So I'm at 7 days dip free and that's great, however I'm experiencing a side effect I hadn't counted on. First off some background, I have to own up to the fact that I'm not a guy who like to deal with his problems. I like to kick that can down the road and then I'm really good at forgetting the can existed in the first place. So now 7 days into my quit I'm finding those old cans falling out of sky all over the damned place. Problems with my marriage, problems with work, problems that I have with myself, all of which I've either buried or avoided for years. It doesn't make sense but it's like the damn dip was a twig holding all this shit off my head and now I'm up to my ears in it.
Long story short, right now I'm a mess and would like nothing better to do than run and hide and pretend everything is okay until I start to believe it again. But this morning as I was going through the list of things I *should* do today but really wanted to avoid , I finally reached my breaking point and and made a commitment to myself.
I will not stain any more of my tomorrows with today's shit.
This means I man up today and admit my problems and start to fix them. And if that entails therapy and talking about things that I've tried to bury so be it. It means that I am quit and will stay quit. It means that when I have problems and need help, I with deal with them and ask for help. Not pretend to be strong and ignore it.
This isn't entirely quit related and as I re-read this I sound like a whiny bitch. But I'm going to post this up anyways because I want it official and out where I can't pretend it didn't happen. Thanks for giving me a place where I can finally hold myself accountable, it turns out I needed that for a lot more than just the can.