The emotional rollercoaster

[pab1964]

I just wanna say what you're going through has nothing to do with quitting nicotine

C'mon, man, don't tell me that...

Sorry Sam didn't mean it like it sounded, of course part of of what you're going through is withdrawals. I was just trying to explain how ole Nicky trys to convince us to start back and everything will be fine. Everything you speak of we've pretty much all been through. Hang in there you got this and you're definitely not alone. Again my apologies, I was writing that at work when I was supposed to be working, just reread what I wrote understand where you're coming from.

[Joe104]

Sam, hang in there! I assure you that this is part of the recovery process. I read this from the Mayo Clinic, which is a world renown hospital and thought it could help ease your mind... Obviously they are talking about smoking but none the less, its still nicotine.

"The good news is that once you stop smoking entirely, the number of nicotine receptors in your brain will eventually return to normal. As that happens, the craving response will occur less often, won't last as long or be as intense and, in time, will fade away completely.

Because of its effects on your brain, nicotine can be powerfully addictive. For many people, overcoming nicotine addiction and successfully dealing with its withdrawal symptoms requires medical treatment. Medications are available that can help reduce withdrawal symptoms, while support and guidance from a tobacco dependence treatment program can help you learn how to change your behavior in ways that increase your chances of staying smoke-free..."

Two things I would like to point out... First notice how they say "in time," these feelings will fade away COMPLETELY. You aren't even 3 months into this thing. In the grand scheme of things, that's no time at all.

Secondly, they mention that some withdrawal symptoms may require medical treatment. This isn't a bad thing. This may be all you need to get you over the hump... A lot of people have used medicine as a temporary crutch to help them get over their symptoms. Keep in mind, there are a lot of medical professionals out there that can and will help you to feeling better. Don't be scared of this.

I remember from reading your intro the other day that you were using many different forms of nicotine for numerous years. If medicine will help you get over this nervous feeling, why not try it? It definitely wont hurt your body as much as nicotine did...

[SamueL]

I just wanna say what you're going through has nothing to do with quitting nicotine

C'mon, man, don't tell me that...

[pab1964]

Day 67

I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.

Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.

My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.

I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.

Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.

Samuel

Each of us finds one part or another the worst. Like we talked about yesterday, the emotional toll you are feeling was identical to me and at the same time. At day 74 it was like a light switch..no anxiety, feeling pleasure and pain again, etc. Please fight through this, its too important. I highly recommend contacting your Dr. there is no shame in a bit of medication to get this part pushed through.

Stay in touch man!

Sam, look my friend I just wanna say what you're going through has nothing to do with quitting nicotine but I will say your mind is trying to convince you that if you start dipping again everything will be fine. Well guess what that's bullshit! Don't argue with your family, man up and walk away ,bring your ass in here someone will listen to you and probably be happy to vent back! Always remember there's always someone out there that's a lot worse off than yourself. Pm me for my number if you want! Most of all stay quit!

[dipbegone]

Day 67

I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.

Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.

My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.

I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.

Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.

Samuel

Each of us finds one part or another the worst. Like we talked about yesterday, the emotional toll you are feeling was identical to me and at the same time. At day 74 it was like a light switch..no anxiety, feeling pleasure and pain again, etc. Please fight through this, its too important. I highly recommend contacting your Dr. there is no shame in a bit of medication to get this part pushed through.

Stay in touch man!

[SamueL]

Day 67

I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.

Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.

My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.

I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.

Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.

[worktowin]

You've been quiet... How's it going?

[worktowin]

You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.

Day 47 update:

Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.

When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.

I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.

When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.

At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.

I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.

This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.

Day 47 done.

The fog....

We all have different experiences with this. I've read lots on here about how nicotine suppresses oxygen levels in the blood. A train wreck of a doctors visit triggered my own quit, and low oxygen was among the bad results of that visit. 3 weeks later at a follow up, that reading was normal. So there must be something to it.

Some folks have the fog for a day, a week, a month. Mine lasted a long time dude. I think around 2 months. When it lifted, I got angry. Angry that an addiction pretty much wiped out 2 months of my life. To be honest, I don't recall a thing about Christmas or New Years that year. Not a thing. But info remember one day thinking... Man, I just feel better today. Weird. And then clarity started returning.

That isn't to say that there weren't bumps along the way after that, but there was a turning point. I pray that you are there my friend. Keep pushing forward each day is a win for you now, after many years of losing

[Stranger999]

Love seeing the progress here Samuel. Read this thread from the beginning again and remember where you were.

I quit with you today!

[Bigbob]

there you go brother! keep kicking ass. one day at a time. you have more bad days ahead but they will be less and less frequent. stay positive and keep trucking.

