imaging that the nic bitch got her claws in me again but she didn't. I'm still quit. As a matter of fact things got so much better for me I flat out forgot I was an addict. She left me alone. Every once in a while she peeks around the corner like some dirty Atlantic City hooker but she's just too nasty for me to pay attention to.
Two nights ago I saw a viral post on Facebook about a guy who lost his jaw. I saw it and felt bad that I had just walked away from this place, my brothers and my quit group. Yes life took a shit on me but I felt bad for it. I knew looking at those pictures that that would have been me. I wanted to give back. I wanted to help others.
I've gotten my health under control. Or almost. I'm off all blood pressure meds. I'm down almost 100lbs. Need to lose another 30. Dad beat his cancer. Kept the house. New job. Great freaking job. Kids are great. It took some time but things turned around. I don't think that would have happened had I not gotten the skills and strength I learned here.
After seeing that Facebook post I just wanted to hop on and say I'm ok. I made it. Maybe work on posting roll again and earning my way back here and giving back a little of what this place gave me.
Im very thankful.

It was a sure shocking to hop on here and find out I had hit the comma almost a year ago. I really regret not being here to celebrate that. I wish things could have been different but dammit I'm still quit. I'm alive and things are good.

I'll take it.

First off, I'm glad to read that you've rebounded on the health, home, and family front. Secondly, I'm relieved to that hear you're still quit. Thirdly, Tim,...get your ass on that roll call every day. We still give a damn.

This place is the real deal.

Brotherhood + Accountability = Success

[Steakbomb18]

So my name is Bulldog0311. I quit on 12/02/13. Life took a nasty turn for me financially, mentally, healthwise and in just about every way you can imagine. Almost lost my house. I was worried about whether I'd be able to feed my kids. Went in for a dentist appointment and he stopped and sent me to the emergency room. I didn't understand why but found out my blood pressure was 204 over 190. I was close to dying or at least stroking out. Ended up at 301 pounds. I'm 5'3". I was as heavy as an offensive lineman in the NFL but a foot shorter. Things just kept spiraling down. My dad was fighting prostrate cancer on top of it all.
I ended up stopping posting roll. There was a bit of drama on here at the time and frankly I just had to much going on. I couldn't manage it all.
Now I'm guessing you're imaging that the nic bitch got her claws in me again but she didn't. I'm still quit. As a matter of fact things got so much better for me I flat out forgot I was an addict. She left me alone. Every once in a while she peeks around the corner like some dirty Atlantic City hooker but she's just too nasty for me to pay attention to.
Two nights ago I saw a viral post on Facebook about a guy who lost his jaw. I saw it and felt bad that I had just walked away from this place, my brothers and my quit group. Yes life took a shit on me but I felt bad for it. I knew looking at those pictures that that would have been me. I wanted to give back. I wanted to help others.
I've gotten my health under control. Or almost. I'm off all blood pressure meds. I'm down almost 100lbs. Need to lose another 30. Dad beat his cancer. Kept the house. New job. Great freaking job. Kids are great. It took some time but things turned around. I don't think that would have happened had I not gotten the skills and strength I learned here.
After seeing that Facebook post I just wanted to hop on and say I'm ok. I made it. Maybe work on posting roll again and earning my way back here and giving back a little of what this place gave me.
Im very thankful.

It was a sure shocking to hop on here and find out I had hit the comma almost a year ago. I really regret not being here to celebrate that. I wish things could have been different but dammit I'm still quit. I'm alive and things are good.

I'll take it.

First off, I'm glad to read that you've rebounded on the health, home, and family front. Secondly, I'm relieved to that hear you're still quit. Thirdly, Tim,...get your ass on that roll call every day. We still give a damn.

