Quit on Monday

[Wt57]

Thank you Eric. The past two days I've been feeling sorry for myself, whining about the amount of Time the bitch has been whispering in my ear and feeling like a failure because I wasn't feeling as confident in my quit as I want. You brought me back down to Earth I'll be here tommorrow to quit for the day!

[Mthomas3824]

Day 78:

September 10th, a day I have been dwelling on for the better part of 7 weeks. If you remember the last bit of news I had was regarding a potential biopsy of a cyst in my neck/throat region. Well, the day finally arrived. As I sit in the waiting room of the endocrine/diabetes management center I cannot help but look around at what a seemingly harmless thing as eating can do to crumble someone's life. Now granted, diabetes is plenty more than the inability to control food consumption. I am not that ignorant to make that reference. However, I did see more people enter into diet management consultation area than I did anywhere else.

Fast forward through the agonizing wait. Into the room, up on the table, another ultrasound. Only this one lights up your cysts in fancy colors. I could give a shit what color they were so long as they weren't cancerous. The doctor looks at, analyzes, measures, and pokes and prods at my neck and throat only to say that whatever was there 7 weeks ago has subsided and I am only left with small cysts near my thyroid gland and no sign of lymph nodes or cysts that need biopsied for analysis. She said that if the pain in this area continues that we would need to do a CAT scan. All the blood work done also came back normal. She said she has never seen a change as dramatic as this in this short of a time frame from one ultrasound to another. She had no real explanation for it.

I would like to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this time. These last 7 weeks have been exhausting to myself and to my wife I'm sure. You see, we didn't talk about it much because with 4 little ones around, adult conversation time is generally at the end of a long day and this topic was quite heavy to go to bed on. I imagine, we both just lifted it up to God and let him speak to us through His ways. We also did not want to place any unnecessary worry on the kids until we knew for sure what was going on.

I will tell you all this though, life is meant to be lived without fear and regret. These last 7 weeks I have lived as though I knew when my last day was. I have said things I otherwise would have refrained from saying. I have volunteered for things I would have deferred upon. I have become more involved in my church, my family, my friends, and my businesses. I have taken the time to be home early to help my wife with her day. I have told her how much I love her and what a great job she does day in and day out with our kids. I have been more affectionate and complimentary to her. I have kissed and hugged my kids more. I have had the conversations we all remember having with our parents, the life lessons. I have taken the time to just play with them. I have taken them places and done things with them that I would have put off for another time before. I was able to take my son to his first NFL game this past weekend. I built gymnastic equipment for my girls. I have been the man I have wanted to be for so long. I have finally figured out that I can be that man now, not at a future time.

I guess what I'm saying is that I had to have the shit scared out of me before I realized that life was not meant to be a "go through the motions" exercise. Life is meant to be lived. It is meant to be exhilarating and exhausting all at once, everyday if possible. It is meant for afternoon naps with your spouse on a Sunday after Church and dinner. It is meant for the grind of the work week and the chaos of raising a family. It is meant for disappointments and opportunities, successes and failures, loves and hates. It is meant for everything we encounter if we put ourselves into it.

What life is not meant to be is regretful. Don't go another day without doing something, anything, that you wouldn't normally do. Be the man or woman you aspire to be a little bit more today than you did yesterday. Hug your kids, kiss your wife/husband for no other reason than to just say I love you. Be the person you hear inside screaming to get out. The feeling of liberating those feelings is one you will never regret. I can only thank God and all of you and those around me for all the prayer and support.

Peace

Wow Eric, you are my hero. What an inspiration and change you have been to me and if you look back over the short 70 + days....What a positive change.

This is a witness that quitting tobacco is when we start living and stop going through the motions of life.

I fought with my wife today. I came home and she asked me to run some errands, so I went and picked up dry cleaning, grocery store for milk. I said, "you have been home all day and I'm the one that has to run errands?"

Well I didn't even acknowledge that the house was clean, dinner on the table and laundry was done. She worked hard and I criticized.

Well I am going to do something I probably wouldn't have until I read your post. I am going to tell her I am sorry for not recognizing all she does do...

Thanks Eric. Went to the gym today too. I hurt but it is a good hurt!

