No looking back

[per034]

If your wife loves you she will forgive you. Don't start with "I've been lying and here's why"

Start with "I'm an addict and I need your help." Once you say those words, if she truly loves you, she will put every other emotion aside and focus solely on helping you. I've lied to my wife so many times about my tobacco use. But now she's on my side. She's forgiven me those failings becuase she knows that it wasn't out of disrespect for her. It was because of my addiction. I was trying to serve two women. My wife, who I love and respect; and the nic-bitch, who is a lying, thieving, heartless C. I could always aplogize to my wife and she would ultiamtely accept it.

The nic-bitch would never accept my apology and I needer her in my life just as much - until now. Until I admitted to myself that I had an addiction.

My wife will give up anything for me to be free of nicotine. Tell her you're an addict and you need her help - and that you need her to hear you out before she reacts. Explain why you lied. You lied because you didn't want to disappoint her. You lied because you thought you could quit - that you did quit and the can of tobacco in your pocket is the last one. You lied because you never truly realized the hold nicotine had on you and thought "I'm lying today, but tomorrow it won't be a lie anymore." Unfortunately, tomorrow never came. until now.

Tell her how much her support will mean to you to get through this.

Or - the other possibility is, you don't want to get caught lying to her again and you're not yet convinced that you're completely quit.

[luby]

Ok, this is me taking my medicine. I still haven't talked to my wife. Let me have it over that I've earned it.
I want her support, but I don't deserve it.
I want the freedom to lean on her, but I've got to earn it.
In a marriage I don't expect others to get our relationship but I am at 12 days.... I think I've got to prove to myself that I'm as tough as I need to be, then present that to her on a platter. Say to her "I've been dishonest, it's because I am an addict, here is how I am dealing with it, I hope you can forgive me"
I completely respect your advice, I want to follow it so bad it hurts, but I love my wife and I know her very well I have to handle this in a way that is best for her.... If it isn't best for me, that is too bad for me, I've lied to her and what is best for her is top priority.
Wish I was tough enough to quit and face a huge marital problem at the same time, I am not yet and I choose to stay quit.
I WILL come clean, I love my wife and owe her the truth.

[Souliman]

Admit lying to your wife?

How about help strengthen your chances of ending your addiction and solidify a framework to assist you in maintaining that strength? That sounds better.

A GIGANTIC weight will be taken off your chest bro if you tell her the truth. It sucks but you are an addict. You know what you were doing was wrong. You know that you were killing yourself with poison everyday. It was your addiction, shame and guilt keeping you from being open about it. If you get a dialogue going with that woman your quit with be order of magnitudes safer. And the priority here is to save your life the best you/we can. Take a breath, grab your nut sack and tell that woman. Then get her in here to support you.

[per034]

Try this:

" honey, I have an addiction and i need your help." Then go from there.

[TommyNY]

talk to her. let her curse you out for the day. alot of these wives are smarter then we think. we all tell them we quit and they all know our fucking sneaky tricks we play.

[dchogs]

Quick update and reply. I know I need to talk to my wife, it's on the plate. Not looking forward to admitting how much I've lied to her, it is gonna hurt her and I'm gonna be crushed with the guilt of my behavior. Also I agree I need her support, but what I need right now is to quit each day and focus on working on all the little bullshit that comes with my addiction. One day at a time.
I'm happy where I am today, and I'm gonna pledge to stay quit tomorrow. I don't seem to have too many physical or mental symptoms so far so I count that as a blessing.
Thanks for your advice and support, I'd be nowhere without this site and the good people on it.

just keep in mind that each day that you delay talking to your wife about this is another day you've lied to her.

this is a cool fucking journey to freedom. let your wife hop on and enjoy the ride with you.

[luby]

Quick update and reply. I know I need to talk to my wife, it's on the plate. Not looking forward to admitting how much I've lied to her, it is gonna hurt her and I'm gonna be crushed with the guilt of my behavior. Also I agree I need her support, but what I need right now is to quit each day and focus on working on all the little bullshit that comes with my addiction. One day at a time.
I'm happy where I am today, and I'm gonna pledge to stay quit tomorrow. I don't seem to have too many physical or mental symptoms so far so I count that as a blessing.
Thanks for your advice and support, I'd be nowhere without this site and the good people on it.

[benderjl1]

Welcome Luby and congratulations on taking your life back. I spent HOURS on this site reading in the beginning (I still spend hours... but not Capital HOURS).

One thing I noticed in your intro that you need to be careful of... Your wife thinks you quit already. Your family and friends think you quit already. That's not great - but I'm not going to judge. I've done that myself.

But what I will tell you is that you need somebody in your PERSONAL life - not co-workers, not us lunatics on here... someone in your personal life that knows you are on day 4. Because when you hit day 50 or day 100 or day 1,000 - it won't be enough to post here. You'll want to tell somebody you love because those milestones are accomplishments that you WILL be proud of and that you will want your loved ones to be proud of you for.

My advice - tell your wife. get the fight over with now about the lying (it probably isn't the first time when it comes to the nic bitch). Then get her in your corner. Get her on the spousal support section. Get her invested in your quit - because when she's invested, your quit gets stronger. My wife is the strongest thing in my quit. You should consider the importance of your wife in your quit.