[rdad]

You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.

Day 47 update:

Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.

When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.

I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.

When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.

At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.

I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.

This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.

Day 47 done.

Keep it up man. Help when you can. Accept.it when you need it. That's what we do. One day at a time.

What WP says. You will have good and bad days but as you keep stacking up the+1's the good days will far outnumber the bad. Glad you had a good day. You are healing bro.

[wastepanel]

You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.

Day 47 update:

Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.

When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.

I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.

When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.

At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.

I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.

This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.

Day 47 done.

Keep it up man. Help when you can. Accept.it when you need it. That's what we do. One day at a time.

[SamueL]

You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.

Day 47 update:

Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.

When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.

I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.

When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.

At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.

I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.

This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.

Day 47 done.

[Bigbob]

ya Rdad had a front row seat to that shit. Thanks a ton Jerry for all you did for me. Which brings up another powerful tool to fight anxiety that i meant to suggest. A wise man told me to download the free audiobook. believe it was called "freedom from nicotine:the journey home" it was a really good read, kept me busy for a few days, and has a ton of priceless pearls of wisdom to help you through this Sam.

[rdad]

Sam I don't envy you. I have been were you are. so lost on a sea of emotions I had never felt before. I did a goo job at keeping track of how I felt...until I started to feel better. This is going to scare you for a minute but take a deep breath and realize it is actually reassuring. It took a long fucking time. I kept expecting to feel better a month out. then i thought at 2 months id be better, then i thought shit it has been 6 months of hell on earth, why am I not better. then you go back a re read how bad it was in the beginning and realize i was getting better every day. Miserable slow pace but it was getting better. it took WAY longer than most did, and after a while i was living life again. I was enjoying my days instead of crossing them off as if on a prison wall. as soon as i accepted that i was not crazy, i was not going to die or have a hard attack no matter how nasty the panic attack ( and they were paralyzing at first) and started trying to live life again, it got easier. you have one option... put one foot in front of the other and push. just keep going. that feeling that you are down in a well looking up at a tiny light will go away with time. I took a full year off of posting in my update because i was not even thinking about the misery anymore. if u read the last update, I just hit a really tough patch in life...shit happens, and panic attacks flared up again. this time I'm not trying to be a hero i went to the doc and started a low dose of meds ( mind u I'm a very anti med type of dude) this anxiety i am not related completely to the quit tho... might be, I'm not sure, but i know a lot is weighing on me and it is nothing like it was early on so don't freak out that I'm still a mess in my 620's. I'm not its been a tough month, and I'm already feeling a lot better. just a brief set back on the road.

things that helped me the most:
-my wife... she was and is an angel and was so good at reassuring me the whole way and helping me stay calm.
-calming piano music. (yiruma on youtube was the only way i could fall asleep) always had calming music loaded on my phone and pandora and left my computer playing youtube music all night long (truth be told i still do that its kinda nice)
-solitaire. playing solitaire on my phone and putting on calming music helped me outta some real bad panic attacks. when you feel one come on, find a bathroom, put the music on, fuck whoever else is in there, and play a few rounds of cards. its bring your mind somewhere else for a while.
-distraction of any sort... ur gunna feel like shit if ur on ur couch or if your cooking dinner. fire up that stove and make some fancy gordon ramsey shit for the missus ( i understand there is a budget but u can do crazy shit with ramen noodles and creativity :) }, organize your damn coat closet, learn origami, brake your all-time "whack off in a day" record, just stay busy.
- Rescue remedy. its an herbal flower potion witch doctor shit thats all natural. u can get it on amazon or at GNC or other health supplement store. put a few drops on your tongue and it is marketed as a natural stress and anxiety relief. it helped me. is it real or just placebo? i don't know and who gives a shit.... it helped me whatever way you look at it.

- and obviously, post roll every day, and get to know some people here. It WILL get better. you are not crazy, you will not feel this way forever. someone told me in my intro that this hell u are feeling will eventually just be bad, and then bad will be tolerable, and then tolerable will be good, and one day you are posting a message like this to a guy like the man you were 600 days ago. I was a complete shit show, take the guns to my parents type shit. never thought I would make it out of that. I promise you will, be patient and just know that you are not gunna die... its gunna take longer than u want it too... its gunna be worth it. ill pm my number over. call or text anytime, I'm a bartender and keep crazy hours.

This post and this support is what this place is all about. I was there in the beginning when BigBob was a fucking wreck and I am so happy for the place he is in now. You will be there too. Just fucking calm down, be patient, be positive, and stay involved here. This place is magic if you embrace it!.