[dr_jones_25]

I love this post!!! Seriously, Love this post!!!!

[wastepanel]

Beautiful post.

I'm so fucking proud of you.

Keep up the good work.

[Grizzly25]

Day 78:

September 10th, a day I have been dwelling on for the better part of 7 weeks. If you remember the last bit of news I had was regarding a potential biopsy of a cyst in my neck/throat region. Well, the day finally arrived. As I sit in the waiting room of the endocrine/diabetes management center I cannot help but look around at what a seemingly harmless thing as eating can do to crumble someone's life. Now granted, diabetes is plenty more than the inability to control food consumption. I am not that ignorant to make that reference. However, I did see more people enter into diet management consultation area than I did anywhere else.

Fast forward through the agonizing wait. Into the room, up on the table, another ultrasound. Only this one lights up your cysts in fancy colors. I could give a shit what color they were so long as they weren't cancerous. The doctor looks at, analyzes, measures, and pokes and prods at my neck and throat only to say that whatever was there 7 weeks ago has subsided and I am only left with small cysts near my thyroid gland and no sign of lymph nodes or cysts that need biopsied for analysis. She said that if the pain in this area continues that we would need to do a CAT scan. All the blood work done also came back normal. She said she has never seen a change as dramatic as this in this short of a time frame from one ultrasound to another. She had no real explanation for it.

I would like to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this time. These last 7 weeks have been exhausting to myself and to my wife I'm sure. You see, we didn't talk about it much because with 4 little ones around, adult conversation time is generally at the end of a long day and this topic was quite heavy to go to bed on. I imagine, we both just lifted it up to God and let him speak to us through His ways. We also did not want to place any unnecessary worry on the kids until we knew for sure what was going on.

I will tell you all this though, life is meant to be lived without fear and regret. These last 7 weeks I have lived as though I knew when my last day was. I have said things I otherwise would have refrained from saying. I have volunteered for things I would have deferred upon. I have become more involved in my church, my family, my friends, and my businesses. I have taken the time to be home early to help my wife with her day. I have told her how much I love her and what a great job she does day in and day out with our kids. I have been more affectionate and complimentary to her. I have kissed and hugged my kids more. I have had the conversations we all remember having with our parents, the life lessons. I have taken the time to just play with them. I have taken them places and done things with them that I would have put off for another time before. I was able to take my son to his first NFL game this past weekend. I built gymnastic equipment for my girls. I have been the man I have wanted to be for so long. I have finally figured out that I can be that man now, not at a future time.

I guess what I'm saying is that I had to have the shit scared out of me before I realized that life was not meant to be a "go through the motions" exercise. Life is meant to be lived. It is meant to be exhilarating and exhausting all at once, everyday if possible. It is meant for afternoon naps with your spouse on a Sunday after Church and dinner. It is meant for the grind of the work week and the chaos of raising a family. It is meant for disappointments and opportunities, successes and failures, loves and hates. It is meant for everything we encounter if we put ourselves into it.

What life is not meant to be is regretful. Don't go another day without doing something, anything, that you wouldn't normally do. Be the man or woman you aspire to be a little bit more today than you did yesterday. Hug your kids, kiss your wife/husband for no other reason than to just say I love you. Be the person you hear inside screaming to get out. The feeling of liberating those feelings is one you will never regret. I can only thank God and all of you and those around me for all the prayer and support.

Peace

Great news and great post brother!

I feel very inspired from your post and I say thank you!

Quit on quiter!

[eric71]

Day 78:

September 10th, a day I have been dwelling on for the better part of 7 weeks. If you remember the last bit of news I had was regarding a potential biopsy of a cyst in my neck/throat region. Well, the day finally arrived. As I sit in the waiting room of the endocrine/diabetes management center I cannot help but look around at what a seemingly harmless thing as eating can do to crumble someone's life. Now granted, diabetes is plenty more than the inability to control food consumption. I am not that ignorant to make that reference. However, I did see more people enter into diet management consultation area than I did anywhere else.