Good luck - if you need anything PM me.

good post per.

luby, if you're wife is anything like mine... she knows already. she may be keeping it from herself, but she really knows why you're taking 60 min shits and staying up late. we're really not all that clever, us addicts.

definitely tell your wife. might be a rough convo, but she'll be happy you were honest with her, and she'll be a valuable tool in your quit arsenal.

it's good to be quit with you. PM me if you ever need anything, and if you want my number let me know.

Ditto. I was in your shoes, bro. Exact same situation. Found this site, fought some tough times, and FINALLY told my wife somewhere around day 50. Should have clued her in earlier. Hopefully yours will help as much as mine did. It can be a great help, and the spouse section will help her. Honestly, they have no idea what we are dealing with. My wife was brainwashed by our society calling nicotine a "habit". When she realized it was a real addiction, her whole attitude changed. Positive support, assistance with the kids when I had to walk away due to a raging fit, etc. I've said it many times here, but it is something I believe whole heartedly. Hell, my wife even got me an awesome gift when I hit HOF.

Just in case you haven't found it: Spouse's Section

Let me know if you need anything else.

I used to tell my wife I quit all the time, but really I was doing the same thing you guys are talking about: 60 min. shits, getting about 4 hours of sleep, sneaking out to the car to grab my can while the wife is in the shower.

I don't necessarily agree with some of the comments. Who cares if your parents don't know you are still using? It is only about you and your desire to quit. Talk to you wife so she can be there to support. Explain to her it is an addiction and you finally realize that. I finally did that a few months ago and it actually led me to quitting a couple days back.

[Radman]

Welcome Luby and congratulations on taking your life back. I spent HOURS on this site reading in the beginning (I still spend hours... but not Capital HOURS).

One thing I noticed in your intro that you need to be careful of... Your wife thinks you quit already. Your family and friends think you quit already. That's not great - but I'm not going to judge. I've done that myself.

But what I will tell you is that you need somebody in your PERSONAL life - not co-workers, not us lunatics on here... someone in your personal life that knows you are on day 4. Because when you hit day 50 or day 100 or day 1,000 - it won't be enough to post here. You'll want to tell somebody you love because those milestones are accomplishments that you WILL be proud of and that you will want your loved ones to be proud of you for.

My advice - tell your wife. get the fight over with now about the lying (it probably isn't the first time when it comes to the nic bitch). Then get her in your corner. Get her on the spousal support section. Get her invested in your quit - because when she's invested, your quit gets stronger. My wife is the strongest thing in my quit. You should consider the importance of your wife in your quit.

Good luck - if you need anything PM me.

good post per.

luby, if you're wife is anything like mine... she knows already. she may be keeping it from herself, but she really knows why you're taking 60 min shits and staying up late. we're really not all that clever, us addicts.

definitely tell your wife. might be a rough convo, but she'll be happy you were honest with her, and she'll be a valuable tool in your quit arsenal.

it's good to be quit with you. PM me if you ever need anything, and if you want my number let me know.

Ditto. I was in your shoes, bro. Exact same situation. Found this site, fought some tough times, and FINALLY told my wife somewhere around day 50. Should have clued her in earlier. Hopefully yours will help as much as mine did. It can be a great help, and the spouse section will help her. Honestly, they have no idea what we are dealing with. My wife was brainwashed by our society calling nicotine a "habit". When she realized it was a real addiction, her whole attitude changed. Positive support, assistance with the kids when I had to walk away due to a raging fit, etc. I've said it many times here, but it is something I believe whole heartedly. Hell, my wife even got me an awesome gift when I hit HOF.

Just in case you haven't found it: Spouse's Section

Let me know if you need anything else.

[TommyNY]

Welcome Luby and congratulations on taking your life back. I spent HOURS on this site reading in the beginning (I still spend hours... but not Capital HOURS).

One thing I noticed in your intro that you need to be careful of... Your wife thinks you quit already. Your family and friends think you quit already. That's not great - but I'm not going to judge. I've done that myself.

But what I will tell you is that you need somebody in your PERSONAL life - not co-workers, not us lunatics on here... someone in your personal life that knows you are on day 4. Because when you hit day 50 or day 100 or day 1,000 - it won't be enough to post here. You'll want to tell somebody you love because those milestones are accomplishments that you WILL be proud of and that you will want your loved ones to be proud of you for.

My advice - tell your wife. get the fight over with now about the lying (it probably isn't the first time when it comes to the nic bitch). Then get her in your corner. Get her on the spousal support section. Get her invested in your quit - because when she's invested, your quit gets stronger. My wife is the strongest thing in my quit. You should consider the importance of your wife in your quit.

Good luck - if you need anything PM me.

Yea Bro be honest with the wife. This is a addiction and your gonna need her to be there for you.

[dchogs]

Welcome Luby and congratulations on taking your life back. I spent HOURS on this site reading in the beginning (I still spend hours... but not Capital HOURS).

