Im going to use this thread as my daily journal. This will be a great way for my wife to stay on board and see what's up with my complicated - and many times distant (literally) - mind. I may not post here everyday, but I will post roll call at a minimum.
There are certain things about my job that just suck - boredom. It is the #1 tool the nic bitch uses to make me cave. I'm a pilot for a global airline. The flying part is boring, but doable. I've never dipped on the airplane and never had the desire to. But when on layovers, away from the family, trying to function on the backside of the clock and being in situations I cannot control (hotel and eating choices) - dipping helped me get through those times. It was something I looked forward to when I knew I'd be in situations I could not control.
I've never been one to dip continuously. My normal cycle is: dip 2 or 3 times a day for 2 or 3 days. Get sick of it (or scared) then not dip for 2 to 10 days. The frequency and durations I've gone without dipping have made me believe (foolishly) I'm not addicted. Part of me being here is dealing with that deception. I am addicted - no more arguing - no more fooling myself.
Im on day 2. Day 2 to me is nothing. Day 2 of not dipping is a regular thing. I think it will be easy to go for the next 10, 20 or 30 days with no desire to dip. But complacency is the #2 tool the nic bitch uses to make me cave. My normal routine is to let my guard down after 10 days (or so). The nic bitch says "see, you can quit anytime you want, you are healthy, no damage, no reason not to take one more dip." And fuck her, I cave again.
So, again, here I am day 2. No problem. I'm in London and this place SUCKS. Mostly cause the time difference and the lack of sleep that builds up over a 6 day back and forth trip. This hotel also sucks - not to mention it is actually one of the nicer ones in London. Small cramped European hotel rooms. Anyway I'm dealing with it pretty good today. I got a good workout in, ate a low carb dinner and here I am. Wide awake at 1:03 am for a 820 get up.
Tomorrow - Houston. Here's where I could face first cave temptation. Last week we went out for Mexican food. Mex food and margaritas makes me cave about 80% of the time. And yes, i did last week too (before joining KTC I will add). I know its coming tomorrow so I'm prepared. If I don't skip the mex food I will have to skip the margs - no question. It's a trigger. So Jake M, ERussell, you've got my num. Text me about 630 CT tomorrow and say "dont order the margaritas" - cool thx.
Saturday won't be a problem. I'll lift at the Y in the morning and head back to the London shit hole later in the day. The only good thing about London is they don't sell the shit here.
I will post roll call tomorrow, but I won't be til later in the day.
All right. Thx all. Keep up the quit and I'll do the same.
Danno
