July 09 Quitters

[DanTheMan]

Dean - you're a janitor's worst nightmare.........I don't actually believe you would destroy a masterpiece like that. I'm guessing you remove all the soiled paper accessible from the bowl
so this great beast is as naked as possible and somehow manage to prop that stall door open so when your fellow co-workers walk by, they're just compelled to take a moment to bask in the ambience.

[bearattack]

U FUCKS MAKE ME SICK

[DeanTheCoot]

HA! Whooooooa, Nelly. *bar is raised*

Goddamn, that's funny. A to the Motherfuckin K, Smokey.

I knew someone wouldn't be able to resist the call to haiku.

[Smokeyg]

Fiberous shit stalk
Stands erect and towering
Awaiting the next -
There is no rectal return
A pencil chops it away

[RoyJester]

Thanks for the props, MF. Mother Fucker. Male Floozie. Most Fairylike.

Here I am, on Day 38, and my bowel movements still have not returned to normal. I am pretty much shitting every third day. I grumped Monday, and I grumped this morning. It's getting a bit out of hand.

This morning's movement was special. Since quitting, the constipation has resulted in some mighty gigantic and robusto shits, but today's really was exceptional. I guarantee that if I was shitting in the woods, this dump would have laid out on the leaves at least 18 inches, end to end. Probably more.

You can imagine that a turd of such proportions is not toilet-friendly. After squeezing out what seemed to be a Peterbilt transmission, I flushed. No dice. My crap just stood up straight like the fucking Titanic and twisted in the bowl. I tried again, to no avail.

I couldn't just walk away from this mess. It wouldn't have been ethical. Because honestly, the next guy who sat down - if he didn't look - would have gotten my log right up his asshole.

I cleaned up and crept quickly and quietly out of the bathroom and into the offices. I spied a pencil on one of the marketing girl's desks. I swiped it and returned to the bathroom.

Chop chop chop chop...With the pencil, I broke my megapoo into seven or eight manageable pieces and flushed. The grump chunks, defeated, swirled into the sewer.

One interesting observation: I probably should have used the eraser end of the pencil. As it turned out, I drew all over the porcelain while playing ninja with my poop.

And what to do with the shitty pencil? I opted to wipe it clean and put it back on the girl's desk. That'll teach her to take my yogurt from the break room fridge.

This is pure fucking brilliance!!! Might I suggest copying and pasting this in every board?? 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'

Oatmeal, spinach and a banana, I plop 2 doogs/day!

[greg40]

Thanks for the props, MF. Mother Fucker. Male Floozie. Most Fairylike.

Here I am, on Day 38, and my bowel movements still have not returned to normal. I am pretty much shitting every third day. I grumped Monday, and I grumped this morning. It's getting a bit out of hand.

This morning's movement was special. Since quitting, the constipation has resulted in some mighty gigantic and robusto shits, but today's really was exceptional. I guarantee that if I was shitting in the woods, this dump would have laid out on the leaves at least 18 inches, end to end. Probably more.

You can imagine that a turd of such proportions is not toilet-friendly. After squeezing out what seemed to be a Peterbilt transmission, I flushed. No dice. My crap just stood up straight like the fucking Titanic and twisted in the bowl. I tried again, to no avail.

I couldn't just walk away from this mess. It wouldn't have been ethical. Because honestly, the next guy who sat down - if he didn't look - would have gotten my log right up his asshole.

I cleaned up and crept quickly and quietly out of the bathroom and into the offices. I spied a pencil on one of the marketing girl's desks. I swiped it and returned to the bathroom.

Chop chop chop chop...With the pencil, I broke my megapoo into seven or eight manageable pieces and flushed. The grump chunks, defeated, swirled into the sewer.

One interesting observation: I probably should have used the eraser end of the pencil. As it turned out, I drew all over the porcelain while playing ninja with my poop.

And what to do with the shitty pencil? I opted to wipe it clean and put it back on the girl's desk. That'll teach her to take my yogurt from the break room fridge.

This is pure fucking brilliance!!! Might I suggest copying and pasting this in every board?? 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'

[GlennFtheKodiak]

Thanks for the props, MF. Mother Fucker. Male Floozie. Most Fairylike.

Here I am, on Day 38, and my bowel movements still have not returned to normal. I am pretty much shitting every third day. I grumped Monday, and I grumped this morning. It's getting a bit out of hand.

This morning's movement was special. Since quitting, the constipation has resulted in some mighty gigantic and robusto shits, but today's really was exceptional. I guarantee that if I was shitting in the woods, this dump would have laid out on the leaves at least 18 inches, end to end. Probably more.

You can imagine that a turd of such proportions is not toilet-friendly. After squeezing out what seemed to be a Peterbilt transmission, I flushed. No dice. My crap just stood up straight like the fucking Titanic and twisted in the bowl. I tried again, to no avail.

I couldn't just walk away from this mess. It wouldn't have been ethical. Because honestly, the next guy who sat down - if he didn't look - would have gotten my log right up his asshole.

I cleaned up and crept quickly and quietly out of the bathroom and into the offices. I spied a pencil on one of the marketing girl's desks. I swiped it and returned to the bathroom.

Chop chop chop chop...With the pencil, I broke my megapoo into seven or eight manageable pieces and flushed. The grump chunks, defeated, swirled into the sewer.