One thing I noticed in your intro that you need to be careful of... Your wife thinks you quit already. Your family and friends think you quit already. That's not great - but I'm not going to judge. I've done that myself.

But what I will tell you is that you need somebody in your PERSONAL life - not co-workers, not us lunatics on here... someone in your personal life that knows you are on day 4. Because when you hit day 50 or day 100 or day 1,000 - it won't be enough to post here. You'll want to tell somebody you love because those milestones are accomplishments that you WILL be proud of and that you will want your loved ones to be proud of you for.

My advice - tell your wife. get the fight over with now about the lying (it probably isn't the first time when it comes to the nic bitch). Then get her in your corner. Get her on the spousal support section. Get her invested in your quit - because when she's invested, your quit gets stronger. My wife is the strongest thing in my quit. You should consider the importance of your wife in your quit.

Good luck - if you need anything PM me.

good post per.

luby, if you're wife is anything like mine... she knows already. she may be keeping it from herself, but she really knows why you're taking 60 min shits and staying up late. we're really not all that clever, us addicts.

definitely tell your wife. might be a rough convo, but she'll be happy you were honest with her, and she'll be a valuable tool in your quit arsenal.

it's good to be quit with you. PM me if you ever need anything, and if you want my number let me know.

[per034]

Welcome Luby and congratulations on taking your life back. I spent HOURS on this site reading in the beginning (I still spend hours... but not Capital HOURS).

One thing I noticed in your intro that you need to be careful of... Your wife thinks you quit already. Your family and friends think you quit already. That's not great - but I'm not going to judge. I've done that myself.

But what I will tell you is that you need somebody in your PERSONAL life - not co-workers, not us lunatics on here... someone in your personal life that knows you are on day 4. Because when you hit day 50 or day 100 or day 1,000 - it won't be enough to post here. You'll want to tell somebody you love because those milestones are accomplishments that you WILL be proud of and that you will want your loved ones to be proud of you for.

My advice - tell your wife. get the fight over with now about the lying (it probably isn't the first time when it comes to the nic bitch). Then get her in your corner. Get her on the spousal support section. Get her invested in your quit - because when she's invested, your quit gets stronger. My wife is the strongest thing in my quit. You should consider the importance of your wife in your quit.

Good luck - if you need anything PM me.

[Souliman]

Welcome Luby. I'm glad to hear you are making the decision to save your life. I'm glad to hear you understand and are willing to accept the label addict - don't think you are going to be judged negatively here with that label. Its one of acceptance. Good for you.

I'm guessing if you are on day 4 you have an idea of the flow here. I'm more than willing to hold your hand through the suck. Shit you can call me and we can trash the nic bitch all night brother. I've got hate for that liar. As much as I can talk to you through the worst of shit (tragedy, stress, anxiety) it is still going to take your WORD to put up the final defense. You got to want it more than I want it for you. Unless we're neighbors and you don't mind me coming over and lashing you to the bed posts until you are in a stable place along the quit path, its going to take the strength of your word bro. But I'm always willing to try to help. Pretty much 24/7. As are others.

Read everything. Post everyday. Get your ass involved. Reach out before things get bad. Welcome.

-Soul

[jmiah]

Hello everyone my name is Luby and I have used skoal mint for as long as I can remember.

I have quit dozens of times yet here I am on day 4 in roll call. My wife thinks I quit years ago and I've been hiding it ever since, same with my family and close friends. My work friends all chew, so I would just go at it at work, here's the thing not even they knew how MUCH i was chewing. Think there is a word for someone that behaves this way. Think the word is addict. Really hate the fact that word applies to me but it does.

I am an addict.

So why is this quit different? One simple reason. This is gonna be different because of YOU. That's right you, if you are reading this I am going to rely on you, and you can rely on me. If you are reading this I am going to use you, and when I have a bad day or a craving you are going to get sick of me, and I expect the same out of you.

It was a tough decision to come onto this sight. It meant admitting I am an addict, and making a commitment to people who are living it every day. Well now that I am here, 4 days in, I am going for it.

Thanks to all you for being here.

Welcome to the party, Luby. I'm glad to be here with you today. Email me anytime jmiah717@yahoo.com.

I'm on day 5 so I'm right there with you. I was Skoal Mint's bitch for a long time too. Not today though.

[luby]

Hello everyone my name is Luby and I have used skoal mint for as long as I can remember.

I have quit dozens of times yet here I am on day 4 in roll call. My wife thinks I quit years ago and I've been hiding it ever since, same with my family and close friends. My work friends all chew, so I would just go at it at work, here's the thing not even they knew how MUCH i was chewing. Think there is a word for someone that behaves this way. Think the word is addict. Really hate the fact that word applies to me but it does.

I am an addict.

So why is this quit different? One simple reason. This is gonna be different because of YOU. That's right you, if you are reading this I am going to rely on you, and you can rely on me. If you are reading this I am going to use you, and when I have a bad day or a craving you are going to get sick of me, and I expect the same out of you.

It was a tough decision to come onto this sight. It meant admitting I am an addict, and making a commitment to people who are living it every day. Well now that I am here, 4 days in, I am going for it.

Thanks to all you for being here.