We Quit Like Fuck

[RAZD611]

J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?

'crackup'


Awesome. keep rocking it CS.

You bet you bottom dollar there JB. Well Done Steve.

[J2b]

J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?

'crackup'


Awesome. keep rocking it CS.

[wastepanel]

I love narrative time.

Very proud of you Steve.

Happy new year.

[luby]

(Coach Steve and the QLF Crew are gathered in the Glass House of April 12 preparing to watch the KTC New YearÂ’s Day Parade of Quits on the Dramatron)

BWB: I canÂ’t believe weÂ’ve all made it this farÂ….
CS: YepÂ…still got a house full of quitÂ…..
Texasjack: House full of quit is right!
CS: TJ, do you mind getting up for a second, my legs are falling asleep
(TJ gets off of Coach SteveÂ’s lap)
TJ: IÂ’m hungry anywaysÂ….IÂ’m gonna go make some kettle corn
Tstahr: Oh kettle corn is my favorite!
Auburn: I thought I was your favorite?
Tstahr: OhÂ…heheÂ….you know what I meantÂ….
Bren: {walking into the room} SoÂ…Â…can anybody tell me why thereÂ’s a bunch of elephantÂ’s strung together and hanging from the walls?
CS: I believe those are VadgeÂ’s new years decorationsÂ…
Pave: :horrorsurprise:
CS: Speaking of VadgeÂ…Â…where is that guy?
BWB: Last I checked he was lurking in the pre-HOF groups trying to show off his shorn scrotum
(Just then, the groups hears noises coming from the upstairs work out room)
Tstahr: WhatÂ’s going on up there?
BWB: Smack is deadlifting and Cbird is working out on the Vigorliptical
CS: The Vigorliptical?
BWB: ThatÂ’s what he calls itÂ….
Rated: Shhh! Everyone quiet down the Parade is starting!
(The Intro music strikes up on the Dramatron and the Parade announcers, J2B and Razd, come on screen)
J2B: Good morning quitters and happy New Years Day to you all! Welcome to the 2013 KTC New YearÂ’s Day Parade of Quits!
Razd: ThatÂ’s right J2B, weÂ’re here on a beautiful day here in KTC Land! As we speak the first group float is approachingÂ….
J2B: It sure is RazdÂ….letÂ’s see what group this isÂ….ah yes itÂ’s the December 2006 group led by Eutychus and Fran Pro!
BWB: I guess they gotta let these guys go first so they can have an early dinner?
Razd: The December 2006 “St. Nic O Frees” started out on LITE and made the eventual transition to KTC
J2B: ThereÂ’s a lotta quit in that group Razd!
Razd: Right-a-roony J2B! Their theme this year is “Please Don’t Curse in My Presence” and let’s check out the float……it looks like Euty is washing out another quitter’s mouth with soap…
J2B: That silly Euty! He sure doesnÂ’t like those potty mouthed quitters!
Razd: Great stuff! Ok folksÂ…..our next float hails from the June 2010 Honeybadgers
J2B: Those Honeybadgers sure donÂ’t give a shitÂ…..
Razd: Good call J2B! This year’s theme for the Honeybadgers is “The Spirit of Danvers in the 80’s” and as you can see here their float is designed to resemble a Pontiac Firebird
(Back to the Glass House)
CS: WowÂ….they really went all out this yearÂ….
BWB: Is that Nolaq?
CS: Where?
BWB: The guy in the back of the floatÂ…..is he handing out two-sided color brochures?
CS: Damn sure looks like itÂ…..
(Just then, IRISH, Ranger5 and j1501 walk into the room)
IRISH: Sorry weÂ’re late guys but traffic is hell out there!
Cbird: Yeah ADMIN has several streets blocked off for the Parade
(Surprised, the group turns to see Cbird standing in the doorway wearing a grey tank top, jogging shorts and a towel draped around his neck)
Cbird: {grabbing the towel with both hands and flexing} HowÂ’s the Parade so far?
CS: You missed Euty and the Honeybadgers
Cbird: Darn! WellÂ….I had to feel the vigor for first time in 2013. So where is Vadge?
CS: DunnoÂ…..last we heard he was peddling his hairless sac to the newbs
Cbird: FiguresÂ…..
(Just then, J2B yells “whoa, what do we have here?” as the camera pans to dalgyboy streaking down the Parade route in nothing but indoor soccer shoes and his favorite football club’s scarf)
Tstahr: Oh myÂ…Â…
Razd: Whoa is right J2B! And here come the MODS to restore some order andÂ…what is this? The streaker just juked Kdip out of his shoes with a nifty soccer maneuver! What a show!
J2B: ThatÂ’s one white ass Razd!
Razd: ItÂ’s almost blinding J2BÂ….
(The camera rapidly pans back to the Parade)
J2B: Sorry for the interruption folks, we need to get you back to the Parade and our next float is the October 2011 group!
Razd: Good call J2BÂ…..the Oct 11 group is also known as the Inglorious Basterds of Quit and includes the likes of Wastepanel, Luby and Colonel No Cope among others
J2B: What a great group Razd!
Razd: Right you are J2B! This year’s theme is “Tugging and Erecting Poles” which is obviously a salute to CNC’s newfound career as a guy that climbs poles in chaps
CS: Hey Beast thereÂ’s your buddy!
BWB: FUCS
Rated: Isn’t he the guy that called everyone ‘sailor’?
Cbird: ThatÂ’s the guy
Texasjack: {eating kettle corn} I remember those days fondly, jakemartin still scares the shit out of me
CS: As well he shouldÂ…..and RWBÂ….and everyone elseÂ….this fight never stops!
Cbird: {raising his glass of whey protein blaster smoothie} Vigor to that!
(Back to the Parade)
J2B: Oh what a pleasant surprise we have here folksÂ…as the Oct 11 float passes we can see Luby in the back with his binoculars looking out at the crowd
Razd: Correctamundo J2B! Ole Peepers is a crowd favorite here today!
J2B: He sure isÂ…..and here comes our next groupÂ…itÂ’s the August 12 Nic Kickassers!
Razd: I believe theyÂ’re the Nic Kickaxers J2BÂ…
J2B: Correct you are Razd! The Nic Kickerbutts are a small but proud group represented here today by Ziesmer and Want2Quit. Their theme this year is “Size Doesn’t Matter”
Razd: I think I get it J2B, their group is small but strong!