[Bulldog0311]

So my name is Bulldog0311. I quit on 12/02/13. Life took a nasty turn for me financially, mentally, healthwise and in just about every way you can imagine. Almost lost my house. I was worried about whether I'd be able to feed my kids. Went in for a dentist appointment and he stopped and sent me to the emergency room. I didn't understand why but found out my blood pressure was 204 over 190. I was close to dying or at least stroking out. Ended up at 301 pounds. I'm 5'3". I was as heavy as an offensive lineman in the NFL but a foot shorter. Things just kept spiraling down. My dad was fighting prostrate cancer on top of it all.
I ended up stopping posting roll. There was a bit of drama on here at the time and frankly I just had to much going on. I couldn't manage it all.
Now I'm guessing you're imaging that the nic bitch got her claws in me again but she didn't. I'm still quit. As a matter of fact things got so much better for me I flat out forgot I was an addict. She left me alone. Every once in a while she peeks around the corner like some dirty Atlantic City hooker but she's just too nasty for me to pay attention to.
Two nights ago I saw a viral post on Facebook about a guy who lost his jaw. I saw it and felt bad that I had just walked away from this place, my brothers and my quit group. Yes life took a shit on me but I felt bad for it. I knew looking at those pictures that that would have been me. I wanted to give back. I wanted to help others.
I've gotten my health under control. Or almost. I'm off all blood pressure meds. I'm down almost 100lbs. Need to lose another 30. Dad beat his cancer. Kept the house. New job. Great freaking job. Kids are great. It took some time but things turned around. I don't think that would have happened had I not gotten the skills and strength I learned here.
After seeing that Facebook post I just wanted to hop on and say I'm ok. I made it. Maybe work on posting roll again and earning my way back here and giving back a little of what this place gave me.
Im very thankful.

It was a sure shocking to hop on here and find out I had hit the comma almost a year ago. I really regret not being here to celebrate that. I wish things could have been different but dammit I'm still quit. I'm alive and things are good.

I'll take it.

[Sand_Fleas_Gotta_Eat]

Nice job Marine on 300 days! Keep knocking down those walls, it shouldn't be long until you find the door is a lot easier! Congrats my friend! Proud to be quit with you today. Semper Fi!

[starr_78]

ALL newbies need to read this thread. Great stuff by a lot of vets for us new guys. Great to see guys still posting, still supporting.

This is truly a great read and I think everyone should see what a great quitter we have in Bulldog and proud to have him in my group of March 14 Iron Men!

[Mogul]

Thank you for that Bulldog. I too had to strengthen my quit in the late 200s. Caught myself getting lazy and the bitch trying to invite herself back in.

[Bulldog0311]

As typical for me I like to jot down some interesting tidbits every few months. I find using this as a journal of my life post nicotine can help me examine who am now without a caustic toxic drug inebriating me every day. Pretty interesting.
Today is day 293. Third floor is a week away. Unreal. Some in my group are already there. I can't really wrap my brain around that.
So things have been tough lately. Finances are in a bad bad place. Working through it but it seems like every time my nose gets above water something else pops up. Financial stress builds up quick. I've found that over the last three months I've really wanted to chew. Badly. I want my crutch. I used it so often to relieve stress and anxiety in the past. It's been a hard few months.
It's not that I expect to stay stress free at all. I just find it fascinating that one of the things we addicts have to learn is how to manage our stress instead of medicate it. We don't even realize at the time we are chewing that we are medicating our stress. Stressed out? Put a chew in. Really sad that for 24 years I was a self medicating addict and refused to see it.
Kids are doing good. My son is almost 12. This nic free journey started because he had the balls and the love in his heart to pull me aside and call me to the mat on it. I didn't quit for him. I tried to initially but I failed. I had to quit for me. He put me on the road though. He just started middle school and is doing so well. Really stepping up to the plate as a youngster. Proud of him.
Daughter is growing up. She is 9 and she is beginnig to show signs of developing into a young lady. I'm trying to determine if I should lock her up now or just shoot the boys who start sniffing around. I'm leaning towards buying some extra ammo.
Why bring them up you ask? Well because I have a role to playin their future now. I'm going to be alive for it. I'm not shoving the cancerous cat turds into my mouth. I have chosen to live nic free and I'm going to enjoy those kids for a long time. They are part of this journey. I get to think about our future together as a family now without any secret hint of "if I don't get cancer."
That means a lot to me. You probably don't remember but about six months ago my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was really terrified. It was a reminder of what I had been voluntarily doing to myself and what the consequences could be. Well we got news the other day. His treatment worked. He is free of cancer with no side effects. Good news. He went through hell to get that news though. I don't want to put my kids through that by voluntarily putting a cancer causing agent in my mouth. Why would I do that?
If you are on the fence and reading this...yes it's hard. It's a fight every day. Still even today I'm struggling. It gets easier every day. You start winning and start living. Just quit man. Flush it and walk away. Once you get through and start to live your life the way you were supposed to you realize what a shit assed hold that crap had on you and it really pisseses you off. You realize you can be free of it. Free off the leash it has you on. It's hard but so simple. You just have to promise once a day not to touch nicotine then keep that promise. Not easy but it sure is simple.
You will hear a lot of guys say nicotine plus a problem is just two problems. It's not the answer. Its so true. Life has been a challenge the last few months but I wasn't sneaking out to get a can. I wasn't having to think about hiding the chew. I didn't have to check my teeth or my breath. I just dealt with the shit I had to deal with and didn't add to my stress with the chew. Chew doesn't help you relieve the stress. You think it does. In reality it just adds more things to be stressed out about.

