Mthomastherapy

[Mthomas3824]

Day 370

So my son was going to St. George for the weekend and wanted to borrow some of my golf clubs. He goes through my bag and there were two cans of skoal.

This troubled me on two fronts. First It has been over 370 days since I golfed! I used to go at least once a week.

Second when my wife told me my son found them, I immediately had a sick feeling like I had been caught! What a great time for this. Some will say the nic bitch is sneaky.

Other times, she is just desperate and does something stupid.

I don't miss that sick feeling I got when I was caught and pathetic. Just to remember that has me more determined to stay quit.

Yeah I am so glad that is in the past. Anyone hurting, you will be glad you quit, just stay on course and win your match today!!!!

The bitch is pathetic. You are not! Stay quit today and every today!

[Roamcountry]

Thanks all.  I got a text today that asked me how it felt to be past the one year mark. 

I feel successful and at peace with my addiction.  I don't feel angst or panic.  I don't feel like I am losing.  I really feel like I got this! 

I know that I still need to avoid nicotine like the plague it is.

If it is being promoted, I will leave the area.  Not interested in even trying to reason with a using nicotine addict.  I am an addict and I have seen enough caves to know that I can still fail if I don't stay alert. 

So how does it feel? 

I think this is what "normal" must feel like.  I am glad that I am back to normal and learned that I don't need to suck UST off to survive. 

UST and its cult following can kiss my ass!  'Finger'

Perfectly said Brother!
You're a Rock Star of Quit and I admire your big balls!! 'bang head'

Nice year brother!! Happy Birthday!

[30isEnuff]

Thanks all. I got a text today that asked me how it felt to be past the one year mark.

I feel successful and at peace with my addiction. I don't feel angst or panic. I don't feel like I am losing. I really feel like I got this!

I know that I still need to avoid nicotine like the plague it is.

If it is being promoted, I will leave the area. Not interested in even trying to reason with a using nicotine addict. I am an addict and I have seen enough caves to know that I can still fail if I don't stay alert.

So how does it feel?

I think this is what "normal" must feel like. I am glad that I am back to normal and learned that I don't need to suck UST off to survive.

UST and its cult following can kiss my ass! 'Finger'

Perfectly said Brother!
You're a Rock Star of Quit and I admire your big balls!! 'bang head'

[Mthomas3824]

Thanks all. I got a text today that asked me how it felt to be past the one year mark.

I feel successful and at peace with my addiction. I don't feel angst or panic. I don't feel like I am losing. I really feel like I got this!

I know that I still need to avoid nicotine like the plague it is.

If it is being promoted, I will leave the area. Not interested in even trying to reason with a using nicotine addict. I am an addict and I have seen enough caves to know that I can still fail if I don't stay alert.

So how does it feel?

I think this is what "normal" must feel like. I am glad that I am back to normal and learned that I don't need to suck UST off to survive.

UST and its cult following can kiss my ass! 'Finger'

[CleanFuel]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man. 

What a war I have waged on nicotine.  The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days.  Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?
 
One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me.  KTC did that.  They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful.  Still, I had to do the work and keep my word.  Why did I do it this time?  I gained knowledge and strength. 

What I know now that I didn’t.  I would quit out of fear.  Fear of getting caught.  Fear of getting ill.  I would quit for a reward.  My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home.  Sometimes I quit because it was my duty.  I want to be a good father that leads by example.  Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others.  Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long?  I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that.  I don’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty.  I stay quit because I value it.
 
All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good.  Wins and losses are stepping stones to success.  Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family.  Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day! 

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb.  I don’t see any value in dipping.  NONE!   When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it.  My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”
 
Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!

So proud of you man

Congratulations Brother...Very proud of you!

Great job !!! Quit with you today and everyday.

goo on you

goo on you

Congrats on 1 year. Great job!

Congrats MT.....Outstanding!!!

[mich 34]

Congrats on one year Mthomas. Thank you for your posts all over KTC over the past year, more than one of them has helped me.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Okay, so here is my story. When I was in high school, I wrestled varsity for three years. I was small to start but as I grew, I tried to keep my weight down to be competitive. I usually was a pound or two heavy the day before weigh in. A simple trick to loose weight, spit all day long. One day, I was so sick of the jolly ranchers. My tongue was cut up, I was hungry and I couldn't salivate. One of my teammates told me that if I needed saliva, to put this in my mouth. At first, I didn't know if I was sick or if I liked the buzzy, dizzy feeling but man could I spit and make weight!!! (I wasn't thinking about food either)

I married my high school sweetheart a few years later and knew she didn't approve. Hell, she didn't even know about my on and off again habit. I kept that from her, my family, church members, really it was my private pleasure and I actually liked doing something that was all about me and no one else was a part of it.

In business, I discovered people I worked with were just like me. I would go golfing and notice a friend fooling around with his golf bag. Hey, I do that when I dip...sure enough, he was getting a dip too. It soon turned from a private pleasure to an underground group of friends where is was welcome and fun.