Fast forward through the agonizing wait. Into the room, up on the table, another ultrasound. Only this one lights up your cysts in fancy colors. I could give a shit what color they were so long as they weren't cancerous. The doctor looks at, analyzes, measures, and pokes and prods at my neck and throat only to say that whatever was there 7 weeks ago has subsided and I am only left with small cysts near my thyroid gland and no sign of lymph nodes or cysts that need biopsied for analysis. She said that if the pain in this area continues that we would need to do a CAT scan. All the blood work done also came back normal. She said she has never seen a change as dramatic as this in this short of a time frame from one ultrasound to another. She had no real explanation for it.

I would like to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this time. These last 7 weeks have been exhausting to myself and to my wife I'm sure. You see, we didn't talk about it much because with 4 little ones around, adult conversation time is generally at the end of a long day and this topic was quite heavy to go to bed on. I imagine, we both just lifted it up to God and let him speak to us through His ways. We also did not want to place any unnecessary worry on the kids until we knew for sure what was going on.

I will tell you all this though, life is meant to be lived without fear and regret. These last 7 weeks I have lived as though I knew when my last day was. I have said things I otherwise would have refrained from saying. I have volunteered for things I would have deferred upon. I have become more involved in my church, my family, my friends, and my businesses. I have taken the time to be home early to help my wife with her day. I have told her how much I love her and what a great job she does day in and day out with our kids. I have been more affectionate and complimentary to her. I have kissed and hugged my kids more. I have had the conversations we all remember having with our parents, the life lessons. I have taken the time to just play with them. I have taken them places and done things with them that I would have put off for another time before. I was able to take my son to his first NFL game this past weekend. I built gymnastic equipment for my girls. I have been the man I have wanted to be for so long. I have finally figured out that I can be that man now, not at a future time.

I guess what I'm saying is that I had to have the shit scared out of me before I realized that life was not meant to be a "go through the motions" exercise. Life is meant to be lived. It is meant to be exhilarating and exhausting all at once, everyday if possible. It is meant for afternoon naps with your spouse on a Sunday after Church and dinner. It is meant for the grind of the work week and the chaos of raising a family. It is meant for disappointments and opportunities, successes and failures, loves and hates. It is meant for everything we encounter if we put ourselves into it.

What life is not meant to be is regretful. Don't go another day without doing something, anything, that you wouldn't normally do. Be the man or woman you aspire to be a little bit more today than you did yesterday. Hug your kids, kiss your wife/husband for no other reason than to just say I love you. Be the person you hear inside screaming to get out. The feeling of liberating those feelings is one you will never regret. I can only thank God and all of you and those around me for all the prayer and support.

Peace

[Wt57]

Day 69:  An open letter to my absentee brothers

Today is a good day.  Why is today a good day?

1.  I'm alive
2.  I'm quit
3.  I'm loved by my family and friends
4.  I love that I'm quit
5.  I live in a free country
6.  My quit gives me my freedom
7.  I have a roof over my head
8.  My quit never strays far from my mind
9.  I have food for nourishment
10.  I feed my quit daily by being active on KTC
11.  My God gives me strength in my endeavors
12.  My quit grows stronger daily with the help of my quit brethren

This list could continue, but the trend is easily evident.  We can find how our quit enhances every part of our lives if we just take a moment to look.  I just thought on a day of reflection, I could give you some encouragement in your quit. 

That said, don't get all touchy feely on me!  I still hate what that bitch did to me for all those years!  I'm still stark, raving mad that I allowed something like her to rob me of time, moments, and treasure.  I still have no room in my quit for those of you who don't feel the same.  As I sit here and type this, my palms are sweating, pits dripping, and rage spewing over.  Those of you who don't commit daily to your quit should be ashamed of yourselves!  Don't you fucking get it?  Any time you leave the door open, you leave an open invitation for her to enter back into your life.  Any time you fail to post roll or come to the site, you are showing others that they do not matter to you today and that you will not be around to support them if they need your help.  You entered this site as a needy, confused, scared little sack of shit who was scooped up, coddled, guided, and empowered with tremendous support during the initial stages of your quit.  How fucking selfish and disrespectful that you don't have the common decency to pay it back and forward.  You self-centered, world revolves around you sack of shit.  You know who you are, and you know as well as everyone else here that the door swings both ways. 