Flush it. Post roll. Make a promise. Keep your promise. Repeat daily for maximum results.

[FMBM707]

ALL newbies need to read this thread. Great stuff by a lot of vets for us new guys. Great to see guys still posting, still supporting.

[Bulldog0311]

Adding a recent and current experience to the "journal" I'm keeping here. I'm at 220 days today.
I spent the first three days of my quit on Tylenol pm. I used jolly ranchers and atomic fireballs. Then I heard about the fake chew. I latched on to it like a drowning man. I have been unilaterally supportive of using the fake stuff since the beginning.
I'm not so much anymore.

I'm now going on two days without it and I'm finding that there is a severe psychological dependency that isn't broken until you stop putting shit in your lip. I'm anxious. I have chewed my lip raw. I have anxiety. I want that fake chew. I recognize these symptoms. I remember them from the nicotine part of this addiction. I feel like I am not free of this shit. Yes I'm nic free but the psychological hold the "lip" has is still there. I'm fighting it right now. This second. Right as I'm typing this.
It's frustrating. I'm disheartened. I feel like I'm in week one again.
I'm going to buy some seeds today.
I thought I was past this.
Well...I'm going to be. You can bet your ass. I'm not letting this shit, fake or not, control me one second longer.
I'm turning that frustration into anger and I refuse to allow that shit any toehold on my heart mind and soul.
If you are new here, just quitting and holding on to the fake stuff I'm going on record as saying its a bad idea. Don't go through the bullshit all over again. Rip the bandaid off in one shot.
Keep no crutches.
That's really what the fake stuff is. It's a crutch. I regret using it based on what I'm feeling right now.

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. But super pumped for 2 reason:

1) You're recognizing what you're going through and not chalking it up to "I want dip". You realize that you want the "act" of dipping which is very different.

2) You're recording it. This is super important too and adds a ton of value here. I personally never had a hard time putting down the fake (at around day 220 or so if I remember correctly) but I know that my experience isn't necessarily that of everyone.

That being said... I do find it ironic that you're having these issues at day 220. I had a REALLY rough stretch right around there as well. Call it a 200+ day funk of sorts. Seems you may be getting hit with a similar situation.

The good news (if there is any) is that if your quit follows the same trajectory as mine, you're in for hundreds and hundreds of days of smooth sailing after a few more days of funk.

Rock on!

chewie

Hey Bulldog, Chewie might be onto something . I never used the fake but I am going thru a funky time right now too. I know we will get thru this but it does suck when it sneaks up on you after feeling so good for quite awhile. You got this. We are definitely not alone.
Jerry 229

You got this man! I was also much in the same boat. I used fake for about the first 100 days or more, then just decided fuck it I was done; I have since used some fake from time to time when a circumstance of life presented itself. I always made it OK because it was better than caving. However, it was a crutch and I was damned if I needed a crutch or a cane. Since then I have found that Hot Tamales work great as my crutch, yet note to self if left in a pants pocket they fuck up a load of laundry.

During the transition I faced several dark days of life (death of a loved one, marital problems, mother's cancer...) it was never easy and it seemed as though life kept throwing me curveballs. Well just like when playing baseball I decided that it was time to swing at a curveball in lieu of staring at it as it passed. The can of Smokey Mountain in my bag is well over 6 months old and is still sealed up tight, yet reading your post just made me open it, dump it and flush it.

