Day 52- Huge win on day 51. I HATE public speaking. With a passion. It causes me so much damn anxiety. Normally, i dip like a wild man in the few days leading up to whatever public speaking thing i am doing. I don’t do it often, so i think that is partially why i get nervous. But, whatever, point being....On Monday(as I type this, its Thursday) i was told by my manager i had to give a talk to a big group of physicians about our company. This was to take place on Wednesday night(last night). A lot of the times in these situations, we have company prepared presentations to go off of, making it a little easier. However, this time, we had nothing. I had to come up with one all on my own, in addition to performing my normal duties. So, Monday night, Tuesday night and last night right up until go time, i worked on this. I had a total of 4 hours of sleep since waking up Monday morning. Needless to say, my stress and anxiety levels were through the roof. Usually, i would be dipping like crazy, as i said. I would have been through 3-4 cans, minimum between Monday and last night. I was feeling the urge, the temptation, the craving. EVERYTHING inside of me screamed...GO GET A DIP!!!!!!!!!! So, what happened? I did NOT get a dip. Instead, i reached out to my May, bad MFing, group. On our groupme account, i told them how i was feeling and what was happening. My freakin phone blew the F UP!!!!!!!! These brothers of mine...man, i gotta tell you. They dropped whatever they were doing and started giving encouragement and guidance. I’m not a dude that shows much emotion, but I have to confess. And I don’t care who says what about me...i dropped a couple of tears at the response i got. I also felt so damn empowered to tell the nic bitch to F off.
I tell this long, drawn out story for a couple of reasons. First...the presentation went really well. Second, i did, even with the help of my brothers, prove to myself that I don’t need that shit to get through tough things. And, it feels really good to look back on this week and know that I haven’t dipped. Third....i have the best damn quit brothers EVER. I love you guys, in a manly sort of way. You helped me get through this hurdle without even thinking twice. Hilltop, Justin J, MattL, AW, Bgbdbrd...and EVERYONE else.....THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! From the encouragement leading up to it....to the congratulations after it was over. Just a side not...who were the first people i talked to about it? My wife? No...my coworkers? No.....it was my brothers. Thank you guys for your help getting through this. I feel stronger because of it and i feel proud, more than ever, to stand quit with you!!!!!!