You are not holding up your end of the bargain.  You are a disappointment to your quit group!  Mostly though, you are proving what type of person you really are.  If I'm pissing you off, tough shit!  Bring it on!  Come tell me about it, at least I'd know you had a spine.  Is quitting everything?  No, but it damns sure says a shit ton about who lies deep inside your skin and what they stand for.

Fight or flight, which end are you on?  You can quit with me, like a fucking madman; full of rage and hate, anger and aggression, thought and persistence.

OR

You can fly the fucking coop!  Intimidated and afraid, scared of the forever, afraid of the commitment, dodging the responsibility, shunning your fellow man.

Again, which will you choose?

QLAFM

Good stuff E. I need to do a better job of paying it forward myself. Sometimes I get tunnel vision with my quit and focus too much on ME. A lot of guys helped me early on when I was a blubbering mess. Only fair I try harder to do the same.

'clap'

[Diesel2112]

Day 69: An open letter to my absentee brothers

Today is a good day. Why is today a good day?

1. I'm alive
2. I'm quit
3. I'm loved by my family and friends
4. I love that I'm quit
5. I live in a free country
6. My quit gives me my freedom
7. I have a roof over my head
8. My quit never strays far from my mind
9. I have food for nourishment
10. I feed my quit daily by being active on KTC
11. My God gives me strength in my endeavors
12. My quit grows stronger daily with the help of my quit brethren

This list could continue, but the trend is easily evident. We can find how our quit enhances every part of our lives if we just take a moment to look. I just thought on a day of reflection, I could give you some encouragement in your quit.

That said, don't get all touchy feely on me! I still hate what that bitch did to me for all those years! I'm still stark, raving mad that I allowed something like her to rob me of time, moments, and treasure. I still have no room in my quit for those of you who don't feel the same. As I sit here and type this, my palms are sweating, pits dripping, and rage spewing over. Those of you who don't commit daily to your quit should be ashamed of yourselves! Don't you fucking get it? Any time you leave the door open, you leave an open invitation for her to enter back into your life. Any time you fail to post roll or come to the site, you are showing others that they do not matter to you today and that you will not be around to support them if they need your help. You entered this site as a needy, confused, scared little sack of shit who was scooped up, coddled, guided, and empowered with tremendous support during the initial stages of your quit. How fucking selfish and disrespectful that you don't have the common decency to pay it back and forward. You self-centered, world revolves around you sack of shit. You know who you are, and you know as well as everyone else here that the door swings both ways.

You are not holding up your end of the bargain. You are a disappointment to your quit group! Mostly though, you are proving what type of person you really are. If I'm pissing you off, tough shit! Bring it on! Come tell me about it, at least I'd know you had a spine. Is quitting everything? No, but it damns sure says a shit ton about who lies deep inside your skin and what they stand for.

Fight or flight, which end are you on? You can quit with me, like a fucking madman; full of rage and hate, anger and aggression, thought and persistence.

OR

You can fly the fucking coop! Intimidated and afraid, scared of the forever, afraid of the commitment, dodging the responsibility, shunning your fellow man.

Again, which will you choose?

QLAFM

Good stuff E. I need to do a better job of paying it forward myself. Sometimes I get tunnel vision with my quit and focus too much on ME. A lot of guys helped me early on when I was a blubbering mess. Only fair I try harder to do the same.

[eric71]

Day 69: An open letter to my absentee brothers

Today is a good day. Why is today a good day?

1. I'm alive
2. I'm quit
3. I'm loved by my family and friends
4. I love that I'm quit
5. I live in a free country
6. My quit gives me my freedom
7. I have a roof over my head
8. My quit never strays far from my mind
9. I have food for nourishment
10. I feed my quit daily by being active on KTC
11. My God gives me strength in my endeavors
12. My quit grows stronger daily with the help of my quit brethren

This list could continue, but the trend is easily evident. We can find how our quit enhances every part of our lives if we just take a moment to look. I just thought on a day of reflection, I could give you some encouragement in your quit.