One day, my wife called me. She said, "I have some great news!" I asked what it was. She begins to say that she was putting a load of laundry in and thought to check the pockets of my shorts. (I thought she was going to say that she found some cash.) To my shock, she said, "I found your apple skoal and didn't wash it." I was actually scared. I froze, didn't know what to say. I imagine that would be the same feeling I would have if I was cheating on her. We talked and I told her that I would quit.

Another time, my son found a can I hid in the entertainment center. My kids were devastated. I decided right then that it wasn't worth the embarrassment or the shame I feel...so I'm done. If for no other reason, I love my family and this is not good. "Dad, you're my hero, you could die." Broke my heart. Isn't that reason to quit right then and there? What kind of example am I? Even if it is hidden, do I lead my children by example or word? I want to claim both.

Fast forward to the time my son wanted to come with me to the gas station...I sent him out to the car. "Hey, will you see if I left my keys in the car" While I was quickly trying to get a can, I saw him walking in. I told the attendant, "Hide it, put it down!" She realized I didn't want my son to see. I thought I got away with it. I didn't buy it and from my vantage point, he didn't see anything. Well, he told his mom that he thought I bought some tobacco so here we go again.

Now they don't even ask me if I am chewing, they just assume that I am. I know that I can't quit for them but only for me. I have lived my life that being selfish is wrong. However, I am being selfish because only I can quit...for me and no one else. I started doing this from an individual sport and now I can only quit as an individual with support. I am a man of my word, but chewing tobacco has made me a hypocrite. I don't want the added expense or the lower integrity in my life. I like to be alone but I think that is false. I like to spend time with a plant more than my family and friends who would judge me.

Why does this take precedence over what I care most about? If you asked me what is most important to me, skoal mint pouches wouldn't even come up in the conversation. If you watch my behavior, that wouldn't be the case. The reality is I have put chewing tobacco ahead of God, Family, Friends, Work, Sleep, etc.

I want tobacco to know...I want me to prove that It is no longer important and shouldn't be a part of my life. So I am breaking it off. Time to move on and discover a life tobacco free.

I wrote this yesterday and just re-read. Day two, I am still determined. I'm at work and can't leave. Today would have been a perfect day for a can. Yes I have had cravings but I am still in the fight. What has been the hardest is the sadness I feel today. I never cry, but my eyes seem to well up every time I recognize that I am an addict. I thought I was faithful to my wife of 20 years just because I haven't had sex with another woman. I'm recognizing that I cheated on her and my kids. My mistress was a can of tobacco. I lied, deceived, excused and loved my mistress of tobacco. Some may think that is a little over the top. I don't. It is spot on. I have to come to terms with my faults, accept that I am an addict. So what, I'm an addict! Fine I'll live with it, like a sore knee but I am going to live and it will always be tobacco free. Far greater than the cravings...I'm just sad today. The walk to freedom is going to hurt, but I want to be independent. I'll go to hell and back for freedom. I'm off to hell, but I'll be back.

You have come a long way Mthomas.

You set out with a plan 1 year ago.

You articulated your rationale right here in this first intro post and you carried it out to a tee.

Well done man. I look forward to standing where you are today.

[Its_Got2Happen]

One year is a great milestone. You should be very proud. Keep up the great work. Thanks for all the support you have provided to me in my quit. Your insight into various components of quitting resonates with many on this site.

[916quit]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man. 

What a war I have waged on nicotine.  The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days.  Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?
 
One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me.  KTC did that.  They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful.  Still, I had to do the work and keep my word.  Why did I do it this time?  I gained knowledge and strength. 

What I know now that I didn’t.  I would quit out of fear.  Fear of getting caught.  Fear of getting ill.  I would quit for a reward.  My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home.  Sometimes I quit because it was my duty.  I want to be a good father that leads by example.  Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others.  Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long?  I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that.  I don’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty.  I stay quit because I value it.
 
All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good.  Wins and losses are stepping stones to success.  Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family.  Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day! 

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb.  I don’t see any value in dipping.  NONE!   When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it.  My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”
 
Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!

So proud of you man

Congratulations Brother...Very proud of you!

Great job !!! Quit with you today and everyday.

goo on you

goo on you

Congrats on 1 year. Great job!

[loot]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man. 

What a war I have waged on nicotine.  The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days.  Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?
 
One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me.  KTC did that.  They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful.  Still, I had to do the work and keep my word.  Why did I do it this time?  I gained knowledge and strength. 

What I know now that I didn’t.  I would quit out of fear.  Fear of getting caught.  Fear of getting ill.  I would quit for a reward.  My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home.  Sometimes I quit because it was my duty.  I want to be a good father that leads by example.  Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others.  Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long?  I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that.  I don’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty.  I stay quit because I value it.
 
All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good.  Wins and losses are stepping stones to success.  Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family.  Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day! 

