I am on day 11. I want to put something down as I never read this is what you are supposed to do. I have two thoughts to share. One is what my wife read the day that I told her the truth. The first was for her, the second is what I wrote in the forums which she has also read:
First:
I first met you when I was 18 and it was the spring before high school graduation. I heard some of the guys from the football team talk about you and then they invited me to a place called Dhaven, an abandoned street in Vestavia. It was warm outside and you showed me a different place. You made my head spin and I wasn't a fan of your taste at first. After a few weeks I think this was the point I would devote the next 19 years of my life to you.
We sure have been through a lot. Lots of ups and downs. Went to college, I tried to leave you then one time for 30 days, but I asked you back into my life. You have been skiing with me, diving, beach trips, you name it you were there. At home, in the car, at night, in the bathroom, in the yard. We separated when my daughter was born but after 8 months you came back. Then 18 months ago on December 23, 2011, I decided that you needed to go for good. I told some people on a website that supported me and my addiction to you that I gave you up and went over 180 days. I told them a promise every day that we were not good for each other but I knew I was in control of my life now that I no longer needed any help. Then in June of 2012 I asked you back and you were there. Now today, June 6 2013, this is day 2 of our official separation. I can't go back to you anymore. I cant sign "the contract to give up." I put you in front of my wife, family, health. We spent 3-4 hours everyday together. This is the end of our friendship. I know you won't go quietly and you will forever be trying to get back with me. I am asking those closest to me for help in my struggle. You will be dealing with me, my wife, and my support group. Good luck this time bitch!!!
Second:
I am a caver from the March 2012 HOF group:
(1) What happened? After 180 or so days, didn't keep up anymore, I caved. Thought about it for a few days and thought Fuck it why not. It was at night hanging with the kids (74), the wife was working, and I told the kids come on we are going to get some candy. Walked into the store, asked the guy if he had any non nicotine dip, he turned around and stared at all his cans and said no dont think so. I dipped skoal for the longest so I knew I couldn't get that again, so I decided to get something cheap and shitty. Grizzly it was. Now it has been Grizzly straight for a year.
(2) Why did it happen? Didn't seek out support because only my sister knew of the extent of my addiction and she lives 600 miles away. I was able to dip to work, get in my car and see clients around town every day and dip between every stop, my wife works at night so fatty went in til she got home, she falls asleep every night at 9:45 so at 10 I sneak downstairs for a nightly dip. Bed by 11 and NO ONE knew about it except my kids. I could possibly have a dip in 3-4 hours every day and maybe somebody that stopped besides me in a car would see me doing it. Thats it. Im 37 and I work around my parents, they have No clue, my wife knows to an extent. Finds cans hidden every now and then and once I spit it out in a toilet at home and forgot to flush it. She referenced it and went back downstairs and it never comes back up in conversation.
(3) What are you doing differently this time? I have to tell my wife the story. What will she say? I don't know. I need her support. Guaranty she will go to Lifeway and find an inspirational book for me to read.
Post until I can't type anymore on this site. I never have had a dip of non nicotine stuff and I am not sure that it a safe route for me. I chew gum constantly even when I dipped. So chewing gum is nothing new, I will just do it more often. I have cbirds digits and I need more for a support group. When that cave came who could I call for support?? My sister 600 miles away who smoked? My wife who didn't even know I dipped that much, my best friend from high school that showed me dip for the first time and he still dips much less than I ever did though. I remember going to the live support group around day 8 and they suck. I was really wanting to cave and the mod on their thought I was a fucking nut.
Step 1 Tell my wife
Step 2 post
Step 3 get digits
step 4 be prepared with a stash of seeds. I haven't had seeds in 15 years. They should be something different if that time comes.
I caved a year ago, so that feeling of dependency isn't that old. I know what it was like to have stopped. Now I am addicted again. I stated on here many times in the past that I quit. Then I stopped posting. Maybe I hoping was you all would forget about me and I could come back and post day 1 like no one would notice.
My thoughts:
I know this isn't a day 1 intro in which raw emotions are running wild. I have already gotten more contacts and I know something is different. In 11 days I have already talked to 4 people in my group. This is not a choice. I strongly feel that this will kill me with that next dip. My brothers in September are completely fucked right now. We have no choice. Dipped for too long, caved too many times, too many jaw bones showing, teeth lost. I have no choice.
