Day 407 Update (crazy rant):
Happy to be quit like fuck. Happy to have friends here at KTC who have my back. Happy to hate the shit out of tobacco/nicotine.
Feeling great. Still need to cut back on eating. Eating too much and not enough exercise. Getting fatter. Need to drop lbs. I keep telling myself this. Need to make the change. Drinking occasionally, never over doing it. Never get trashed.
As for nicotine, it is fucking out! I hate it with every fiber of my being. I cannot stand tobacco and/or nicotine. It is so gross and so disgusting. I can't stand to be around it when other people are doing it. My mom chews the nic gum when we come to her house so she can act like she doesn't smoke. She'll pull out the gum constantly. I just shake my head. My youngest brother goes out and smokes every 10 minutes at family gatherings. My dad chews the gum and smokes. He tries to hide the smoking. My wife's two brothers and their wives smoke constantly and try to say that they never smoke anymore. They say they only smoke on the weekends or when drinking. Bullshit. My wife's one brother went to the basketball game with me last night. I drove him. We had primo seats and parking. He fucking vaped in my car the whole way there and the whole way back. I lost my fucking shit. At first he didn't roll down the god damned window. It was 39 degrees out and I rolled my window all the way down. He had the gall to say, "what the fuck are you doing, it's cold". I yelled, "dude, you're blowing fucking vape shit in my damn car and I don't want to breath that shit!" He said, "oh, well I can crack my window". I said, "thanks a lot". Then he was like, "it won't hurt you, there's only 3 milligrams of nicotine in this whole bottle", he showed me the bottle. Then he said, "i only put 4 drops in here at a time". "There's very little nicotine in here". I said, "maybe you should buy the shit that has more nicotine so you're not constantly puffing on the damn thing." He was literally like a fucking choo choo train all the way up 395. I was livid, disgusted, and my head was about to explode. Anyway, we made it to the game. We got in there and he says, "I'm going down to the deck to smoke". I ask, "a cigarette?". He says, "yeah, but I only smoke when I drink now". I say, "we haven't even ordered a beer yet". He says, "well, i'm gonna be drinking, i need a smoke". I'm just thinking to myself, 'this is fucking nuts'. So to top this off our other brother in law (married to his wife's sister), who is pretty much my brother in law by extension (we all live in the same town) was just diagnosed with stage 4 tonsil cancer and thyroid cancer back in early November or late October. He just started chemo and radiation. He is 44 years old (smoked since his teenage years) and is literally riddled with cancer in the neck, throat, and glands. He has a tough fight ahead of him. My brother in law who I'm at the game with proceeds to tell me that "oh his cancer has nothing to do with cigarettes at all". I ask, "are you positive?". He's like, "oh yes, the doc told him he could smoke 2 packs a day for 30 years and it wouldn't have caused his cancer". I'm befuddled because the guy's wife told my wife that smoking is one of the three leading causes of tonsil cancer. I even read up online myself. Anyway, this was just his way of justifying his own addiction. The whole night was basically me doing experiments on a monkey in a cage. I asked him if he was addicted to nicotine. He said, "nope". I said, "are you sure?". He said, "yep". And then went on to tell me that he only smokes one cigarette a day or when he's drinking. I asked, "you don't count the vaporizer as smoking?". He said, "no, there's only 3 milligrams of nicotine in this whole bottle". I said you sure do puff on it a lot. He didn't bring it into the game, I didn't ask why. But he did miss many portions of the game to go out and smoke, this is of course because he was drinking beer. So, on the way home we get stuck in construction traffic on the highway. He starts losing his shit that I didn't exit off when we had a chance before. He was tired and wanted to get home. There was a cop at the exit ramp and I would've had to cross the white line to get off. I didn't want a ticket. He continues puffing on the vaporizer non-stop. I seriously mean, non-stop. I said, "dude, you gotta get more nicotine in there so you take less puffs...these clouds are fucking killing me". Windows down, 35 degrees. I'm leaning out the driver window to breath fresh air. I seriously wanted to kick him out of the fucking car. It was the rudest thing I've ever been involved in. I would rather he smoked one cigarette on the way down and one on the way back than doing the vaping thing.
About a mile from his house, I told him I hadn't had any nicotine in 406 days now and that next time he rides in my car could he please not use the vaporizer. Maybe I was a pussy and should've told him to cut that shit out right away when we left for the game. But at least now I know. Never again. Not in my fucking car or house. He does that shit in front of his kids. Terrible. At least be a fucking ninja if you're gonna vape like that. He thinks he's being healthy and considerate by puffing on that shit.
When I pulled into his driveway I said "thank for coming to the game with me and if you every want to quit nicotine please come talk to me, I can share with you what I've learned. I can help you. Let me know."
He said, "oh I don't need to quit nicotine, I just need to cut back a little". And he said thanks for the tickets. I just shook my head and drove home.
Tobacco/nicotine is so fucked up. I fucking hate it.
What I learned: Some addicts don't want to be awoken. Glad I'm awake. Thanks KTC.