One interesting observation: I probably should have used the eraser end of the pencil. As it turned out, I drew all over the porcelain while playing ninja with my poop.

And what to do with the shitty pencil? I opted to wipe it clean and put it back on the girl's desk. That'll teach her to take my yogurt from the break room fridge.

No joke Dean, buy glycerin suspositories. They work. And the joy of it all, you get to stick your finger up your ass. I know you will enjoy it.

[Trapper]

I guarantee that if I was shitting in the woods, this dump would have laid out on the leaves at least 18 inches, end to end. Probably more.(Quoted by Dean)

We would call that a Corn Back BOA

[bearattack]

Dean u are a sick skunky cunt, a skunt, one would say....

Do yourself a favor, eat nothing but 2 spaghetti squashes for dinner, and take tommorow off. If that doesn't work u need a shit sack frilled into ur mid section....

Fuckyoukodiak!!!!

[DeanTheCoot]

Thanks for the props, MF. Mother Fucker. Male Floozie. Most Fairylike.

Here I am, on Day 38, and my bowel movements still have not returned to normal. I am pretty much shitting every third day. I grumped Monday, and I grumped this morning. It's getting a bit out of hand.

This morning's movement was special. Since quitting, the constipation has resulted in some mighty gigantic and robusto shits, but today's really was exceptional. I guarantee that if I was shitting in the woods, this dump would have laid out on the leaves at least 18 inches, end to end. Probably more.

You can imagine that a turd of such proportions is not toilet-friendly. After squeezing out what seemed to be a Peterbilt transmission, I flushed. No dice. My crap just stood up straight like the fucking Titanic and twisted in the bowl. I tried again, to no avail.

I couldn't just walk away from this mess. It wouldn't have been ethical. Because honestly, the next guy who sat down - if he didn't look - would have gotten my log right up his asshole.

I cleaned up and crept quickly and quietly out of the bathroom and into the offices. I spied a pencil on one of the marketing girl's desks. I swiped it and returned to the bathroom.

Chop chop chop chop...With the pencil, I broke my megapoo into seven or eight manageable pieces and flushed. The grump chunks, defeated, swirled into the sewer.

One interesting observation: I probably should have used the eraser end of the pencil. As it turned out, I drew all over the porcelain while playing ninja with my poop.

And what to do with the shitty pencil? I opted to wipe it clean and put it back on the girl's desk. That'll teach her to take my yogurt from the break room fridge.

[Move Forward]

I agree Dean, reading the posts here inspire me to put my thoughts into words. Even if what we post about isn't relevant to other quitters at one time or another, it is in fact for me, therapeutic.

Putting thoughts to blogs, paper or whatever you put words to helps alleviate the pressures of addiction, at least for me anyway.

I enjoy reading your posts Dean and hope you inspire others to post as well, by whatever means they deem necessary. Well done my friend.

MF

[DeanTheCoot]

I've gotten a lot out of the "Introductions" section's mainstays. Regular posts from Smokey, SWJ, Bear, Dan, Wildcat and MF have entertained, assisted and enlightened me. These factors alone would inspire me to emulate my brothers here, with a quasi-blog of my own.

But a much more highly motivating factor occurred to me yesterday: I like to write. It distracts me from my workday, when I need it. If I write HERE, and get into it, I'll be that much less likely to cave. After all, I can't cave if I'm sitting here typing. Moreover, how could I cave and then come here to write? I couldn't sit in front of KTC with a fatty in my face.

So, I'll write. And it would be cool if some of the July and August brothers wanted to do the same. If so, do it here. Ruminations and musings. Haikus. Smut. Whatever.

[Ricko]

It's clear to me now: I will stay quit because nicotine is useless. It really is. What has it ever done for me? What can it ever do for me? Nothing.

I will not cave. I CANNOT cave. If I do, I will be utterly ashamed of myself. I'll be going back to some useless bullshit. I will feel like a completely useless piece of shit myself if I cave.

I am going to completely snap away from the physical addition and withdrawal in due course. After that, I will ever remember that nicotine is a tramp. A useless fucking whore tramp that sleeps with my brother and friends and doesn't even give a good blowjob and farts on my balls when I'm shaft-deep in her bruised and battered cervix and laughs about it while beans-and-Heineken poot fills my bedroom.

I guess the rage ain't gone after day 10 ;)

I found it poetic

[DanTheMan]

Also....your humor sucks when you're not quit. Keep at it snatchman - I need your posts!!!

[DeanTheCoot]

It's clear to me now: I will stay quit because nicotine is useless. It really is. What has it ever done for me? What can it ever do for me? Nothing.

I will not cave. I CANNOT cave. If I do, I will be utterly ashamed of myself. I'll be going back to some useless bullshit. I will feel like a completely useless piece of shit myself if I cave.

I am going to completely snap away from the physical addition and withdrawal in due course. After that, I will ever remember that nicotine is a tramp. A useless fucking whore tramp that sleeps with my brother and friends and doesn't even give a good blowjob and farts on my balls when I'm shaft-deep in her bruised and battered cervix and laughs about it while beans-and-Heineken poot fills my bedroom.

I guess the rage ain't gone after day 10 ;)