That said, don't get all touchy feely on me! I still hate what that bitch did to me for all those years! I'm still stark, raving mad that I allowed something like her to rob me of time, moments, and treasure. I still have no room in my quit for those of you who don't feel the same. As I sit here and type this, my palms are sweating, pits dripping, and rage spewing over. Those of you who don't commit daily to your quit should be ashamed of yourselves! Don't you fucking get it? Any time you leave the door open, you leave an open invitation for her to enter back into your life. Any time you fail to post roll or come to the site, you are showing others that they do not matter to you today and that you will not be around to support them if they need your help. You entered this site as a needy, confused, scared little sack of shit who was scooped up, coddled, guided, and empowered with tremendous support during the initial stages of your quit. How fucking selfish and disrespectful that you don't have the common decency to pay it back and forward. You self-centered, world revolves around you sack of shit. You know who you are, and you know as well as everyone else here that the door swings both ways.

You are not holding up your end of the bargain. You are a disappointment to your quit group! Mostly though, you are proving what type of person you really are. If I'm pissing you off, tough shit! Bring it on! Come tell me about it, at least I'd know you had a spine. Is quitting everything? No, but it damns sure says a shit ton about who lies deep inside your skin and what they stand for.

Fight or flight, which end are you on? You can quit with me, like a fucking madman; full of rage and hate, anger and aggression, thought and persistence.

OR

You can fly the fucking coop! Intimidated and afraid, scared of the forever, afraid of the commitment, dodging the responsibility, shunning your fellow man.

Again, which will you choose?

QLAFM

[eric71]

Day 60:

Said this to one of my co-workers and took a mental step back to reflect on it.

"Does life have to be perfect in order for you to live?"

Guy is a whiny little mommas boy bitch, sometimes it can be extremely draining to be around him. It just gets fucking old after a while watching someone almost purposely labor through life, their body language pleading for someone to end it all for them. So, I finally had enough and called him on the carpet with that comment. What I didn't expect was that I had been doing this for the past 15 or so years. Life did have to be perfect or else I would throw in a chew. The kids did have to behave as model citizens, my wife did have to be a Stepford wife, and work all had to fall in line with my designs for it. I was the one who demanded perfection or else I would resort to a slow and steady destruction of myself.

Having had the taste of 60 days of freedom I can honestly say that life is so much sweeter when it is not perfect. When the kids are kids, when my wife and I don't always see eye to eye, and when contingency plans have to be called upon to get through a day's work. It is sweeter and I am living life without a killing crutch that sapped me of my mental resolve and the ability to cope and manage the stress of everyday life. So now I can say that life indeed does not have to be perfect, I am going to live it to its fullest anyway and the mistress of addiction can pack her overnight bag somewhere else, she will never be welcome in my house again.

QLAFM with all of you, today, and every day that follows!

[Wedge]

Eric,

Just wanted to stop in and say that I think you have the greatest title and subtitle for an intro thread, ever.

Keep up the great work.

[SirDerek]

Day 57:

Note to self:

Fuck you and the weak ass thoughts swimming in your head. You were told these days would come and sure as hell they have. These are the days your quit is being tested mentally. So, bigshot, how strong is your quit? A little mind fuck getting you all riled up is it? Thinking about me aren't you?

"Yeah, I'm thinking about you, about how you fucked up 15 years of my life that I cannot get back! About leaving me in a corner somewhere with a fucking bottle in my hand and a pile of shit jammed in my lip! About seeing the disappointment and hurt in my wife and children's eyes as I pushed one in my lip. About tearing up a level of honor and respect that I have to work so hard to put back in place with those I love. About how fucking stupid I was to let something like you into my life in the first place. About how if you were a real person I would be in prison for the mutilating, abhorrent beating I would place on you, rendering you a crippled pile of shit incapable of rational thought or motion. About how needy you are, how reliant you are on the weakness of others to make yourself feel worth. Face it bitch, without me, you are just a shredded up, rode hard, put away wet, wilting and sagging, pile of shit that no one can stay committed to. We all find something better, something way better, and you're left holding the can."

comming from a leader of QUIT within the Roctober Madmen

keep on feeling the freedom, and I quit each day with you.

