I'm not addicted...

[Thumblewort]

Day 22

3 Sundays ago my wife, kids, and I were making the 2 hour trip back home from visiting the in laws in PHX. We were talking about this and that, the future, our kids, our jobs, and somehow we talked about me dipping. 2 or 3, or maybe 4 or 5 weeks before I had made these big promises to quit dipping. I think I made it a week and a half before caving. We didn't really talk about it. She probably assumed I was dipping again since I wasn't talking about how proud I was of myself for not having any. Anyways, on this ride home she said, "Is there anything we can do to help you that is more extreme? Like, what's out there? Therapy?" I told her I didn't know. I didn't have a lot of confidence in being able to stay quit. I was still pretty fresh off of failing. When we got home I started looking online and reading about quitting. One site said plan your quit date, right down all the reasons you want to quit, identify your triggers, and so on. So i did that. I wrote it all down. Then I kept looking around the internet. I came to KTC, which I had seen before in the past. I had read a few things like the top reasons to quit. I decided to join. I had no idea what I was getting myself in to. The next day I found my quit group (JAN 18 FURY) and posted my first roll. That was it. There's no getting out of it at that point. I had Samrs, Rick, and Justin PM me for my "digits," and the rest is history. On the days that I wish I could dip I get mad that I joined KTC. I know I can't cave, and that pisses me off sometimes. That's because I'm an addict. All the other parts of the day/week I am so happy that I joined. My wife is over the top happy that I'm a new person. Maybe I'm not new, but maybe I'm being myself for the first time. This version of myself is confident, productive, patient, not sneaky, motivated, and more involved.

Three Sunday's ago I had my last dip (nic). I was golfing in PHX, around 1pm. Cope Longcut. I didn't even realize how significant the moment was when I was throwing the empty can into one of those little green trash cans on the golf course.

Thank you KTC

This. Is. Awesome.

It gets so much better from here. So much better. One day at a time.

Yep, ODAAT is the only way. Nice quit here!

[worktowin]

Day 22

3 Sundays ago my wife, kids, and I were making the 2 hour trip back home from visiting the in laws in PHX. We were talking about this and that, the future, our kids, our jobs, and somehow we talked about me dipping. 2 or 3, or maybe 4 or 5 weeks before I had made these big promises to quit dipping. I think I made it a week and a half before caving. We didn't really talk about it. She probably assumed I was dipping again since I wasn't talking about how proud I was of myself for not having any. Anyways, on this ride home she said, "Is there anything we can do to help you that is more extreme? Like, what's out there? Therapy?" I told her I didn't know. I didn't have a lot of confidence in being able to stay quit. I was still pretty fresh off of failing. When we got home I started looking online and reading about quitting. One site said plan your quit date, right down all the reasons you want to quit, identify your triggers, and so on. So i did that. I wrote it all down. Then I kept looking around the internet. I came to KTC, which I had seen before in the past. I had read a few things like the top reasons to quit. I decided to join. I had no idea what I was getting myself in to. The next day I found my quit group (JAN 18 FURY) and posted my first roll. That was it. There's no getting out of it at that point. I had Samrs, Rick, and Justin PM me for my "digits," and the rest is history. On the days that I wish I could dip I get mad that I joined KTC. I know I can't cave, and that pisses me off sometimes. That's because I'm an addict. All the other parts of the day/week I am so happy that I joined. My wife is over the top happy that I'm a new person. Maybe I'm not new, but maybe I'm being myself for the first time. This version of myself is confident, productive, patient, not sneaky, motivated, and more involved.

Three Sunday's ago I had my last dip (nic). I was golfing in PHX, around 1pm. Cope Longcut. I didn't even realize how significant the moment was when I was throwing the empty can into one of those little green trash cans on the golf course.

Thank you KTC

This. Is. Awesome.

It gets so much better from here. So much better. One day at a time.

[Trainerjesse]

Day 22

3 Sundays ago my wife, kids, and I were making the 2 hour trip back home from visiting the in laws in PHX. We were talking about this and that, the future, our kids, our jobs, and somehow we talked about me dipping. 2 or 3, or maybe 4 or 5 weeks before I had made these big promises to quit dipping. I think I made it a week and a half before caving. We didn't really talk about it. She probably assumed I was dipping again since I wasn't talking about how proud I was of myself for not having any. Anyways, on this ride home she said, "Is there anything we can do to help you that is more extreme? Like, what's out there? Therapy?" I told her I didn't know. I didn't have a lot of confidence in being able to stay quit. I was still pretty fresh off of failing. When we got home I started looking online and reading about quitting. One site said plan your quit date, right down all the reasons you want to quit, identify your triggers, and so on. So i did that. I wrote it all down. Then I kept looking around the internet. I came to KTC, which I had seen before in the past. I had read a few things like the top reasons to quit. I decided to join. I had no idea what I was getting myself in to. The next day I found my quit group (JAN 18 FURY) and posted my first roll. That was it. There's no getting out of it at that point. I had Samrs, Rick, and Justin PM me for my "digits," and the rest is history. On the days that I wish I could dip I get mad that I joined KTC. I know I can't cave, and that pisses me off sometimes. That's because I'm an addict. All the other parts of the day/week I am so happy that I joined. My wife is over the top happy that I'm a new person. Maybe I'm not new, but maybe I'm being myself for the first time. This version of myself is confident, productive, patient, not sneaky, motivated, and more involved.