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb.  I don’t see any value in dipping.  NONE!   When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it.  My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”
 
Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!

So proud of you man

Congratulations Brother...Very proud of you!

Great job !!! Quit with you today and everyday.

goo on you

goo on you

[GR8WHITEBUFFALO]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man. 

What a war I have waged on nicotine.  The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days.  Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?
 
One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me.  KTC did that.  They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful.  Still, I had to do the work and keep my word.  Why did I do it this time?  I gained knowledge and strength. 

What I know now that I didn’t.  I would quit out of fear.  Fear of getting caught.  Fear of getting ill.  I would quit for a reward.  My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home.  Sometimes I quit because it was my duty.  I want to be a good father that leads by example.  Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others.  Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long?  I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that.  I don’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty.  I stay quit because I value it.
 
All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good.  Wins and losses are stepping stones to success.  Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family.  Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day! 

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb.  I don’t see any value in dipping.  NONE!  When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it.  My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”
 
Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!

So proud of you man

Congratulations Brother...Very proud of you!

Great job !!! Quit with you today and everyday.

[eric71]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man. 

What a war I have waged on nicotine.  The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days.  Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?
 
One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me.  KTC did that.  They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful.  Still, I had to do the work and keep my word.  Why did I do it this time?  I gained knowledge and strength. 

What I know now that I didn’t.  I would quit out of fear.  Fear of getting caught.  Fear of getting ill.  I would quit for a reward.  My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home.  Sometimes I quit because it was my duty.  I want to be a good father that leads by example.  Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others.  Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long?  I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that.  I don’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty.  I stay quit because I value it.
 
All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good.  Wins and losses are stepping stones to success.  Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family.  Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day! 

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb.  I don’t see any value in dipping.  NONE!   When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it.  My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”
 
Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!

So proud of you man

Congratulations Brother...Very proud of you!

Today and always MT, quit with you and proud to know you. Thanks for everything.

[jaginvest]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man. 

What a war I have waged on nicotine.  The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days.  Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?
 
One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me.  KTC did that.  They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful.  Still, I had to do the work and keep my word.  Why did I do it this time?  I gained knowledge and strength. 

What I know now that I didn’t.  I would quit out of fear.  Fear of getting caught.  Fear of getting ill.  I would quit for a reward.  My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home.  Sometimes I quit because it was my duty.  I want to be a good father that leads by example.  Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others.  Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long?  I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that.  I don’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty.  I stay quit because I value it.
 
All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good.  Wins and losses are stepping stones to success.  Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family.  Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day! 

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb.  I don’t see any value in dipping.  NONE!   When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it.  My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”
 
Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!

So proud of you man

Congratulations Brother...Very proud of you!

[wastepanel]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man. 

What a war I have waged on nicotine.  The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days.  Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?
 
One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me.  KTC did that.  They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful.  Still, I had to do the work and keep my word.  Why did I do it this time?  I gained knowledge and strength. 

What I know now that I didn’t.  I would quit out of fear.  Fear of getting caught.  Fear of getting ill.  I would quit for a reward.  My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home.  Sometimes I quit because it was my duty.  I want to be a good father that leads by example.  Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others.  Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long?  I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that.  I don’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty.  I stay quit because I value it.
 
All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good.  Wins and losses are stepping stones to success.  Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family.  Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day! 

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb.  I don’t see any value in dipping.  NONE!  When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it.  My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”
 
Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!

So proud of you man

[kkljinc]

Day 365

It feels like forever and just yesterday that I put down my fix and became a man.

What a war I have waged on nicotine. The un-winnable war and yet I have been nicotine free for 365 days. Why did I quit now when I failed so many times before coming to KTC?

One, I needed a personal trainer to teach me. KTC did that. They were the coach and put together the program for me to be successful. Still, I had to do the work and keep my word. Why did I do it this time? I gained knowledge and strength.

What I know now that I didnÂ’t. I would quit out of fear. Fear of getting caught. Fear of getting ill. I would quit for a reward. My wife will love me more for quitting; God will bless me and my home. Sometimes I quit because it was my duty. I want to be a good father that leads by example. Then again I would quit because I wanted to have a better image of self and others. Dipping is just stupid!

One year later, why have I gone this long? I have quit for all those reasons but my quit means more than that. I donÂ’t stay quit out of Fear, Reward, Image or Duty. I stay quit because I value it.

All those reasons did lead me to quitting for good. Wins and losses are stepping stones to success. Failure is a result of surrendering where nothing is gained, earned or learned.

Now, my quit graduated to a stage where I it truly is valuable to me and my family. Like inertia, keeping my quit in motion is simple and worth the effort to quit every damn day!

Going back to can humping is just so childish and dumb. I don’t see any value in dipping. NONE! When I get a thought to dip, I simply ask myself if it is worth it. My answer is simply, “don’t be stupid!”

Now quitting nicotine every day is a very light burden to carry for a lifetime addict.

Amazing!!! I quit with you today, thank you for sharing!