I am with you bud, fuck it neither of us need a crutch.

P

Couple of things bd. I quit the fake around day 40 and missed it for a couple days, then it subsided little by little each day. 1 week and I felt much better.

Find something to get that mind going in a different direction. Exercise, fishing. Hell i know a guy that likes to crochet. I could see you knitting a doggy sweater or something like that. Maybe a footy. Whatever works brother. Quit with you.

I don't know about quitting the fake stuff so early. I swore by it getting me by for the first 200 days. Then I finally was able to wean myself off the fake stuff but the oral fixations would come back when doing yard work, fishing, having a beer on Friday night. It got to be a pain in the a$$ having to run to Wal-Mart just to buy it and waiting for Hooch to come in the mail didn't help with the fixations at a given time. So I went to my old standby, coffee grounds, I hate that stuff but it worked at a moments notice.

At day 464 I have not put fake stuff in or coffee grounds in about 100 days. Give it some time, you'll get through this little roller coaster ride. Just wait for it, you'll be glad you did. Trust me on that!

I don't know about the "footy" thing though. 'winker' Proud of you brother!

I'm sorry you're having a rough time with this part, but it too will pass.

When I gave it up, I had seeds and other supplies on hand. I never skipped a beat, but I preplanned just to be safe. Have an alternative to the alternative ready. I like cherries in the summer. They're tart, and the seeds give you something to do.

I'm finding this convo fascinating.
I never did the fake stuff at all. I... KNEW I needed to break my oral fixation right off the bat. I became an atomic fireball fiend. I can get 'em in bulk so I hoarded them by the freakin' pound. At some point in all this I, like many others, decided to get in better shape physically. At 43 I'm in decent shape but it can always be better y'know. Diet was a step in that process... Sugar in particular. The atomic fireballs had to go. No big deal right? Damned if giving those up didn't cause me a li'l anxiety. Even at 400+ days. Kinda pissed me off really.

Power through man. Your head is in the right place. That's your win right there...

Fucking Fireball Addicts...... 'na na'

I could see a few of youz sucking on a fireball while crosheying a footy. Aj, waste, Rdad, sfge, cmon now fellas. No one will judge.

You guys rock. Thanks for the support. You're like my own personal jock straps. Lol.

I got gum. I got seeds and I flushed the crutch.

Thanks fellas.

[srans]

Adding a recent and current experience to the "journal" I'm keeping here. I'm at 220 days today.
I spent the first three days of my quit on Tylenol pm. I used jolly ranchers and atomic fireballs. Then I heard about the fake chew. I latched on to it like a drowning man. I have been unilaterally supportive of using the fake stuff since the beginning.
I'm not so much anymore.

I'm now going on two days without it and I'm finding that there is a severe psychological dependency that isn't broken until you stop putting shit in your lip. I'm anxious. I have chewed my lip raw. I have anxiety. I want that fake chew. I recognize these symptoms. I remember them from the nicotine part of this addiction. I feel like I am not free of this shit. Yes I'm nic free but the psychological hold the "lip" has is still there. I'm fighting it right now. This second. Right as I'm typing this.
It's frustrating. I'm disheartened. I feel like I'm in week one again.
I'm going to buy some seeds today.
I thought I was past this.
Well...I'm going to be. You can bet your ass. I'm not letting this shit, fake or not, control me one second longer.
I'm turning that frustration into anger and I refuse to allow that shit any toehold on my heart mind and soul.
If you are new here, just quitting and holding on to the fake stuff I'm going on record as saying its a bad idea. Don't go through the bullshit all over again. Rip the bandaid off in one shot.
Keep no crutches.
That's really what the fake stuff is. It's a crutch. I regret using it based on what I'm feeling right now.

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. But super pumped for 2 reason:

1) You're recognizing what you're going through and not chalking it up to "I want dip". You realize that you want the "act" of dipping which is very different.

2) You're recording it. This is super important too and adds a ton of value here. I personally never had a hard time putting down the fake (at around day 220 or so if I remember correctly) but I know that my experience isn't necessarily that of everyone.

That being said... I do find it ironic that you're having these issues at day 220. I had a REALLY rough stretch right around there as well. Call it a 200+ day funk of sorts. Seems you may be getting hit with a similar situation.

