All,
My name is Recon(Michael) and I am a caver. I joined the April 2011 group back in January of 2011 and rode my Quit journey in to approximately 60 days.
Let me start by apologizing to the community. Not only did I fail my family, friends, and coworkers, I failed each and every one of you. I made a promise to my entire Quit group and the KillTheCan community and I broke that promise and violated your trust in me.
Earlier today, I dumped my cans, and made a conscious decision to regain control of my life. Tonight, I stopped in to the chat room asking where do I go from here? The answers were all practically the same and were what I was expecting; Post up in your old group, and start over on day 1. Also, answer three not so simple questions to everyone.
So here we go...
1- what happen 2- why did happen 3- what will be different?
1.) What happened? I caved. I gave in to life's pressures and allowed myself to believe that I was weak and I could continue my journey without my families support, without this group, basically without anyone's help.
*edit* Let me add to this that I acknowledge that I made the decision to cave. No matter what reasons you come up with, it all boils down to the conscious choice I made.
2.) Why did it happen? As I said before, I allowed myself to give in to life's pressures. As I started to get weak, I shut out those who reached out and tried to help me. I made it a few more days, but without support, we all know what happens.
I don't want to sugar coat things, I take complete ownership of what I did, I was weak and pathetic and let all the temptations drive my life instead of myself.
3.) What will be different? I fully intend to let my wife, family, and friends walk with me on this journey as well as the group. At the end of the day, I know that only I can take the steps, but with their(and the December 2012 Quit group) support, I can have the strength to go on.
So there you have it. I'm weak, pathetic, I caved. I apologize again to the group and the community and expect to take plenty of heat for caving. I only ask that at the end of the day you give me the chance to earn your support back. I will fight as hard as I possibly can to prove to you all that I am no longer weak.
Recon