[eric71]

Day 57:

Note to self:

Fuck you and the weak ass thoughts swimming in your head. You were told these days would come and sure as hell they have. These are the days your quit is being tested mentally. So, bigshot, how strong is your quit? A little mind fuck getting you all riled up is it? Thinking about me aren't you?

"Yeah, I'm thinking about you, about how you fucked up 15 years of my life that I cannot get back! About leaving me in a corner somewhere with a fucking bottle in my hand and a pile of shit jammed in my lip! About seeing the disappointment and hurt in my wife and children's eyes as I pushed one in my lip. About tearing up a level of honor and respect that I have to work so hard to put back in place with those I love. About how fucking stupid I was to let something like you into my life in the first place. About how if you were a real person I would be in prison for the mutilating, abhorrent beating I would place on you, rendering you a crippled pile of shit incapable of rational thought or motion. About how needy you are, how reliant you are on the weakness of others to make yourself feel worth. Face it bitch, without me, you are just a shredded up, rode hard, put away wet, wilting and sagging, pile of shit that no one can stay committed to. We all find something better, something way better, and you're left holding the can."

[Wt57]

Day 48:

County fair week and that is sure to mean a load of people chewing  and spitting and the site of cans in jeans at every turn.  Ninja dipped last year at fair even while talking to current and potential clients. 

Took a walk down cancer lane getting ready to transport items to the fair.  I went to clean out the back of my truck, moved my spare tire, and lo and behold, there lay an empty can of Timberwolf mint.  Paused for second, first time I had even looked at a can.  I had made sure to have every last spitter, can, and hiding spot cleaned and emptied when the quit began.  Too bad I forgot about the bed of my truck (Truck gets driven sporadically, not too good on gas for my occupation).  Ah yes, the sneaky nic bitch trying to claw back into my life during an opportune time.

Walked inside, asked my son (6) to come outside with me.  He has been wanting to learn how to shoot a gun for so long, I thought now could be a perfect teachable moment to do so.  I took the can, and using my air nailer, fastened it to the nearest tree.  I took my son outside and gave him the finer points on using his BB rifle, and let him have at it. 

I reminded him to always be able to look your obstacles and adversaries in the face, meet them head on, and shoot 'em straight.  That meant a helluva lot more to me than him when I said it.  I pray to God he never has to look this bitch in the face.  It was kind of like the Medusa moment when the heroes of old would turn to stone.  Turns out for her though, she was only looking at a reflection of me and I took her head off with one fell swoop.

R.I.P. Bitch!

Love it !!!!! found a great use for it.

Way to go Eric. Shoot em up!!!

I got quit wood.

Quit with you today.

Good job Eric! I'm so proud to be quit with you!

[30yraddict]

Day 48:

County fair week and that is sure to mean a load of people chewing  and spitting and the site of cans in jeans at every turn.  Ninja dipped last year at fair even while talking to current and potential clients. 

Took a walk down cancer lane getting ready to transport items to the fair.  I went to clean out the back of my truck, moved my spare tire, and lo and behold, there lay an empty can of Timberwolf mint.  Paused for second, first time I had even looked at a can.  I had made sure to have every last spitter, can, and hiding spot cleaned and emptied when the quit began.  Too bad I forgot about the bed of my truck (Truck gets driven sporadically, not too good on gas for my occupation).  Ah yes, the sneaky nic bitch trying to claw back into my life during an opportune time.

Walked inside, asked my son (6) to come outside with me.  He has been wanting to learn how to shoot a gun for so long, I thought now could be a perfect teachable moment to do so.  I took the can, and using my air nailer, fastened it to the nearest tree.  I took my son outside and gave him the finer points on using his BB rifle, and let him have at it. 

I reminded him to always be able to look your obstacles and adversaries in the face, meet them head on, and shoot 'em straight.  That meant a helluva lot more to me than him when I said it.  I pray to God he never has to look this bitch in the face.  It was kind of like the Medusa moment when the heroes of old would turn to stone.  Turns out for her though, she was only looking at a reflection of me and I took her head off with one fell swoop.

R.I.P. Bitch!

Love it !!!!! found a great use for it.

Way to go Eric. Shoot em up!!!

I got quit wood.

Quit with you today.