The good news (if there is any) is that if your quit follows the same trajectory as mine, you're in for hundreds and hundreds of days of smooth sailing after a few more days of funk.

Rock on!

chewie

Hey Bulldog, Chewie might be onto something . I never used the fake but I am going thru a funky time right now too. I know we will get thru this but it does suck when it sneaks up on you after feeling so good for quite awhile. You got this. We are definitely not alone.
Jerry 229

You got this man! I was also much in the same boat. I used fake for about the first 100 days or more, then just decided fuck it I was done; I have since used some fake from time to time when a circumstance of life presented itself. I always made it OK because it was better than caving. However, it was a crutch and I was damned if I needed a crutch or a cane. Since then I have found that Hot Tamales work great as my crutch, yet note to self if left in a pants pocket they fuck up a load of laundry.

During the transition I faced several dark days of life (death of a loved one, marital problems, mother's cancer...) it was never easy and it seemed as though life kept throwing me curveballs. Well just like when playing baseball I decided that it was time to swing at a curveball in lieu of staring at it as it passed. The can of Smokey Mountain in my bag is well over 6 months old and is still sealed up tight, yet reading your post just made me open it, dump it and flush it.

I am with you bud, fuck it neither of us need a crutch.

P

Couple of things bd. I quit the fake around day 40 and missed it for a couple days, then it subsided little by little each day. 1 week and I felt much better.

Find something to get that mind going in a different direction. Exercise, fishing. Hell i know a guy that likes to crochet. I could see you knitting a doggy sweater or something like that. Maybe a footy. Whatever works brother. Quit with you.

I don't know about quitting the fake stuff so early. I swore by it getting me by for the first 200 days. Then I finally was able to wean myself off the fake stuff but the oral fixations would come back when doing yard work, fishing, having a beer on Friday night. It got to be a pain in the a$$ having to run to Wal-Mart just to buy it and waiting for Hooch to come in the mail didn't help with the fixations at a given time. So I went to my old standby, coffee grounds, I hate that stuff but it worked at a moments notice.

At day 464 I have not put fake stuff in or coffee grounds in about 100 days. Give it some time, you'll get through this little roller coaster ride. Just wait for it, you'll be glad you did. Trust me on that!

I don't know about the "footy" thing though. 'winker' Proud of you brother!

I'm sorry you're having a rough time with this part, but it too will pass.

When I gave it up, I had seeds and other supplies on hand. I never skipped a beat, but I preplanned just to be safe. Have an alternative to the alternative ready. I like cherries in the summer. They're tart, and the seeds give you something to do.

I'm finding this convo fascinating.
I never did the fake stuff at all. I... KNEW I needed to break my oral fixation right off the bat. I became an atomic fireball fiend. I can get 'em in bulk so I hoarded them by the freakin' pound. At some point in all this I, like many others, decided to get in better shape physically. At 43 I'm in decent shape but it can always be better y'know. Diet was a step in that process... Sugar in particular. The atomic fireballs had to go. No big deal right? Damned if giving those up didn't cause me a li'l anxiety. Even at 400+ days. Kinda pissed me off really.

Power through man. Your head is in the right place. That's your win right there...

Fucking Fireball Addicts...... 'na na'

I could see a few of youz sucking on a fireball while crosheying a footy. Aj, waste, Rdad, sfge, cmon now fellas. No one will judge.

[rdad]

Adding a recent and current experience to the "journal" I'm keeping here. I'm at 220 days today.
I spent the first three days of my quit on Tylenol pm. I used jolly ranchers and atomic fireballs. Then I heard about the fake chew. I latched on to it like a drowning man. I have been unilaterally supportive of using the fake stuff since the beginning.
I'm not so much anymore.

I'm now going on two days without it and I'm finding that there is a severe psychological dependency that isn't broken until you stop putting shit in your lip. I'm anxious. I have chewed my lip raw. I have anxiety. I want that fake chew. I recognize these symptoms. I remember them from the nicotine part of this addiction. I feel like I am not free of this shit. Yes I'm nic free but the psychological hold the "lip" has is still there. I'm fighting it right now. This second. Right as I'm typing this.
It's frustrating. I'm disheartened. I feel like I'm in week one again.
I'm going to buy some seeds today.
I thought I was past this.
Well...I'm going to be. You can bet your ass. I'm not letting this shit, fake or not, control me one second longer.
I'm turning that frustration into anger and I refuse to allow that shit any toehold on my heart mind and soul.
If you are new here, just quitting and holding on to the fake stuff I'm going on record as saying its a bad idea. Don't go through the bullshit all over again. Rip the bandaid off in one shot.
Keep no crutches.
That's really what the fake stuff is. It's a crutch. I regret using it based on what I'm feeling right now.