J2B: Good one Razd! Now for a brief break we’ll go now to our very own gmann who is dressed in a way that makes him seem ”cooler” than he has in previous narratives
J2B: Nice outfit G!
Gmann: Thanks guys, it felt great to finally shed all that pink. IÂ’m standing here with some of the April 13 quitters that are experiencing the Parade of Quits for the first time {talking to the April 13 quitters} Well how bout it boysÂ…do you like the Parade?
April 13 Quitters: {collectively} Yeah!!
Gmann: {interviewing Phil 16} Which float is your favorite so far?
Phil16: Oh I kinda like them allÂ…so many colors and stuff, but if I had to pick a favorite so far itÂ’s June 2010 Honeybadgers!
Gmann: And how about you?
Nickald: The Inglorious Basterds for sure! That Peepers guy is awesome..whoo hooo!
Gmann: Well there you have it gentlemen, one vote for the Honeybadgers and one for the BasterdsÂ…..back to you guys
Razd: Thanks gmann for that on the spot reportingÂ…..boy itÂ’s great to see those April 13 quitters out and about isnÂ’t it J2B?
J2B: It sure is RazdÂ…..and speaking of April groups we have April 2008 Dip Quits! Nothing but quit up in there!
Razd: 5 years J2B! Great stuff! Their theme this year is “Lilac”
J2B: Right you are Razd, apparently Lilac is some sort of inside joke involving jpine
Razd: Maybe weÂ’ll get an explanation on that later J2B but for now thereÂ’s Mule and Buckfever waiving to the crowdÂ…..and what a surprise jpine is giving everyone the middle fingerÂ….
(Back to the Glass House)
Tstahr: Remember when he tried to take over the Adopt a Quitter thread Coach?
CS: Yeah I remember TerryÂ…that just wasnÂ’t meant to beÂ…..
Pave: {throwing an empty Bud Light Platinum aluminum bottle at the Dramatron} Booooo! That guyÂ’s still a jerk!
(Pave reaches into his cooler and grabs another BL Platinum)
J2B: Back to the action here folksÂ….tell us whoÂ’s next Razd
Razd: ThatÂ’s right J2B!
J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?
Razd: Right again J2B! Next up is February 2012 represented by Bruce and MCarmo
J2B: This group of quitters is also known as the February Underground and is known for itÂ’s provocative Question of the DayÂ…
Razd: Righteo J2B! Their theme this year is “How Much Does Bruce Love Tony Romo?”
J2B: ThatÂ’s an easy one Razd! Full homo!
Razd: 10-4! J2B knows a little something about this next groupÂ….itÂ’s May 2011
J2B: You bet Razd, itÂ’s my pleasure to present the May 2011 3-Ballers!
Razd: GeeÂ….I wonder what your theme is this yearÂ…let me guessÂ…3 Balls? And we have our first balloon of the dayÂ….is that a testicle?
J2B: Sure is RazdÂ…a third testicle in fact
Razd: How can you tell?
J2B: Well you see how this testicle is more round than egg shaped? ThatÂ’s so it can fit nicely behind the other 2 balls without impeding walking or running
Razd: IÂ’ll take your word for it J2B!
(Back to the Glass House)
Tstahr: Hey! ArenÂ’t Coach and Cbird honorary 3 ballers?
CS: Say what?
Tstahr: Yeah youÂ’re on their list CoachÂ….
CS: {feeling his sac} Well IÂ’m be damnedÂ…never noticed that beforeÂ…
Cbird: It fits in there nicely, how do you think I was able to run a marathon in jogging shorts with 3 balls?
Rated: TMI!
CS: I just thought it was your vigor
Cbird: Well, yeah that too
(Back to the Parade)
Razd: Speaking of MayÂ…..we have May 2012 up next!
J2B: Another great May group RazdÂ….also known as the B.O.M.B!
Razd: Indeed J2B! This year’s theme for the B.O.M.B is “2x4’s and Wood Screws” which harkens back to their early days in CS’s narratives!
J2B: Great stuff Razd! Well folks thatÂ’ll just about do it for todayÂ…..waitÂ….IÂ’m told we have one more floatÂ…
Razd: Who could it be?
J2B: ItsÂ….its April 2012!
Razd: Oh what a treat J2B! The Bumping Bastards of April 2012 call themselves the Glass House or the QLF Crew
(Back to the Glass House)
CS: WaitÂ….no one told us weÂ’d have a float this year! SoÂ….if weÂ’re hereÂ…then who is running the float?
BWB: Hollee shitÂ…Â…look who it isÂ…..
(The group turns to the Dramtron and sees Hipster peddling his Rickshaw towing 3 large inflated elephantÂ’s walking together. Vadge is riding in the Rickshaw passing out hurt vagina cream to the crowdÂ…)
Razd: This is quite the scene here folksÂ…those guys in April 12 sure do quit like fuck!
J2B: They sure do Razd! Their theme this year is “Doing the Elephant Walk”
Razd: IÂ’m not even sure I know what an elephant walk is J2B
J2B: Trust meÂ…..you donÂ’t want to know
Razd: I’ll take your word for it J2B! That concludes our coverage today but before we leave you, we’re gonna take you down to gmann again…still looking ‘cool’ gmann!
Gmann: Thanks again guys! The scene down here is quite heart warming….new and old quitters alike are taking turns rubbing Vadge’s hurt vagina cream on each other and then ‘hugging it out’
Razd: That soundsÂ…..a littleÂ…you know?
Gmann: Only if youÂ’re not into that sort of thing Razd! ItÂ’s quite inspiring to see quitters helping each other with screwing up roll or roll bumps and keeping the focus on posting roll daily, and most importantlyÂ….the quit
J2B: Well said GÂ….well said!
(Back to the Glass House)
BWB: Hey Coach remember when you were a giant dick about posting roll?
CS: Yeah I remember BeastÂ…I now know its about posting roll every damn day and staying quit like fuck!
Rated: {raising his Michelob Ultra} I propose a toast to the Glass House of April 12!
(Just then, Bluebonnetman walks into the room holding his Heineken high)
BBM: Did you boys forget about me?
CS: No sir Blue! You wanna make the toast?
BBM: Sure thingÂ….boys and girls raise your glassÂ….hereÂ’s to a free and clean 2013! Fuck Craves! QLF!
QLF Crew: {collectively} QLF!!

