closetdipper, welcome brother. You’ll find support and more importantly accountability in your May group, get in there!
I gotta tell you man, as a husband who hid the extent of his addiction from his spouse, you gotta come clean. It’s important, very, very, very, important. It’s hard, but it’ll mean the world in your quit. BURN THE BOATS brother. No way back. Make the commitment, be vocal/honest about it, then take it seriously, one day at a time. I’m sending you a PM, check it and reply if you’re inclined.