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. But super pumped for 2 reason:

1) You're recognizing what you're going through and not chalking it up to "I want dip". You realize that you want the "act" of dipping which is very different.

2) You're recording it. This is super important too and adds a ton of value here. I personally never had a hard time putting down the fake (at around day 220 or so if I remember correctly) but I know that my experience isn't necessarily that of everyone.

That being said... I do find it ironic that you're having these issues at day 220. I had a REALLY rough stretch right around there as well. Call it a 200+ day funk of sorts. Seems you may be getting hit with a similar situation.

The good news (if there is any) is that if your quit follows the same trajectory as mine, you're in for hundreds and hundreds of days of smooth sailing after a few more days of funk.

Rock on!

chewie

Hey Bulldog, Chewie might be onto something . I never used the fake but I am going thru a funky time right now too. I know we will get thru this but it does suck when it sneaks up on you after feeling so good for quite awhile. You got this. We are definitely not alone.
Jerry 229

You got this man! I was also much in the same boat. I used fake for about the first 100 days or more, then just decided fuck it I was done; I have since used some fake from time to time when a circumstance of life presented itself. I always made it OK because it was better than caving. However, it was a crutch and I was damned if I needed a crutch or a cane. Since then I have found that Hot Tamales work great as my crutch, yet note to self if left in a pants pocket they fuck up a load of laundry.

During the transition I faced several dark days of life (death of a loved one, marital problems, mother's cancer...) it was never easy and it seemed as though life kept throwing me curveballs. Well just like when playing baseball I decided that it was time to swing at a curveball in lieu of staring at it as it passed. The can of Smokey Mountain in my bag is well over 6 months old and is still sealed up tight, yet reading your post just made me open it, dump it and flush it.

I am with you bud, fuck it neither of us need a crutch.

P

Couple of things bd. I quit the fake around day 40 and missed it for a couple days, then it subsided little by little each day. 1 week and I felt much better.

Find something to get that mind going in a different direction. Exercise, fishing. Hell i know a guy that likes to crochet. I could see you knitting a doggy sweater or something like that. Maybe a footy. Whatever works brother. Quit with you.

I don't know about quitting the fake stuff so early. I swore by it getting me by for the first 200 days. Then I finally was able to wean myself off the fake stuff but the oral fixations would come back when doing yard work, fishing, having a beer on Friday night. It got to be a pain in the a$$ having to run to Wal-Mart just to buy it and waiting for Hooch to come in the mail didn't help with the fixations at a given time. So I went to my old standby, coffee grounds, I hate that stuff but it worked at a moments notice.

At day 464 I have not put fake stuff in or coffee grounds in about 100 days. Give it some time, you'll get through this little roller coaster ride. Just wait for it, you'll be glad you did. Trust me on that!

I don't know about the "footy" thing though. 'winker' Proud of you brother!

I'm sorry you're having a rough time with this part, but it too will pass.

When I gave it up, I had seeds and other supplies on hand. I never skipped a beat, but I preplanned just to be safe. Have an alternative to the alternative ready. I like cherries in the summer. They're tart, and the seeds give you something to do.

I'm finding this convo fascinating.
I never did the fake stuff at all. I... KNEW I needed to break my oral fixation right off the bat. I became an atomic fireball fiend. I can get 'em in bulk so I hoarded them by the freakin' pound. At some point in all this I, like many others, decided to get in better shape physically. At 43 I'm in decent shape but it can always be better y'know. Diet was a step in that process... Sugar in particular. The atomic fireballs had to go. No big deal right? Damned if giving those up didn't cause me a li'l anxiety. Even at 400+ days. Kinda pissed me off really.

Power through man. Your head is in the right place. That's your win right there...

Fucking Fireball Addicts...... 'na na'