Well it's actually been two minutes now. This is a really scary moment for me, though like many of you, i've been here before.... the only difference for me is this time is for good!
I'm really going to need some help though. I have struggled with dip, hiding it from the girlfriend, lying to my friends, my family, to her. Come clean about being addicted again. Making excuses that it's too hard, that I know i'm addicted... that maybe this time i'll slowly trickly off the stuff.
I used to be heavily into bodybuilding. I had dipped before, but boot camp killed it for a couple of months. When i got back, bodybuilding, lifting, staying in shape, was my life... Then came the cave. I picked up a can... just one. Appetite died (bad news for a bodybuilder). Weight gained. Confidence dropped, but shit, i have my fucking dip and nothing can take that away.
New girlfriend - hates the dip. Won't kiss me. Causes problems - break up with girl.
PCS - good God i love that dip on the drive. How many cans today? Two. Meh, tomorrow i'll do less. My gums are raw, but hell I'll man up and put another in just to get that fix.
Another new girlfriend. Same thing- hates dip, but sticks around, tries to support even though I have to brush my teeth before getting romantic. I make excuses constantly.
New Job. Big posistion, lots of responsibility. Dip is making me lazy. I have to close the door to my office so that no one knows i'm doing it here... Door is closed more and more frequently- my excuse "i'm working on contracts, I can't have those discussions heard". Fucking lies. :angry:
Try chantix - stop for a month, start back up. Girlfriend is sad for me, but pushes throug. She hold's on as much as she can, dealing with my addiction.
Visit her parents, have a few drinks, no dip in the pocket. I want to go to the grocery store. Girlfriend says no. I lose my mind, cause hell at the house with a mixture of alcohol and nic cravings fueling it. I'm an idiot.
She stays, she loves me.
I gain more weight. I have never been this heavy, fat, depressed, and angry. I keep making excuses.
I'm done. I can't keep this bullshit up. I'm going to quit this fucking bullshit product, get back on my feet, get in the best shape of my life, love my girlfriend and my family like no other.
Fuck you dip. Today I start my war and I'm not going to lose. Cause I'm a cocky, smart, determined motherfucker and you will not win.