(Following the toast silence falls on the group as Coach Steve stands up and walks to the window. Gazing out at the April 13 habitat for humanity, CS turns to the group and says, “Boys….we got work to do.” As CS turns back to the window, he sees Peepers…….)

THE ENDÂ….for now.

Awesome as always. Made me laugh, made my quit stronger, thank you.

[Coach Steve]

(Coach Steve and the QLF Crew are gathered in the Glass House of April 12 preparing to watch the KTC New YearÂ’s Day Parade of Quits on the Dramatron)

BWB: I canÂ’t believe weÂ’ve all made it this farÂ….
CS: YepÂ…still got a house full of quitÂ…..
Texasjack: House full of quit is right!
CS: TJ, do you mind getting up for a second, my legs are falling asleep
(TJ gets off of Coach SteveÂ’s lap)
TJ: IÂ’m hungry anywaysÂ….IÂ’m gonna go make some kettle corn
Tstahr: Oh kettle corn is my favorite!
Auburn: I thought I was your favorite?
Tstahr: OhÂ…heheÂ….you know what I meantÂ….
Bren: {walking into the room} SoÂ…Â…can anybody tell me why thereÂ’s a bunch of elephantÂ’s strung together and hanging from the walls?
CS: I believe those are VadgeÂ’s new years decorationsÂ…
Pave: :horrorsurprise:
CS: Speaking of VadgeÂ…Â…where is that guy?
BWB: Last I checked he was lurking in the pre-HOF groups trying to show off his shorn scrotum
(Just then, the groups hears noises coming from the upstairs work out room)
Tstahr: WhatÂ’s going on up there?
BWB: Smack is deadlifting and Cbird is working out on the Vigorliptical
CS: The Vigorliptical?
BWB: ThatÂ’s what he calls itÂ….
Rated: Shhh! Everyone quiet down the Parade is starting!
(The Intro music strikes up on the Dramatron and the Parade announcers, J2B and Razd, come on screen)
J2B: Good morning quitters and happy New Years Day to you all! Welcome to the 2013 KTC New YearÂ’s Day Parade of Quits!
Razd: ThatÂ’s right J2B, weÂ’re here on a beautiful day here in KTC Land! As we speak the first group float is approachingÂ….
J2B: It sure is RazdÂ….letÂ’s see what group this isÂ….ah yes itÂ’s the December 2006 group led by Eutychus and Fran Pro!
BWB: I guess they gotta let these guys go first so they can have an early dinner?
Razd: The December 2006 “St. Nic O Frees” started out on LITE and made the eventual transition to KTC
J2B: ThereÂ’s a lotta quit in that group Razd!
Razd: Right-a-roony J2B! Their theme this year is “Please Don’t Curse in My Presence” and let’s check out the float……it looks like Euty is washing out another quitter’s mouth with soap…
J2B: That silly Euty! He sure doesnÂ’t like those potty mouthed quitters!
Razd: Great stuff! Ok folksÂ…..our next float hails from the June 2010 Honeybadgers
J2B: Those Honeybadgers sure donÂ’t give a shitÂ…..
Razd: Good call J2B! This year’s theme for the Honeybadgers is “The Spirit of Danvers in the 80’s” and as you can see here their float is designed to resemble a Pontiac Firebird
(Back to the Glass House)
CS: WowÂ….they really went all out this yearÂ….
BWB: Is that Nolaq?
CS: Where?
BWB: The guy in the back of the floatÂ…..is he handing out two-sided color brochures?
CS: Damn sure looks like itÂ…..
(Just then, IRISH, Ranger5 and j1501 walk into the room)
IRISH: Sorry weÂ’re late guys but traffic is hell out there!
Cbird: Yeah ADMIN has several streets blocked off for the Parade
(Surprised, the group turns to see Cbird standing in the doorway wearing a grey tank top, jogging shorts and a towel draped around his neck)
Cbird: {grabbing the towel with both hands and flexing} HowÂ’s the Parade so far?
CS: You missed Euty and the Honeybadgers
Cbird: Darn! WellÂ….I had to feel the vigor for first time in 2013. So where is Vadge?
CS: DunnoÂ…..last we heard he was peddling his hairless sac to the newbs
Cbird: FiguresÂ…..
(Just then, J2B yells “whoa, what do we have here?” as the camera pans to dalgyboy streaking down the Parade route in nothing but indoor soccer shoes and his favorite football club’s scarf)
Tstahr: Oh myÂ…Â…
Razd: Whoa is right J2B! And here come the MODS to restore some order andÂ…what is this? The streaker just juked Kdip out of his shoes with a nifty soccer maneuver! What a show!
J2B: ThatÂ’s one white ass Razd!
Razd: ItÂ’s almost blinding J2BÂ….
(The camera rapidly pans back to the Parade)
J2B: Sorry for the interruption folks, we need to get you back to the Parade and our next float is the October 2011 group!
Razd: Good call J2BÂ…..the Oct 11 group is also known as the Inglorious Basterds of Quit and includes the likes of Wastepanel, Luby and Colonel No Cope among others
J2B: What a great group Razd!
Razd: Right you are J2B! This year’s theme is “Tugging and Erecting Poles” which is obviously a salute to CNC’s newfound career as a guy that climbs poles in chaps
CS: Hey Beast thereÂ’s your buddy!
BWB: FUCS
Rated: Isn’t he the guy that called everyone ‘sailor’?
Cbird: ThatÂ’s the guy
Texasjack: {eating kettle corn} I remember those days fondly, jakemartin still scares the shit out of me
CS: As well he shouldÂ…..and RWBÂ….and everyone elseÂ….this fight never stops!
Cbird: {raising his glass of whey protein blaster smoothie} Vigor to that!
(Back to the Parade)
J2B: Oh what a pleasant surprise we have here folksÂ…as the Oct 11 float passes we can see Luby in the back with his binoculars looking out at the crowd
Razd: Correctamundo J2B! Ole Peepers is a crowd favorite here today!
J2B: He sure isÂ…..and here comes our next groupÂ…itÂ’s the August 12 Nic Kickassers!
Razd: I believe theyÂ’re the Nic Kickaxers J2BÂ…
J2B: Correct you are Razd! The Nic Kickerbutts are a small but proud group represented here today by Ziesmer and Want2Quit. Their theme this year is “Size Doesn’t Matter”
Razd: I think I get it J2B, their group is small but strong!