Three Sunday's ago I had my last dip (nic). I was golfing in PHX, around 1pm. Cope Longcut. I didn't even realize how significant the moment was when I was throwing the empty can into one of those little green trash cans on the golf course.

Thank you KTC

[Trainerjesse]

Another Successful Ladies Night Out

Wednesday and Yesterday both brought on the craves, excuses to dip, and opportunities to dip.

Wednesday sucked. I'm not really into having bad days. Being a personal trainer doesn't really allow you to have a quiet day, or a grumpy day, or a low energy day...so I don't. If I'm not at full positive energy, my clients will not get a good workout. That being said, Wednesday was a rough one. I had to fire someone, the new person that I had interviewed and who I was really excited about joining my team accepted a position with a different gym in town, a former client was disputing three months of their membership, and another one of my clients wanted to take a break until January. Rough day. I also had opportunities to dip.

Ladies Night Out, my favorite night of the week in the past, where my wife is gone for a few hours in the evening and I can dip. Felt the craves, but made it through.

These last few weeks have really been something awesome.

Now, if I can just stop taking my cravings out on my kid's Halloween candy I would probably wake up feeling a little bit more fresh in the morning.

Thanks KTC, IQWYT. 13

[AppleJack]

Going on Day 11.

Maybe a little bit of me thought that if I made it over the 1 week hump everything would be smooth sailing? Newsflash...it's still hard. Yesterday afternoon I still craved nicotine pretty bad. I did finally break out the sunflower seeds...and maybe consumed way more of my kid's Halloween candy than I planned on.

Something that has kept running through my head is that I don't want to have to think about dipping every day. I've often thought, "I don't want to post roll when I'm at Day 365+...I want this whole thing to be behind me." Sometimes I think that by being part of KTC will never allow me to forget that I used to dip.

BUT THEN I REMEMBER THAT I'M AN ADDICT!

I have to do this. There is no "getting over it." When you do something that is bad for your health, gross to other people, makes you sneak away from your spouse, family, and friends....for 17 years....you don't just "get over it."

SO, now I look forward to when I'm in my 70's, and posting roll for day 14,000, with my mind reading Mac Book Pro, from my hover house, on vacation on Mars.

Helluva good post brother. Outstanding!

Let me tell ya something... today on roll I typed in “AJ... 1,660...”
It was my 15,390ish post. 100% roll from day 1 to now.

Why?

Because for 25 years nothing but this method... this community... this accountability... worked.
Nothing.

It takes me 20 seconds.
If that.
Why the hell would I blow off 20 seconds that reminds me I fought and won this freedom I love?

Fuck that.
Freedom rocks.

The weak ones will argue that being on KTC reminds them of it too much... itÂ’s a tether.
They’re idiots and most of those who leave for that reason come crawling back with a “day 1”... again.

Fuck that.

I can tell you without hesitation that from where I sit at almost 5 years and OWNING every second of my fight... IÂ’m free, dude. Quit is something I am now... not something IÂ’m doing. Craves barely happen and theyÂ’re like swatting a fly. I win... always. Days go by and I never... NEVER... think about it. I earned that by putting my name on roll and making that promise to my peeps but... to myself overall. I entertained the thought of skipping roll once I hit my comma but common sense prevailed... why screw with what works!?!

20 seconds.
I can afford that.
It equals freedom.

[Trainerjesse]

Going on Day 11.

Maybe a little bit of me thought that if I made it over the 1 week hump everything would be smooth sailing? Newsflash...it's still hard. Yesterday afternoon I still craved nicotine pretty bad. I did finally break out the sunflower seeds...and maybe consumed way more of my kid's Halloween candy than I planned on.

Something that has kept running through my head is that I don't want to have to think about dipping every day. I've often thought, "I don't want to post roll when I'm at Day 365+...I want this whole thing to be behind me." Sometimes I think that by being part of KTC will never allow me to forget that I used to dip.

BUT THEN I REMEMBER THAT I'M AN ADDICT!

I have to do this. There is no "getting over it." When you do something that is bad for your health, gross to other people, makes you sneak away from your spouse, family, and friends....for 17 years....you don't just "get over it."

SO, now I look forward to when I'm in my 70's, and posting roll for day 14,000, with my mind reading Mac Book Pro, from my hover house, on vacation on Mars.

[Trainerjesse]

Sundays ain't easy.

Sundays have always been hard for me when it comes to dipping.

