Hello All
My name is Dan, I'm 37 and have been chewing off and on since I was 14, mostly on. That's 23 years I'm embarrassed to say. Over half my freaking life. Well tonight (12:00 am) I'm here at work, my own business and I've decided to finally get serious about this. I just finished my last can of Kodiak and hope to God I can find the will power in me to never put this crap in my mouth again.
I actually joined this forum back in October 08 thinking I was really going to give it the full effort. Funny it only seems like a month or so ago. But this is the story of my chewing life. I've been wanting to quit and making weak efforts to for at least 6-7 years. But I always fall prey to the old habit. When I first joined this forum, I started thinking "KodiakDan" is a stupid name. But really it's one that fits to a tee. After getting a little more familiar with this site, one of my goals now is to not only quit for the rest of my life but to change my username after 100 days of "chew" sobriety.
I started chewing the same reason that most people start (imo)....to be cool. I remember being in 8th grade hanging out around school and seeing an older kid chew and wanting to try it, which the kid was more than happy to share. My parents or anyone for that matter never told me "Stay away from Chew" I'm not sure if they really knew what it was and not that I was one to take advice from anyone back then.
Lot's of guys chewed in high school. I wanted to be in that group. I was on the football team and wanted to be tough, like all the chewers. I remember driving to school chewing and having to pull over and puke because I could hardly handle it. I forced my system to adapt.
I started working at a Budweiser warehouse when I was 18 all throughout college until I was 23. There wasn't a day that I worked there that there wasn't a huge dip of Copenhagen filling my mouth. It was my identity on some level working with all these older guys who were blue collar to the bone, sleeves rolled up, beer drinking, don't F with me type of guys.
During my late teens to around 30 I was also an out of control binge drinker and pot smoker. The chewing went hand in hand with the other destructive habits.
I started going with my now wife at age 30 and have recently controlled my drinking in the past few years and no longer smoke pot as of about 2-3 years. But the chewing has always maintained.
My chewing habit in my 30's has primarily been a solitary thing for me. I've been embarrassed about it for awhile and try to hide it from everyone. My wife didn't figure it out for probably the first 4 years we were together.
I have a wonderful daughter who is almost a year old now. I never imagined I would seriously have a chance to have my own family. It seemed like I was always the one who lived on the edge and strayed from these types of commitments.
I have a lot of fears regarding the health effects that chewing has had on me. Cancer runs in my family probably more than most. My mother, 2 aunts, and grandfather died of cancer. I have a cousin my age that's had multiple bouts of this evil disease. But yet I still chewed all these years like my days were numbered anyway. I know I can't go back in time and the best and only chance I have going forward is to keep my promise and stop right now. At least my gums may not recede anymore and my teeth may get a little brighter. My fate may be lucky and spare me from any cancer. I feel like I should pray again - haven't done that for years.
I've rambled on here a lot. I didn't really have a plan writing this, just have a ton of crap bottled up inside me regarding this habit that's controlled my life. I don't have anyone to talk to about this so I'm hoping that this site can give me a little help and I in turn need to be involved with the site as well.
I imagine a life where I don't have to run away to get a chew, hang out at work late to chew, stay up for hours and surf the web and be unproductive just to chew, decide I'm going to quit - throw out a half can and then go buy a new one a few hours later (multiple times in a week), go through a huge amount of embarrassment when someone catches me, lie to old friends that I haven't seen in years who ask, Are you still chewing? and feel deep down inside my self-esteem getting a little lower everyday I continue. I need to quite for myself more than anyone. This will be the hardest thing I've ever done by 100x over anything.
Thanks to anyone who actually got through this intro and can relate. My apologies if I didn't follow the guidelines here.
My journey begins now.