J2B: Good one Razd! Now for a brief break we’ll go now to our very own gmann who is dressed in a way that makes him seem ”cooler” than he has in previous narratives
J2B: Nice outfit G!
Gmann: Thanks guys, it felt great to finally shed all that pink. IÂ’m standing here with some of the April 13 quitters that are experiencing the Parade of Quits for the first time {talking to the April 13 quitters} Well how bout it boysÂ…do you like the Parade?
April 13 Quitters: {collectively} Yeah!!
Gmann: {interviewing Phil 16} Which float is your favorite so far?
Phil16: Oh I kinda like them allÂ…so many colors and stuff, but if I had to pick a favorite so far itÂ’s June 2010 Honeybadgers!
Gmann: And how about you?
Nickald: The Inglorious Basterds for sure! That Peepers guy is awesome..whoo hooo!
Gmann: Well there you have it gentlemen, one vote for the Honeybadgers and one for the BasterdsÂ…..back to you guys
Razd: Thanks gmann for that on the spot reportingÂ…..boy itÂ’s great to see those April 13 quitters out and about isnÂ’t it J2B?
J2B: It sure is RazdÂ…..and speaking of April groups we have April 2008 Dip Quits! Nothing but quit up in there!
Razd: 5 years J2B! Great stuff! Their theme this year is “Lilac”
J2B: Right you are Razd, apparently Lilac is some sort of inside joke involving jpine
Razd: Maybe weÂ’ll get an explanation on that later J2B but for now thereÂ’s Mule and Buckfever waiving to the crowdÂ…..and what a surprise jpine is giving everyone the middle fingerÂ….
(Back to the Glass House)
Tstahr: Remember when he tried to take over the Adopt a Quitter thread Coach?
CS: Yeah I remember TerryÂ…that just wasnÂ’t meant to beÂ…..
Pave: {throwing an empty Bud Light Platinum aluminum bottle at the Dramatron} Booooo! That guyÂ’s still a jerk!
(Pave reaches into his cooler and grabs another BL Platinum)
J2B: Back to the action here folksÂ….tell us whoÂ’s next Razd
Razd: ThatÂ’s right J2B!
J2B: WaitÂ…..I didnÂ’t even say anything to agree with that timeÂ…?
Razd: Right again J2B! Next up is February 2012 represented by Bruce and MCarmo
J2B: This group of quitters is also known as the February Underground and is known for itÂ’s provocative Question of the DayÂ…
Razd: Righteo J2B! Their theme this year is “How Much Does Bruce Love Tony Romo?”
J2B: ThatÂ’s an easy one Razd! Full homo!
Razd: 10-4! J2B knows a little something about this next groupÂ….itÂ’s May 2011
J2B: You bet Razd, itÂ’s my pleasure to present the May 2011 3-Ballers!
Razd: GeeÂ….I wonder what your theme is this yearÂ…let me guessÂ…3 Balls? And we have our first balloon of the dayÂ….is that a testicle?
J2B: Sure is RazdÂ…a third testicle in fact
Razd: How can you tell?
J2B: Well you see how this testicle is more round than egg shaped? ThatÂ’s so it can fit nicely behind the other 2 balls without impeding walking or running
Razd: IÂ’ll take your word for it J2B!
(Back to the Glass House)
Tstahr: Hey! ArenÂ’t Coach and Cbird honorary 3 ballers?
CS: Say what?
Tstahr: Yeah youÂ’re on their list CoachÂ….
CS: {feeling his sac} Well IÂ’m be damnedÂ…never noticed that beforeÂ…
Cbird: It fits in there nicely, how do you think I was able to run a marathon in jogging shorts with 3 balls?
Rated: TMI!
CS: I just thought it was your vigor
Cbird: Well, yeah that too
(Back to the Parade)
Razd: Speaking of MayÂ…..we have May 2012 up next!
J2B: Another great May group RazdÂ….also known as the B.O.M.B!
Razd: Indeed J2B! This year’s theme for the B.O.M.B is “2x4’s and Wood Screws” which harkens back to their early days in CS’s narratives!
J2B: Great stuff Razd! Well folks thatÂ’ll just about do it for todayÂ…..waitÂ….IÂ’m told we have one more floatÂ…
Razd: Who could it be?
J2B: ItsÂ….its April 2012!
Razd: Oh what a treat J2B! The Bumping Bastards of April 2012 call themselves the Glass House or the QLF Crew
(Back to the Glass House)
CS: WaitÂ….no one told us weÂ’d have a float this year! SoÂ….if weÂ’re hereÂ…then who is running the float?
BWB: Hollee shitÂ…Â…look who it isÂ…..
(The group turns to the Dramtron and sees Hipster peddling his Rickshaw towing 3 large inflated elephantÂ’s walking together. Vadge is riding in the Rickshaw passing out hurt vagina cream to the crowdÂ…)
Razd: This is quite the scene here folksÂ…those guys in April 12 sure do quit like fuck!
J2B: They sure do Razd! Their theme this year is “Doing the Elephant Walk”
Razd: IÂ’m not even sure I know what an elephant walk is J2B
J2B: Trust meÂ…..you donÂ’t want to know
Razd: I’ll take your word for it J2B! That concludes our coverage today but before we leave you, we’re gonna take you down to gmann again…still looking ‘cool’ gmann!
Gmann: Thanks again guys! The scene down here is quite heart warming….new and old quitters alike are taking turns rubbing Vadge’s hurt vagina cream on each other and then ‘hugging it out’
Razd: That soundsÂ…..a littleÂ…you know?
Gmann: Only if youÂ’re not into that sort of thing Razd! ItÂ’s quite inspiring to see quitters helping each other with screwing up roll or roll bumps and keeping the focus on posting roll daily, and most importantlyÂ….the quit
J2B: Well said GÂ….well said!
(Back to the Glass House)
BWB: Hey Coach remember when you were a giant dick about posting roll?
CS: Yeah I remember BeastÂ…I now know its about posting roll every damn day and staying quit like fuck!
Rated: {raising his Michelob Ultra} I propose a toast to the Glass House of April 12!
(Just then, Bluebonnetman walks into the room holding his Heineken high)
BBM: Did you boys forget about me?
CS: No sir Blue! You wanna make the toast?
BBM: Sure thingÂ….boys and girls raise your glassÂ….hereÂ’s to a free and clean 2013! Fuck Craves! QLF!
QLF Crew: {collectively} QLF!!