It's always easy or me to come up with some excuse to go to my office at the gym to work on some sort of imaginary project. I guess imaginary isn't the best word for it, but I would for sure come up with a reason to get away so that I could dip. Also, most Sundays my wife will leave to go do the grocery shopping for the week, leaving me and the kids alone for a few hours in the afternoon. This was always a great time for me to able to dip.

The problem with this is that I wouldn't hang out with my kids. I would send them off to play so I could hang out on my phone and dip. I also wouldn't get anything else productive done. Today I was able to stain our new wooden fence before it snows. Yes, this sounds like a very grownup thing to do. I'm really not a big fan of doing this "guy shit" kind of stuff. I much rather be out running trails, fishing, or playing golf/disc golf. But, since i haven't been searching for opportunities to dip I have been doing so much "guy shit". My wife thinks I'm the most amazing man in the world right now. Everyday I would spend a hour or two dipping and doing nothing else that was helpful to me, my business, my house, or my family.

I've chosen dipping over too many important events. I'm so done with it.

I'm so thankful for KTC today because every time I thought about dipping I also thought about the 40+ men I promised in Roll this morning. I thought about how some of them were on the road, or maybe hunting, or maybe going through some really tough shit. Maybe they are going through a divorce, or maybe someone they loved passed away, maybe they have been dipping for way longer than me, or maybe they would have a dip in the entire day? I thought about these guys today. It reminded me that this quit is real, and that this quit os for forever.

The last dip I will ever have was Copenhagen Long Cut somewhere around Hole 15 @ Great Eagle Golf Course in Surprise, AZ at 1:00pm on a Sunday, October 22, 2017.

[Trainerjesse]

Jesse! I don't know how I missed your intro post it is a good one! Your story rings a bell with many of us ninja dippers around here. Damn glad you jumped in with both feet and have been documenting your quit in your intro. You writing in here will help you AND OTHERS including VETS like me! Congratulations on reaching 1 week free! You're still in the thick of the fight, but don't worry keep piling up those +1s and you'll start to feel better! If you want to swap digits, PM me. Get you some Quit!

:) Ninja Dippers. haha. Amazing.

[Jeff W]

Jesse! I don't know how I missed your intro post it is a good one! Your story rings a bell with many of us ninja dippers around here. Damn glad you jumped in with both feet and have been documenting your quit in your intro. You writing in here will help you AND OTHERS including VETS like me! Congratulations on reaching 1 week free! You're still in the thick of the fight, but don't worry keep piling up those +1s and you'll start to feel better! If you want to swap digits, PM me. Get you some Quit!

[Trainerjesse]

I really meant to stay up to date on jotting down my day to day wins, triggers, thoughts, and realizations.

Time to catch up.

The first few days of my quit really weren't too bad. The afternoons are usually hard between 1pm and 4pm. My wife is still at work, and my 4 year old and I hang out at the house, and that's when I would dip. A few days this week I just moved some of my appointments around so I wouldn't have that free time.

The biggest change in my life since my quit is that I have tons of time. I have been getting so many things done around the house that I wouldn't have done because I would've been dipping. Same with work. I have been able to get so many things done since I haven't been "creating" opportunities to be in private so I can dip.

Last night I had a few times where I got really overwhelmed with family over. I would just escape to the bathroom, open up the KTC forum and just hangout reading random stuff from my Group or read stuff in Intros. I can't believe how well it worked to bring back to a strong mindset.

I know that it is recommended to not drink alcohol for the first 50 days. I drank too many beers last night, and I can see why it's not a good idea. I wasn't really tempted to cave, but I could really feel the cravings.

My son asked me the other night why I wasn't making the "bubble" with my mouth. I didn't really think he had ever payed any attention to me while I would dip in the afternoons, or at night if my wife would go to Ladies Night Out, or grocery shopping. So glad he won't see that anymore.

This quit, even though I'm only on day 7, has been the best thing that has happened to me in 17 years. All because of the KTC community.

[Trainerjesse]

I dipped 17 years, and had the same exact fondness of my alone time with dip. I looked forward to that every day - even while dipping, I would think "Hey, tonight I get to go home and dip while doing x.y.z" lol.

I am glad to be here quitting with you.

Eric

So crazy, right?!

Glad to be quitting with you, Eric

[Dogonhunt]

Nice, thanks for writing that out and sharing it with us.

I see so many similarities to another area of my life:

"We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful."

[emoney]

I dipped 17 years, and had the same exact fondness of my alone time with dip. I looked forward to that every day - even while dipping, I would think "Hey, tonight I get to go home and dip while doing x.y.z" lol.

I am glad to be here quitting with you.

Eric

[worktowin]

Your story sounds sooo familiar.....

Right now it is a struggle. One day at a time that struggle will ease, and quitting will be a part of your routine. YouÂ’ll always be an addict, but you will achieve a peace and a freedom that is impossible to put into words. This fight is so worth it, brother. If I can help at all, shoot me a PM. You are off to a great start.

[Trainerjesse]

Thanks Samrs and RDB!

IÂ’m still so blown away that something like this exists. I hope that there are communities like KTC for other people who are addicted to whatever other people get addicted to.