(Following the toast silence falls on the group as Coach Steve stands up and walks to the window. Gazing out at the April 13 habitat for humanity, CS turns to the group and says, “Boys….we got work to do.” As CS turns back to the window, he sees Peepers…….)

THE ENDÂ….for now.

[Coach Steve]

(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)

gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…

I'm wet

To think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...

Now that is funny :P

Don't laugh. it was your tab he tacked it to.

I'm just glad it worked out for you all.

I still think it should have been deleted 'na na'

This was nothing dude, stick around for awhile and you'll see some real fireworks.

[916quit]

(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)

gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…

I'm wet

To think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...

Now that is funny :P

Don't laugh. it was your tab he tacked it to.

I'm just glad it worked out for you all.

I still think it should have been deleted 'na na'

[30yraddict]

(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)

gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…

I'm wet

To think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...

Now that is funny :P

Don't laugh. it was your tab he tacked it to.

[Tazbutane]

(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)

gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…

I'm wet

To think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...

Now that is funny :P

[redyota]

(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)

gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…

I'm wet

To think he charged someone $600/hr while writing that...

[luby]

(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)

gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…

I'm wet

[Coach Steve]

(As the groups watches, the pink ferrari speeds to the end of Intro Avenue, pulls a tight 180 and comes to screeching halt in front of the funny man Intro thread. The driver side door opens, gmann steps out of the car and leans on the door)

gmann: Howdy boys.....
Nolaq: {shaking his head} Pink Wolf my ass.....
looT: That's fuct up
SmokeyG: Hem haw dat wicky wonk
Wastepanel: Apparently CS enjoys fucking with all of us........
Gmann: I wouldnÂ’t call it fucking with youÂ…..its more of an overdramatic rendering
Nolaq: Hey pinkie, youÂ’re parked in a quit loading zone
Gmann: SoÂ….
Nolaq: So move your ass!
Gmann: WhatevsÂ…
Nolaq: {lunging at Gmann} Why you son of aÂ….
{Just then, looTs cell phone ringsÂ…Â…and ringsÂ…Â…..and ringsÂ…Â…..}
Nolaq: {now staring at looT in disbelief} You gonna get that?
looT: {staring into spaceÂ….} What? Who fucted up?
Nolaq: Your phone sirÂ…..its ringing
looT: {reaching into his pocket} So it isÂ…Â… {flips his phone open} looT talkingÂ…..who did?..........that cuts looT deepÂ…..real deepÂ…Â….even deeperÂ…Â…..yeah IÂ’ll be thereÂ…Â….
{looT looks at the phone to make sure the other person hung up and then firmly pushes the “end” button for at least two seconds before placing it back into his pocket. He then stands up and whistles at something down Intro Avenue……just then Hipster pulls up riding a Rickshaw}
Hipster: {honking his horn} Hipster here, at your service
looT: {getting into the Rickshaw} YouÂ’re taking looT to the June 12 threadÂ…..
Nolaq: Wait! What do we do hereÂ…Â….?
looT: looT thinks crowd control
Nolaq: Crowd control?
looT: ThatÂ’s what looT saysÂ…..step on it Mr. Hipster!
(As Hipster pedals the Rickshaw off of Intro Avenue, Nolaq notices other quitters on Intro Avenue attracted by the potential for drama are beginning to gather around SWJÂ’s intro thread. ThereÂ’s even some brand new members checking out the sceneÂ…)
Nolaq: Dammit! WeÂ’ve got a situation here boysÂ…..
Gmann: The pink wolf is on it!
Wastepanel: Are you going to start calling yourself the pink wolf?
Gmann: {pausing and turning to WP} You act as if IÂ’m in control of all of thisÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Oh yeahÂ…Â…Â…
SmokeyG: Willy wonk
(Gmann opens his trunk and pulls back a large white sheet to reveal police tape and twirling batons)
Nolaq: {reaching down to grab a baton} Tha fuck is thisÂ…Â…?
Gmann: BatonsÂ…..30 said to bring batonsÂ…Â….
Nolaq: Dammit!! He meant police batons! {throwing the baton on the ground} What are we supposed to doÂ…Â…..march them to death!?
SmokeyG: I what have you done gots mees a stik
Nolaq: The hell?
Wastepanel: I believe he said he has a stick
SmokeyG: Roobeerabble!
Gmann: What do you want me to do about it Nolaq? This crowd is getting bigger and us arguing isnÂ’t making it any smaller! {extending another glittery baton for Nolaq}
Nolaq: {snatching the baton} AlrightÂ…..{pointing the glittery baton at Gmann} But you owe me oneÂ…Â….
(Just then, the groups hears the sound of sirens as KTC MOD squad cars storm in from all directions and surround SWJÂ’s intro thread as they come to a screeching halt. 30 steps out of the carÂ…..
Wastepanel: Good to see you capÂ…
30: {snapping off his sunglasses} I gave you goofs one jobÂ…one lousy job and you screwed it up!
Nolaq: Cap he brought twirling batonsÂ…..
30: Gosh dangit I donÂ’t care if he brought color guard flagsÂ….use what you have!
Gmann: UmÂ…capÂ….I brought those tooÂ…..
30: SighÂ…Â…dangit GÂ…Â…alright people, lets get on this. WeÂ’re not going to delete or lock this thread so we just need to keep things in control. LetÂ’s go ahead and use the police tape to keep the onlookers at a reasonable distance. WeÂ’ll no doubt have some heavy traffic flow through here for a little while
(Just then, the group hears a mechanical noise and turns to see Michelle elevating a scissor lift holding up a black cloak)
Michelle: {waiving the cloak back and forth} BeholdÂ…..the great Peepers!!!
(As Michelle rips the cloak away a small puff of smoke risesÂ…the onlookers gasp in amazement as Luby appears with his open hands crossed in front of his faceÂ…..)
Luby: {dramatically separating his hands} I have something to sayÂ…Â…
Nolaq: WellÂ…Â….
Luby: I do not approve of this silence from the funny manÂ…..his sense of humor has touched meÂ…..and IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’ve touched himÂ…Â…
Nolaq: Hell yeah! WaitÂ…what?
Luby: You know what I meantÂ…..goodbyeÂ…Â…
(Michelle once again waives the black cloak and lowers the scissor lift out of sight as Luby looks at his fake watch)
30: Odd fellaÂ…..but he has a good point
(Just then, looT rides up on a donkeyÂ…..)
Nolaq: What happened to the rickshaw?
looT: Beats looT, Hip kept playing in his pocket so looT axed him what was in his pocket. Hip told looT is was a secret so looT made a joke that he was keeping some nuclear launch codes from the commies or some shit? Hip got all upset, called me a savagerer and rode off
Gmann: So whereÂ’d you get the donkey?
looT: looT donÂ’t know, it was just wandering around
Wastepanel: Wait a secondÂ…..isnÂ’t that EutyÂ’s donkey?
Nolaq: Euty had a donkey?
Wastepanel: Well he did…until he found out that another name for a donkey is “jack ass”
Nolaq: AndÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: Euty didn’t want to be associated with “poopy mouthed junior high language” so he let it go
Nolaq: I seeÂ…..
{All of a sudden, MThomas struts through the crowd wearing a brown suit with his tie undone holding an old boom box by the handle. He puts the boombox on the ground and presses the play buttonÂ…Weapon of Choice begins to play on the boombox. With everyone looking on, Mthomas proceeds to perform the entire Christopher Walken dance scene from the music video)
Nolaq: Is he serious with this shit?
30: Hold onÂ…..just let him finishÂ…Â…
Nolaq: I fucking hate Fatboy SlimÂ…Â…
Wastepanel: {tapping his foot} I like this little diddy!
(Mthomas completes his dance routine and bows to the crowd)
Mthomas: Now behold as I bump the funny man!
Nolaq: Why you littleÂ…..
30: {restraining Nolaq with his forearm} PatienceÂ…..he must be allowed to speakÂ….
looT: looT is surprised heÂ’s not tripping over his own feetÂ….heÂ’s just running interference for the funny man
(Just then, a random quitter taps 30 on the shoulder)
30: {turning around} Can I help you?
916quit: Sorry to bother you kind sirs, but shouldnÂ’t we seal this area off so that people canÂ’t see the bad parts of KTC?
looT: Yous got it all wrong bro. WeÂ’re here for the positives and the negatives. Quitting ainÂ’t always easy bro and sometimes you gotta show a little tough love and accountability to the ones that donÂ’t wanna drink the koolaid
(Just then, the group hears a screeching sound and turns to see ERDVM (Vadge) dragging the Glass Soapbox into SWJÂ’s intro thread)
Vadge: {climbing up on the soapbox} What in the name of a white tigerÂ’s vulva is going on here? IÂ’ve seen protruding gopher rectums that make more sense than you guys! I hereby deduct one merit point from each of you!
Gmann: Dammit! If I lose one more brownie point I have to start driving the Beetle again!
looT: Cuts looT deepÂ….like a knife through warm butter deepÂ…Â…but yous got it all wrong bro
Vadge: LookÂ…..IÂ’ve been accused of replacing someoneÂ’s dog that we euthanized with another entirely different dog but IÂ’m pretty sure IÂ’m right about this one sToolÂ…..
Wastepanel: {clapping his hands} Does this mean we have a boggle?
(Just then, Bigwhitebeast pulls up in his truck)
BWB: AlrightÂ….what is all this crap? I got a call down at the power plant telling me that my power grid would fail if I knew what was going on down here? Where is the funny man in all thisÂ….?
looT: looTs been saying thatÂ’s the million dollar question for looT
Vadge: I think you doubled up on the first person thereÂ…..
looT: Oak trees broÂ…..looT prefers oak trees
(The group is interrupted by a commotion coming from the crowd of onlookers. As the groups approaches the commotion they can hear quitters whispering, “I think that’s him….the funny man….)
30: Alright everyoneÂ….step aside
(As the group parts, they see SWJ sitting on an adult sized tricycle with streamers on the handles. Wearing shorts and a tank top, he spits out a wad of Big Red and steps off of the tricycle, his size 15 Chuck TaylorÂ’s crunching the gravel covering the ground of Intro thread lot)
Gmann: Oooooh, you know what they say about guys with big feetÂ…
SWJ: Lo Pan has big feetÂ…Â…no one fucks with Lo Pan
Nolaq: {scratching his head} HavenÂ’t I read that somewhere?
SWJ: {reaching into his shorts and grabbing a pack of Big Red from behind his sac} I tell yaÂ…..thereÂ’s no better pocket than a bulky sacÂ….that is, of course, only true if you have my glorious bag
Gmann: {gawking} Glorious indeedÂ…Â…
SWJ: You got that right. And donÂ’t forget about sneezing, hippos, and Pop-TartsÂ….in no particular order
Wastepanel: What about a sneezing hippo eating a Pop-TartÂ…that kicks ass right?
SWJ: DudeÂ…..that could kick ass, but only if I say it would. I will ruin your shit with my badasseryÂ…..
Nolaq: The fuck you willÂ….not if I have anything to do with itÂ….
SWJ: NolaqÂ…Â…would you like to come to my home and take a shit in my awesome bathroom?
Nolaq: What?
SWJ: We can sit on the shit couch, like me and Lo Pan used to do, watch the Speed channel, look at the lightning bolts on the walls or I can just send you an autographed picture of me on the shit couchÂ…..
Nolaq: What the fuck are you talking about?
SWJ: You donÂ’t have to swear so much, itÂ’s not very niceÂ…Â….penis wrinkle
looT: looT thinks you have something to say funny man
SWJ: {adjusting his headband} GeezÂ….bitches be coolÂ….you know if I had a plane, I would have bouncers and shit for crowd control. ThatÂ’s what you bitches need here, some peeps to wreck shop when shit gets out of hand
looT: {adjusting himself on the donkey saddle} looT needs moreÂ….
SWJ: Alright already, IÂ’m still wrecking the nic bitchÂ’s shit everyday, just wonÂ’t be posting roll dailyÂ…..
(Just then, they once hear the mechanical sound of Luby and MichelleÂ’s scissor lift rising from behind the crowd. This time, Luby is wearing the cloak and is holding it out in front of his face like a creepy phantom of the opera)
Michelle: Behold the Great Peepers!
Nolaq: What is it this time Luby?
Luby: {pointing at SWJ} Thank you for the explanationÂ…have a great day!
(Michelle lowers the scissor lift as Luby pretends to waive the cloak and disappear like Batman while making a woosh noise with his mouth)
SWJ: {getting back on the tricycle} You bitches need to remember one thing, and one thing only….saying “daddy has stinky feet” is not going to make me laugh. Partly because it’s not at all funny, but mostly because my dad is going to be fucking pissed when he hears that you wanted me to say that about his feet
(The crowds watches in silence as SWJ backs his tricycle onto Intro Avenue and rides away, the only sound that can be heard is the squeaking of the tricycleÂ…..)
Magnum: See ya around!
Nolaq: {looking at Magnum} Really? {mocking him} See ya around
Magnum: What?
Wastepanel: Well I think itÂ’s time for everyone to get back to the business of quittingÂ….
Gmann: IndeedÂ…Â…

[ERDVM]

HOF Speech: Part Deux

Day 300

I've written a HOF speech, you can find it here if you haven't already read it. My inspirational juices were flowing that day and I wanted to write something that defined how I felt about my quit. I did that, but I also left out one of the most important parts of a good HOF speech...personal recognition. Well, here it is, the HOF speech that I didn't write.

My journey started like any other day, except on this day I had a dentist appointment. I went to the dentist every 6 months like a good boy and I would always refrain from dipping in the mornings before my dentist appointment. I wanted to give my gums time to heal so the dentist wouldn't say anything about my dipping. Well this time it didn't work because I had finished off a can that night before and my gums probably looked like a roast sitting in the Crock Pot for 7 hours. Of course that dentist noticed and gave me the whole cancer speech. I was prepared for that as I had gotten the basic cancer speech before, but this time was different. He showed me my gums and instead of saying "you can get cancer," he said, "you might have cancer," and used the word biopsy. My regular doctor later joked that the dentist was probably just fucking with me that day, but it scared the shit out of me nonetheless. Even after that I was still dumb enough to throw in a few more dips that day. After all, what better way to think about quitting than with a dip in your mouth, right? Around 3pm, I threw out my dip and said that was it, I was quitting for good, it just had to happen. I made it through that day and most of the next day when I got a text from my wife. She mentioned KTC and that I should check it out. At that point, like pretty much everyone in the first 3 days, I was absolutely struggling to maintain any sort of normalcy. The fucking world was crashing down on me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. So I logged onto to KTC, managed to find my quit group (April 12) and fucked up my very first roll post. The rest is history.

And now for the thank you notes:

Keddy - First person to PM me and helped me learn how to post roll. I don't think you'll ever know how great it felt to get PM and an immediate response. Made me feel like I instantly belonged here. Thank you.

Dethan33 - First guy I exchanged numbers with and first guy to chat with on the phone. It felt good to identify with someone and know that you were going through the same thing as me. A fellow April 12 member, spreadsheet guru and friend. Thank you.

CBird - What can I say about you dude? Better yet, what can I not say about you? I can't even count how many times we've talked on the phone and exchanged emails. Your conviction gave me strength and you also knew how to talk me down when I was raging. A true voice of reason and a good friend. Thank you.

ERDVM (aka Vadge) - You're one silly fucker. Always good with a joke and could always make me laugh. We haven't talked on the phone recently, but I always enjoyed calling you and hearing the familiar greeting: A chuckle followed by, "What's up phag?" We have more in common in real life than I'm comfortable talking about (you know what I'm talking about). "Well.....she's not fat." Friend. Thank you....phag.

Bruce - One of the late night live chat crew. Damn those were the days. Or as I call them....the Days of Gheys. Those were some fun chat sessions. We've had our moments, bitching at each other like little girls, getting cussed at by Nolaq, but we pulled through. Friend. Thank you.

Bigwhitebeast - Let's see, my first PM from Beastie pretty much put me in my place. Quite humbling, but that was what was needed that day. You've never been one to mince words my friend, let's keep it that way. Friend. Thank you.

Pavetheway - :horrorsurprise: Always quick with a link. First and only guy to exchange addresses with in chat. In retrospect, odd, but it demonstrated trust. Friend. Thank you.

Tstahr - Another fellow late night live chatter, a great character for the narratives, and we share the same quit day. I'm glad you texted me on Day 80 instead of stopping by that convenience store. For whatever reason, I was also struggling that day and it felt good to talk to someone else going through the same thing. Friend. Thank you.

Texasjack - Yah man! First guy to meet in person and drown beers. Glad you made the right choice around Day 40ish. Friend. Thank you.

Wastepanel - The texting machine and lover of narratives. You always had an answer for me during those early days, especially when I needed to hear from someone who had been there before me. Friend. Thank you.

RenegadeMMA - Once we got on the same page it was all good. A text a day keeps the cave at bay. You don't have a computer, but you still post nearly every day via text. You serve as a example to those that use no internet as an excuse not to post. Friend. Thank you.

Rated, BBM, Ranger5, Smack, Bren, IRISH, Auburn and the rest of April 12. Friends. Thank you.

MCarmo, Gmann, Nolaq, Coach Doc, Michelle, Luby, Colonel No Cope. Friends and one ghey. Thank you.

Zam, Crockett, Grizzly25, Buddy Mac, D2Maine, Wedge, cdmavs, T-Cell, rgross, Cmark, Morgan1 and everyone else that I'm inadvertently leaving off this list. Friends. Thank you.

Yep,
You are still on my quit pedestal. :wub:

[Grizzly25]

HOF Speech: Part Deux

Day 300

I've written a HOF speech, you can find it here if you haven't already read it. My inspirational juices were flowing that day and I wanted to write something that defined how I felt about my quit. I did that, but I also left out one of the most important parts of a good HOF speech...personal recognition. Well, here it is, the HOF speech that I didn't write.

My journey started like any other day, except on this day I had a dentist appointment. I went to the dentist every 6 months like a good boy and I would always refrain from dipping in the mornings before my dentist appointment. I wanted to give my gums time to heal so the dentist wouldn't say anything about my dipping. Well this time it didn't work because I had finished off a can that night before and my gums probably looked like a roast sitting in the Crock Pot for 7 hours. Of course that dentist noticed and gave me the whole cancer speech. I was prepared for that as I had gotten the basic cancer speech before, but this time was different. He showed me my gums and instead of saying "you can get cancer," he said, "you might have cancer," and used the word biopsy. My regular doctor later joked that the dentist was probably just fucking with me that day, but it scared the shit out of me nonetheless. Even after that I was still dumb enough to throw in a few more dips that day. After all, what better way to think about quitting than with a dip in your mouth, right? Around 3pm, I threw out my dip and said that was it, I was quitting for good, it just had to happen. I made it through that day and most of the next day when I got a text from my wife. She mentioned KTC and that I should check it out. At that point, like pretty much everyone in the first 3 days, I was absolutely struggling to maintain any sort of normalcy. The fucking world was crashing down on me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. So I logged onto to KTC, managed to find my quit group (April 12) and fucked up my very first roll post. The rest is history.

And now for the thank you notes:

Keddy - First person to PM me and helped me learn how to post roll. I don't think you'll ever know how great it felt to get PM and an immediate response. Made me feel like I instantly belonged here. Thank you.

Dethan33 - First guy I exchanged numbers with and first guy to chat with on the phone. It felt good to identify with someone and know that you were going through the same thing as me. A fellow April 12 member, spreadsheet guru and friend. Thank you.

CBird - What can I say about you dude? Better yet, what can I not say about you? I can't even count how many times we've talked on the phone and exchanged emails. Your conviction gave me strength and you also knew how to talk me down when I was raging. A true voice of reason and a good friend. Thank you.

ERDVM (aka Vadge) - You're one silly fucker. Always good with a joke and could always make me laugh. We haven't talked on the phone recently, but I always enjoyed calling you and hearing the familiar greeting: A chuckle followed by, "What's up phag?" We have more in common in real life than I'm comfortable talking about (you know what I'm talking about). "Well.....she's not fat." Friend. Thank you....phag.

Bruce - One of the late night live chat crew. Damn those were the days. Or as I call them....the Days of Gheys. Those were some fun chat sessions. We've had our moments, bitching at each other like little girls, getting cussed at by Nolaq, but we pulled through. Friend. Thank you.

Bigwhitebeast - Let's see, my first PM from Beastie pretty much put me in my place. Quite humbling, but that was what was needed that day. You've never been one to mince words my friend, let's keep it that way. Friend. Thank you.

Pavetheway - :horrorsurprise: Always quick with a link. First and only guy to exchange addresses with in chat. In retrospect, odd, but it demonstrated trust. Friend. Thank you.

Tstahr - Another fellow late night live chatter, a great character for the narratives, and we share the same quit day. I'm glad you texted me on Day 80 instead of stopping by that convenience store. For whatever reason, I was also struggling that day and it felt good to talk to someone else going through the same thing. Friend. Thank you.

Texasjack - Yah man! First guy to meet in person and drown beers. Glad you made the right choice around Day 40ish. Friend. Thank you.

Wastepanel - The texting machine and lover of narratives. You always had an answer for me during those early days, especially when I needed to hear from someone who had been there before me. Friend. Thank you.

RenegadeMMA - Once we got on the same page it was all good. A text a day keeps the cave at bay. You don't have a computer, but you still post nearly every day via text. You serve as a example to those that use no internet as an excuse not to post. Friend. Thank you.

Rated, BBM, Ranger5, Smack, Bren, IRISH, Auburn and the rest of April 12. Friends. Thank you.

MCarmo, Gmann, Nolaq, Coach Doc, Michelle, Luby, Colonel No Cope. Friends and one ghey. Thank you.

Zam, Crockett, Grizzly25, Buddy Mac, D2Maine, Wedge, cdmavs, T-Cell, rgross, Cmark, Morgan1 and everyone else that I'm inadvertently leaving off this list. Friends. Thank you.

Great job brother!

A true leader and awesome quiter!!!

I look forward to another narrative soon ......

Anyone who is just getting started in quitting needs to keep in contact with this great  positive person who will get you thru the tough times and make you laugh so hard thru the easy times quitting chew almost becomes easy!

As always stay Strong, Focused  most of all QUIT!

[cdmavs41]

HOF Speech: Part Deux

Day 300

I've written a HOF speech, you can find it here if you haven't already read it. My inspirational juices were flowing that day and I wanted to write something that defined how I felt about my quit. I did that, but I also left out one of the most important parts of a good HOF speech...personal recognition. Well, here it is, the HOF speech that I didn't write.

My journey started like any other day, except on this day I had a dentist appointment. I went to the dentist every 6 months like a good boy and I would always refrain from dipping in the mornings before my dentist appointment. I wanted to give my gums time to heal so the dentist wouldn't say anything about my dipping. Well this time it didn't work because I had finished off a can that night before and my gums probably looked like a roast sitting in the Crock Pot for 7 hours. Of course that dentist noticed and gave me the whole cancer speech. I was prepared for that as I had gotten the basic cancer speech before, but this time was different. He showed me my gums and instead of saying "you can get cancer," he said, "you might have cancer," and used the word biopsy. My regular doctor later joked that the dentist was probably just fucking with me that day, but it scared the shit out of me nonetheless. Even after that I was still dumb enough to throw in a few more dips that day. After all, what better way to think about quitting than with a dip in your mouth, right? Around 3pm, I threw out my dip and said that was it, I was quitting for good, it just had to happen. I made it through that day and most of the next day when I got a text from my wife. She mentioned KTC and that I should check it out. At that point, like pretty much everyone in the first 3 days, I was absolutely struggling to maintain any sort of normalcy. The fucking world was crashing down on me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. So I logged onto to KTC, managed to find my quit group (April 12) and fucked up my very first roll post. The rest is history.

And now for the thank you notes:

Keddy - First person to PM me and helped me learn how to post roll. I don't think you'll ever know how great it felt to get PM and an immediate response. Made me feel like I instantly belonged here. Thank you.

Dethan33 - First guy I exchanged numbers with and first guy to chat with on the phone. It felt good to identify with someone and know that you were going through the same thing as me. A fellow April 12 member, spreadsheet guru and friend. Thank you.

CBird - What can I say about you dude? Better yet, what can I not say about you? I can't even count how many times we've talked on the phone and exchanged emails. Your conviction gave me strength and you also knew how to talk me down when I was raging. A true voice of reason and a good friend. Thank you.

ERDVM (aka Vadge) - You're one silly fucker. Always good with a joke and could always make me laugh. We haven't talked on the phone recently, but I always enjoyed calling you and hearing the familiar greeting: A chuckle followed by, "What's up phag?" We have more in common in real life than I'm comfortable talking about (you know what I'm talking about). "Well.....she's not fat." Friend. Thank you....phag.

Bruce - One of the late night live chat crew. Damn those were the days. Or as I call them....the Days of Gheys. Those were some fun chat sessions. We've had our moments, bitching at each other like little girls, getting cussed at by Nolaq, but we pulled through. Friend. Thank you.

Bigwhitebeast - Let's see, my first PM from Beastie pretty much put me in my place. Quite humbling, but that was what was needed that day. You've never been one to mince words my friend, let's keep it that way. Friend. Thank you.

Pavetheway - :horrorsurprise: Always quick with a link. First and only guy to exchange addresses with in chat. In retrospect, odd, but it demonstrated trust. Friend. Thank you.

Tstahr - Another fellow late night live chatter, a great character for the narratives, and we share the same quit day. I'm glad you texted me on Day 80 instead of stopping by that convenience store. For whatever reason, I was also struggling that day and it felt good to talk to someone else going through the same thing. Friend. Thank you.

Texasjack - Yah man! First guy to meet in person and drown beers. Glad you made the right choice around Day 40ish. Friend. Thank you.

Wastepanel - The texting machine and lover of narratives. You always had an answer for me during those early days, especially when I needed to hear from someone who had been there before me. Friend. Thank you.

RenegadeMMA - Once we got on the same page it was all good. A text a day keeps the cave at bay. You don't have a computer, but you still post nearly every day via text. You serve as a example to those that use no internet as an excuse not to post. Friend. Thank you.

Rated, BBM, Ranger5, Smack, Bren, IRISH, Auburn and the rest of April 12. Friends. Thank you.

MCarmo, Gmann, Nolaq, Coach Doc, Michelle, Luby, Colonel No Cope. Friends and one ghey. Thank you.

Zam, Crockett, Grizzly25, Buddy Mac, D2Maine, Wedge, cdmavs, T-Cell, rgross, Cmark, Morgan1 and everyone else that I'm inadvertently leaving off this list. Friends. Thank you.

Even though the adopt-a-quitter program that brought us together is now defunct, you have still been an awesome guide through my first 92 days of quit. I really appreciate all of the advice you've been able to give and for the encouragement!